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Courtship is way better than dating!

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/13/2013 Category: Religion
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,698 times Debate No: 31237
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (20)
Votes (1)




Hello. And thank you for taking this opportunity to discuss this topic with me.
1. Be polite
2. Be respectful
3. Be patient

If you accept my debate, great! Looking forward to it.

So to start off. I believe that God has ordained another way of relationships and that's the courting process. Which should lead to marriage, while dating is 95% a short term relationship that breaks off eventually. So I believe the courtship process is excellently better than dating!


I'll accept your debate.

Can you start by describing the difference between courtship and dating, what people ought to look for in relationships, and why courtship satisfies what people are looking for better than dating?
Debate Round No. 1


Thank you for deciding to take on my debate. I hope this is educational for you and others that may read our debate because you ask to explain the difference and what not.

Courtship: is basically the dad helping the daughter find a husband and/or the guy who desires more than just a short term relationship speak to the father beforehand to get to know the girl he desires to me with.
The dad should have say so regardless of which way the situation happens. But in the long run, the purpose of courtship is for the young man to pursue and get to know the girl with the accountability of her family and Friends very socially and physically (meaning to be around) involved at all times. This helps eliminate sexual temptations, holding hands, kissing and anything of physical contact between the two courting. Once the father sees fit for the two may give his blessing at any moment for the man to take his daughter into marriage. (Note: courtship usually only happens if it's truly Bible based). It does not say in the Bible that there has to be courtship, however there are many indications to show that it backs up courtship.)

Dating: is basically the daughter choosing the guy she wants to go out with, have fun, be romanced, get emotionally attached, her promises made, affectionally too touchy towards each other, no accountability and chances are she may end up being used for sexual pleasures and then tossed away.
This form of relationship usually just leaves you heart broken, emotionally broken and leaves you feeling empty and unwanted.. But it's a cycle with dating.. It's like having a boy you or a girl you relationship.. Play with each others hearts for a little while get what you want and then leave for another and back to another routine.. The fathers usually don't like the person as well as the mothers.. But unfortunately the children don't care what they're parents think and don't take advice and what happens? They get hurt ...

So I stand with courtship and the beliefs in it as being Biblically right because the shows that the daughter never left home unless it was through marriage and that the fathers chose the husbands to marry their daughters. Dating is just overrated and basically a practice of divorce. It's really rare that dating couples marry.

What do you think about this? Now that you see my view. :)
(A lot of people don't agree with this though). If you don't like this and consider it wrong, please explain why. Thank you. Il wait for your response.


There's a couple problems with your argument.

One, it assumes that parents know best which isn't necessarily the case. Heck, if previous parents were courted, then they're likely naive of the playing field out there. Furthermore, just because parents have a certain model partner in mind doesn't mean they know their children's chemistry or compatibility.

Two, it disallows children from experiencing and learning things on their own which is part of growing up. Also, emotions are important, and if people aren't allowed to be experimentally intimate with one another, that can spell disaster after they're committed. Parents need to learn to let go, and if anything, they should be preparing their children so they can be let go. Courtship relieves parents from spending quality time, energy, and attention with their children in teaching them about human nature.
Debate Round No. 2


Thanks for your thoughts and inputs..

But I'd have to say parents know things better than children do. They see things clearer then youngsters do. And I think parents would know what's best for their children. I'm not saying that if the parents found someone that the child wouldn't have a choice to decide to marry the one they chose for him/her.. It's like this who better than your parents knows you best? Of course you may have friends, but they cannot know you for how your parents know you because your parents bore you not your friends..

And so what your telling me is if you have children you'd want them to be hurt from the "dating" relationship just so they can get experience? Are you kidding me? ...

Emotions should come with marriage, not before marriage. The main goal of courtship is to study the other person ... And then lead to marriage.. But a person should be sure that they are courting to marriage otherwise there's really no point in courting at all cause then I'd be just like dating.. And also, fornication should be a definite no no for anyone who's in a relationship.. Anything relating to physical contact or sex was meant for marriage, but in today's society has abused sex and the other physical contact... It became a game basically.. And look what it's doing to all those people who thought they were in "love".. That's why emotions should be guarded and waited to be released until marriage..

And parents have every right to cling to their children.. They bore em for crying out loud.. Yes, the children need to grow up and be taught how to live and what not but their parents are there to teach them what marriage is supposed to look like especially of they're Christians.. Yes, parents have to let go when they finally get married and leave, but while they're still living at home it only makes it right for the parents to be involved with them regardless of how old you are..

