The Instigator
1stLordofTheVenerability
Pro (for)
Losing
14 Points
The Contender
alto2osu
Con (against)
Winning
43 Points

3 Items found at Wal Mart that will best kill a velociraptor

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 11 votes the winner is...
alto2osu
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 11/20/2009 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 7 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 5,606 times Debate No: 10193
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (29)
Votes (11)

 

1stLordofTheVenerability

Pro

Greetings to all.

I mean this to be a fun debate. Its goal is clear. What we will do is determine three items found at Wal Mart that would be able to kill a Velociraptor.

The scenario is that you (and I) have been trapped by a hungry velociraptor in a closed Wal Mart (with the lights on). One of has has to kill it with our best choices of Wal Mart items.

Velocraptor - http://en.wikipedia.org...

We shall each divulge one idea/item a post. You can have the item stand on its own or you can build a sequence (one item only works when utilized with the next). Plus negate your opponent's item as ridiculous/useless, if capable.

The first item that I require is a pet rabbit from the pet's section.
alto2osu

Con

Thanks for the fun topic :) Sources are in comments since this is a 3K character debate.

First, an introduction to the velociraptor. The velociraptor is described as an obese-turkey-sized critter. The largest adults weighed about 40 lbs. While the velociraptor had a hunger for flesh, he did not have any sort of unusually clever tactics for obtaining it. He simply ran at his prey (typically pig-sized or smaller) and attempted to bite the herbivore mid-run. That's right—velociraptors hunted primarily herbivores, which is to say the weakest and smallest prey available to it. Incidentally, it was also most likely covered in a glorious plume of colored feathers (I like to imagine them as iridescent pinks and purples, which would have created a lovely sheen). Essentially, with its tastes for vegetarian prey and lustrous coat, it was the Edward Cullen of the cretaceous period.

Taking all of this into account, my plan is as follows.

First of all, it's time to put my excellent culinary skills to work. I obtain several pounds of raw chicken breast. Next, a bottle of coolant. I hear that Texaco Extended Life is a highly recommended brand.

Now, any good marinade will take at least 6 hours of refrigeration (and my opponent gave no time frame). In this case, I need there to be a total of 2 oz., or � cup, of antifreeze in the tray and/or in the chicken flesh, as it takes 2 oz. of ingested coolant to end a 40 lb. dog. Hence, after adding a few cups of coolant to my trays of chicken flesh, I have some time to kill. After placing the chicken in the employee break room refrigerator, it's time to have some fun with my feathery roommate. I'm sure anything shiny will do (remember: they aren't clever). Since any object I use to toy with my new friend will not be used to kill him, I'm sure my opponent can indulge me. But, if that isn't possible, I'll just shut the break room door…it's not like he's getting in there, anyway. This is not Jurassic Park, and he's smaller than my 9-month old Newfoundland puppy.

Once the chicken has picked up the robust, full-bodied essence of Texaco Extended Life, I will need my third item: a heavy duty dog kennel. With a total weight of 145 lbs. and a design meant to hold several hundred pounds of dog, I'm sure it will be sufficient to contain my oversized chicken-like foe. I shall place my poultry a la antifreeze in the kennel, and simply lie in wait. Not having eaten in quite some time, the voracious velociraptor will, no doubt, be drawn to the presentation of fresh flesh. A quick kennel door slam will ensure that he eventually consumes the flesh.

OPPONENT'S ITEM

Though I only know 1 of my opponent's 3 items, I can say with total certainty that his plan will fail. Lest he has selected a specific Wal-Mart with a contracted 3rd party pet store (which he failed to disclose in RD 1), Wal-Marts do not sell live rabbits per their website.

Hence, my opponent has no rabbit, and cannot enact his scheme. Vote Con
Debate Round No. 1
1stLordofTheVenerability

Pro

Ack, no pet rabbits, anymore? Hmm... If I permit you the shiny device with which to distract the velociraptor, will you, in turn, permit me to change rabbit to a fat goldfish, of which they do sell.

