The Instigator
tcourtright
Pro (for)
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The Contender
osi101
Con (against)
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Can you be romantically in love with more than one person?

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Post Voting Period
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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/14/2015 Category: Philosophy
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 314 times Debate No: 70053
Debate Rounds (4)
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Votes (0)

 

tcourtright

Pro

1. Romantic love is a strong emotional attachment and feeling of compassion shared among people in a relationship.
2. Being in a romantic relationship involves more than just sex, as there is a desire to care for one another shared between the members of the relationship.
3. Romantic love does not include infatuation, or a short-lived, intense set of feelings for someone or something, nor platonic love.
4. Romantic love is often solidified by marriage or the formal tags of a long-term relationships, implying some sort of commitment among the partner(s).
5. Monogamy is a social construct, therefore it is not the only "correct" option for romantic love.
6. The love shared between people in open or polygamous relationships is just as legitimate as monogamous love.
7. Members of such open relationships report they are happy with their relationship status and feel equally loved by their partner(s).
8. It is often the case that one person in a committed relationship is "dumped" by their partner. They had no intention of ending the relationship and they still love their original partner. Post break-up, they have met someone else and begin to fall in love with them, but still think about and maintain feelings for the original partner. This person is in love with two people.
9. Many married couples still love each other upon separation, realizing that they are too different to remain married. Each person can "move on" after the divorce and find someone else to be in a relationship with, but still readily admit they love each other. They, too, are in love with multiple people.
10. It is a common practice for people to date multiple people at once with the ultimate goal of choosing one person to join a committed, romantic, relationship with. In doing this process, they could fall in love with two different people and want to care for them in an equal manner. This person is in love with two people, also.
11. Therefore, it is possible to romantically love more than one person at the same time.

Noncontroversial Premises
Premises 1, 2, 3 and 4 are not controversial. Premise 1 is simply a definition romantic love which I believe my opponent will agree with. Premises 2 and 4 are qualities of such love that are universal and well-understood. Premise 3 is used to clarify the type of love being debated to ensure my opponent and I are debating the same thing.

Controversial Premises
Premises 5 and 6 are opinions and feelings that I think are true. There is no proof that humans are supposed to be committed to one person. The idea of monogamy is formed by an individual's community and greater society, as they choose to accept this idea as the social norm. The "abnormal" polygamy, in this case, is still a valid option for many.
Premise 7 continues to show the possibilities of successful romantic love between multiple people. Premises 8, 9 and 10 are scenarios that show the possibility of loving more than one person at the same time. In the first example, the lack of the original partner does not mean they cannot still love them. Nor does their existing love prevent them from finding new love in someone else. Premise 9 exemplifies a the continued mutual love and respect for the partners involved in a divorce, while still being able to find new love outside of that relationship. Again, premise 10 gives a scenario in which someone is left feeling equal love for more than one person. Though they might ultimately pick one person to be their partner, such might not be the case.
osi101

Con

1. I agree that romantic love is a strong emotional bond between two people
2. I agree that the romantic bond between two people means that they both care for each other
3. I disagree that romantic love does not include infatuation, or a short-lived, intense set of feelings for someone or something, nor platonic love.
4. I agree that romantic love is often solidified by marriage or the formal tags of a long-term relationships, implying some sort of commitment among the partner(s).
5. I disagree that monogamy is a correct option for romantic love.
6. I disagree that the love shared between people in open or polygamous relationships is just as legitimate as monogamous love.
7. I disagree that members of such open relationships report they are happy with their relationship status and feel equally loved by their partner(s).
8. I disagree that when one person in a committed relationship is "dumped" by their partner, they had no intention of ending the relationship and they still love their original partner.
9. I disagree that many married couples still love each other upon separation.
10. I disagree that It is a common practice for people to date multiple people at once with the ultimate goal of choosing one person to join a committed, romantic, relationship with where they could fall in love with two different people and want to care for them in an equal manner.
11. I disagree that it is possible to romantically love more than one person at the same time.
Noncontroversial premises: 1-4
Premise one explains the romantic bond between two people and premise two explains that the romantic bond is public. Both sides in a relationship must agree to commit to one another. Also a couple must prove their love by marriage.
Controversial premises 5-11
5. People cannot date two people at one because dating a person while in a relationship is considered cheating in society.
6. People don"t feel loved when their partner loves someone else.
7. A person loving someone else and not their partner indicates that person is not happy in their relationship.
8. People must get over their ex if they want to be able to date another person.
9. Divorce between married couples are caused by stress by both sides in the relationship.
10. People might be able to date multiple people but it does not show love because the relationship does not last long enough to create a romantic bond.
11. A Person can"t love two people romantically because it causes confliction within the person and that person will be forced to choose between the two people he or she loves romantically.R03;
Debate Round No. 1
tcourtright

