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Co-operative creative writing.

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 1/12/2014 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,219 times Debate No: 43810
Debate Rounds (5)
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This is a co-operative creative writing challenge.

I propose that I and the Con devise a short story of anything and of any genre. But here is how we write it. This story will be written In first person perspective only. So the story will be told from the perspective of our character. This means that we can write in any form, past or present tense as long as we keep both our characters in the same world. These characters of course have to meet at one point during the story.

1)Written from a first-person perspective

2)Both characters have to be in the same world.

3)One character cannot kill the other unless in the last round.

4)Con can begin in the first round anyway Con wishes. Perhaps a description of a place.

Voters can decide who told the story better.

This is my first time doing this and I got inspired by kyudisease to do this.



Before I begin, a few notes-
this is a kind of a fantasy, with the setting based off of a combination of other interesting ideas I have been exposed to in the past. I want to write a short story in this kind of universe, which I feel have a lot of potential. All character developments, however, are original.
If you'd like, you may take the friend as your character to name and do what you wish with. (I don't know what is happening next, no did I try to plan anything) Otherwise, I expect our characters to meet in round 2 and will do my best to make it happen. My character's name is Rose.
Good luck.
I live in a nice city. Here, all adults get along. They never fight, and everyone does their day-to-day work with a smile on their face. Even if they are doing something they hate, they still do it happily, as any mature adult would. By comparison, the kids here who are my age are much worse. The meaner ones often make fun of the others, but my best friend always protects me from them. He is always around, so hey never have a chance to give me trouble. We are both eleven, so we aren't adults yet, but his birthday is tomorrow and mine is in three days.
You see, when one of us kids turns twelve here, our parents take us up to the big hospital on top of the hill. Then, the doctors give you the operation. Mom and Dad told me that it gets rid of all the nasty kid inside of your head, and makes you a nice, big, responsible adult like them. To be honest, sometimes I wonder what would happen to kids before we invented the operation. But I have always been too scared to ask.
Earlier today, my best friend pulled me aside on the way out of school. He whispered into my ear that he needed to meet me today in our usual spot, right behind the general store on main street. I asked him why and he said I was important, and he seemed scared. I am on my way there now. And I am worried.
Debate Round No. 1


4:30 A.M.

Snooze… Snooze… Snooze...

My eyes are open. And my brother’s asleep.

Lying on my bed, my arm supporting my head, I stared at the ceiling fan. In the dark of night and in my pajamas, I thought about my life.

Whirrl. Whirrl. Whirrl.

My birthday is next week. What happens after they properise me? Will it hurt? Why don’t those doctors tell us anything?

No, it’s ok. The adults know what they’re doing. I can trust them. I have to.

My heart raced and pounded against my chest. My older brother continued snoring quietly. Feeling groggy and sleepy I pull up my blanket and wrap myself in it, hoping to find sleep. But my mind refuses sleep, instead loved to worry. And my mind loved reading too. I used to sneak into my father’s room to find old books I could read from his shelf. He never read books anymore, just newspapers. And he had some really great books from the past.

Once I go through this, it’s over. My childhood will be left behind and I will be a true adult. I will have to go to high school after that. I read that in the past, high school didn’t start till you were fourteen. But now, ever since the bloody Properganda, children get mature at an earlier age. And now people can start work professionally at seventeen years old and I’ve even got some friends who work part time already I restaurants and what not.

I stare at my pillow for a little longer. My eyes, blurring out of focus, it starts to close. But then…

Noises. From downstairs. People talking, adults talking and laughing. I shuffle out of my blanket and get out of my bed. I slowly open the door, careful not to creak it. My feet scuttle as I close the door behind me and followed the echo of the voices.


Two voices were speaking and one of them was my dad. My dad’s voice was slow and hard but he spoke softly in order not to be heard. The other guy though, his speech was slurred, and loud, voice echoing the house like a burst of laughter. He wasn’t really laughing, just giggling and interrupting my dad with sudden remarks.

You’re finally back Dad!

I descended on the stairs, slouched and tired - slow and careful not to make noise. The lamps were off but there was a dim source of light coming from the living room. Breathing quietly, I crept till I reached the bottom floor, the voices still in conversation. The door to the living room was slightly ajar, I peeked inside and saw my Dad, reading the newspaper in his couch while his friend, I think, was seated on the opposite arm chair. I listened to them talk.

“Oh remembar duh the girl I showed you Richard. God, she’s fine isn’t she?” the friend said.

“I suppose. But don’t forget that my wife is the finest woman in the world,” laughed my dad. “I’m only joking. But she’s still one of the best things that have happened to me Banner.”

I stifled a giggled. Mom was actually plump and chubby, maybe not the most beautiful woman but it was nice that dad loved her all the same.

You came home late dad. You said you were going for work and would be back at midnight. Now it’s almost 5 am.

I started to turn away and head back into my room but I stopped before I got to three feet when my dad said, “Banner, my son’s becoming a man next week.”

