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Famer's Story Writing Debating Tournament, Imabench vs Ren!

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/9/2012 Category: Arts
Updated: 6 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,398 times Debate No: 22671
Debate Rounds (5)
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I thank my opponent Imabench for taking part of Famer's story writing debating tournament. The basic idea of this debate is that both sides must together write a story. Whoever creates the most interesting continuation/orientation/conclusion of the story wins the vote for "most convincing arguments."

The Glutton's Bane

It began with a sandwich. Clearly, not just any sandwich; as a genesis, this was an extraordinary sandwich.

Marty, Klaus, and Ginger sat at the table, looking over the menu when this extraordinary sandwich caught Marty's attention. However, this was not extraordinary—the sandwich bore such a name that would inevitably attract Marty like so many bees to a festively plump woman wearing a floral perfume and Charlie Brown's sweater. It was called The Glutton's Bane, and Marty knew it was for him. Indeed, his greasy skin, double chin, and unkempt hair concurred and once he looked up at his friends to announce his intrigue, they were a step ahead of him.

"Let me guess," said Klaus, shedding Marty of any grandeur in his proposal.
"Yes. It shall be done," replied Marty.
"Another day like this. It always attracts so much attention; I'd rather just eat and leave, if you don't mind," said Ginger dismissively. She was unimpressed by these forays, despite the fact that Marty remained undefeated.
"Oh, where's your fighting spirit?" said Marty, cloyingly.
"No, thank you. All…" she paused to look Marty over in a way that belied even expletives and grand insults, "…this," she hissed, "has nothing to do with me," she concluded.

Marty stroked his moist mustache at this. He regarded her silently, slowly poring over her seated figure halfway obscured by the table before them. "Well," he said, finally.

"Well, you might as well order it anyway," said Klaus. "It's not as though Ginger could possibly sway you."
"Indeed, my fine man, you are correct. Indeed. Indeed," Marty said, lowering his voice with each restatement.
"Oh, I didn't think I'd change your mind," said Ginger, "I just figured I might as well give you my pleasant sentiments."
"It's always a pleasure to have you around," replied Marty.
"Oh, it is," chimed Klaus compulsorily, as he and Ginger had just begun fvcking a couple of weeks back.

So, it was ordered and in turn, arrived at their table. Their conversation was strained, as Marty could hardly wait for what lay before him while Ginger and Klaus surreptitiously flirted in a way that suggested they were lonely for an extended period before finding solace in one another.

Marty's mustache became far moister as he exhaled his lust through dilated nostrils. He puckered his lips in consternation as he usually and idiosyncratically does and his eyes dilated as well, so that, particularly to Ginger's distaste, his face seemed to become a collection of gaping holes; a steaming hunk of well aged and flushed Swiss cheese. Marty's breathing became heavier—this was the point at which Klaus usually shifted uncomfortably, as he could never seem to get used to it—but, it was, in fact, quite akin to breathing exercises by most athletes before a challenge. They could never understand that and anyway, Marty wasn't an athlete, not even an aesthete; Marty was instead a connoisseur, if one could be such a thing in the name of engorgement. As Marty sat, fixated on the enormous sandwich casting an atypical shadow upon the table before them, Ginger subconsciously drew closer to Klaus in relative admiration. Klaus detected this and instinctively slackened so that she did not mistake rigid for frigid. Finally, Marty's shoulders broadened as the atmosphere around the trio grew thick with spectators' gaze and then his breasts parted as he briefly loomed over the sandwich to slide eight fingers below its girth. He lifted it this way, a practiced maneuver that would have left the inexperienced in dismay as the otherwise insufferably overstuffed sandwich collapsed into a heap of defeat and incomprehensible food. Marty's shoulders actually flexed as he raised it toward his face, the sandwich heavier than he imagined at an absurd eight pounds. Grease and sauce slathered his palms and leaked between his fingers. It cascaded onto the plate and table, but no one noticed as everyone attempted to imagine how one could possibly bite a sandwich like this, impatiently waiting to see Marty defy all laws of practical dining. Lesser men held their breath in excitement, ready to vicariously experience something so awesome, they couldn't breathe if they tried. Marty held his breath as well and submerged himself with fervor and abandon. It was obscene and grotesque and reminiscent of a carnivore savoring its kill or a pornographic movie of a woman receiving cunnilingus, or some combination of the two in some exploitation of monstrous behavior. The reality that we ignore: Marty portrayed it like poetry or music.

