The Instigator
Pro (for)
0 Points
The Contender
Con (against)
7 Points

A hockey player that can't be named, and my kidneys refuse to love each other.

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 2 votes the winner is...
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 9/13/2014 Category: TV
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 858 times Debate No: 61674
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (3)
Votes (2)




With my heart on my shoulder, and tears in my eyes, I killed my Doctor, Dr.Newburger today. I feel sad and inadequate. The alcohol failed to dull my sadness. The Purple Haze failed to make me laugh. Worst of all, I'm not in jail because I happen to have a restraining order on every cop in my area. Cops outside my county are too fat to come get me and take me to court. I need to see my mate, Denver in the local maximum prison. I have not seen him in 14 years. I could not visit him because he kills when he is not locked up. He sent a message out and it made its way to me. The message wrote:

Dear Put
I really love you.
Kill you Doctor, and come see me, with you sexy aaa.
If you are not here in 3 days, I will escape and come after you.
See you soon.
Love, Denver.

Denver was raised in a safe neighborhood and started robbing stores and abusing animals when he was 6, and brutally killed the Smiths and attempted to murder monks at their village when he turned 13. He got a break from the judge and got 3 years parole instead of 14 years. He decided to go into the military, and was sent to Iraq after training. He killed his entire squad and is commander. They sent him to several prisons but he always broke out. Then one day they sent him to a the best maximum prison the state's welfare could afford to send him too. That was when I met him. He saw me through his 3 foot window in his cell picking flowers past the fence. I stuff all the flowers and weeds into my bra and laid on the ground thinking about the time I show down the Hindenburg. (I am a male) He called to me over and we yelled back and forth. We both often said "Huh?", every one to two sentences.
We talked for hours everyday. He said he loved me.....That was the first thing he ever said to me and I will never forget it. What I did forget was everything he said after that. I guess I never listened to him.

Now I am never going to prison to be close to him, and he is going to come looking for me. I put myself in a bathtub in the motel I grew up in. (my mother and father live next door)I put quick drying concrete in the tub with me to locked my naked lower body in the 6 inches of concrete. I have this laptop with me so I can tell my little story. Denver may kill me, but I will always like him as a friend. I never thought I would kill someone. I just be fu*king horrible right now with sorrow.

This bath tub idea was a great idea. This way, I will not run away from him if he shows up. I hate running because I get tired and I hate that so I have always avoided running. I hope he forgot that he loved me and stabs be quickly and repeatedly. I can still hear my mom and dad in the next room having sex and talking about getting a new watermelon for dinner. They have sex all the time so I am use to it. I may have some brothers and sisters in there but I never visit, and they never visit me because they shune my big booty.
I decided to bring my little tv into my bathroom to see if he has escaped yet, because it has been 3 days. I will wait here for the news. I will just watch youtube videos in the mean time to maybe get my mind of things. This was reccomended to me.

~10 minutes~

Ok, they just stated on their breaking news story, that there was a massive explosion at the Redwood Max Prison that took out 80% of the prison. They are all of the officers are dead and so most of the prisoners. I know that Denver did it, only he could do something like this. He is very angry at me. I can hear a roaring outside and other loud sounds coming from behind me. I am still sad for what I have done, and I deserve all of this. I will awake in the next round I hope.


Damn it Dr. Putin how many God damn times do i have to tell you X^2+x^3= X^5

Can you not smell the equasion in the trilaterial octupalti sqare. My name is Greeger and welcome to jacka$$ today we will be experimenting on frogs while the frogs are up my......................nose. Hahahah you thought I was going to say A$$.HAHAHHA

The drugs were under my bed. Whats one little dust? I got clean for my daughter, but she was gone. Who am I staying clean for now? Lizeale? She wouldn't care? My boss? They wouldn't care if I dust up! What's one little dust? I Couldn't handle it. I knew I Wouldnt make it thorugh the night. I replace one addiction with another. I called Lizealse. Her ethreal beuuty was undenayable. She kissed me. I kissed back. I hugged her and she hugged back. Like a fella once said
"Ain't that a kick in the head?" My head was a spinnin. I fell asleep in her arms and I kept a grinnin. If this is the beginnin. My life is goin beeeeeeeutifyl

Like the sailor said quote
"Ain't that a hole in a boat?"