Banner’s expression became scrutinized, trying to stay focus and concentrate suddenly.

“Yes I know. I don’t have kids of my own. I don’t want to put them through that operation. It’s terrible, once you’re certified adult, and then your life is nothing but work. Government say it’s necessary but –“

“Of course it’s necessary. It’s for the good of everyone and it’s our duty to keep the next generation going. Especially at a time like this. Do you know how bad it is?”

“Yes I do Rich. And I play my part very well. But there’s no mistaking that it’s hell. And I don’t want to be responsible for a child to experience that.”

“It may be hell. But if anybody skips operation, you know what happens. They become narrow minded and extremely prone to take sides and hate one another. They don’t grow.”

“I know. If they take the operation that probability reduces significantly.” Banner’s face was sullen, and he was looking at the floor.

He looked up at Dad.

“Say, do you remember how it’s done? The operation?” he asked.

“Why actually no. I don’t really remember the science of it. And I don’t remember the operation all too well either.”

Banner got up from his chair and put on his coat.

“Never mind then. Almost no one does, learn it at Uni and then it’s forgotten with life.”

He bid my father goodbye and Dad led him outside. I headed back to my room. Curious about the ‘operation’ and its procedures.

Maybe they inject drugs into the brain directly. Or just put it straight through the veins. Is it even a drug that does the job? Is it some kind of laser operation or radiation exposure? I don’t know. I could look it up in Dad’s books probably. He has so many, a whole reading room of em.

But I was already feeling weary and so sleepy. I slugged upstairs to cuddle up in my bed next to my brother’s. My brother was still sleeping, only now his position had changed. He fell apparently, and he lay on the floor with his arms sprawled out. Burrowed under the covers, I couldn’t get my mind off the operation. School would start again in two days and then I can see Rose again. Or Rosetta, I’m the only one who calls her that.

I smiled at the thought of Rosetta. She was one of my best friends. But then I remembered that her birthday was two days apart from my mine. She would no longer be a girl, but a woman, independent and smart. It probably would mean the end of our friendship because I could be transferred to a different school.

I shifted under the covers and tried again to sleep. It wasn’t until half an hour later that I finally dozed off.



As I run down 2nd St., parallel to Main, I think about what Colin said.

"I need to talk to you Rosetta..."

He called me Rosetta, as he always has. My name is actually Rose, but somehow he got it into his head that Rose was short for Rosetta. It is really funny, so I have never corrected him. As for him, I call him Colin because it is his middle name, and because nobody else does. I think of it as my secret revenge.

I pass a store, when I am suddenly stopped by Lewis. He is Colin's older brother, and they are very close. However, he and I don't get along. Not any more.

Lewis is 3 years older than Colin and I. Back when we were kids, we would play games together. Hide and Seek, Chase, Jump the Gap, things like that. It was really nice.

But then, Lewis turned 12. His parents took him up to the big hospital on the hill, and brought him back the next day. They set him up in his and Colin's shared room, and told Colin he would have to sleep downstairs for the next week. You see, after the operation, the new adults need time to rest. During this time, only their parents are supposed to be around them. I don't really know why. Guess it has something to do with the properization.

Now, I was really curious about what the new adults looked like. I had never seen one before, and it was mysterious and exciting. At least, I thought so. That's why I begged and begged Colin to sneak into his room with me, so we could see him. In our city, breaking a rule like that is a serious crime, but I was just too curious to not try.

One day after school, we ran straight to his house so we could beat the adults who were getting off of work soon. We made it in time, so we were the only ones there. We went upstairs to his room, and paused at the door.

"Be quiet!" Colin whispered. We had to check to make sure Lewis was asleep before we could go in.

Colin pressed his ear to the door and listened for a few moments. Then he nodded to me. "Yeah, he is definitely asleep. I recognize his breathing."

Slowly, we opened the door and slipped inside. The room looked quite different than we had remembered. The bed had been pushed to the center of the room, and was surrounded by strange medical equipment. In the bed was Lewis, but he wasn't at all recognizable. His entire head was wrapped in bandages. His body was covered in a blanket, but there were thick belts over it strapping him down. The top of his head was the scariest part, however. There were all kinds of cables and wires coming out of it. They went under the gauze, then... Inside....

It was too horrible to look at. I turned away. When I did so, I bumped into one of the machines. It made a squeak, which woke Lewis up. I span around and stared. He couldn't see us, so I think he thought we were his parents. He began moaning, and straining against the belts. He seemed to be in pain. Colin slowly reached his arm out, and began to move to release him.
Then, we heard the noise of the front door opening below us. His parents were home! I half-dragged, half-pulled Colin out of the room. He could barely function at all. He must have been in shock. In retrospect, I think I was too. This wasn't anything like what our parents had told us. That was the day when I began to wonder about the surgery. Colin and I have never talked about that day since. Not only was it something out of a nightmare, it was illegal.