Since my opponent has stated his entire course of action in this post, I also will finish mine.

The first item at hand would be a single (plump and alive) goldfish. The goldfish would have to be removed from the water and then carried (rapidly) along to the next item on the agenda, which would be found in the sections devoted to tools, house and home.
Here, I would prefer a chainsaw, but gasoline would utilize the slot for my last item, not to mention that it can't easily be found in-store. Thus, I will find a double headed Armstrong Tools sledge hammer.
Lastly, I will head for the clothing section where this debacle should come to a head with a mannequin. A fully dressed, whole mannequin arrayed on a stand would be ideal, with two or three others also modelling the latest fashions. Once this ideal stand is found, I will promptly throw one of the mannequins into the racks of clothes.
After doing this, I drop the flopping fish on the floor beside me as bait and assume position over top of it with sledge hammer poised. As long as I don't move more than the fish, the velociraptor should not choose to target me.

Once it is occupied with the fish, I bring the sledge hammer down full force and crack the velociraptor's delicate spinal column, crippling it. Once it's crippled and with no hope of assaulting me, I can easily finish the thing with my weapon of choice.

Now for rebutting my opponent. He is correct that time is not important, except that in this scenario we are trapped in a closed Wal Mart with a vicious (albeit small) predator. He plans on cooking for six hours in which the velociraptor is simply going to play with this medal object? Eventually it will lose interest, and then my opponent had better run fast.

It is assumed that one of the Velociraptor's killing techniques is to use its sickle claw to pierce vital organs of the throat (or rip the throat out, as a predator such as a Mountain lion does). Thus, my opponent doesn't stand much of a chance with his chicken if the velociraptor chooses to target him.

And, while the six hours pass by, my plan can easily have been put into effect. Killing the velociraptor hours before it has time to eat the tainted chicken.

Lastly, we cannot say what the dinosaur's reaction to antifreeze will be. It is true that he has proclaimed that two ounces is enough to kill a dog, but who is to say that a velociraptor is not three times as tough as a dog? We must remember that it was a wild dinosaur. It may have been able to tolerate large substances of poison - we will never know.
alto2osu

Con

OPPONENT'S CASE

Change in live pet:
I request that my opponent provide some source that proves Wal-Marts universally carry goldfish. I have found no such proof, as stated in RD 1.

Rest of my opponent's plan:
I maintain that my opponent has never actually been inside a Wal-Mart. Wal-Marts don't employ fully clothed mannequins. Most chain "one-stop shopping" outlets do not. Plus, Wal-Mart is a bargain basement, big box establishment. They have no need to drape the latest Western-Family-esque "fashions" onto expensive mannequins. Wal-Marts simply hang clothing on racks. Hence, plan fail.

Raptor only targeting moving things:
In what source did you find that velociraptors target their prey via movement? In point of fact, sources cannot specify what would attract a velociraptor to what kind of prey. However, I think we can all agree that my plan would be more tenable since I am hiding and allowing the beast to trap himself, rather than standing over a tiny goldfish with a sledgehammer looming over my own head.

"Weapon of choice" as 3rd object:
And what if said sledge hammer ends the poor creature on the spot? Since my opponent chose such a heavy, dangerous, and inaccurate method for disabling the velociraptor, if he should accidentally kill it, he would not be able to use his third object at all. At that point, he would not have fulfilled the terms of the debate. Since my opponent characterizes the velociraptors spine as "delicate," this will most likely happen.

MY CASE

Cooking for 6 hours/Need for Speed:
No need to run fast, as explained clearly in my case. This thing is 40 lbs. max. I can just shut the break room door and listen to it hopelessly bang its useless head against plywood/cheap metal for 6 hours.

Raptor targeting me, not the chicken:
Which is precisely why I would lie in wait. I'm not going to be doing my victory dance next to the empty kennel, sir.

My opponent solving before I can:
Since I've already proven that you have no mannequin and no live animals available to you, your plan is clearly unfeasible. Hence, mine would be the only successful plan remaining, and the one to be employed first. My guess is that I keep the raptor occupied chasing your happy behind around the store, since your plan shall fail. Marinating time solved! And I'm not letting you into my break room...