Example, I'm 20 and still live at home with my family and am waiting to be married.. And will stay home until I am married.. If I don't marry then I stu and help my parents make a living.. In the Bible that's exactly how it was ... And I wanna live exactly how the Bible shows the way to live..

What do you think?


To be clear, I understand and sympathize with what you're saying (and you can see on my profile that I'm conservative).

However, relationships are an experimental endeavor, and parents don't know everything about human nature. Yes, they should pass down the experience and knowledge they have to their children, but the fact is that personalities are more psychologically diverse than the mere two people who are our parents. What would hurt is children entering a relationship of uncertainty where they're unaware of their partner's satisfaction. It would also hurt for children to miss out on opportunities just because their parents are playing it safe with what they're familiar with. It's possible for better forms of chemistry to exist aside from what parents anticipate. Furthermore, grandchildren deserve the best possible scenario in their own household as well.

To be clear, I'm not saying parents must butt out of the situation entirely either. If parents find someone who they believe is in their child's best interest, it's fine to make suggestions. It's also fine to associate suggestions with inherited estate. After all, parents want to make sure that their estate is preserved and honored. However, the relationship is ultimately their children's, so children have to make the decision to commit.

Regarding intimacy, I'm not disagreeing with you there over libertine hedonism, but that doesn't mean society should dismiss intimacy in general. Love is partially about lust, and it would be a shame for someone to live in a relationship where lust isn't satisfied. Furthermore, when lust goes unsatisfied, it tempts partners to cheat. I'm not denying the value of marriage here, but there are plenty of intimate activities partners can do aside from intercourse if they insist on abstaining to avoid the risk of bearing children before they're ready.

I'm not a Bible expert, but it sounds like your parents are a little overprotective. They should have immersed you in culture and assimilated you into society a little deeper. That way, you would be familiar with the rules of engagement and could become independent.

That said, you're not alone. There are tons of parents today who have neglected their responsibilities in raising kids. Instead, they've simply dumped kids into rugged individualism, expecting them to totally learn from experience. I am not supporting that here. What I'm saying is experience is part of life, not all of it.
Debate Round No. 3


Thanks, and its understood.

First, I did not say that parents know everything about nature my friend. I said that parents know they're children better. And thus this would mean that the parents would know they're likes and/or dislikes and etc.. So they would be able to find someone quite opposite for their children..
Second, I did not say that the children were to be forced to marry the man/woman that the parents help pick for them. I said that the child does have say so in it. In the Bible, many of the daughters and sons parents chose their spouses but of course the children had the option to go with the marriage or not and for the most part they did follow through with it.
Third, the point of experiences is to teach the youngish to not do the same. So therefore, if the parents had dating experiences, they can tell them how painful and hard it was for them and that going about it that way would just cause heartache. Which you did say that the parents can share the things that they learned and if the child learns from that; then, they won't do the same thing, but do differently.
Fourth, to lust is to commit adultery in one's heart.. So I disagree with you there. Emotions and feelings cause confusion to what love really is. It definitely is not a feeling. What happens when feelings for the other person goes away? Do they stop loving them? That is called "puppy blind love"... Infatuation.. John 3:16- For God So LOVED the WORLD, that He GAVE His Only Begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. So look a this, God didn't go by feelings, in fact there was no feelings.. He LOVED because He chose to love.. The same applies to individuals.. Dating relationships do not last because they're moved by emotions rather than the will to love the other. Whereas courtship is not moved by feelings but the will to love the other person,.. Emotions, romance, feelings all come with marriage.. Not before marriage because then that opens doors other things. When a person is married, then the two can show any feelings emotions romances and anything else all they want.. But if they're not married, then nothing but study, observations, accountability and a willingness to love.. Nothing more..
Fifth, I understand what your saying about my parents, but to be honest with you I've had my share of dating and believe me they did me nothing good but left agonizing pain and hurts. So my parents have gone way deep to share with me about culture and traditions, but I'm the one who encouraged my parents to help me find a husband so that I can leave home. And they are doing just that. Just recently, my Dad bought a necklace that has two parts of it.. One is a necklace of a heart with a key design on it and the other necklace is a key. He gave me the heart necklace and kept the key necklace.. The hearts words on it says, "He who holds the key can unlock my heart".. This was a promise that Once my parents find someone for me and if I see this key necklace around his neck and if I approve of him I will willingly take his hand in marriage.. :) My parents aren't being over protective they're guiding and helping me.. This also takes a lot of trust on my end.. As any child who would permit their parents to do such a thing as I'm doing.. It also shows the parents how much you trust them and love them and care what they think..
Lastly, you said this, "That said, you're not alone. There are tons of parents today who have neglected their responsibilities in raising kids. Instead, they've simply dumped kids into rugged individualism, expecting them to totally learn from experience. I am not supporting that here. What I'm saying is experience is part of life, not all of it." I would agree that yes, there are those parents who just aren't even in they're child's life but its also the other way around too.. The child may not even want to be a part of their parents lives.. Both sides are selfish and Biblically wrong.. And Yes, experiences are necessary for us to learn and grow from, but if someone has already experienced something and is trying to help out by giving advice then maybe it should be considered and taken.. I would know because my last relationship was the worst I ever had.. My parents kept telling me and telling me that this was wrong and you know what they were right because the guy just left like I didn't even matter.. Heeding to parents counsel is being obedient and honoring and loving them.. Ephesians 6:1-Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right in the eyes of God. Exodus 20:12- Honor your father and your mother; that your days may be long on the land that the Lord your God gives you.