Sometimes I wonder if it was all a dream.

A few days later, I saw Lewis as an Adult. He didn't seem to remember the days he spent in bed at home, and if he did he pretended he didn't. He never played games with us again. He grew distant, and made new Adult friends at the higher education school (you know, they call it High School here). He was still nice to Colin, so he didn't notice the difference as much. I didn't either, until one night a few months ago.

By this time, Lewis was 15. He was doing excellent at his school, and was expected to graduate early. Colin told me he was being interviewed for a position at the City Administration Offices. I was out late, picking up some things for my mother's special birthday dinner, when I saw him.

Lewis stumbled out of an Alcohol Dispensary, and saw me. Something was off about the way he was looking at me, and I started to back away.

His breath stank, his eyes were bloodshot, and his speech was slurred. I could tell he had imbibed more than his allotment, as was common for the younger Adults.

"Hhhheyy Rosssse, yoou areeeen't with myyy brrrothherr? WHY doon't you juusssssst come with me tonight!"

"No! You are drunk Lewis, and I am going home. Get away from me!"

he lunged at me, trying to grab my arm. I twisted out of the way and ran as fast as I could towards home. He started after me, but tripped and fell. As I ran, I could hear him yelling and cursing. This was another side of Adults that I never knew. However, that wasn't even the scariest part about the encounter. I broke the law. You see, children are supposed to listen to adults, no matter what.

But there was no way I was listening to him. He was out of his mind! I ran home, and hoped that he wouldn't remember what had happened. The next time I saw him, he gave me no greater recognition than usual, so I assumed that I was safe.

I never told Colin about it, though. I didn't know what he would do, or if he would even believe me. He had always idolized his brother.

This is what went through my mind when Lewis stopped me, right outside of the bakery.

"What do you want, Lewis?" I said in the coldest tone I could muster.

"Have you seen my brother? You hang around him all the time, right?" he seemed agitated.

"No, I haven't. He was at school today, but he left right afterwards. I don't know where he could be." The words spilled out of my mouth before I could even think. In the blink of an eye, I had committed yet another crime. You must never lie to Adults.

"Well, if you do see him, bring him home or call us. He didn't come home from school yesterday. We heard after work today that he was in school, but he was able to leave before any teachers had heard about the situation. We can't have him running around without supervision, especially since his 12th birthday is tomorrow." With that, Lewis strode off down the street, presumably looking for more kids who knew Colin.

After a moment, I again began to tear down the street towards our meeting place. I needed to find out what was going on, and I needed to hear it from Colin.
Debate Round No. 2



I drink my hot chocolate in my mug. It tastes sweet and relaxes me. I put the mug down, and continue chugging down my breakfast. Crunching down the bacon and eggs and biting off sausages. It all taste so delicious. Mom’s always the best cook.

It is Monday today. My school bag rests beside the chair I’m sitting, it’s stocked with half-finished homework. I spent the whole of last night, studying into the properisation process. From the books my father keeps, I could only find pictures of what happens after the operation and some drugs and tools that were used for properisation.

The pictures were partially disgusting. People lying in beds with crazy metal wirings around their head, snaking in and out of skin and veins. And a fat drug dripper standing beside the patient. I was stuck in deep fear when I saw the pictures. Don’t think about it, don’t think about…


I close the book, after skimming through chunks of information on theories of how the operation is done. Apparently, that’s information only the government gets to keep. But it’s one I desperately want to know.

I put my empty mug down on the table and scoop my bag up. Since my parents had already left for work including Louise, I head out of the door and walk to the train station.

Lewis studied in Sheldon University and worked part time in a drug store as a pharmacist. Lewis was my best friend when we were younger before his properisation. But he wasn’t just another normal friend, he was a special kind of friend. A friend I miss.

Lewis before his operation was actually dyslexic and autistic. If I were to describe him plainly, then I would say that he acted as if he was five years old. When Dad took anything from video game to ice cream, Lewis would start to make this face of desperation and start wailing and pleading Dad.

“Lewis, you can’t eat so many chips, it’s unhealthy. I won’t buy you anymore if you keep eating like that. How many packets have you eaten? Lewis this is too much, from now on you can only eat one packet everyday” My dad would say. What he said was fair but it wasn’t for Lewis.

Lewis would panic and he would make a terribly shocked and sad face as if he was told he was going to die and say,

“No… Noooo.. Noooo! P-p-please Dad, I like it, I like it, you can’t do this to me!” And he would start hitting his head with his fists in frustration. Dad couldn’t stand seeing his son like this, but he held firm with his decisions. I was usually the one who spoilt him by secretly giving him candies and chocolate afterwards. I loved my older brother, no matter how childish he acted. And sometimes his dyslexia would show. He couldn’t read a clock and he had trouble doing his basic multiplications. I don’t think Rosetta knew this because when we were kids she probably thought Lewis was pretending to be so young and playful. In truth, he really was like that, full of energy. We used to be so free those days, time passed by like it didn’t even exist.