Pro

5. I disagree with your statement that polygamy or open relationships can be considered cheating. Multiple-partner relationships are not equivalent to adultery. In a multiple-partner relationship, the fact that there are more than just two people involved is out and known. This is not a situation where one partner is going behind the back of their monogamous partner to find satisfaction in somebody else, which is adultery. In this situation, one partner is being secretive and lies about their whereabouts to their partner. They are doing something to intentionally hurt their partner for their own selfish reasons. Polygamous relationships are not like this.
6. Perhaps in using monogamous love as an examples, yes someone may no longer feel loved if their partner loves someone else. The expectations of people in open, multiple partner relationships are much different than those of tradition, monogamous ones. Everyone in an open relationships knows that they are not only with one person, and if they are uncomfortable or unhappy with this fact, then they simply are not suited for such a relationship. The legitimacy of this love is just as whole as those we see all around us. The love they share with one another must be equal, if not greater, to love monogamous couples share seeing as the results of their long-term relationships are often the same: marriage or some commitment, children, communal housing, etc.
7. Just like in premise 5, this is a fine example when discussing two-partner relationships. This could be considered cheating or lack of love. In multiple-partner relationships, though, the presence of others in the relationship are obviously well known. Someone cannot secretly be in a polygamous relationship without their partner(s) knowing about it. The multiplicity of love and connection is a given in such relationships, and if someone does develop such feelings of unhappiness then they reserve the right to leave the relationships and enter a monogamous one. I am not saying that someone people will not be unhappy, because there are bound to be failed polygamous relationships where people felt jealous or unhappy with their level of connection and or intimacy. But, I am saying that is it likely that there are successful, multiple-partner relationships where everyone is satisfied and happy.
8. Why is it a necessary condition that someone has to "get over" their ex before moving on? In the case of this example, the person who was dumped was shocked and heart broken. And when they find someone else, it is very possible they could still be harboring those feelings of love from their past partner when they enter the new one. They still love their old partner and now love this new partner. It cannot be denied that this person is in love with two people at the same time.
9. You are right that divorce can caused a lot of stress and discomfort between the spouses in question, but this is irrelevant to idea that they could still love each. A couple may have been married for years, and the bond and love they developed over that time is very strong. They may separate because they care about each other, and they know that being apart is the best thing for them both. After the divorce, those feelings and memories do not just disappear. Love is not material. Love is not disposable. Once the divorce papers are signed, the love does not cease to exist. It is still very much present. Even after moving on to different people, that love will likely remain.
10. It may be the case that the relationships between the people in my example do not last long enough to create a romantic love, or bond, as you said, but what if it did? This period of dating could last months, and people can most definitely fall in love and want to enter romantic relationships within this time frame. If someone was dating multiple people and fell equally in love with both, meaning they did not favor one over the other, or prefer to do certain things with one person. The capacity to love both people is equal and whole. In this situation, perhaps in a more accepting society, they could all discuss the situation and the possibility of entering an open, multiple-partner relationship. These people would all be in love with each other, proving my point that possibilities of love are endless and that someone can most definitely be romantically in love with more than one person.
osi101

Con

5. Multiple partner relationships are to be considered to be immoral in American society. Some people can be open about their polygamous relationship but those people cannot marry each other. Marriage only allows you to be with one other person and not two people. In addition, polygamy forces a person to care for two people. If they neglect one of their partners then that partner will feel unloved. The polygamous relationship will not last unlike a monogamous relationship.

