The Instigator
Fanath
Pro (for)
Tied
6 Points
The Contender
Jonbonbon
Con (against)
Tied
6 Points

Every grandmother should have an I-phone

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 3 votes the winner is...
It's a Tie!
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/7/2014 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 770 times Debate No: 56218
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (5)
Votes (3)

 

Fanath

Pro

Troll debate for the "pokemon challenge".

Resolution: every grandma should have an I phone. First round is for acceptance only.

http://www.troll.me...
Debate Round No. 1
Fanath

Pro


...




This will be so brutal!!!




In this debate, I'll be defending a completely infallible plan. Because it's infallible it automatically guarantees my win, so Con shouldn't even try:

STEP ONE: Give Grandmothers I-phones.




STEP TWO: ???




STEP THREE: Cookies!





Cookies are good




Cookies are God's gift to the world. Invented by God himself, cookies make us feel amazing. Have a problem? Eat a cookie instead of facing it! Hell, eat as many as you want, we're in America so no one cares if you're fat. Cookies are like drugs that are safe for everyone to use. I used to spend days pondering what the meaning of life was, then I ate a cookie.




Some other points about cookies:




A: Girls like cookies http://www.debate.org...

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Self explanatory point.




B: Kids like cookies

25391.jpg


How could something that such a cute kid likes be bad? You have to worship satan (Which isn't necessarily wrong, just pointing it out) in order to dispute this. http://www.debate.org...

C: Cookies ward off evil gingers.

This is a fact. Gingers are repelled by the sweetness in the cookies that comes from the sugar that comes from the nectar of God. So they basically are hurt by the pure happiness that radiates off from cookies! It's kinda like the super repel in Pokemon that repels all of the annoying little weird ones from trying to battle you. Do I need to explain more? I think I’ve proved my case that Gingers suck and we need them to go away. http://www.debate.org...

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D: Cookie Monster is cute http://www.debate.org...

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This is in support of step 2.




E: Germans hate cookies




EVERYONE hates Germany. Even the Germans recognize that it’s a sh!tty place to live. I mean, we must have told them 6 million times. Anne Frankly I don’t think that's enough. I’m burnt out now, So I’ll end this case here. http://www.debate.org...

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I win.

Jonbonbon

Con

Thank you for that post.

I'm going to give a simple reason to support my side, and then I'll do my thing.

My reason: Because grandmothers with iPhones are hilarious, but it wouldn't be if they all had one.

Let me explain. There are several things that were funny at first that got ruined by being over played. These things include the following: The Harlem Shake, The Fox by YLvis, the music video to Happy by Pharrell Williams, claiming to be a 90's kid on every social media site ever, half of the memebases that everyone repeats memes for, Justin Beiber getting hit in the face with a water bottle, Obama failing to read his teleprompters, Spy Kids, 9gag, and Jimmy Neutron.

Do you want to add something as hilarious as grandmothers using iPhones to that list? I hope your answer is "no."

Regardless, it's definitely a contention for negation.

Make sure to read this part if you're already skimming-> Now, my opponent provided a plan, which means we're doing this policy style. In policy, you can offer a K, which is a crituqe of the resolution itself or of the debate. You can win if you're correct in your K and your opponent can't refute it's signficance.

Guess what I'm going to do. That's right. I'm going to run a few K's.

First K: Why are we even debating this?

Well, we have two reasons: it was Fanaths' idea, and he wants to steal my trolling badge. Now, I'm not so sure we can trust Fanath's ideas if he's just going to leave out step 2 in his plans. Also, stealing is generally considered immoral, and it hurts people. Therefore we shouldn't steal. So this whole resolution is unpragmatic and immoral.

Second K: I'm the prophet of Morgan Freeman.

It has been established that I am the prophet of Morgan Freeman. This is like an undisputable fact. Because of this, the fact that Fanath disagrees with me automatically makes him wrong.

Third K: Dude, stop.

Could I resist? Nope, sure couldn't.

Fourth K: I ain't even mad.

As you can tell, I'm entirely unphased by my opponent's case. This is important to remember for a troll debate. It's about who trolls the hardest too. And if my opponent brings up that he's not mad either, don't trust him. He's lying.