Then, his birthday came.

It was time for his properization. When sneaking in with Rosetta one day into his room, I saw him lying there with the hundreds of wires protruded from my brother’s head and he moaned and moaned as if he was in excruciating pain. I didn’t know what to do so I just stood there, staring. Later that night I cried and sobbed into my pillow. I cried mostly for myself because now he was an adult and a real Older brother. I also cried over the fact that I would go through the same thing, that on my birthday, I would receive the most terrible gift of all; becoming an adult.

Being an adult meant leaving Rosetta and leaving fun and freedom behind. I knew that one day I would be able to see her again. But we will be acquaintances instead of friends. We would go drink sometimes with other workers and then that’s it. No playground, no fooling around and no loose attachments.

When Lewis was an adult, he seemed wiser and more discrete at times. I hated it. Ever since then, things have become obviously awkward between us. And slowly and slowly, we talked less and the more we forget about the times we were close. The times when I laughed so hard when he did silly things and he would say, “What? What’s so funny?” Now, he can only glance at me and say, “I’m off to work.” Sometimes I still cry, sometimes I still get angry at myself and the world. But most times, I’m just really afraid.

When I arrive at school. It was normal as always, the school bustled with kids that ignored or never greeted me. The walls are compact, yellow and almost brooding because of the stained lockers we have.

In geography class I sit there on my desk, resting my head on my palms. The teacher explains the cycle of water through evaporation, condensation and of course, I find it hard to keep interest and not be bored. Her voice was monotonic and even.

“We now come back to the collection of water droplets on leaves that would later evaporate as water vapor...” She continued.

There is no one I know in this class. There are a few people that I could talk to but otherwise, I’m alone. I look at the clock and it ticks ever so slowly. I think back to my upcoming birthday and the fear kicks in again. I want to just go away and never face the world again. I want to hide until everyone’s old and dies. But, of course I have to grow up, the adults say it’s the best thing for me so it must be.

My birthday is tomorrow. If I’m going to do properization at least I have to know what exactly the doctors will do to me. I have to learn their secrets so I can be sure it’s safe.

I knew what I had to do. I have to talk to the doctors at the big hospital.

Rosetta’s birthday isn’t too far off either, I should bring her with me.

After school ends, I told her to meet me at the usual spot and now I’m waiting for her. I’m scared at what we’ll find but also determined anyway.

My watch ticks. The minutes go by. And I wait standing behind the store.



Side Note; I have been really busy these last few days, so I wasn't able to write as much as normal. However, I did cover as much ground as I intended to for this section. Where we go from here is up to you. This is the setup for the climax and resolution, whatever they may be.


The closer I get to the General Store, the faster I run. My encounter with Lewis has me bewildered.

Now, Lewis claimed that he was looking for Colin because he didn't come home yesterday. But that doesn't make any sense. I know it, because I walked home with him yesterday. I had a quick sandwich, and went on home. Nobody else knew, because we always beat the Adults home from work.

Sure, I lied to Lewis, but he lied to me. I just don't understand it.

I am turning it over and over in my head, and I lose track of where I'm going. That's when things get even stranger.


I trip on an uneven section of pavement, and crash into a man wearing a suit. I quickly pick myself up from off the ground, and am horrified to find myself looking directly into the face of someone I recognize. It is Jonathan Raid, the Chief Doctor from the Hospital up on the hill.

People are always talking about him around town. Although he is one of the youngest doctors at the Hospital, he is their best and brightest. Apparently he is able to improve the Surgery every year, and is in charge over all functions surrounding it's administration. A mere 3 days before my birthday, it is definitely scary to run into him in a place like this. Usually, the Doctors live at the Hospital, and never come out unless there is some pressing matter that requires their attention.

I begin to apologize, but he stops me.

"Your name is... Rose, correct? Yes, you are due for Surgery in three days. Have you seen the second son of Dale and Jane Fletcher? I have heard that the two of you are close. He is due for his Surgery tomorrow, and it is important that we Adults find him immediately."

"N-no" I respond, "I haven't seen him since school today. I don't really know where he is."

"Well," he says, exasperated, "We really do need to find him. It is for everyone's safety."

Just then, when I am ready to go and tell Colin that something is wrong, he runs out of the alleyway towards me.

"Hey! Rosetta! I was wondering why you were late! Now I see. Perfect! I wanted to take you with me to find one of the Doctors from the Hospital, but you already did!"

Jonathan Raid glares, first at me, then at Colin.

"Come with me." He commands. "Right now."
Debate Round No. 3


The doctor leads me and Rosetta somewhere else. He walks with his fat belly and his slow gait, pacing up the street bumping into strangers. We reach a hill with a gate and the template saying, "St. Morris hospital".

This is it, I thought. I look at Rosetta and she looks back. We are too afraid to speak to each other.

