The Instigator
Dbate16
Pro (for)
Losing
1 Points
The Contender
joshuaXlawyer
Con (against)
Winning
14 Points

Abused Women - Second Chance?

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/20/2011 Category: Society
Updated: 6 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 3,212 times Debate No: 14867
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (5)
Votes (3)

 

Dbate16

Pro

Once the abuser has struck the women, should they be given a second chance without dealing with the law? I'm not saying that what they did to hurt the person is right, but most everyone deserves a second chance. If we don't give them forgiveness, how should we expect them to change their way?
joshuaXlawyer

Con

Often, abusive men step up their threatening and manipulative behavior right after their victims choose to leave. As a result, many women come to fear more severe abuse if they refuse to return to their abusers. The situation becomes even more complicated when there are children involved, as many women return to abusive relationships in the belief that doing so is the only way to protect their children. Many women try to act as human shields, sacrificing themselves to stop abusive mates from harming their children."(http://www.wisegeek.com...)

Seeing how abused women my abusive men can be harmful to themselves and their children , If they can get out they need to stay out and must at always contact the police and law enforcement agencies. Abusive men can pull out all the threats possible and may follow through and must be stopped when this behavior is just starting to prevent further harm to not only the women but also to keep the man from making his situation worse. As well as possible treatment for their anger or abusiveness like seeing a psychologist for help.

---If we don't give them forgiveness, how should we expect them to change their way?---
Calling the police is not ripping all chances of forgiveness but ensures protection and that everyone is monitored so the a situation will not escalate into something tragic. This is again also a way the man will get the help that he needs, and keep him from making himself a bigger hole which he might not be able to get himself out of.

Since my real father was an abusive parent to his kids and wife, I strongly believe call the police and getting away from a abusive husband or bf and contacting law enforcement to solve these disputes. Again calling the police does not mean he will not be forgiven but to ensure the situation is monitored and kept on a level of peace to fix the problems the couples are having and may either lead to them fixing their problems or them separation of the two. Long term abuse can lead to many physcological problems in the future or worse i suggest calling the police then either fix the problem or leaving them as soon as possible the best solutions to these situations.

Also this would be the womens choice however to forgive them or not and if they feel they cannot forgive them then its their choice when a person goes along the lines to hit their wife or children that can be a very unforgivable act, and can be a very hard thing to forgive. Also secound chances are nice but not always deserved, why give a secound chance to a person who is abusive and has hit you before and in most cases wouldn't think twice to do it again. My opponent wants to paint you a pretty story about men who make a mistake and will never do it again how ever i would like to open your eyes some people don't change and women are better off leaving them and never coming back to ensure there own safety and the safety of their kids.
Debate Round No. 1
Dbate16

Pro

It is the women's choice to stay with the abusive spouse. I am not saying that is the right choice, but if the man can show that he is truly sorry and he is willing to make a change then that is the women's choice to stay with them.

I am against child abuse, and I'm not saying I'm for abusing women either. I simply mean that both the victim and the abuser have a choice. Stay and change your ways, or leave. If the women felt that more threatened from the man that he was going to come after them, they can get the police involved.

Women abuse is not only hurting the victim, but also the people/children who see this happening. Some may say that they understood that I am for women abuse, or ALWAYS giving the abuser a second chance. But that is not what I mean. Only certain types of abuse should be given a second chance. Attempted murder, that would not be given a second chance. See, most everyone deserves a second chance. And I'm not saying that the abuser should be given a "free ticket" either, they should have some sort of punishment. Example; physiological counseling.
joshuaXlawyer

Con

First i would like the readers to notice my case has been untouched or at least to specifically addressed, So a lot of what I already read is still standing.

My opponent random mess of arguments:

"It is the women's choice to stay with the abusive spouse. I am not saying that is the right choice, but if the man can show that he is truly sorry and he is willing to make a change then that is the women's choice to stay with them."

Simply this is an idiotic statement for one if a person choses to jump off a bridge we try to stop them, also again most women do not chose to stay, they are beaten, threatened, and abused to stay with them. Most are to scared to leave because they are afraid of what they might do. My opponent wishes you to believe the abuser will simply let her leave when ever this is not the case.
This still stands and is a proven fact :Often, abusive men step up their threatening and manipulative behavior right after their victims choose to leave. As a result, many women come to fear more severe abuse if they refuse to return to their abusers.(http://www.wisegeek.com......)

I am against child abuse, and I'm not saying I'm for abusing women either. I simply mean that both the victim and the abuser have a choice. Stay and change your ways, or leave. If the women felt that more threatened from the man that he was going to come after them, they can get the police involved.

again Choice in a abusive relationship is rare, the abuser changing their ways is not common, my opponent believes that abusive relationships are simple leave or don't leave your choice. This is the reality of the situation we all can't live in this happy world my opponent does, where everyone wins and life is fair. These are the facts and that is most women do not chose to stay they are threatened to how ever my opponent tries to mask that as a choice.

Here my opponent says: Stay and change your ways, or leave. If the women felt that more threatened from the man that he was going to come after them, they can get the police involved.

I would like to tell you a abusive controlling person is not simply going to let you pick up your phone and call the police, they will hurt/ and threaten you before you get the chance. Not everything is fair and as cut and dry as my opponent wants you to think.

(Often, it is dangerous for a woman to leave an abusive relationship. If her abuser is economically abusive and withholds all family money from her, leaving can lead to additional hardships. Leaving could mean living in fear of being stalked, fear of losing custody of any minor children (parental abduction is not uncommon), losing financial support, and experiencing harassment at work.