Dinosaur reaction to coolant:
1. Velociraptors are carbon-based life forms. They are speculated to have been warm-blooded in my sources. There is nothing about their anatomy that would suggest a unique and truly magical resistance to a universally toxic chemical. Antifreeze kills anything living. Hence, I can say with a high degree of certainty that a velociraptor would, in fact, die after ingesting antifreeze. Plus, remember: he's covered in feathers and eats herbivores. This little guy is hardly a bada$$.
2. In RD 1, I said I'm giving him cups. I've already taken minor variance into account.
Debate Round No. 2
1stLordofTheVenerability

Pro

Provide proof? In which manner? They definitely will not sell the goldfish online and then ship it. ; ) However, whenever one sees an aquarium section in a Wal Mart, goldfish are definitely featured as one of the cheapest fish on the market - and the fact that they're extremely easy to care for.

Some proof that most Wal Marts do carry them (the Wal Mart Superstores carry them Universally):

http://answers.yahoo.com...

http://wiki.answers.com...

http://www.viewpoints.com...

And, for that matter, I have found no evidence that Wal Mart features Texaco Extended Life coolant. It is true that they have coolant in the automotive and home section, so this is a trivial point, but if they don't have Texaco Extended Life, my opponent picked a brand that is not universally present. Which would mean that the chicken isn't poisoned.

It is true that mannequins aren't often featured in abundance, but they usually do portray Styrofoam mannequins at certain points along the store. This is indefinitely the case if there is a crafts, yarn and knitting section filled with patterns etc. They have the mannequins present here to portray the look of certain yarns and knitted material. Fully clothed, perhaps not, but this is a moot point as I only need to sandwich myself between them so as to keep the velociraptor's attention away from me while it assaults the fish.

The sources state that the velociraptor's sense are excellent, But that it's sight is the best. Thus, it is more inclined to hunt live meat that is still flopping about than it would to smell cooked chicken. In fact, there is no indication that a velociraptor would actually ever enter the cage, unless just due to curiosity at the smell. It may not even like the smell of marinated chicken. We cannot know.

However, live bait that is moving will definitely attract it, because of its acute sense of sight. And then POW! Simple elimination.

I am slightly confused as to my opponent's contention about accidentally killing it. The intention here is to destroy it so as to stay alive. Since the Sledge hammer is my weapon of choice, and the fish and the mannequins are the 1st and 3rd item, I have utilized all three and am set up for a quick kill.

To sum it up, by standing in between two mannequins (even if they are styrofoam), I am hidden and the velociraptor's sense of sight will definitely pick up the flopping fish. Thus, when it approaches and bends its agile neck so that the head may investigate and snap it up, I quickly slam the sledge hammer onto its back, with added momentum from the poise.

Well, I guess I am finished. Running out of characters. : ) Thanks for the debate. Amusing and invigorating at the same time.

My apologies about addressing you as a 'he' rather than 'she'. ; )
alto2osu

Con

In summation, I have outlined a few key issues that I would like the readers to seriously consider prior to casting their votes, as this topic warrants the utmost care. Indeed, the fate of any soul trapped in a Wal-Mart with a velociraptor depends on your somber judgment here today.

1. Though I will admit the possibility of the goldfish based on my opponent's (tardily added) sources, the mannequins remain unproven, whereas I have given sources in the comments for all 3 of my objects (as I stated in RD 1 & mostly likely in RD 2). Hence, not only does my opponent no longer have 1 of his 3 items (at which point he violates the terms of his debate), but he would have nothing to hide behind, which would lead to certain failure, and possibly death. At that point, it isn't just about our microcosmic struggle for survival. This document could influence anyone who finds themselves in a similar predicament. Voting for my opponent could put the lives of future Wal-Mart captives at risk!

