Bruce Schneier Facts Contest

Each person may post up to five Bruce Schneier facts per round. Posting more than five results in a forfeit. This debate is similar to http://www.debate.org...

All voting categories are to be defaulted to the one with the funniest and most clever jokes. Since these jokes are inherently math- and science-centric, cleverness is just as important as funniness.

Also, because I am just mean, no jokes are to be explained.

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1. Bruce Schneier once factored a prime number.

2. There are no composite numbers. Only prime numbers Bruce has broken into smaller pieces.

3. If at first you don't succeed at breaking a cipher, you're not Bruce Schneier.

4. Bruce Schneier shaves with Occam's Razor.

5. Bruce Schneier once broke AES using nothing but six feet of rusty barbed wire, a toothpick, and the front axle from a 1962 Ford Falcon.

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Good luck and have fun!

This should be a fun debate =).

1) The nuclear launch codes held by the President of the United States are secured by an unbreakable system: a plain brown envelope with a picture of Bruce Schneier on the flap.

2) Bruce Schneier's tears can burn holes through an OpenBSD firewall. Lucky for us, Bruce Schneier never cries.

3) Geologists recently discovered that "earthquakes" are nothing more than Bruce Schneier and Chuck Norris communicating via a roundhouse kick-based cryptosystem.

4) Bruce Schneier fully discloses his own vulnerabilities: none.

5) When he was three, Bruce Schneier built an Enigma machine out of Legos.

1. Bruce Schneier knows the state of schroedinger's cat.

2. Bruce Schneier's abs are NP-hard.

3. Bruce Schneier once decrypted a box of Alpha-Bits.

4. Most people use passwords. Some people use passphrases. Bruce Schneier uses an epic passpoem, detailing the life and works of seven mythical Norse heroes.

5. Vs lbh nfxrq Oehpr Fpuarvre gb qrpelcg guvf, ur'q pehfu lbhe fxhyy jvgu uvf ynhtu.

6) When the 47th Mersenne prime was discovered, Bruce Schneier had to change the combination on his luggage.

7) Einstein once said "God does not play dice with the universe". He was right. That's Bruce Schneier's job.

8) Bruce Schneier's secure handshake is so strong, you won't be able to exchange keys with anyone else for days.

9) Bruce Schneier can build an Etch-A-Sketch that passes the Turing test. It narrowly lost the Venezuelan presidential election.

10) Bruce Schneier's password has so much entropy, that gzipping it results in a stream sixty four times as long. And yet he can type it with a single roundhouse kick to the keyboard.

1. Bruce Schneier decrypted the Bible. The plaintext read, "Bruce Schneier".

2. When Bruce Schneier does modular arithmetic, there are no remainders. Ever.

3. Windows was stolen from an OS design Bruce created as a prank when he was four.

4. Bruce Schneier fully discloses his own vulnerabilities: none.

5. In a fight between Ron Rivest and Adi Shamir, the winner would be Bruce Schneier.

Vote Pro!

11) Bruce Schneier's IQ is null, aleph null, to be exact.

12) Bruce Schneier's assigned and encrypted his own social security number. Even the government doesn't know it. What is known - he uses the last nine digits of pi.

13) cryptographically secure (adj): 1. uninteresting to Bruce Schneier

14) The fillings in Bruce Schneier's teeth can read the data from your RFID passport.

15) Bruce Schneier can write binary without zeros.

Thank you MT, for introducing me to a whole new world.

/debate