Earlier, I had waited behind the cafe for Rosetta. Anxious of what to tell her, I fiddled with my watch and sweated through my blue jacket. I thought about how I was going to ask a doctor about classified information. I even worried if Rosetta said she wouldn't come. Eventually, I walked out of the place, to see if Rosetta had waited in a wrong place. I came out of an alley and there she was, standing with a tall plump man with squarish glasses and a emblem on his shirt pocket showing the sign of the Big hospital. He was a doctor! It was good to see a doctor, so I came up to greet them.

But the doctor told me to follow him and he somehow recognised me. Thinking I was in some trouble, I asked Rosetta where he was going.

She said, " No idea, but Colin everyones been looking for you since yesterday even your brother's asking me where you've been."

"What? Why?"

"Your Birthday is tomorrow remember?" she replied.

"I know, but why do they need me before properization?"

"I don't know Colin..." she said, her face in worry. I touch her shoulder.

"Rosetta.. Your birthday's coming up as well, you ready for it?" I ask as I stare into her eyes, wanting honesty from her.

"Y-yeah, but it's still scary isn't it? Remember what happened to your brother? I don't know, I just have to do it, is all I know and my mom says it'll be fine." She smirked and said, "Why? Don't tell me you called me out there to confide your fears right?"

"What? No, I wanted to ask you to come along and go see the Doctors and ask them questions that's all." I say feeling embarrased.

"Yeah? Well, that's fine, I like you better when you're brave. Cause then, then I don't have to be scared." She said and looked back at the doctor. Yeah, I know... But I'm scared too I thought.

"What's the doctor's name?" I asked her quietly. And she said it was Jonathan Raid, the chief doctor. My eyes widened and that was the end of our conversation till we reached the Gates.

We climb the hill, passing the gates where only two guards were protecting it. But dozens of camera CCTV stuck out of the ground and sat quietly, observing the guests. I fidget under their black eyes.

We finally reach the hospital. It is of course a hospital like any other, just the biggest. I've been here a couple of times, to get shots when I was a baby and then to visit mother with Dad and Lewis when she was sick. The hospital was basically shaped like a semi circle, one flat side and a round curve to contain all the hospital rooms. The building was as tall as Dad's office building, almost 20 floors. It was normal with the usual amount of cars parked around and the average size of crowds bustling in and out. It didn't look belligerent or scary at all.

Jonathan opens the entrance doors and beckons us inside. We walk to the elevator and he presses a floor button.

"So where have you been all this time Mr. Fletcher." he asks me inside the elevator.

"Um, not anywhere special. I was just in at school today and then I went to a cafe." I reply.

"All right, I suppose that's true. Then how about yesterday?"

Uh oh.

"I stayed at my home doctor. You can ask Rosetta, she walked with me yesterday." I look at Rosetta.

"Yes Mr. Raid, I walked home with him." Rosetta says, looking a little bit doubtful.

"Okay, it doesn't matter. You're here now. We need to take a couple of tests with you and make sure you're body will be fit for operation tommorow. So you'll come into my office and we'll run a couple of tests."

I nod and say, "Okay."

The elevator door opens and he leads us all the way to his room. I see patients with casts and masks sitting on the armchair waiting for some sort of cheuque I suppose. I wonder how many children like us will be here tomorrow, anxiously waiting on the very same armchairs for the operation that changes their life.

We find his door with his name plate stuck on it and we enter his fresh smelling room. But in the room I see a table full of operation utensils of sharp needles, tweezers and metal picks. Plus a coil of plastic wires

Jonathan smiles warmly at me and beckons me to sit. I reach for Rosetta's hand and she clasps it, we walk in together.

I couldn't help thinking,

This is gonna hurt.



I watch as Colin slowly walks over to the chair. It reminds me of the one at the dentists, but with different tools. Not that I would want any of those in my mouth.

The Doctor, Jonathan Raid, walks over to another seat in the corner that I didn't notice when we come in. It is behind Colin's chair, so as he sits down in it he can't see what Dr. Raid is doing. The doctor sits down, and presses a button on the wall in front of him. The wall slides open, revealing some kind of inset desk, with a computer sitting on it. He punches in a few commands, and the chair Colin is sitting in begins to move.

The chair rises two feet, lifting Colin's feet off the ground.

"Now, Colin," the Doctor commands, "Lean back and relax. This will only take a few moments."

Colin leans back, but I can see that he is scared. Just like me.

Now Dr. Raid gets up and walks over to the table of instruments. He fiddle around for a few moments, then approaches Colin holding the bundle of plastic wires.

"Do you know what these are?" He asks.

"Yes, I do have a guess. I read about them in a book that I have at my house. This is some of the stuff that they use during the Properization Surgery, right?"

