The Instigator
Pro (for)
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The Contender
Con (against)
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Cats are the best secret-keeping agents

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 8/18/2013 Category: Philosophy
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 774 times Debate No: 36786
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (0)
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Arguments will commence in the second round.

Definitions are as follows:

Cats- plural, Cat- a small, domesticated felid often the subject of internet scrutiny

Secret- unrevealed or hidden information

Keepiing- the act of retaining or protecting

Agents- plural, Agent- an object or employer of something, a factor or item

- All arguments must exceed two words
- No videos
- Absolutely no dogs are allowed to debate this topic
- Rabbits, birds, squirrels, and mice not welcome either
- Please try to juggle before at least one round
- People adverse to drinking water are strictly prohibited
- First round is to be used for acceptance
- Second round is not to be used for acceptance
- Don't forget to say goodbye in the fourth round



I accept the challenge. I am debating that cats are NOT the best secret keeping agents
This is my first debate, so don't expect too much.

Also, could you explain the topic a bit more. Yeah... It is my first debate.

I await round one...
Debate Round No. 1


All shall be revealed in my master plan.

My case is simple:

P1: If cats were the best secret-keeping agents, there would be no evidence that they were concealing information, nor any indication of what may be being concealed.
P2: There is no evidence that cats conceal information, nor any indication of what they may conceal.
C: Cats are the best secret-keeping agents.

To apply this to a real-world situation, suppose cats commune for licorice eating contests bimonthly. There has been no discovery that cats do indeed have licorice parties, so it follows that cats must keep such a secret with perfect comportment.

Over to you, Con.


I attempted to juggle. Several balls on roof.

OK. My case. Point one : Bad timing. I have found my cat with her head in the food bowl. oops. Honestly cats, learn to time.

Point two: Journals. You can write it down, rip it up cook it. Once it's there it is easily erasable AND secure.

In the next two round I will expand on these points.

I would like to rebut now. We cannot tell if there is no evidence. We might tell our cat that we ate the last cookie and think it is safe. But Kitty might tell all her cat friends, who might have a psycic owner, who might tell whoever you stole that cookie from. Hey - it's possible.

Also, it is not ok to give your cat licorice. It can get cat diabetes (yes, that IS a real ailment). Or really sick.

So I leave the case in the hands of the Pro. Until next time.

I'm going to get those tennis balls off the roof
Debate Round No. 2


I apologize for the delay, I totally forgot I had a debate going on.

My Opponent's Case
It seems to me that the Dalek Con is arguing my own case, suggesting that cats learn timing (their timing is excellent) and also suggesting that evidence is erasable and secure. These both seem to lead to the conclusion that cats are good at keeping secrets, indeed, the best.

My Opponent's Rebuttal of my Case
I will clarify: I am arguing that cats keep their own secrets, not that they can be trusted with secrets. Cats are probably not very trustworthy, especially cats with psychic owners. Supposing that the psychic owners could surpass the supreme mental capacities that all cats obviously possess.

I wouldn't be giving my cat licorice, my cat would be inviting all of his cat friends over to eat my licorice, no matter where I hide it. Their parties get very wild, and they often hire an exotic bird, sometimes two exotic birds. I only think my cat's friend Frank is diabetic, but I can't be sure, because they're so good at keeping secrets that none of them will tell me. I only know about the exotic birds because I keep getting billed for it.

My New Case
I will now demonstrate why cats are not simply good secret keeping agents, but the best. Consider the animal often regarded as the polar opposite in the house pet spectrum to a cat: the dog. Any time dogs get freaky, you can tell because the trash can and half of your CD rack are knocked over, and there's drool everywhere. In fact, essentially the only animal that does not trash the house when it tries to have a secret party is the turtle and the goldfish. The goldfish is explained because goldfish end up dead. Regarding turtles, they're too afraid to come out of their shells to have parties, so they aren't an issue.

I am off to a political rally: I will see if I can photobomb president Putin whilst juggling, thus deserving an instant win in this debate simply for photobomb level.


OK, that would be an epic photobomb!

My case actually was that cats have AWFUL timing, hence George (my friends cat) snacking out of the Whiskas. (My friend now only supplies wet food due to cats being unable to open ring pulls (whole new debate right there)

My parents' old dog was NOT a spastic psycho-sematic monstrostic party animal as my opponent would like to point out. His idea of a wild night out was if someone put some dog biscuits in the wet food. (sad - like my social life right now). Not all dogs are the stereotypical lunatics we as society have typecast them as. Oh, and all cats I know spend too long sleeping to partay!

We cannot speak cat, and studies show that only humans have such a deep emotional mind. So if you talked to Tibbles (which is a major IF, as we can't speak cat) Tibbles would say that Tigger has no secrets, purely because cats do not have the mental capacity required to keep secrets. (Please no offense cats. After sea turtles you are the best animals in the entire world, but for debating purposes...)

So while you photobomb the Russian president I am off to ss exterminate an entire life form in some obscure galaxy, preferably one of my mortal enemies, Cyberia or Gallifrey.
Debate Round No. 3


My Opponent's Previous Case
That my opponent has a friend whose cat failed in its duties is not evidence that all cats have horrible timing, every group has a few individuals who get weeded out. I'm sure headquarters will punish your friend's cat.

My Opponent's Rebuttal of My Case
Yes, some dogs are more mellow than others, but when a dog has a party, you know it! Cats on the other hand, would love for you to think that they're too busy sleeping to party, but what they're really doing is sleeping off their last party. There's a simple test: when you have a party, you could sleep for days, couldn't you? Well, since cats actually have the opportunity, they really do sleep for days, thus they obviously have been having a party.

My Opponent's Case
That cats don't have the mental capacity to keep secrets is just what they'd have you think, but the evidence that they hold secret parties plainly shows that the results of these studies are erroneous, probably resultant of an elaborate scheme by cats to throw us off the scent.

Photobombing president Putin is still a better accomplishment than exterminating Cyberia or Gallifrey (get with the times, nobody can go to Gallifrey anyway).

Now, in standing with the resolution, I have not forgotten to say 'goodbye.' Goodbye!



They are very secretive


Sleeping off parties: My parties I end up more awake afterwards.
Evidence: There is no evidence so we technically can't have this debate. (therefor they can't have parties. Cats can't reach the vacuum cleaners)

Thank you for this debate :)

(It was my first one, hence the quality)


Au Revoir Pro.

(French for goodbye)

PS You CAN get to Gallifrey if you have good enough technology.
Debate Round No. 4
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