As a final statement to keep in the spirit of policy debate, I hereby announce that my opponent's plan will bring about nuclear war.

If every grandmother gets an iPhone, then demand for iPhones will obviously go up. That means that the supply must also increase to match that. To make an iPhone you need to use plastic. To make plastic you need oil. Under current US law, we need to phone a friend for that, which would be someone in the Middle East. If we keep spending more and more money on their oil, we're going to go run up our debt even faster.

If we run up our debt even faster, someone who we're indebted to is probably going to get ticked off. Since we're usually indebted to countries with nuclear armaments, they'll probably launch nuclear missiles at us. If they launch nuclear missiles at us, the Middle East will attack them for trying to destroy their new biggest customer. If the Middle East gets involved, then everyone gets involved. If everyone gets involved then the world will go into a nuclear apocalypse. And we just can't have that.

Thank you for reading my case, and I look forward to my opponent's response!
Debate Round No. 2
Fanath

Pro

"Because grandmothers with iPhones are hilarious, but it wouldn't be if they all had one"

Just because every grandma has an I phone doesn't mean that there's one at every place you go to like it is with songs.




"Make sure to read this part if you're already skimming"

Okie dokie.

First K:

Here my opponent claims that I'm somehow leaving one of the steps out my plan. Everything I say is true, we know this because I said that it's true and everything I say is true, therefore it's true. My opponent then goes on to say that I'm stealing her trolling badge. Let me make one point clear to you:
Sharing is caring

We should all know by now that sharing is caring. Jonbonbon is going to share her trolling badge with me. Besides, even if it was stealing the new shipment from China is coming soon so she'll have plenty.

Second K:

Morgan Freeman actually agree's with me. To show proof of this







Profile Card








: Should every grandma have an i phone?


Tuesday, June 10, 2014 @ 11:01:26 PM

Posted by:


Profile Card




: Yes. Jonbonbon said she was my prophet.. WTF THIS GUY IS CRAZY


Tuesday, June 10, 2014 @ 11:03:00 PM

Posted by:


Profile Card





: Ikr


Tuesday, June 10, 2014 @ 11:04:39 PM

Posted by:


Profile Card





: So.. wanna hang out sometime?



Tuesday, June 10, 2014 @ 11:07:03 PM

Posted by:


Profile Card




: Dude stop.




I win.



Third K: Dude, stop.

This is plagiarism.


Fourth K: I ain't even mad.

"As you can tell, I'm entirely unphased by my opponent's case"

We all can draw an obvious conclusion from this... Jonbonbon is a witch. She is using her dark magic to control her emotions .The only solution is to burn her at the steaks. I mean stakes. same thing.


"And if my opponent brings up that he's not mad either, don't trust him. He's lying"

Conceded.

Nulclear War

We would just take the I phones of the 14 year olds. They don't need it anyway, and it only goes to increase the "Drama" in our world. This would lead to a nueret in the brain reacting to the dark matter in space and evuntually lead to a drama bomb, destroying every star in existence. Is that what you want? I'm sure it is.


Jonbonbon

Con

Thank you for the response, now allow me to squash your rebuttal if you don't mind.

My opponent has made a very weak attack on my point of contention. He also fails that grandmas are everywhere and most people have a grandma, making his rebuttal irrelevant.

Regarding my first K:

This is even further reason not to trust my opponent. He doesn't even remember that he entirely left out a step in his plan for how the cookies are going to happen. Are any of his ideas going to be good? Nay I say. This is ridiculous. With that we can agree that he's not always right so this whole "sharing is caring" thing can't be taken seriously.

Regarding my second K:

I'm not so sure what exactly the heck this attack was. I think my opponent tried and failed to post a picture and then forged a conversation between himself and Morgan Freeman. Fanath, have you been smoking the magic weed again?

Regarding my third K:

Wait a second what is this? These allegations are ridiculous. Anyone who's been on this site as long as me knows that DudeStop is Fanath's former name. I'm just accusing him of hypocrisy.

Regarding my fourth K:

My opponent is accusing me of witchcraft just as a cover up for the fact that I'm not even upset by his rebuttals because I can rip them apart without anything to rip them with other than my mind. Oh please. Plus he conceded this point.