6. In normal standards, people in any type of relationship expect attention from their partner. People have to know that they are cared for by their partner or partners. If one partner gets less attention then the other partner then the neglected partner will feel unhappiness in the relationship. A polygamous relationship creates a bigger responsibility for one person because they have to care for two people as if they were one person.

7. People who create polygamous relationships are the type of people who base their monogamous relationships on sex. There have always been issues that a partner is being unfaithful in a relationship. American society frowns upon polygamous relationships because people want an excuse to have sex with more than one person and they mistaken polygamous relationship as a loving relationship.

8. It is difficult for a person to enter a new relationship while have feelings for an ex. Being heart broken makes a person question his or her love life. Maybe the relationship was so bad that they want to forget about it but can"t because the pain is really deep. When people enter a new relationship they have to think about how to make this new relationship work and not make the same mistakes from the previous relationship.

9. Divorce in a marriage causes the spark to die. The married couple is no longer in love and that separation was the best thing to happen to them. Where"s the love when you are separated from the one you are supposed to be with?

10. Polygamous relationships may be possible in another society but in American society people are only allowed to be with one person. A person does not want to know that their partner loves another person because it creates tension when a person in a relationship feels neglected. Ultimately, in any type of relationship you are favoring one person over another because of your feelings are stronger for one person than any other person in the world.
Debate Round No. 2
tcourtright

Pro

5. What exactly are the grounds for immorality? Monogamy is a social construct, meaning people decided that this is the right thing to do because of whatever reasons. Social constructs also include gender roles, which tell men and women what they can and cannot do. Do people follow these "rules?" Sometimes, but not all girls want to play with Barbies and not all boys want to play sports. The same goes for relationships. Just because society says "you must have one partner" does not make that the only viable option. Nor does it mean you have to do so. I also must disagree with your statement that members of polygamous relationships must choose to care for one partner at a time, leaving one feeling neglected which I don"t believe to be the case. I think if people are fit for such a relationship, and don"t get me wrong, I don"t think everyone should be in a polygamous relationship, they would be able to give equal amounts of love and affection to their partners.
6. Many of the things you have brought up, like people needing attention, may be true. Being in a committed, romantic relationship requires providing a lot of your time and attention to your partner(s). Just because you think that being in a multiple-partner relationship means giving an inadequate attention does not mean that some partners can be happy. Like I said earlier, love cannot be divided. Say you buy someone, like a partner, a pizza. This pizza represents love. You are implying that like the pizza, someone would have to divide the pizza to multiple partners, instead of being able to give the entire pizza to one person. In a polygamous relationship, this suggests that partners are only getting part of something whole, when I am suggesting maybe they just need to buy more pizzas. The number of pizzas, just like the amount of love, would grow to accommodate the amount of partners, not be divided.
7. I could agree that some people may use polygamy as an excuse to have sex with multiple partners, but that is only a portion of relationships that exist based on love. Some people would join multiple-partner relationships with the intention of actually loving everyone, not just loving one person and using the others for sexual gratification. This is much different than the point you are trying to make. Some people are genuine in their intentions.
8. Some relationships are terrible and unhappy while others are fun-filled and satiating. In my example, I am saying the relationship belongs in the latter category. The person who is dumped had no inkling of the partnership ending and was very happy with the relationship. Out of the blue, something happens and they are broken up with. They had a fulfilling relationship and they were never unhappy. They may want to forget the pain and heartbreak, as you suggest, but that does not prevent them from entering a new relationship necessarily. Their new love may help them recover from the last love, and eventually, they may recover from their first relationship. But they could benefit from the romantic love of a new person to show them how to be happy again. This person is in love with two people for a period of time.
9. Just because they separated does not mean they are no longer in love. No all divorces happen because the couple grows to hate each other as the result of something bad. Sometimes, people get divorced because they just no longer work well together as a married couple. This does not mean they do not love each other anymore. This just means that the dynamics of marriage are not healthy for them as a couple. Out of the love they have for one another, they decide to legally separate, but the love does not just end because a stack of paper says so. It can still exist within their hearts and minds.
10. It is only seen that way in America because people decided that is how it should be. Their decision may not be the best one, is all I am trying to say. People have made a lot of horrible decisions that were used to define society. Things like slavery, oppression, social classes, among others, were created by people. Are these things okay? Most definitely not as they alienate and objectify people. I understand that in situations like we are debating, it is difficult to discern what is right and wrong. That is why I am arguing that polygamy may not be the only right answer, and same goes for monogamy, but they are just possibilities. I think someone can have equal feelings of romantic love for two people, and that they do not have to have greater attachment to one person. Someone can be romantically in love with two or more people.
osi101