I cannot feel my legs. I look down and see my knees weak. Palms sweatty, Mom's spaghetti! I broke my arms and my mom had to masturbate me when in the hospital. This lead to an insutuous relationship for many years. I call it wincest. When I pee is stings. Should I get that checked out? My anus is like a ballon in winter. I belive i can see the future because i repat the same routine. Can you see me, I can see you. How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real?

Should slavery be legal? Maybe. I mean rape is a good thing right?

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow."

Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.

As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.

If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens.

So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too.

Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't.

It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?

Am I saying hitler was g0d?

I work at a grocery shop in the bible belt, and we have quite a few Christian people around these parts. They mostly keep to themselves, but occasionally a bible-thumping one will harass others in public.

So last night I was bagging an old lady's groceries when I heard yelling from someone in the line. It was a crazy theist harassing a young homosexual black woman.

"You lying down with another woman is gonna send you to hell!" The bible basher yelled at the top of his lungs in a holier-than-thou tone. He was waving his bible around like a lunatic. Normally I ignore these god-worshipper's erratic behaviour, but today I was pissed off and had to put my foot down.

"How about you stop persecuting homosexuals based on an outdated book written by sheep-herders?" I asked. The man stood baffled at me, and I cut him off before he could utter another word.

"How about you stop living your life worshipping a false God and start living for yourself? This is our only life, bud, so live it by being a decent person and not hurting others and cramming your dumb religion down their throat."

The black lesbian thanked me while the Christian stood there, mouth agape from shock. He huffed and puffed and left the store. I finished serving the old lady (PHRASING BOOM), and that was it. I felt relief knowing I stuck up for the right cause. It only got better.

At the end of my shift, my manager came to me, and told me he witnessed the feud and my response. I was expecting to be fired there and then, but he surprised me instead by offering me a manager's position.

What a brilliant night. :)

I mean can I get sexier? Yes and no> I am maximally sexy therefore i exist. I fap therefore I am. Rene Descartes was a huge masturbater, I have proof. you know he had a fetish for cross eyed women. No really. Its cuz they couldnt see how ugly he was. Srsly he was one ugly motherf*cker. How did he ever get a women prego? Baffles the mind

In conclusion

Long live the west minster rebellion
Debate Round No. 1


Slowing opening my eyes, I feel the feeling of wake painfully surge through my body like electricity. I must have been asleep for years.
The Scientists did not replace my bed nor did they did even replace me the hold time I was asleep. What they did replace, was themselfs. They were all square robots now. I did not look at them, instead I focused on checker and striped things of the black and white that painted the room. The first square robot asked one of the other square robots if it time for self pain. They all agreed and rolled out of the room one by one. The last square robot shut the door. I lay there. I had a helmet on, I notice. Lets hear some things first. The pitch increased with volume as expected and shut off. All colors off by 3 shades.Thats it...
"Computer, activate reprograming"
The computer starts to run the program, and the helmet squeezes my skull tightly.
I wonder if I will turn out human again. If I don't awake, I will know. I want to die anyway.

Reprograming complete.

10 = 0

Its quite dark. I still have untouched strange. Strangely wake as well.
A warmth is hitting me in the darkness but I can not tell from where it is coming from. Its has a sense of direction to it.
I am a robot now. Why am I still alive? What tasks am I doing? AHH!!!!
What was that? Oh, I know. I spoke. I somehow know that the bells and whistles I am saything as a robot is nowly code and vision. How do they work? Darkness, knowing, and pain is what I have to look forward to. I am not doing a good job. I know what that job is unfortunately. AH!!!AHH!!
How stranger still, the pain is decreasing like a number repeating. The pain was 10, but now it was 0.9 and then 0.99.
I do not feel anything. I have not feeling. My job is the mind, my job is to be awake for the robot. I need to see what I am made up of right now.