Thank you too.

To be clear, I'm not criticizing parents for lacking omniscience. I'm saying their experience should be built on top of, not fallen back onto. As I said before, parents should teach their children about human nature. From there, children can experience and experiment on their own. It's not necessarily about doing the same or different. It's just about providing information that children can use for their own understanding.

Regarding lust, I agree. Love is caring plus lusting. However, without lust, intimacy is just another friendship, and it doesn't satisfy one's emotions. Even your Christian position seems rather restricted. I'm not familiar with Catholics who treat intimacy the way you do. They recognize that emotions are to be embraced rather than snuffed out. Puritanism has never been a Catholic ideal.

This doesn't mean to be reckless or careless. It just means to recognize feelings for what they are. As long as you handle them responsibly, it's OK for them to be satisfied. You shouldn't fight what feels natural. On the other hand, you don't let it take you over either. Balance is key.

Do you stop loving people after you breakup? Kind of, but not really. When people breakup, they remember each other for better or worse. If it's a good breakup, you care about the person and similar personalities into the future. If it's not, you don't. Your heart always feels a little tied down to the person as well, but that's part of growing up - learning from experience.

If you're trying to preserve perfect sensitivity, you're likely setting yourself up for disaster since no relationship is perfect. Also, you're being a little bit selfish since the world will not accommodate your sensitivity perfectly. The world isn't just yours. It's everyone's, so everyone's sensitivities have to be dealt with. I agree that dating relationships don't last, but experiencing them is part of organically assimilating into society. That way, you learn to get along with others. Are you afraid that if you date, you won't be able to be responsible because your emotional sensitivity will get out of control?

To be clear, I understand what you mean about your previous relationship going awry. It's called "bad boy syndrome". You find someone interesting because someone teases you, and eventually, someone lets you go because someone never really cared. I've actually argued with feminists a lot about this, and they even accuse me of endorsing courtship such that children couldn't find out for themselves who they love.

What I'm telling you is you need to look out for people who are well-rounded. If you want to find someone worthwhile, you need to have a sense of self-respect in not looking for someone who teases you or needs fixing. Instead, you need to find someone who compliments your interests and has conviction in life goals. On the other hand, you need to have interests and conviction in life goals yourself. That way, you can blend together instead of one of you being dependent on the other.

If you strictly depend on your parents for this, you'll likely end up with the exact opposite of "bad boy syndrome" which is called "nice guy syndrome". Your partner will be extremely boring, and you won't want to be around him at all even though he's a provider. That will leave you wanting for something more, and as you age (starting around 40 years old when menopause strikes), your libido will crave attention which he can't satisfy. Then, your emotions will really get out of control.

Through dating, you can experiment to find the balance between bad boys and nice guys and find someone well-rounded.
Debate Round No. 4


I appreciate your feedback.

First, I agree that yes, its wise for parents to teach their children, but I still think it would be wise even more to heed to the parents counsel so that they may not make any same mistakes they're parents may have made before in their past. Nature is something can be talked about as well, I agree with that. But it would appear that your not seeing how children can actually look at what they're parents say and not do the things they did. That's common sense.

Not exactly sure how you visualize my beliefs as restricted concerning this topic, but its not.. Its more of being aware and taking precaution. I'm not sure if your referring me to holding to catholic beliefs, because I reassure you that I do not. Calvinism and Puritanism is more of my beliefs (Reformed Christian. I do not know if your familiar with either of these.

Again, love is not something you feel off of.. Its that the cause that's just as you said, "lust". Lust: Noun: Very strong sexual desire. Verb: Have a very strong sexual desire for someone. lust. So lust in basic terms literally means that you covet someone for selfish gratifications, pleasures and satisfaction from the other person. I'm sorry, but that is not love. That is being used. Sex is meant for marriage, not to be toyed around with for whenever you feel like it.

