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Con (against)
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The Contender
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A battle of wit

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/23/2016 Category: Arts
Updated: 6 months ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 425 times Debate No: 90114
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (9)
Votes (1)




This is a battle of wit, linguistic skill, and humor.

The objective is to use hyperbole, entedre, alegory, rhyme (or unrhymed poetic forms) and acerbic humor in a battle.

Voters are instructed to give bonus points for humor, the 'oh snap' quotien (i.e. that's gotta burn), artistic and/or literary style.

In addition, voters are instructed to take into account both offensive and defensive styles. Outwitting your opponent through use of langauge, especially to turn an insult back on the other person, is preferred. This can include, but is not limited to, double or even tripple entedre. Cultural meanings of words that have secondary or tertiary definitions as well as contextual meaning in common euphamisms, especially due to punctuation, are valid.


- Argument
My opponent has clearly shown a lack of intellect in choosing to call me a toad.
- Reposté
Con/Pro has called me on my transparency, and this I must confess
that had I used more intellect his wit could not undress
the barb of word and wit you see is not a hidden diss
we all have heard the addage that in ignorance is bliss

: Shakespear - Love's Labor Lost:
: Act V Scene II:
: Prepare, I say. I thank you, gracious lords,
: For all your fair endeavours; and entreat,
: Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe
: In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
: The liberal opposition of our spirits,
: If over-boldly we have borne ourselves
: In the converse of breath; your gentleness
: Was guilty of it. Farewell, worthy lord!
: A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue,
: Excuse me so, coming so short of thanks
: For my great suit so easily obtain'd.



I accept thy batttle, con-warrior,
And I shall smite thee like an onion,
For Shrek is love, Shrek is life"
Oh no, He already wrecked your wife!!

I shall strike you greater than a knife,
Hence, my greatest confidence in action
In this feeble interaction between con and pro.

Behold! My rethoric may be disastrous
In this intellectual interaction
But by my side is Crom with the riddle of steel.

So kneel! To your new god now you're doomed,
Bow! All looks glimmer and gloom for you con,
Dark as noon.
Debate Round No. 1


Touché to Pro a worthy foe: he made me stop and think
for him to 'smite [me] like an onion' was a threat I'd never heard
but then I read that poetry and realized he meant stink
'twas really less like onion than an odorif'rous turd.

I think I'd have less confidence in you than in a knife,
even so I'll carry through this pro/con interaction
perhaps your future insults will have just a bit more traction
at least a blade could cut me unlike cracks about my wife.

Pro's hubris really isn't all that evil
(on this you should take note)
for when judges cast their vote
they'll choose the lesser of two feebles

Like a pirate of puns the jolly rodger I unfurl!
(but if your next rebuttle is as bad I may just hurl)


Woah! your rhetoric is whole,
But I'll tie you in the Tree of Woe.
For it is true that my words aren't knife
But they cut deep just as the Lord's words are life!


Your rethoric is like when Minime's high.
Hurl all you want you punny con,
But your wife anymore won't call you "hon".
'Cause when she reads all my worthy jive
She'll leave you for another wife!

It is true I may be feeble
But in this language I kick butt
Even if my rethoric isn't so HOT!

"Oh Lord!" people would say in my crib,
For my words are worhy and put you to sleep.
And if sleep isn't so evil just remember:
Darth Plageis was killed sleeping for no reason!

I tried my greatest best to smite you...
But's policy on profanity is greedy like a rich jew!
Debate Round No. 2


Perhaps my foe that prosaic Pro could help me out a bit
I dare not guess, so please redress; pray tell: what's 'rethoric'?

Don't be alarmed, you rhyme ok, I mean no disrespect
when one has so very much to learn what else should I expect?

I consider this my duty, a gift to all mankind
take a seat, the bell has rung, your schooling now begins

When you wish with poetic form
to demonstrate pure skill
a burried meaning hide
message in each line
half lines; worthy middle
rhyming couplets, meaning hid
paying close poet's tried
attention find you will
true brilliance: artist's norm

I can pull more from deep inside
like water from a well
perhaps I was in past life called
the Scarlet Pimpernell


You mean no disrespect?! Ha! Crom laughs at you,
So much hidden message just to disrespect in secrecy.
Your gift to manking will be your hectic heresy
Of words, pray to your God for clemency.