Sounds. Very quiet sounds. I am made up of sounds waves. I... am unable to see anything, It is not because It is dark or I am inside the robot, it is because I am sightless and made of sound. I feel there are programs that I have to live by now. AHHH! 0.999. I now know, I do not speak, but it is my thoughts. They are also radio waves. How is that? I feel tired. AHH! 0.9999 Very tired. What is it doing now? AH! 0.99999 I am feeling a sense of impending restlessness and chaos.
AHH 0.999999
What? The robots use pain? -0.1111111
AHH -0.11111111
I want to die anyway.
Ah! -0.111111111


It was my fourth drink of the night and this smoking hot 9/10 was across from me. I walk up to her. I am going to say hey and stuff right? What I got to lose? I build up my confidence. I go over there alpha as f*ck. She looks at me. Demeyes.jpg

I open my mouth

"Finna Bust a nut"

She throws drink at me. MFW I f*cking suck at talking to women.
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Do you ever sing in the public shower? Sometimes i post nude pics of myself on the internet and send them to girls I like. I one time stole $1000 worth of cocaine from a drug dealer then saw him kill his workers. I lold while doing the cocaine. I have aliens in my head. I let these guys inject something in my brain and it went thorughout my body and made me telepathic and sh1t. It was awesome, but these aliens are trying to control me and resisting is hard (phrasing boom). Do you ever just sit at the park and watch children to freak the paretns out. It sooo funny then you talk to the kids then offer them ice cream. The parent flip. Its just a prank tho. Then you point pistol at the parent and say "im taking the f*cuking kid and selling him into slaver" it sooooo funny prank.

The best prank my friend from high school ever did was do a breaking and entering into our friends home and we stab their parent to death. LOL he know its a prank and we jus playin.

My psychontriast says because i didnt have a father i have drinking problems and drug problems. Sometimes I bathe with my clothes on.

I joined the SS becaue i thought it stood for super smooth. My grandpa drove trains in WWII. He was a nazi who hated jews. Amazin. I am wanted in 12 countries for weapons smuggling and drug smuggling. I am an international terrorist who is wanted. I like to wipe while laying down. My bisexuality is due to me being awesome he said. I slept with my college professor. He was old. Ewwwww. I am surpised i dont have an std i slept with everyone in romania pretty much old young ugly pretty.

, I read your little ramblings about your little pissy teaching jobs and your dild0 factories. I would make fun of the DJ's but well, I mean do I even need to? Maybe one day you can move to HK like me and be a banker but that would require a real education on your part.

First, I live in Hong Kong. And I mean only Hong Kong island, I refuse to step foot in China. When I have to use the airport I take a helicopter across Kowloon just so I never need to step foot onto your sh1t infested soil. Yeah that's right fa@gots, our airport is another island so that totally counts. Chinese restaurants? Only in the nicest hotels, thank you. I'd prefer not to have this "gutter oil" I've been reading about in the Wall Street Journal on my way to work in my private Mercedes.

Now let's talk about your "women". Rainy, is it? It seems a lot of you are trying to have sex with your students. Great job, I guess. Mine? Bitch please. Educated at the finest girls schools HK has to offer, university at Oxford where she majored in modeling. Yeah, we bang. I'd go into more detail but I don't want to ruin your nightly starfishing. I have to leave you f@ggots something, right? She's also pretty good at speaking ching chong to whoever comes over and fixes my jacuzzi when it breaks (stupid penthouse maintenance people, China can't even get luxury right).