Marty's emotions became palpable as sweat beaded on his brow while his neck and waist thickened. He seemed to inflate slightly as each swallow became more labored. Halfway through the sandwich, he paused briefly to regard the cavern that he had eaten into it. Bleeding various lubricous substances, stringy flesh and halfway-masticated food detritus lined the gaping wound in the beast before him. Marty narrowed his eyes and ignored the imploring cramps of his strained gut. Taking a deep, stuttering breath, he continued spelunking among the cacophony of flavors, the embodiment of sin.

He felt himself expand as food seemed to fill his stomach to capacity and back up into the esophagus. Typical gorging sensation, Marty told himself as his eyes rolled back for a moment and he forced them back down into the layers of remaining sandwich. The bulging made Klaus stare for a moment. A few more bites, but Klaus was distracting him, anxious and irritated, looking about with a furrowed brow and bouncing his knee. Ginger looked down, ostensibly at Klaus's chest. A few more bites, and suddenly, it was done and a feeling washed over him like drugs.
Everything was silent and peaceful and then he was back in reality and the veins in his neck bulged. He was very sweaty and actually, his hair was wet and he demanded to himself that he had better not vomit, dammit. He was still holding his breath, in fact, for too long now and he thought he might be changing colors.
Suddenly, his esophagus emptied and there was a gurgle.

It was done; he successfully devoured the sandwich. There were a few wet and whitewashed moments during which everyone else held their breath, waiting to see whether this was a legitimate win. He waited, too, knowing that some damage must have been done; that there must be some sort of price that he must pay for the blasphemy that he had just committed. But, blessed be, his body took it like a champ and he was alright, albeit, rather uncomfortable. The restaurant cheered. The meal was free. The waiters brought Klaus and Ginger food they weren't going to eat.


"Whats the victims name?" - Horatio Cain
"According to whats in his wallet his name is Marty O'Shay....... He was a week away from turning 40, hes a small town hero for being a food connoisseur, no history of mental illness, his license does put his weight at 310" - Ryan Wolfe

The police had cleared the sidewalk outside of the restaurant. Marty, minutes after being the first to eat an entire "Glutton's Bane" walked outside as a champ before collapsing to the ground. Minutes later he was dead.

"Judging from his size I would immediately guess it was a heart failure brought on by that killer sandwich he downed minutes before he collapsed....." - Ryan
"Are you sure?" - Horatio
"Im 95% sure" - Ryan
"Well we'll know for sure when the autopsy comes in.................... As for poor mister O'Shay though.....

(Now watch the FULL VIDEO at the top, it sets the mood for the rest of the story..... By the way if you actually thought I wouldnt kill someone in the first round you severely underestimate how creative I can be)

*phone rings*
"Hello?" - Mortician
"Find anything yet?" - Horatio
"Come on Boss I got the body not even an hour ago, itll take a few days to know once and for all what actually killed him but from the size of this guy, its probably just a weight related heart attack."
"Ok then, call me if you find something interesting" Horatio hung up the phone. People were still at the crime scene, including the two friends that Marty was with. One of them was a German dude named Klaus who would have been Hitlers dream child in Nazi Germany, the woman he was with named Ginger looked like a typical fat hooker. Apparently they were close friends to Marty and were sitting with him when he died.