Con

Round 3 con
5. I understand that people can make their own decisions and break the rules of the social construct. However, the rules of the social construct were created because those rules are the order within people. Girls play with dolls and guys play sports because it is a natural instinct within people. In addition, doing the right thing is a natural instinct inside people. Cheating or neglecting your partner in any type of relationship brings guilt inside a person which will most likely make that person do the right thing to fix the mistakes.
6. I agree that love cannot be divided for multiple people. However there is so much love you can give to people. Because love cannot be divided, a person can only give one partner everything they have. In any type of relationship, people have needs that have to be satisfied. In order for other people to get the same amount of love they would have to get it from someone else and not from their current partner.
7. A person who loves everyone sounds like the friendliest person in the world. A romantic bond is created two people love each other as friends and they find each other sexually attractive. A person loving one person makes love something special compared to a person loving multiple people or everybody makes love sound like a friendship. A polygamous relationship where people love their partners with good intentions sounds like friends with benefits.
8. Despite heartbreak, a person can go into a new relationship and try to love again. However, that person who is rushing into a new relationship is most likely to make the same mistakes from the last relationship and create a cycle of lost love. A person from the new relationship does not want to hear or to talk about your ex because that person may feel that they are being compared to the ex or that you simply cannot get over your ex. A person can be in a relationship with heartbreak but it is a smart idea to recover from heartbreak first.
9. Saying that the dynamics of the marriage do not work for the couple is like a couple taking a break from each other. Once the couple separates, they have the freedom to find a new lover. If the new lover satisfies better than the spouse then that person will spend more time with the new lover and eventually dump the spouse. If the new lover cannot satisfy better than the spouse then the person will go back to the spouse and dump the new lover. Therefore, people will use others as a means to recover from a bad relationship.
10. People do make many mistakes throughout history but it does not define our society because those mistakes can be fixed. Sometimes relationships do not work at all for some people because they don"t know how to love another person. If you don"t know how to love one person then how can you love another person? A person might not be able to love one person properly but they shouldn"t make the mistake of hurting another person because of their inability to love. It only makes sense that a person should love one person one at a time because they can at least learn how to love. Therefore, it is not possible for a person to love two people romantically.
Debate Round No. 3
tcourtright

