The Instigator
brian_eggleston
Pro (for)
Losing
15 Points
The Contender
Kleptin
Con (against)
Winning
16 Points

Callous Simon Cowell shouldn't cash in on crackpot crooner "Simple Susie" Boyle

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/2/2009 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 8 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 1,151 times Debate No: 8508
Debate Rounds (2)
Comments (1)
Votes (8)

 

brian_eggleston

Pro

Toothy talent-spotter, Simon Cowell, plans to take the gibbering Scottish mental patient, "Simple Susie" Boyle, across the Atlantic to "conquer the US" (1). That's just as soon as she is released from the North London loony bin where she is currently being assessed under the Mental Health Act (2).

Boyle, who has been "one sandwich short of a picnic" since birth was rushed to the Priory Clinic in an ambulance with a police escort after going bezerk following her defeat on the inane and tedious "Britain's Got Talent" (3) freak show.

Simon Cowell should remember that the supersized songstress has learning disabilities and can't help going Radio Rental every now and again. The Daily Mail newspaper implied Boyle is her home village's idiot (4) but that doesn't mean that the mouthy media mogul should exploit her for cash.

Boyle deserves a break. Cowell should let her go back to Scotland to live in peace with her cat.

Thank you.

(1) http://edition.cnn.com...

(2) http://www.whatsontv.co.uk...

(3) http://talent.itv.com...

(4) http://www.dailymail.co.uk...
Kleptin

Con

Simon Cowell isn't well known for his kindness, sincerity, and moral integrity for good reason: He barely has any. As my opponent has stated, Simon Cowell is quite callous, especially when a 50-year-old virgin resembling a sack of potatoes has the voice of a seasoned Broadway starlet.

Since this is the case, why *shouldn't* he go through with his plans to take over the United States with this Phantom of the Opera?

There's nothing that pleases Americans more than underdog stories and laughing at crazy people. If Simon Cowell can help Americans satisfy both of these desires, then he most definitely should.

As for Susan Boyle, she'll probably be quite happy singing on stage and rather impervious to the typical things that cause a performer's downfall. No worries about sex or drugs when dealing with this frumpy old sow. And so what if she goes nutso once in a while? It's nothing that we Americans aren't used to already. Boyle will probably the most sane celebrity we have today.

It's not exploitation if everyone gets a kick out of it. And even if it is, so what? It might be better to have Simple Susie live out her dream making moolah for Mr. Cowell than send her back to obscurity.

I can just imagine her singing "I dreamed a dream" to her cat 24/7, curled in the fetal position, slowly starving to death and sinking into insanity, knowing what could have been.
Debate Round No. 1
brian_eggleston

Pro

With many thanks to Kleptin for accepting this debate, I would like to refer to his opening paragraph wherein he described Susan Boyle as a "50-year-old virgin resembling a sack of potatoes..."

Unbelievable! I can't believe he wrote that!

A fifty year old virgin? Looking at her picture again though, I can't say I'm entirely surprised. Did you know, by the way, that In the Islamic faith, martyrs are promised 72 virgins when reaching Paradise if they die defending their faith (1). Call me cynical if you like but I'd be suspicious of that promise. Why are they still virgins? Maybe we could reduce the number of suicide bombings by showing terrorists a picture of Susan Boyle and asking them to reflect on that before they go out with high explosives strapped around themselves?

Sorry, I digress.

If I have disseminated Kleptin's argument correctly, he is suggesting that a lady with with learning difficulties should be sacrificed on the altar of commercial broadcasting in order to satisfy the American public's desire to gawp at people with mental health issues.

I must admit that Kleptin has a very strong case there. After all, it would give a lot of people a great deal of pleasure and, you never know, Cowell might even hand over some of his income as tax which would benefit lots of underprivileged people in society.