"Yes... It is..." He responds. He quickly walks back to the table and sets the wires down. Now I am totally bewildered. I have no idea what he is doing. He approaches another portion of the wall, and again presses a button I didn't notice. Another section of wall opens up, revealing some kind of headset. It looks kind of like a crown, but it is covered in clear plastic. inside the plastic, I can see all kinds of microchips and other bits or tech. As he brings it back towards Colin, I can see the inside of the band. It is lined with tiny spikes, which look like they would prick your head if you tried to put it on.

Dr. Raid tells Colin "This may hurt a bit. These things don't adjust in size at all. Don't worry, though, this isn't a part of the Surgery." He places the crown-thing on Colin's head, and pushes it down until it is resting just above his temples. I can see Colin grimace in pain as the spikes poke his head from all around. Then, Dr. Raid pulls out some kind of remote and presses a button. Colin goes limp in the chair.

"What did you do to him? What is that?" I demand.

"Calm down, girl. It is just a device that allows me to view his memories. You see, information about the Surgery is confidential, and I want to know more about this "Book" that he read to gain the information he had. By accessing his core memory, I can accomplish this quickly, and gain more information that I would by merely questioning him."

I just stand there as a projector slowly descends from the ceiling, and begins playing on the wall. It looks like a movie, but it is being rewound so fast that I can't really tell what is happening. A lot of it takes place at places I have been to, Colin's house and at school. Suddenly, Jonathan Raid pauses the memories.

"There!" He exclaims,"This is the book!"

"Hmmm...." he mumbles, examining it. He skips around a bit, looking at more memories about the place.

I know where it is, of course. It is the old library room in Colin's basement. Nobody else ever went down there. Colin's parents used to spend a lot of time in there, but suddenly stopped a couple of years ago. Colin told me about it. they acted as though it didn't exist, and blew him off whenever he asked about it. He brought me down there a few times, so I could see it too.

As the Doctor is skipping around, he makes another sudden stop. "What is this!?" I look up, pulled out of my reverie. He is looking at... me. It must be from one of the times when Colin brought me down there.

Jonathan Raid turns to me.

"He brought you down there?" He asks, looking at me.

"Y-yes, a couple of times. There were a lot of books down there, but I didn't read nearly as many of them as he did."

With that, he turns from he, looking dejected. "Oh, I see." then, mumbling, "Well, I can't expect to get lucky twice, now can I? Well, that's not quite true. She has read some, now hasn't she?"

"Well," he says with finality, "That should be sufficient for now. Let's wake him up."

The projector turns off, and retracts back into the ceiling. The chair lowers back down to the ground. he walks over to Colin and presses another button on his remote. Colin sits up, no longer limp.

Dr. Raid pulls the crown off of Colin's head, and I can see a line of red dots where it looks like the crown cut him.

Colin looks over at me and begins talking at rapid speed.

"It was so weird! I was awake the whole time, but I couldn't move! I was living my life in reverse but I could still understand it. I did a bunch of things that I had forgotten, re-read books, everything! I could also hear you guys talking. Well, Dr. Raid? What now?"

"That will be the effect of the coma-inducing chemicals I used," muses Dr. Raid. "They allow the patient to be perfectly aware during procedures, and give them an extremely positive disposition for a few moments after waking up. Very useful."

Suddenly Colin's demeanor darkens back to normal. He looks at the doctor, and I can see nervous energy in his eyes.

"Now," Dr. Raid says, in reference to Colin's question, "I need to examine her memories."

"My memories? Why?" I exclaim, suddenly feeling a pit in my stomach. My hands grow cold and my face gets hot. I am definitely scared.

"I need to know what you know. If what you said to me is true." He remarks casually.

This isn't going to work. If he examines my memories, he is going to find out that I lied all of those times. I don't know what he will do then. After all, lying to adults is a Crime.

"Okay." I say as I approach the chair. Colin can see that I am worried, but he doesn't know why. I can see the confusion on his face.

I climb into the chair, and Jonathan Raid puts the crown thing on my head. Then, everything goes dark.


I suddenly wake up, and can recall everything that they just witnessed. I am ecstatic for some reason, but I can't seem to remember why. I am kind of babbling, but it is okay. I feel pretty good. Then it hits me. The Doctor saw my lies. he knows I lied. And now he is looking at me coldly, like I am garbage.

"Truly a shame," he says. "You had so much potential, like this young man here. But look at what you've done." As he is talking, he walks towards another part of the wall. "Do you know what the penalty for that many felonies is?" He presses a button, and the wall opens. Inside is a long, sharp knife. "Death." He says, as he picks it up. He looks at me, but his eyes are cold and alien. Like I am an animal. "Step away, son. She is filthy garbage."

Colin begins to react.
Debate Round No. 4


Speakerfrthedead forfeited this round.


Galahad forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 5
28 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Galahad 2 years ago
To Everyone
Thank you for following our story up to this point. I had a blast writing it, and I hope that you all enjoyed reading it as well. The last section of the story is below, and I hope that it is satisfying as the ending to our story. For those of you who also wanted to take part in this kind of debate, I am just about ready to begin another one, so just send me a message if you are interested.