2. The items that my opponent has chosen, even if all 3 did exist, would most likely not lead to the death of the raptor. It wasn't clear until RD 2 what my opponent was actually doing with those non-existent mannequins: hiding behind two of them. With a cumbersome, weighty sledgehammer hanging over his head. Assuming that he could stand still enough to not attract attention away from a goldfish roughly the size of a donut hole (and I'm being generous), since my opponent has apparently found sources that extol the velociraptor's excellent vision outside of those that I previously listed, there is no guarantee that the "unwieldy" weapon would even hit the raptor, much less kill it. It's pretty difficult to keep coolant from hitting the velociraptor's digestive system once he's ingested it, and animals consume coolant constantly, so it's not like there's any reason to suspect that the velociraptor would not do the same. My opponent concedes that velociraptors are plumed imbeciles, so there's no reason to doubt such things. Velociraptors are not magical. They operated along the same lines as other carbon-based, earthbound members of the animal kingdom.

3. The items I have chosen, on the other hand, will more readily lend themselves to a successful kill. I have used universally accepted and time-proven methods of hunting and pest control to my advantage. I have used materials that are far less likely to fail due to human error. I would also like to remind everyone that I sourced the presence of coolant in Wal-Marts in the comments (I stated this in RDs 1 & 2). My opponent then tells you that we can't possibly know if the velociraptor would even eat the chicken, because we can't know a velociraptor's tastes. If we are to follow this train of logic, then this debate was a waste of time, as neither of us could actually prove ourselves true.

Hence, I'm the one who is far more likely to be leaving this Wal-Mart with a shimmery velociraptor pelt.
Debate Round No. 3
29 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by RoyLatham 7 years ago
RoyLatham
"Sold at Walmart" is most reasonably interpreted as "sold in at least one Walmart." Many Walmarts sell guns in the sporting goods department. So shoot the thing.
Posted by alto2osu 7 years ago
alto2osu
Eh-- I gave you fish :) But, since you didn't specify superstore, nor can you prove that all superstores categorically contain mannequins, it's not as good as having sourced items.

Either way, it was a fun debate. I was a bit out of my element, but I dug it. :)
Posted by 1stLordofTheVenerability 7 years ago
1stLordofTheVenerability
I knew I saw Mannequins! We also possess a superstore in the next town. : D And fish. HA! ; )
Posted by alto2osu 7 years ago
alto2osu
"contains *those* things" Silly keyboard...
Posted by alto2osu 7 years ago
alto2osu
First of all, I'm glad that your particular Wal-Mart contains hose things. I could find no evidence of these being universal Wal-Mart items though, which is why I challenged their presence. Plus, if I go down to my local Wal-Mart in Eugene, or the nearby Wal-Mart in Sweet Home, or the Wal-Marts I've visited in Fresno, Monterey, San Jose, or Wichita, I will see no pet store or mannequins, because they don't exist.

Hence, unless my opponent has specified a single Wal-Mart location, he can't claim that he'd have universal access to these items. So, you working at one doesn't universalize store layout.
Posted by StephenAlsop 7 years ago
StephenAlsop
wow ok hey con ever heard of a wal mart superstore they have pets and maniquines in them i work for one
Posted by 1stLordofTheVenerability 7 years ago
1stLordofTheVenerability
Exactly. And agreed that the alarm is a pitiful method with which to attract aid, not to mention that it violates the title in that we wouldn't be killing it. heh
Posted by alto2osu 7 years ago
alto2osu
See like 4 posts below you, dude. I know they carry guns. My opponent knows they carry guns. A) You can't source that off of the Wal-Mart website. B) How totally non-creative is that?
Posted by Strikeeagle84015 7 years ago
Strikeeagle84015
You guys are aware that they do carry shotguns and ammo at wal mart right?
so my three items would be
1)a shotgun
2)shotgun shells
3)beef jerky
1 and 2 would be to turn that little chicken into something resembling ketchup put through a blender the third would be because I would get hungry
Posted by alto2osu 7 years ago
alto2osu
Well, if we were allowed to cop out by sounding an alarm, I'd just go for the fire alarm :P But, I figured that would have been cowardly and far less awesome.
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