Scarlet Pimpernel? More like pimples from Hell,
In your past life you were killed like Jor-El.

Rhetoric is to persuade, air moving water to waves,
Turning potatoes into Lays and consuming protein in whey!
You fool, you think you have it your way
But this isn't Burger King,
I'll destroy you like Ragnar Lodbrok in Vikings!

Con, I have to admit, you're strong,
Nevertheless, soon you'll be alone,
My lyrics will strike you
And you'll forget what's going on.
Debate Round No. 3


-- Dramatic Monologue --

The Zen of Potato

You've invoked the name of Crom
two times that I have seen
If this is some attempt at dom
why choose a mediocre dream?

Hyperbole is best you see
when drawn from culture whole
Were I to select a divinity
Cthulhu seems a better goal

Capricious, jealous, unconcerned
and mean as spit to boot
his motives man cannot discern
all explanations moot

I must confess I fail to see
how I am like a rapper
phonomic slang is not like me
I'm really far more dapper

In average culture it is true
rappers would call me lame.
But I avoid that bestial zoo
culture is far more sane.

Now as to rhetoric it seems persuasion is the goal
Howe'er you've missed the second meme
collapse meanings (themselves not whole)
sewing a thread sans seams

You watch too many movies
it's literature you lack
to be like mighty Potato we
find comfort in the sack.


Yes, I've mentioned Crom,
From movies we also learn.
It seems that your mom
only teached you books to learn.

I could choose my culture's gods
But you would see me fail
says "profanity won't prevail".

Our short encouter soon will end
I hope that after school
You watch Conan, or maybe Terminator too.

This battle of wits has been fun,
And I hope my rhetoric was up to your standards,
We shall see who wins in the long run.
For know I'll listen to Tankard.

I salute you Con
Even if I insulted you
For a great battle this was
Just like Trump and that other jew.
Debate Round No. 4
9 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 9 records.
Posted by Ragnar 6 months ago
I don't think I'll be voting on this, as I am unsure how to judge it (really not into poetry).

I will however say from what I read that both of you did excellent at what this was. A small shout out is in order to pro for that R2 special shaped section (and while I think it gives an advantage, I don't give arguments over such a small one).
Posted by Manuel-Crespo 6 months ago
Yeah, I enjoyed this too. It was a lot fun. XD
Posted by SkyLeach 6 months ago
Good Job Pro. That was fun. :-D

Now let's see what the judges think. I honestly don't know myself who will be voted victorious in this contest, but I enjoyed it immensely.
Posted by SkyLeach 6 months ago
I've never been fond of hacked acrostic poetry where they (the poet) line the stanzas up in order to spell something out. Where's the challenge in that?

I prefer a fully assembled poem that makes two or more additional separate messages. :-D
Posted by FaustianJustice 6 months ago
Damn it. I was just in the middle of concocting my opening argument.

It contained no typing of the letter 'e'.
Posted by Briannj17 6 months ago
Oooooo interesante!
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Peepette 6 months ago
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Total points awarded:00 
Reasons for voting decision: CON comes out roaring strong Smelly doo over tearing alum The turn of blade did stab Regurgitation threat not to bad Oh snap! You cunning PRO To insinuate Con?s wife will go To another of the same fair By your cutting badinage CON schools PRO poetic But lacked the acerbic The rhymes did chime just fine No sour wine did tide PRO again shoots you down You need kneel for your transgression For pose had no oppression Your maker in deep depression CON returns wax poetic To smite PRO as pathetic For good reading seems the key Or join the spuds and their auxiliary Final round PRO struts out defense So weak the reader takes offense But his graciousness did prevail No opportunity took for last wail To and fro the opponents did battle Each in turn with fine retort Did sort and score for my report Equal wins and losses I did see And so I vote to that degree S&G tied: no grammar or readability issues on either side. Conduct tied: both were appropriat