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A caveman would beat an astronaut in an unarmed fight to the death

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 1/24/2015 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 1 year ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 615 times Debate No: 68871
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (5)
Votes (1)




Here we gather to discuss the age old question. No, I am not talking about, "Why are we here" or "Does God exist?" I am speaking of the legendary debate of who would win in a fight, an astronaut, or a caveman? I will fight to my last dying breath that a cavemen would destroy an astronaut in a bare-fisted brawl to the bony below. Anyone who dares challenge me, I encourage you to try.


Astronauts........the word alone makes grown men cringe, children run in fear, and Jesus pray, to himself. When you first lay eyes on its helmet, the only thing you can see is your own fear.
You watch as it unleashed a unrelenting barrage learned from their survival in the frontier we like to call space.
You watch as it pulls your organs from your body.
This barbaric being has had years of training and wont stop now. If a lowly caveman attacks, they will soon know the truth about astronauts. They do NAUGHT lose. Ever.

We must all know who defeated the moon, an astronaut. One astronaut, armed with a flag, took on the Goliath and tamed the mighty beast. Turning it from a lion, a king of the tundra, to a household cat. Children used to cower when the moon was neigh and now they think, "Oh, I wish to some day step foot there!".

All thanks to fear of whats lurking in the shadows. An Astronaut.
Debate Round No. 1


What was it that nearly ended two of the greatest cities of all time, London and San Francisco? What was it that brought the people of the White House to their knees? What was it that enforced the heretics' demise throughout Medieval Europe? You guessed it, fire. The caveman tamed the bellowing beast known to mortals as fire, with nothing but his bare hands and razor sharp wit. The terrifying grunting of the paleolithic human is enough to cause many to beat themselves to death with a rock in a desperate attempt to end their lives before the brutality of the cave man could.And where would this turd-toting tard in tinfoil be without the incredible ingenuity of the caveman?
But, I digress. The question wasn't which is a greater individual, because that is clearly the caveman. We are to discuss which would win in throwing of the hands. The mighty caveman has felled beasts such as the mighty Styracosaurus, with one mighty blow to the thigh. While the astronaut may be literate, the caveman has got the brains where it counts. The caveman would see the pathetic excuse for an adventurer charge at him, and laugh as he delivers a deadly kick with his fist into the astronaut's throat. The caveman would then proceed to pull the astronauts appendix out and make it into a nice omelette, thus deceiving the foolish spaceman into a false trust. After he lets his guard down, the caveman would let out a mighty bellow to his ancestors, the four other humans who have come into existence before him, and tear out the astronaut's spine, and begin relentlessly using it as a bludgeoning tool of the astronauts destruction to en his pathetic life.
So, you who call yourself BrandonRoe, I am curious as to how the pitiful pansy wearing a space diaper would ever recover from that.


The battles of history all have been won not by man, but by astronauts.

When ape tamed man, who won the battle? Not the cave man, but the terrifying astronauts. They traveled beneath the planet of the apes and detonated the bomb killing all caveman in existence!
But this is not hand to hand, mono e mono, cage match style combat? Forgetting how in the original planet of the apes, they fought countless caveman on their way. Lets talk about pure history.

Do you remember a time when the moon was full of life?
That all changed when astronauts landed on the moon. They slaughtered the mooniens, every man, woman, and child. They show no remorse, or even empathy as they blast lasers of pure hatred towards their foe. When they run out of ammunition they use such barbaric tactics, that when first seen on television, Kennedy had to apologize(after his months of therapy) .

Some choose to forget the Nazi base on the moon, or the battle for it. I, as well as man others, recall when the astronauts started their approach. They had no weapons but pure brutality. They launched them into orbit with jump kicks the force of the big bang. They beat the Nazi's, each punch death with the pain of the holocaust. The astronauts cared not for human life. They cared about how much carnage they could create before they ran out of human life to destroy. The battle was over so quick only one journalist was able to report the horror before taking off his space helmet............for "fresh air".
Debate Round No. 2


You think it was the astronauts who conquered the moon? How naive of you. The cavemen, after years of having to deal with the pesky dinosaurs finally devised a brilliant plan to cleanse the world of their pathetic existence. The cavemen searched the world until they discovered a way to travel through time to the future, where they kidnapped every astronaut in the history of ever, and brutally beat them all with snakes until they breathed no more. Then they constructed a mound of the spacemen's corpses, and climbed that all the way to the moon. Once they arrived, the mooniens surrendered immediately, and anointed Fred Flinstone their new 'Chieftain'. The cavemen then created a meteor out of the crushed hopes and dreams of astronauts and flung the fiery ball of death down to Earth, killing every last dinosaur. Now they don't teach THAT in public schools these days do they? They hide the truth ever since astronauts came around.
The astronaut is nothing but a filthy plague to the existence of humans. The great cave chieftain Kingsaur Oog laughs at the pathetic astronauts who think that they stand a chance. Astronauts exist only because cavemen allow them to. Astronauts exist only to submit to the master race. Astronauts exist only to lose to the mighty caveman


BrandonRoe forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 3
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by Max.Wallace 1 year ago
Astronauts, from a different asteroid, may be helping our powers along. In my pea brain.
Posted by Max.Wallace 1 year ago
If cavemen were the best fighter, we would all still be cavemen. I must however observe that most astronauts, on their own, would get their glutius maximus kicked by a neanderthal. Astronauts are a subservient species to their protectors, the who.....?
Posted by bat9581 1 year ago
Caveman are best fighters" but MichaelPP made a good point.
Posted by MichaelPP 1 year ago
What if astronaut is black belt in multiple martial arts.
Posted by Shrek_sDrecKid 1 year ago
This is ridiculous...
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Tweka 1 year ago
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Total points awarded:10 
Reasons for voting decision: ff