Air-powered Lego cars are the ideal vehicle.
Debate Rounds (2)
Recently, some troublesome teenage punks have built an air-powered car built out of Lego.
The vehicle is terrifically handy because whilst you're speeding at a whopping 12mph, you can drive past a child and attach their lego things onto your vehicle, and that unbelievably fast 12mph top speed means that the child will never be able to catch up with you to get it back.
In fact, in my opinion they're so good that I've got one myself already!
Pretty hip, eh?
This vehicle is also handy because if any other troublesome teens try to nick a piece or two (that's unlikely), you can just carry a spare bucket of parts so you never have to break down. Unless you run out of air, in which case you'll break down too.
Before I acquired one of these marvellous automobiles, day-to-day conversations went very much like this:
Bully: [to me] Hey, granddad! Nice cement mixer
Rest of punks: Ha! Ha!
But now, they turn out more like this:
Former bully: [to me] Woah, cool car, man!
Other hip comrads: Woah, groovy!
It should be noted that the latter happened quite a number of decades ago, that's how "hipster" I am.
This unique set of wheels is also ideal because of its alternative fuel source. Because of this, you can just spurt a trump into the engine and you'll have enough fuel for ages!
Power of gas exhaustion may vary. Terms and conditions apply. Patent pending. For additional details, visit our website. Item only available while stocks last. Said type of vehicle may or may not be available to purchase in your area. All ideas, materials, logos, likenesses and other properties are registered trademarks of us.
My opponent contends that air-powered LEGO cars are the ideal vehicle. However, this vehicle has several drawbacks which mean it cannot be the ideal vehicle.
First and foremost, the biggest drawback of the vehicle is that people can steal parts from it or prank. This might not seem like a big deal to some, but have you ever bought a box of cookies and had a sneaking suspicion your brother is stealing them and not telling anyone? Imagine that, but with a whole car. Some punk with his own LEGO car might walk up and say 'you know what, I like that brick, I think I'll take it'. Now imagine a whole city of punks stealing your car bit-by-bit... not to mention the obvious easy vandalism that could be done by college kids, who could just grab a hammer and smash your car to bits. One might say, "well I can just rebuild my LEGO car", but alas that is not the case. It took the builders of the first LEGO car 18 months just to build it, and we all know they didn't make an instruction manual, meaning that you'll have no idea what bricks you need to use to fix it.
The second flaw is the obvious risk of the car breaking. LEGO bricks, especially knock-off brands like MEGA-BLOKS and Best-lock, are notorious for breaking if dropped or hit. A single impact could cause a catastrophic explosion, which the creators of the car acknowledge by noting that it would be a "giant LEGO explosion impaling passers-by". This is even more bad when you realize LEGO bricks are a pain to pick up, a pain to step on, and a pain if you roll over them in your own LEGO car, causing you own car to explode. We'd have an endless cycle of exploding LEGO cars, resulting in cities littered with LEGO bricks and impaled pedestrians, and all that would come out of it is LEGO becoming the biggest corporation in the world.
Finally, the engine itself is flawed. It only allows you to travel 12 mph, only about half as fast as the average person can run over distance, about as fast as you can ride a bicycle and about half as fast as a horse can run. This is a big problem because neither you nor a horse have the risk of spontaneously exploding. The best way to travel, however, would by cheetah to your back as cheetahs can travel over 70 mph - about as fast as a car on an interstate. You can easily accomplish this by taping rear-view mirrors and a blinker to your cheetah, and then taping it to your back, which would make it perfectly street legal for you to use as your primary means of transportation.
Con may be surprised to find out that this car isn't a box of cookies, so you really have nothing to worry about. This isn't so much a box of cookies, but a box of cookies doing a whopping 12 mph and its contents being quite hard to steal. Have you ever tried separating two Lego bricks? It's that, but on a monumental scale. So, the air-powered Lego car is much harder to steal from. They would know how to fix it, as they managed to build one and knew how to build one so repairing the convertible should be easy for them. Also, it means it's a car for only non-doofuses. College punks could try to grab a hammer and destroy your vehicle, but there would be one massive drawback:
i) It would be too fast for them. 12MPH BABY OHHHYEAH
The "second" "flaw" con points out isn't a flaw, it's a bonus! We all have people we don't like, and this is just another opportunity to accidentally impale them. You know what they say:
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" - Unknown, probably me though
As long as the bozos nearby have car insurance and all that rubbish, you should be fine.
Con then points out some vehicles that actually aren't more ideal than the air-powered Lego car:
A person - They get tired, but we never ever run out of air.
A person on a bicycle - As well as getting tired, everyone who isn't a cyclist really hates cyclists so you'd probably get killed by a harpoon to the head before you even went from 0 to 6.
A Horse - They get tired and they continuously poo on the road and they're unbelievably slow  on the road as on the road they walk, plus the poo gets in the way of normal people like me who would never even consider this ridiculous pooey mode of transportation.
A Cheetah - Not only do they poo and fart and all that disgusting stuff, but it would actually be impossible to ride a cheetah. Seeing as you and the cheetah are seriously unmatched, your 12-15mph  (at best)and the cheetah's 70mph  means that you'd just slip off the cheetah and the cheetah would run away. Even taped-on rear-view mirrors and a blinker don't solve this problemo!
To the second rebuttal, my opponent asserts that having LEGO cars explode everywhere would be a good thin. Unfortunately, an exploding car you are driving would impale you as well as your enemy, making it utterly useless for that purpose unless you are driving next to Miley Cryus.
My opponent makes several arguments about other vehicles. People do indeed get tired, and most people do hate cyclists, but if you live in a yuppie town like Seattle there shouldn't be a problem. Further, his main complaint about horses is that they poop, but this is no worse than what your LEGO vehicle will do if it hits s bump - it'll be sh*tting bricks all the way. My opponent disregards cheetah transportation entirely, saying you might slip off of your cheetah while riding it. This is false, however, as you would be taping yourself to it, ensuring you won't fall off. This is the only real issue he raises, proving cheetahs are the ideal vehicle.
As I have proven LEGO cars are inferior to cheetah-based trace, a vote for CON is warranted.
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