However, where would this end? Would it become socially acceptable to stop and point and laugh at those people we see wandering the streets talking to themselves and shouting abuse at total strangers? Surely they deserve more sympathy and respect than that? Well, actually, no, they don't; the frothing nutjobs should all be locked up. But never mind that, the point is they shouldn't be put on TV to make Simon Cowell even richer than he already is - he'll only squander the money in Hollywood dental practices and unscrupulous clothes stores that fob him off with t-shirts that are too small for him and trousers (pants) that come right up to his chest.

Thank you.

(1) http://news.bbc.co.uk...
Kleptin

Con

After some digging, it turns out that Ms. Boyle's assertion that she "has never even been kissed" might have been just a joke, and that she isn't quite as squeaky clean as she made herself out to be:

http://extratv.warnerbros.com...

Which makes her a much less suitable tool in my opponent's "Thwart the terrorists" scheme, as the bomber would take one look at her and go "Aha, no use trying to trick me, that's Susan Boyle and she was just *joking* about being a virgin!" followed immediately by a large explosion. I find it a much more humorous loophole just to remind them that the sex of the virgin is not determined. As we all know, most virgins are overweight male gamers years 30 and up who live in their parents' basement and never see the light of day, much less what lies beneath a girl's bra.

As my opponent points out, there really can be no end to the amount of pleasure we derive from mocking the less fortunate. One issue that does remain is the matter of Simon Cowell making more money than he should. With that, I simply point to the fact that more than enough people will get sick to the stomach of hearing renditions of Broadway shwotunes and after the first Susan Boyle CD comes out, most people will simply pirate it for a quick listen, then dump Ms. Boyle into obscurity. Plenty of people are done with her already, and since her weird quirkiness, ugliness, and innocence were the only real things contributing to her fame, it would be best to get her the cash she needs to live comfortably, even if it means making Simon Cowell a slight bit richer.

Let's be honest. The money to be made would be quite beneficial to Boyle, but Cowell wouldn't get any more money than if he decided to do another season of another talent show. Which he probably will because ironically, we Americans can't get enough of Brits yelling at us and criticizing us about everything we do.

Vote CON :)
Debate Round No. 2
1 comment has been posted on this debate.
Posted by I-am-a-panda 8 years ago
I-am-a-panda
Roflcopterlicious.
8 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 8 records.
Vote Placed by Yraelz 7 months ago
Yraelz
brian_egglestonKleptinTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: This debate was a pleasure to read. I would have given convincing arguments to Brian just based on precedent for ridiculing the disabled, but he (comedically) reversed that argument in the same sentence. The next largest argument is preventing terrorism, I'll give that one to Kleptin based on 30 y/o virgins being gamers, fat and male. The next argument I evaluate is whether or not Susan dies in the fetal position while singing "I dreamed a dream" to her cat. This argument goes uncontested by Brian. Kleptin also concedes that Simon Cowell would make some money off of Susan but this may not be more than he would make off of signing another season. Ultimately, I'll give Brian an edge here and say that Simon does get even richer than he already is. I weigh Susan Boyle dying alone vs. Simon getting even richer and decide that Susan shouldn't die alone (vote Con).
Vote Placed by Udel 1 year ago
Udel
brian_egglestonKleptinTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Con says it's ok to exploit Susan Boyle for profit because it's better then sending her back to obscurity. Pro claims it will be bad for society to use people like that. Con says it's okay to mock Boyle because she's a homely virgin with not much going for her, but Pro successfully explained why all of Boyle's qualities would make it even worse to use her for gain. Pro used more sources and sources to back up his points instead of just showing stuff.
Vote Placed by DictatorIsaac 8 years ago
DictatorIsaac
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Vote Placed by patsox834 8 years ago
patsox834
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Vote Placed by LaSalle 8 years ago
LaSalle
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Vote Placed by Maikuru 8 years ago
Maikuru
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Vote Placed by thejudgeisgod 8 years ago
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Vote Placed by Chase_the_Bass 8 years ago
Chase_the_Bass
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