On nucler war:

My opponent has no idea what he's talking about really. 14 year olds need iphones in general. For example, if they get lost in an airport, they need to be able to ring up their parents so they don't get abducted by a pedophile. Besides, we can't just take away all of their iPhones. Do you know what that would cause? That would cause enough drama for a total collapse of time and space. Do we want to guarantee the destruction of literally everything? Or should we take our chances?

Thank you for reading.
Debate Round No. 3
Fanath

Pro

Thanks for your "arguments" Con.

First K:
I'm not sure where my opponent fabricates these delusions from. I clearly showed how my plan has infallible logic, and is therefore undoubtably true.

Regarding my second K:

Not yet. I prefer playing heroin hero instead: http://keithlam.com...

Regarding my third K:

Again, plagiarism. Voters should consider giving me spelling and grammar points because of this. Furthermore, by being DudeStop, only I have the right to tell a dude to stop. So dude, stop.

Regarding my fourth K:

She doesn't deny that she isn't a witch, meaning she undoubtably is one. She even turned me into a newt!

Nuclear War:
"my opanentt hads no idea wutt he's tooking about raally"

Apparently my opponent can't spell anymore. Voters should consider giving me the source points because of this. Also, that's "he" with a capital H btw...

"They neeeed i phoones os thate thye donut get steeled"

Hard to read with my opponents lack of even using her 2nd grade Language Arts skills, you should consider giving me arguments for that. But who says they'll get stolen? Studies show that 113.5% of all adults who claim to have candy in their white vans with no windows on the side actually do have candy. Same goes for puppies!!! We should encourage our children to go into vans! My opponent is trying to dissuade us in being moral in this argument.

"Besides, we can't just take away all of their iPhones"

We need to take the I phones that belong to the annoying kids. They can have the Firefly instead: http://www.robmansfield.net...

Much color. So hip. Wow.

I win because my opponent has no arguments remaining, Morgan Freeman agreed with me, (Which isn't an appeal to authority because ??? so yeah) and finally, because I have better hair. Vote Pro
Jonbonbon

Con

My opponent was on heroine, and he hallucinated that he was right. He wasn't though.

I need to submit this since I only have two minutes left to say this. Thank you for reading, and please vote for me.
Debate Round No. 4
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by Jonbonbon 3 years ago
Jonbonbon
Lol, bsh1, I've never done policy (I as a puffer fish), I just know enough about policy to do a satire XD
Posted by Jonbonbon 3 years ago
Jonbonbon
Nope. Totally normal. Like for reals doe.
Posted by Fanath 3 years ago
Fanath
No actually it's not...
Posted by SPENCERJOYAGE14 3 years ago
SPENCERJOYAGE14
This is random.
Posted by Fanath 3 years ago
Fanath
Why aren't any of my pictures showing up?
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Vote Placed by NateTheFirst 3 years ago
NateTheFirst
FanathJonbonbonTied
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Total points awarded:50 
Reasons for voting decision: Just wanted to see what happens in the case of a tie. Trololololololol...
Vote Placed by 9spaceking 3 years ago
9spaceking
FanathJonbonbonTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Both had hilarious arguments, but fanath's were just thrown out of the window one by one, and by the end Fanath was shivering with a rag as a blanket. Jonbonbon was practically the grandma, teasing him: "You know, you shouldn't have given me the I-phone. I lost it, and now you can't call the police to help you. Poor grandson!"
Vote Placed by bsh1 3 years ago
bsh1
FanathJonbonbonTied
Agreed with before the debate:Vote Checkmark--0 points
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Total points awarded:13 
Reasons for voting decision: Con's last round was essentially a forfeit, so conduct to Pro. That being said, Con's totally right that if all grandmas had iPhones, it would lose its novelty value. Also, the K's were hilarious, particularly the "Dude, Stop" one. Because the dude should've stopped, I've got to award arguments to Con. I was also very, very appreciative of Con's send up of policy debate, lol. As an LDer, I can appreciate a good satire of policy. Question: do either of you do/have done Policy, LD, or PF? Just curious...Anyway, that's my vote. Fun round!