The Instigator
brian_eggleston
Pro (for)
Losing
8 Points
The Contender
badger
Con (against)
Winning
10 Points

Catholic priests should not be allowed to own monkeys

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 3 votes the winner is...
badger
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/17/2010 Category: Religion
Updated: 6 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,200 times Debate No: 12360
Debate Rounds (2)
Comments (4)
Votes (3)

 

brian_eggleston

Pro

Now that the sordid sexual practices of Catholic priests have been exposed, [1] parishioners are lot more circumspect about giving them direct access to children.

This has now left a lot of sexually frustrated priests plotting ways to get their kiddy-fiddling kicks by alternative means.

One method a Catholic clergyman might use is to buy a monkey: queer it up; then train it to break into the bedrooms of juvenile worshipers in order to do the priest's vile, paedophile bidding by simian proxy.

This might all sound faintly ridiculous, but it has been done before, albeit by thieving organ grinders who trained their monkeys to burgle houses [2] rather than men of the cloth training monkeys to molest children in their own homes while they watched from suitable vantage points such as the branches of a nearby trees.

Child safety must always be society's primary concern and I therefore affirm that legislators cannot take any chances with it by allowing Catholic priests to own monkeys.

Thank you.

[1] http://www.catholicpriestscandal.com...

[2] http://query.nytimes.com...
badger

Con

Funny stuff, but your whole argument is negated by the simple fact that we can't blame all priests for the actions of some.

Now for mine...

I am not only opposed to the idea that priests should not be allowed to have monkeys, but would even go so far as to say that all priests should be given monkeys free of charge.

These monkeys could be trained to do the work of alter boys and girls. This would not only make church more of a spectacle, which might increase the turnout, but it might spare poor, gullible children any of the priest's shenanigans in the sacristy.

As well as that, placing monkeys in such a close proximity of creationists might help them to see how truly similar we are to them, which might cause them to accept evolution and give up their faith, taking from the hinderance on scientific progress.

Also, the priests might take a liking to the monkeys and decide to do their dirty business with them instead. You'd never know, maybe the only reason all those priests were having sex with children in the first place was because they were the only ones they trusted not to tell anyone and expose their veneers of chastity for what they were. If this is so, which it could be, would a monkey not be an even better choice for the priest to have his way with? And priests riding monkeys is preferable to priests riding our children, isn't it?

It's worth a shot.

Athiests, pay no attention to the part about increasing the church turnout.

Christians, pay no attention to the part about evolution.

Everyone, vote CON.
Debate Round No. 1
brian_eggleston

Pro

First of, I would like to thank Badger for his intriguing reply.

Next I would like state that I agree that not all Catholic priests are paedophiles, just like not all young men who go into shopping malls wearing hoodies are thieves trying to conceal their identity. No doubt most of them are in there to buy sausage rolls, fairy cakes and paper doilies for tea dances they are planning and they only have their hoods up because they don't want get their hair wet if the sprinkler system goes off unexpectedly. However, the shopping malls don't want to take any chances and that is why many refuse entry to people wearing hoodies [1]. The same principle, I'm afraid, should be applied to Catholic priests.

I must admit, though, my opponent did outline some distinct advantages of giving free monkeys to priests. However, the ever-decreasing number of primates in the wild [2] together with the huge increase in demand for them from Catholic priests would send the market price of monkeys through the roof.

This would have a serious impact on the crime figures because the huge cost of buying monkeys would mean that organ grinders would have to train their simian sidekicks to rob people's homes in order to supplement the meagre income they earn by looking cute outside pubs. [3]

Just think about it: you won't be able to sleep at night; every time you hear a noise outside you'll wonder if was just a fox or a raccoon (or a Badger) sniffing around for scraps or whether it was an organ grinder's monkey forcing a window open in an attempt to make off with your cash and jewellery.

Overall, I think we should err on the side of caution and disallow Catholic priests from owning monkeys.

Thank you.

[1] http://www.thisislondon.co.uk...

[2] http://www1.american.edu...

[3] http://img.photobucket.com...
badger

Con

Banning hoodies in shops and banning monkeys for priests are not analogous. What you propose would be more like banning young men from wearing hoodies outright, so there goes your precedent.

Sending the price of monkeys might cause breeders to take interest, which might turn that ever-decreasing into an ever-increasing, and who doesn't love monkeys?

That huge price on monkeys would probably lead to the organ grinders cashing in on their little simian sidekicks, leaving the criminal life and turning into tax paying, law abiding citizens, so yeah it could have a tiny impact on crime figures, but not in the direction you suggested.

I'd much prefer being robbed by a monkey than having a badger roaming around my house; I could tell you some stories...
Debate Round No. 2
4 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Posted by FREEDO 6 years ago
FREEDO
MOST HILARIOUS DEBATE I'VE EVER SEeEeEeEeEeEeEN
Posted by badger 6 years ago
badger
i thought god created us in his own image?
Posted by Valtarov 6 years ago
Valtarov
Badger, I think it hilarious that you think that Christianity and evolution are incompatible ideas.
Posted by badger 6 years ago
badger
close proximity sounds a bit redundant doesn't it?
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Vote Placed by Thjoseph 6 years ago
Thjoseph
brian_egglestonbadgerTied
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Vote Placed by Valtarov 6 years ago
Valtarov
brian_egglestonbadgerTied
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Vote Placed by Brandonmaciel333 6 years ago
Brandonmaciel333
brian_egglestonbadgerTied
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Total points awarded:60