Thanks for sticking around! This was probably the most enjoyable debate I have ever had!

Posted by Galahad 2 years ago
I begin to explain.

"For the last few weeks, you have been acting strangely. You always did like to talk about the things that you read in the books downstairs, but that's ALL you have been talking about. I came over 3 days before it happened, and you were sitting in the basement, reading some medical research books and mumbling to yourself. I don't even think you knew I was there. You were just so focused... I didn't know what was going on, really. Then, just the other day out of the blue you asked me to meet you... Something was happening, and I had no idea what it was. I had several encounters with adults that day, and they all asked me about you. Why would they do that? I didn't know what to do, but I needed to talk to you before they could. So I could find out what was going on. That's why I lied. I was hiding you from them. And, ever since the attack, things have just gotten stranger."
Posted by Galahad 2 years ago
"No," Colin's dad interjects, looking over at me, "We talked about this."

"What do you mean? What did you talk about? Tell me." Colin says, looking serious.

Colin's dad sighs. "Well, I guess there isn't any real harm in telling you now. We just wanted to have a happy minute before we had to deal with reality. Rose, can you explain this too?"

I begin again.

"After the attack, I was taken home. Nobody asked me anything. After an hour or so, a man stopped by our house. He was from the Legal Division, and he said that I was being examined based on evidence gathered at the scene of the attack. I think they found a recording of our memories on the computer, which meant they knew I had lied to all those people. That man and a few others came back the next day with recording devices, and asked me all sorts of questions. I told the truth this time, and admitted to lying. Afterward, however, one of the men stayed behind. He introduced himself as Anthony Banner, and said he knew your family. He said he would try to help me, but that my case didn't look good. He said I should try to stay near you for the next few days, since it would be easier to reach us if we were together. So I have been. Mr. Banner has been stopping by at night for the last couple of days, telling us about what is going on over in the LG. As it sits right now, it looks like I am going to be charged with treason against the state. Death. You are going to be charged, too. You disobeyed Dr. Raid when he told you to get away from me. On top of that, Dr. Raid has gone completely insane, and they need a scapegoat. They chose everyone involved."
Posted by Galahad 2 years ago
Colin just sits there, with his mouth slightly ajar. He blinks a few times, and suddenly starts up.

"What can we do now? This is so messed up. Everyone in this town really IS crazy. Scapegoating children? Covering up scandals? Demanding total control? It just doesn't make any sense!"

He pauses for a moment, looking off into space.

Mom, Dad, Rosetta, we have to leave. Now."

"We already are leaving." Mr. Fletcher says. "We are supposed to go in for sentencing tomorrow. We decided we weren't going to wait that long."

Suddenly, we hit a bumpy patch of road, and the truck jolts a bit. That's when Colin realizes.

"You guys moved me already. Before I woke up. But what about the operation? And Rosetta's family? And that man, Mr. Banner?"

I respond this time, and I can feel tears filling my eyes again.

"My family... stayed behind. I asked them to come with me, and they tried to stop me. They said I had to receive my sentencing. It was the law. I... I had to run away..."

I stop, choked with tears. I just can't believe that my parents did that. I'm their daughter! I'm their daughter! And they... tried to kill me. Were we ever really a family? Now that I think about it, we weren't. Not like Colin's family. We just lived near each other. They live for each other.

Colin is shocked. He suddenly grabs me, and wipes away my receding tears.

Quietly, he begins to speak to me. The rest of his family pretends to be busy doing other things. "It's okay, Rose." He uses my real name, not my nickname. He has only done that a couple of times in his life.
Posted by Galahad 2 years ago
"Just stay with me. I won't let anyone hurt you. Not unless they kill me first. Just stay with me, and it will be okay."

I bury my head into Colin's chest. I don't know how much time passes. He has always protected me, ever since I was little. I will stay with him. But I will protect him too. I pull away, and begin talking again.

"Banner... He died." I say, fighting the renewing tears in my eyes. "He set us up with this escape, but he was captured. We were rushing to the city wall, to escape, and the City Guard caught up with us. Somehow, they found out we were trying to escape. Banner, he threw himself at them. Told us to go, while we had the chance. We made it about two blocks. That's when we heard the gunfire..."

I pause a moment, and wipe the forming tears away. Now for the most important and strange part of all.

"The operation... Do you want to know?"

Colin stares off into space for a minute, then responds with finality. "Yes."

"Banner, before he... died. He told us about the operation. About how it used to be. And about the "potential" that Dr. Raid was raving about. He had to break several laws to get the information, but at that point, he was already in as deep as he could go. You aren't going to believe this, but back in the olden days, there was no operation. Anywhere. Kids just grew up slowly, over several years, and had to learn to be adults on their own. Some never did learn, even when they were old. However, this caused many problems. People, immature and volatile, would do horrendous things to each other. War. Torture. Horrible things. With the invention of the operation, and the harsh laws surrounding it, all threats of war were exterminated. You educate those who are unintelligent with the operation, and execute those people who are overly volatile with it's laws. It ensures that everyone who survives is mellow and informed. However, then there are people like you and me."
Posted by Galahad 2 years ago
Colin looks up into my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Remember how we used to spend hours reading books in your basement?"