What's that, you attempt to speak Chinese? Wow, what a totally awesome use of your time! Now you have no education AND it seems like you're a f*ckking Downie. I'm so proud. No, I don't need to know Chinese. I have a real job that involves something outside of a sh1t tier 88 city so it requires English. God's language. I can't even imagine getting down to these people's levels and trying to communicate logic, freedom, liberty, and everything else those retards don't understand. Well, that's all for me at the moment. I'll answer any questions you overweight, hairy f@ggots have. Currently Jacqueline (yeah she has a real English name) and I are going to some art show opening on Hollywood Road. Afterwards I'll drink real alcohol (Blue label Jonny Walker) and do coke off her a$$. Cheers!

Dont you hate it when you run out of cociane? And you have to have weird choke sex with your coworker to get some more. Hahahahha awkwaaaaaard.
Debate Round No. 2


Pepper sprayed Mr.Pib. This is deja vu. What is really real? Are my wubs that I listen to real? Well onto the topic.
The Hockey player needs to remain sober long enough for my kidneys to be removed and donated. If the same force is pulled for armpit hair, does that same force of pulling of the other hair make me different then what might not be the hockey player of my dreams. The kidneys eat the hanmbarters and queve it. Put me in a sword, and cut me first.

Can't spell weird without I before e except after c. Easy easy easy. No one will send prescon. You know what I want.
Not that.

All right, no?
Read my words lowly as I am thinking hear..Slow it down. A calm voice should be used ok? I am calm. I readed you wrong I think.

What does 0x mean? 0X bam ba bam ba bam ba bam ba ba bam Almost like fimpong but "bemp ooow"
Oh here we go. Shots fired!
Still pulling on that hair, cuz I'm a heathen. Drink bleach and take me!
Its still not clever or my place.


Why is 6 afaird of 7? Because 7 is a six offender. Hahahahahhahahahahahahah5555. Get it? No worry tho cuz numbers cannot rape. Unless Platonism is true. Sh1t. That would suck your out in the woods and the all of the sudden the number 5 comes out of no where and rapes you! I think I found my new fetish.

I wonder if that is such a fetish? I know some people who have a fetish for the ebolia virus. Like wtf? I injected myself with an STD to prove how tough I am but ebolia? No es beuno.

Did you ever wonder why old people dont kill themselves? Lik relly your so old just end it. Old people are so crepy and they remind us of our deaths they gots no reason. Euthinsiha is a good idea really. It was so hard for me to beceom a christian because I had an uncle names Jesus who would also come into my room at night and make me accept him. But i got over it. I got jedi powers that way. Really sometime i use the force mind control to get womens to sleep with me and to get free stuff at the store. So fun.

Feminism made the mistake of waking the sleeping giant.

Gamer gate has upset the hordes of basement dwelling underachieving dormant men. Men who mentally are alphas due to their artificial military training in cyberland. These men have been insulated from the outside world because of their preoccupation with videogames. Suddenly feminist jumped into their world and we know the rest of the story.

The funny thing is, if femist actually managed to get some regulatory authority to emasculate all future games that were released, a solid chunk of those dudes would quit playing video games and venture out into the real world. In other words feminism might actually save these dudes from their selves by making games unpalatable to their male egos.

I listen to nyan cat all the time and watch the star wars christmas speical everyday. Its noit that bad tbh you jhave to watch it from an artists point of view.

Debate Round No. 3


Gogert777 forfeited this round.


The kidneys have spoken.
Debate Round No. 4
3 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Posted by Jedi4 2 years ago
The beach was on me
Posted by Gogert777 2 years ago
T.T, I was at the beach.
Posted by Gogert777 2 years ago
Sorry, compact disc players.
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by 9spaceking 2 years ago
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Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: ff, and pro never proved that.....uh....what the heck the resolution was talking about. Also---sobbing mathematically.
Vote Placed by imabench 2 years ago
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: While I still have absolutely no idea what in the f*** this debate is actually about, i do have to give points to con for the humorous 'sobbing mathematically' picture along with pro's final round forfeit.