Pro

1. Romantic love is a strong emotional attachment and feeling of compassion shared among people in a relationship.
2. Being in a romantic relationship involves more than just sex, as there is a desire to care for one another shared between the members of the relationship.
3. Romantic love does not include infatuation, or a short-lived, intense set of feelings for someone or something, nor platonic love. I can admit that infatuation can lead to romantic love, but I still think that it can exist as a stand-alone event and cannot be considered romantic love at that point.
4. Romantic love is often solidified by marriage or the formal tags of a long-term relationships, implying some sort of commitment among the partner(s). Regardless of documented proof, my opponent as agreed that any relationship is possible.
5. Monogamy is a social construct, therefore it is not the only "correct" option for romantic love. Even though polygamous families may have less successful families, as my opponent has pointed out, it does not mean they are no possible relationships.
6. The love shared between people in open or polygamous relationships is just as legitimate as monogamous love.
7. Members of such open relationships report they are happy with their relationship status and feel equally loved by their partner(s).
8. It is often the case that one person in a committed relationship is "dumped" by their partner. They had no intention of ending the relationship and they still love their original partner. Post break-up, they have met someone else and begin to fall in love with them, but still think about and maintain feelings for the original partner. This person is in love with two people. Regardless of whether or not they are admitted, they can still exist.
9. Many married couples still love each other upon separation, realizing that they are too different to remain married. Each person can "move on" after the divorce and find someone else to be in a relationship with, but still readily admit they love each other. They, too, are in love with multiple people.
10. It is a common practice for people to date multiple people at once with the ultimate goal of choosing one person to join a committed, romantic, relationship with. In doing this process, they could fall in love with two different people and want to care for them in an equal manner. This person is in love with two people, also.
11. Therefore, it is possible to romantically love more than one person at the same time.
My conclusion still holds firm after this debate. I think it is very possible for someone to be in a romantic relationship with multiple people and it being successful. My opponent brought up many good points pointing out the flawed nature of our society, in my opinion, seeing how it does not allow for multiple-partner relationships to exist without judgment or negative labels. The roots of monogamy in our society are so deeply rooted that is very difficult to see if and how someone could possibly be romantically in love with more than one person. I understand that my opponent had a difficult being able to step out of the societal norm and see the possibilities love harbors. It is quite difficult to convince people of such ideas when society has had you at the end of its barrel, forcing you to believe what is "true" or "right."
I was very willing to grant the ideas that they brought up and that many of my examples could be flawed from the vantage point of someone who thinks monogamy is the only correct form of love. But, this alone does not bring my argument to failure. My points are all still very valid in that their possible existence makes my conclusion true. There is a chance that anyone could find themselves in a situation like I have depicted, but odds are, they will feel the need to choose one person to enter a relationship with. I am arguing that this does not have to be the case and that people have the freedom and ability to love two, or more, people at the same time.
osi101

Con

1. I agree that romantic love is a strong emotional bond between two people
2. I agree that the romantic bond between two people means that they both care for each other
3. I disagree that romantic love does not include infatuation, or a short-lived, intense set of feelings for someone or something, nor platonic love.
4. I agree that romantic love is often solidified by marriage or the formal tags of a long-term relationships, implying some sort of commitment among the partner(s).
5. I disagree that monogamy is a correct option for romantic love.
6. I disagree that the love shared between people in open or polygamous relationships is just as legitimate as monogamous love.
7. I disagree that members of such open relationships report they are happy with their relationship status and feel equally loved by their partner(s).
8. I disagree that when one person in a committed relationship is "dumped" by their partner, they had no intention of ending the relationship and they still love their original partner. Post break-up, they have met someone else and begin to fall in love with them, but still think about and maintain feelings for the original partner. This person is in love with two people.
9. I disagree that many married couples still love each other upon separation, realizing that they are too different to remain married. Each person can "move on" after the divorce and find someone else to be in a relationship with, but still readily admit they love each other. They, too, are in love with multiple people.
10. I disagree that It is a common practice for people to date multiple people at once with the ultimate goal of choosing one person to join a committed, romantic, relationship with.
11. Therefore, it is not possible to romantically love more than one person at the same time.
People have to understand that love is something that needs to be cherished only between two people. Dating multiple people is something that many people do in modern society but there is no love involved. Love is not something people can just divide for others to share. People have to give everything to one person in order to create a romantic bond. People do make mistakes which cause break ups and divorces but it just means that they are still looking for the one person they love or that they did not give one hundred percent of their love to their partner. Therefore, I believe that romance can only be between two people that truly love each other.
Debate Round No. 4
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