"Of course." Colin says, unsure of where I'm going with this.

"Well, those books were not books for children."

"Of course not, they were in my dad's library. Not my bedroom."

"I mean, their difficulty. Those books were beyond University level. They were copies of books often found in the offices of people like Jonathan Raid, people who are considered to be beyond the scope of the common folk. And we were reading them. We were comprehending them. Colin, they said you and I are prodigies."

Colin sits there, stunned.

"We don't even need the operation. We are already more developed than most of the adults in the city. They had big plans for us. Unfortunately, we broke laws. More laws than were possible to side-step. The top people considered it a major loss. Now, though, we got away. Now, we have the rest of our lives to figure out a way to change things."

"Yes!" Colin says. I can see his eyes, shining with hope and excitement. "We will change the way that this world does things! We will make life better, more free. We can do it! We will do it!"

"And we will do it. Together." I say.

We will face this world, and we will change it for the better. I know we can do it. As long as we are together.




Posted by Galahad 2 years ago
Sorry guys, I am a little late, as was the Speaker in the last round. I will have the final section of the story posted in the comments in just a little while. Again, sorry for all the trouble,
Posted by Speakerfrthedead 2 years ago
Since I have been sick in bed for the past couple of days, I could not submit my segment on time. I apologize for forfeiting. Like I said, I will post that piece right here.


Dr. Raid finishes examining my memories. He seems pleased, well I am too. For some reason, I can't stop feeling like smiling. I feel really warm and I just want to laugh out loud. What's happening to me? And I feel shock as well because I was having memories and recalling things unconsciously, against my will. Things were in reverse, memories collided, but I was conscious of that at least.

It felt so weird to see your life like you're seeing it through a virtual reality machine, where your life plays out like a movie with unexpected twists and turns... and....

I look at Rosetta. Rose, I thought because I only called her Rosetta when I am speaking with her.
Posted by Speakerfrthedead 2 years ago
I guess she hates it, but she doesn't tell me. I keep calling her that, because she kept calling me Colin when my real name was Tyler. I also called her that because she reminded me of the Rosetta stone jigsaw puzzle I had, Rose was sometimes the very same puzzle. I could never tell what was on her mind and when I thought I did, later I would find out that she was thinking of a completely opposite thing. So therefore Rose, became Rosetta. However I have no idea how Tyler became Collin. I had thought of finally asking her at the cafe earlier before we were whisked away by Dr. Raid, the intimidating adult who gave us cold calculating glares.

But now I feel really giddy and pumped with adrenaline. I saw Rose and tell her all the things I'm feeling in one big babble that ended with me taking a gulp of air. The doctor continued explaining something I didn't hear but suddenly the rush left my body and I was back to normal. No. The doctor saw everything? What's he going to do now? I get up from the chair and climb out of it slowly. I stand beside Rosetta feeling my head and searching for the marks that I knew would be there. This is insane. Why the hell would they drill holes in my head? Wait, were they drills, spikes or something else. All I know is that it hurt, and that this 'Doctor' is out of his damn mind! I feel agitated once more and angry at the adults again, the same way I felt when Lewis had all the wires sticking out of him. All just to become an official adult.
Posted by Speakerfrthedead 2 years ago
Obligatory. Compulsory, No questions, just do. I had felt so angry at the time that it quickly turned into fear. I did not plan to become an 'adult'. But what the adults say, we have to do. Because they know best, they always do. That's what mom always tells me. And because I trust mom, I trust what she says.
But this whole properization thing is just wrong. Wasn't there a better way? No, there really can't be. It's because of this that bullies like Samson can be fixed. Cured.

Samson was a bully that constantly edged students to try smoking in our school. I was cautious back then, because I was always on the lookout for Rose since she was my best friend before we entered the school. At first she was bullied by a few girl gangs as they called her ugly and stupid. Maybe they said that because her looks were just the opposite. I didn't know, but I stood by her side and somehow that got them to stop. They knew who my father was.

However, even with people knowing this, Samson did not stop himself from bullying Rose to smoke even with me beside her. I got angry immediately, and being younger at the time I was impulsive. I pushed him hard and he slipped and hit his face on a drinking fountain, he moaned in pain as he squirmed on the floor, blood dripping from his nose. I felt like a monster. The rest of the day he spent in the nurse"s office, apparently he couldn't go to the hospital because his parents were in debt or didn't think he needed the treatment. Despite what he did, I felt sorry for him and I hated myself for hurting him. The guilt lasted for about a week and then I heard Samson recently got arrested for drinking beer in a park with some of his friends. But I vowed never to hurt anybody again, even a bully.
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