Do not underestimate the effects of domestic violence on its victims. Abused women experience isolation, shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. Women may not immediately leave an abusive relationship because:

They fear their abusers will become more violent—perhaps fatal—stalking them if they leave.
Friends and family may not support their decision to leave.
They fear being a single parent with little money.
There are periods of calm, nurturing and love between incidents of violence.
They may be unaware of sources of advocacy and support.
They may be unaware of shelters and other resources that offer safety and support.
The reasons women stay in abusive relationships typically fall into three categories.

Lack of resources

Most abused women have at least one minor child.
Many abused women are not employed outside the home.
Many abused women don't have property that is solely theirs.
In many cases, abusers have cut off access to cash or bank accounts.
Most abused women fear losing joint assets and custody of their children.
Abused women fear a lower standard of living for themselves and their children.

Responses by services and authorities

Often, clergy and social workers are trained to "save the family" rather than to stop violence.
Police often treat incidents of domestic violence as mere "disputes" rather than as serious crimes in which one person is physically assaulting another.
Police may try to discourage women from pressing criminal charges.
Attorneys are often reluctant to prosecute cases. Justices rarely assign the maximum sentence or fine possible.
Restraining orders and peace bonds (see Stalking) do little to prevent abusers from repeating their violent patterns of behavior. Sadly, there are too few shelters to keep women safe.(http://www.womensweb.ca...))

Women abuse is not only hurting the victim, but also the people/children who see this happening. Some may say that they understood that I am for women abuse, or ALWAYS giving the abuser a second chance. But that is not what I mean. Only certain types of abuse should be given a second chance. Attempted murder, that would not be given a second chance. See, most everyone deserves a second chance. And I'm not saying that the abuser should be given a "free ticket" either, they should have some sort of punishment. Example; physiological counseling.

Well you only said murder so im assuming massive beatings and humiliation, possible violently being raped and beaten , etc is exactly ok for a second chance?
We are suppose to allow this to happen? Simply because its their ( air quotes)" supposited choice" my opponent is claiming that exists in such a relationship.
Then she talks about their would always be a punishment like physiological counseling, I would like to ask her have you ever tried to get an abusive bf or husband to go to counseling without the police backing her? Unless they are the rare abusive people that realizes they have a problem they won't listen in fact they would most likely beat you senseless for suggesting it. Then force you to stay with them so they can abuse you more.

OK now i will show the voters the whole reason of what we are arguing here..

"Once the abuser has struck the women, should they be given a second chance without dealing with the law? I'm not saying that what they did to hurt the person is right, but most everyone deserves a second chance. If we don't give them forgiveness, how should we expect them to change their way?"

She says here that giving a second chance is what we should do without the involvement of the law, simply i only have to prove the laws involvement is needed for such interaction. As well im also arguing that most abusive men do not deserve the satisfaction of a second chance, most abuser's as I have proven are controlling and manipulative.

They will lie,abuse,and guilt you to stay with them or get you back with them, and going back without the intervention of the law is dangerous, the law can get the abuser help and monitor his actions and keep him from abusing her more.
Without the laws help the women would just go back to being trapped in an abusive relationship once again the law is needed for these situations. Even if she wanted to give him a second chance the law is needed.
Debate Round No. 2
Dbate16

Pro

K, you're right.

The man should burn in hell once he touches a women like that. I'm sorry that I have upset you, but I just wanted to know other peoples perspective.
joshuaXlawyer

Con

Its just a debate site don't give up gees come on , don't take every debate so personally its just that I have personal experience with the topic.
Never give up like this gees I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.. it not personal its business, you need to work on your arguments and use proof that helps.
My opponent has conceded for that i urge all readers to vote con thank you.

Im disappointed..
Debate Round No. 3
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by Dbate16 6 years ago
Dbate16
Okay.

Sorry that I got you so pissed off, I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm kind of new here so I guess I should have said that I was just curious about other peoples opinions.
Posted by joshuaXlawyer 6 years ago
joshuaXlawyer
For one i didn't call you an idiot i said your statement was idiotic not you are an idiot and dinokiller i am pheonix picture or not lol
Posted by Dbate16 6 years ago
Dbate16
First, I never said I was for child abuse, if anyone touched a child they deserve anything they get as a punishment. You can judge me all you want, but i never said I was for that. Actually, I clearly stated that this debate was only about women abuse.

Second, I was curious about other's opinions about women abuse and giving the guy a second chance. Honestly, I'm not totally for it. I just wanted to see other peoples side of the story.

Third, thanks for calling me an idiot.

And 'dinokilelr' what are you talking about?
Posted by dinokiller 6 years ago
dinokiller
Hmm, where did phoenix go? :P
Posted by joshuaXlawyer 6 years ago
joshuaXlawyer
your first round bothered me..... your rebut has pissed me off.... seeing how i was a child of an abusive father and all.
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Vote Placed by Grape 6 years ago
Grape
Dbate16joshuaXlawyerTied
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Total points awarded:15 
Reasons for voting decision: Arguments to Con for the forfeit. Con actually used sources, but made a lot of mistakes in spelling and grammar.
Vote Placed by Cliff.Stamp 6 years ago
Cliff.Stamp
Dbate16joshuaXlawyerTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: No real argument from pro.
Vote Placed by Ore_Ele 6 years ago
Ore_Ele
Dbate16joshuaXlawyerTied
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Total points awarded:06 
Reasons for voting decision: PRO did not address CON's arguments nearly as well as CON did to PRO, and in the end, PRO basically threw her hands in the air and gave up. I did see some spelling issues on both sides, so that poin will be dropped.