Barack Obama vs Vladmir Putin
Debate Rounds (3)
Resolution: THB Obama riding a giant magma-breathing eagle (Pro) could beat Vladmir Putin riding a bear with lazer eyes (Con)
Magma-breathing: Same as fire breathing, but with magma
Lazer eyes- Eyes that shoot lazers
I need to clear up several things.
How large is this eagle?
Is it a bald eagle?
How can Obama ride a bald eagle if he's secretly an alien?
Or is the eagle a UFO?
Is Putin's shirt off?
Does Putin have sunglasses?
Is the bear a Russian dancing bear?
Is Putin a secret magical gypsy that can control dancing bears?
Back to you Pro.
I will now make my arguments.
1. God is on Obamas side
God hates commies. This is a clear and undeniable fact. For example, Daniel 7:5 states "And behold, another beast, a second one, resembling a bear. And it was raised up on one side, and three ribs were in its mouth between its teeth; and thus they said to it, 'Arise, devour much meat!" This is in his vision of several evil monsters. This shows that communists are evil and hated by God. As the bear is the symbol of communism, God will smite the Putin of the earth in a blaze of holy fire.
2. Magma breath
The eagle can breath magma and melt Putin. Simple as that.
3. Obamas powers of convincing
Obama revealed that his favorite super power is being able to speak any language. This is obviously a hint that he can speak any language, INCLUDING BEAR. He will easily be able to convince the bear to switch sides. Remember in the presedential debates when Romney said that the navy is smaller then it has been at anytime since 1917 and Obama replied "Well, Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets, because the nature of our military has changed". Obama will use similar zingers to humiliate Putin and get the bear to switch sides.
How can the Christian God love American if in Obama's term, he allowed gays to have rights? Everyone know that God hates the homosexual and won't help Obama. Also when has God supported a African person instead of a White person? If anything, Putin wins.
2. Magma breath
To fly birds need light allow bones and while carrying Obama there isn't much room for it to carry molten rock. The speed of lava flow is actually quite slow and any Russian dancing bear can dodge it. Also, if the bear shoots laser eyes at the eagle, it would explode into molten destruction.
Obama has some really low approval ratings. He may talk about random sh** but everyone knows he all bark and not bite. The bear knows about his skills of BSing and not doing anything and decide to go against Obama.
1. Laser eyes
Putin has a bear with laser eyes. It'll just stare and kill Obama at the speed of light.
Being the ex-spy he is, he will wipe the floor owith Obama. In any one on one fight, Putin will wreck him.
Russia has nukes and Putin can actually use it. Unlike Obama who can't do sh** since no one will let him, he'll get nuked by Putin who most likely has a trigger keystered.
1. God hates Putin more than anything else. It is obvious why. Putin is an expert in the martial art of Judo. Judo comes from Japan, which is a country. You know what's also a country? India, where buddism originated. One of the sacred texts of Buddism is the Lotus Sutra, named after the Lotus flower, which can regulate its temperature to attract insect pollinators. Hummingbirds are also pollinators, and are birds, just like ducks. A famous duck is Daffy Duck, who was once in an italian disney comic entitled Paperino e la grotta di Aladino. This comic included Alladin, a charactor that originated in a Middle Eastern folktail, in which he is aided by a Jinn. In Arab culture, Jinns are analougous do demons, which are controled by THE DEVIL. THAT"S RIGHT, VLADMIR PUTIN SUPPORTS THE DEVIL!
2. On the contrary, your link explicitly states that "the lava in the channels was going at more like 60 km/hour!". Additionally, if America can rise from a small colony to a super power, a Bald Eagle can easily dodge flimsy lasers.
3. Wrong. See my sources below. I didn't actually read them, but they came up when I searched up "Obama Bear" so hopefully they support my point.
I will now refute Cons arguments.
1. My source shows that the Dalai Lama has laser eyes. The Dalai Lama is from India, where buddism originated. One of the sacred texts of Buddism is the Lotus Sutra, named after the Lotus flower, which can regulate its temperature to attract insect pollinators. Hummingbirds are also pollinators, and are birds, just like ducks. A famous duck is Daffy Duck, who was once in an italian disney comic entitled Paperino e la grotta di Aladino. This comic included Alladin, a charactor that originated in a Middle Eastern folktail, in which he is aided by a Jinn. In Arab culture, Jinns are analougous do demons, which are controled by the Devil. The Devil was recently mentioned by John Beohner, who claimed that Obama made a deal with it. John Beohner famously looks weird and orange, kinda like he gets spray tans. When spray tanning, you are advised to close your eyes to protect them from damage. So how can Putin-Bear/Daffy Duck lotus pollinator Demon use his Dalai Lama laser eyes IF HE HAS TO CLOSE HIS EYES WHILE GETTING A JOHN BEOHNER SPRAY TAN??????
Unfortunatly, I won't be able to refute Cons arguments due to time constraints. I will pick them up next round. Vote Pro!
I would like to remind my opponent that there is no next round. I will extend my arguments and continue on to my rebuttals.
1. Vladmir Putin may support the Devil, but when has God done anything? He gets a single woman pregnant in the Medieval Ages. Then he gets his son crucified. The Devil offered him all the kingdoms, while God leaves him homeless walking across the world until his untimely death. Sure he walks on water, except he isn't converting dolphins. His power of healing does nothing when he's hurt. He turns water to wine but he can't get drunk. Look at Joan of Arc. She manges to help France until she gets burned for being a witch. God on your side seems to mean that you get cool powers that do nothing to stop your eventual horrible death. (This case being burned by lasers.) Now the Devil gives you exactly what you want. The Faustian bargain, the guy gets what he wants. Thus the support of the Devil is better.
2. This is a complete non-sequitur, but I'll entertain this idea. I was a little 10 pound baby, and now I'm morbidly obese with diabetes and hooked up to a dialysis. That bit of trash I ate yesterday manged to result in many many pounds of diarrhea. It doesn't mean anything except maybe I should go on a diet.
Now, I provide the only statistics about it so we'll have to accept it. Lasers are around the speed of light. Now at the speed of light, Putin can burn through Obama and have the laser can circle the world 7.5 times. That's seven and a half visits to the Middle East and strengthen my bond with The Wicked One to further ensure his death.
3. I have searched up several images that most likely refutes your sources that I didn't read either.
Putin riding Obama's eagle
Putin is the eagle.
Rebuttal to Rebuttal of My Arguments That My Opponent Said He Wasn't Going To Refute But Did So Anyways
1. I'm going to keep this PG but he and the bear have faced many accusation such as this, but one night in a hotel with these people has shown that they have other openings to project their powers. Putin shoots charisma out of his eyes, and in bed he shoots super-charisma out everywhere during a intimate act. Since he is a magic gypsy, he can infuse this quality into the bear. All they need is a little stimulation. ;)
(I googled select phrases from that article plus bear, which lead me to a extremely dark side of the internet, with very hairy men. To compensate for this damage, vote Con)
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Acedia 1 year ago
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Reasons for voting decision: Pro never refuted Con's arg and Con had more reliable sources. I also feel bad about his online experience. Pity points for Pro.
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