Also, I appreciate the concern about my doings, but I m going to follow with the Biblical way. I see no point in dating when all that is going to happen is heart-breaks. And no, it does not matter what kind of guy it is, any guy will be a guy. They all bear some form a relation. So to say one i bad and the other is nice... they both bear the same in some form or fashion.

With last thoughts of this topic, dating does not teach the person to guard and protect they're heart, whereas courtship does.. Dating does not usually revolve of leading to marriage whereas courtship does..

Thank you for taking the time to have this debate with me. Good job with your feedback too! God bless.


To be clear, I agree that children can learn from their parents' mistakes. In order to do so, however, they need to experiment on their own. Otherwise, they'll remain subject to their parents' judgment.

When I said you seem restricted, I was saying your depiction of Christianity seemed restricted, not your beliefs among topics. Calvinism makes sense for you due to your appreciation for Puritanism.

That said, I hope you don't believe lust is totally depraved. Emotions are not intrinsically evil. They just exist. What's evil is when someone uses one's emotions to judge right from wrong. Everyone's emotions aren't the same, so that's not fair. Also, we don't choose our emotions. They're just naturally disposed upon us. Instead, we should think before we act.

I hope your outlook on men improves as well. Every guy isn't the same. If you're worried about becoming heartbroken again, take it slow. You don't have to dive into promiscuity or intercourse right away. Another thing is to learn to use your words when expressing passion to your partner. That way, when you're frustrated, you don't overdo things. Foreplay is key to a happy love life anyway.

Also, guarding your heart isn't something you build an impenetrable wall around. That leads to passive-aggressive, bipolar, black and white behavior. The point is to surround your heart with a fog, a blur. It's there, but its exact location is uncertain, and you relax in letting another find you while you find someone else. You take things slow, and eventually, your hearts gravitate towards one another. Sometimes, the slower you take things, the more you get to enjoy the details.

Debate Round No. 5
20 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Redmoon 3 years ago

Courtship is: A father's agreeing/mature leaders agreeing to work with a qualified young man to win his daughter for marriage.

Why is dating the wrong way to go?
Tell me, where in the bible does it 'okay' dating? I would really like to know.
Just remember, dating is not love because Jesus is Love, and Jesus does not say that dating is alright.
Dating is lust. PURE LUST, and if you read the bible you'll find out pretty soon that lust is not okay, E.g. Matt 5:28, 2 Tim 2:22, James 4:2 and 1 John 2:16.

Courtchip is love because it is of Jesus, who is Love.
LUST MESSES, LOVE BLESSES. Dating is lust, Courtship is love.

That is all I have to say.
Posted by Sola.Gratia 4 years ago
So you don't agree with courtship? Or you just don't find it useful? Just trying to understand your point of view. And I didn't know Chicago had conservative views about this though?.. That's great to know!!

Are you a Calvinist? Or agree with Calvinism? What about Puritanism?
Posted by Sui_Generis 4 years ago
I live in Chicago suburbs, and my whole family and a good portion of my church feels this way. It's very common in conservative churches. I'm the exception to my parents and sister, haha. I don't think courtship is the best dating model. Which of course means that I don't think it's required from the Bible, either. But hey, Calvinism isn't necessarily associated with puritanism, Daktoria. Calvinism is a highly-developed theology, rationally and philosophically.
Posted by Sola.Gratia 4 years ago
Um oh okay...
Posted by makhdoom5 4 years ago
i told you dear this need a big debate,.
whichever topic i wanted to talk about would minimum take 5 consecutive debates.
Posted by Sola.Gratia 4 years ago
I don't understand friend?
Posted by makhdoom5 4 years ago
this is so long debate.
it matter of time. i will do talk about all these things.
what is best we should do.
Posted by makhdoom5 4 years ago
i think you dont trust a person even buy a little pencil or book. or any thing and ask warranty of guarantee.
than make an agreement.
why share your most valuable parts with totally strange person. and most of them do becasue they also wanna have variety.
this is ugly, messed, bad idea. and dirty.
this is only physical desire. like animals. dont care can have sex any body.
we are humans. we do secure our self. we respect and swear to ALLAH or GOD. that we will remain with each other untill the death. even in heaven.
this is how we do here.
and this what more than 95% do here.
where i am.
Posted by makhdoom5 4 years ago
Posted by makhdoom5 4 years ago
simple formula.
get license before drive.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by ladygagadisco 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: I feel like Pro doesn't directly connect his argument to Con's. Con does a great job with his case.