"Ok just go over what you saw again" - Horatio
"Well he opened his jaw kind of like a T-Rex and then he destroyed the sandwich he was eating, he was shoving it down his throat a lot like how Lindsay Lohan likes to shove dil-" - Ginger
"No no no, i mean did you notice anything about Marty while he was eating the sandwich" - Horatio
"Oh...... Well his eyes were bulging quite a bit, he was sweating, he looked stuffed and when we got up to leave it took him a little time to get out of his seat, but that was it. When we stepped outside in the heat he just keeled over." - Klaus

"Did Marty have any food allergies?" - Horatio
"Not any that I know of, I dont think there is a substance in the world that Marty didnt eat at one point" - Ginger
"Could a food allergy have done this? I thought if someone is deathly allergic to something the second they inhale it they keel over or something" - Klaus
"Most of the time that happens, but it is still possible for food allergy victims to not suffer side effects for hours, and with the size of Marty it could have hid the initial side effects for quite a while. There is still a good chance this is just a heart attack and tat it was the heat that was the straw that broke the back, we wont know for sure for a couple of days" - Horatio

Ryan came back to the crime scene. "I talked to the cooks, the burger doesnt contain any rare or foreign ingredients, it only has stuff you could find in any restaurant so I doubt food poisoning was the cause sir" - Ryan
"Ok lets head back to the lab then, Mr Klaus, Ms Ginger, if you have any questions feel free to ask any of the other officers"
They both nodded, Horatio was getting back into his car when he got a phone call from the mortician...
"Talk to me" - Horatio
"Two things jumped out at me when i began my initial investigations. Number one was that our man Marty here has an Iodide deficiency that probably needed some kind of medication. The other thing is that I found in his stomach contents were immense amounts of potassium. "
"Ok what do both of those mean?" - Horatio
"The Iodide deficiency is common in a lot of people but considering the size of Marty he would have needed to somehow take in a considerable amount of iodide just to stay healthy, however from what I can see Marty hasnt had any iodide in him for at least a month now meaning that he has been steadily grown unhealthier over the past few weeks.
"What does the high amounts of Potassium mean?" - Horatio
" I was getting to that. Marty though knew he had this condition and so his doctor prescribed him a type of table salt that has heavy amounts of Iodide for him to have at every meal in order for him to stay healthy. Normal iodized salt wouldnt have done the job considering Marty's size so Marty needed a special salt to take with him whenever he ate. However Potassium is an ingredient for a common salt ALTERNATIVE where it tastes just like regular salt but has a different chemical makeup."

"Ok give it to me straight, can you tell me how he died yet?" - Horatio
"From the records I have Horatio was wealthy enough to have personal amounts of this iodized salt shipped directly to him from a company that manufactures it in Wisconsin, and they are still in operation. From the Potassium levels in his body though my guess is that someone had over time constantly switched the iodide salts with the potassium salts."

"Are you saying this is a murder?" - Horatio
"People who take these alternative salts are at a risk for heart failure if they are taking other medications. Marty was taking medicine for an iodide condition and the medication was harmless considering his weight. However this potassium salt was very harmful to his body and over time his heart was udner mroe and rmoe pressure to work, until it finally gave out." - Mortician

"Yes or no Doc, tell me what Im looking at" - Horatio
The mortician gave him an answer and then Horatio closed his cell phone. He then walked back towards Ryan who was still talking with Klaus and Ginger.
"Something wrong sir?" - Ryan, who had noticed the change of expression in Horatio's face. During open and shut cases Horatio was the calmest man in the world, but now he looked very concerned about the whole ordeal, so Ryan already knew something was up just from how he walked

Horatio walked up to Ryan and looked him in the eye, Ginger and Klaus leaned in to listen to.

"Get everyone who didnt see anything happen out of here and keep anyone who did see what happened close by, this just became a murder scene......

Debate Round No. 1


They were back at Klaus', a fair-sized and curiously neat two bedroom apartment, although Klaus indicated to Ryan as they walked in that he lived there alone. They had immediately left the murder scene and together agreed that Klaus' was best, as it was closest. Ryan and Ginger sat across one another at a table in the kitchen, whereas Klaus took a loveseat and Horacio sat on the couch in the living room:

"Explain to me how Marty had been acting over the past few weeks," Horacio asked with an overtly serious expression burning into Klaus, who shrugged in response.
"He had become increasingly slovenly... like, before, he was actually kinda normal looking, you know? Like, he was active and whatnot, but had this uncanny capacity to eat... you should have seen it. This is why he attracted so much attention, really. He wasn't just a glutton... he as more a gourmand that kept himself together."
"Uh-huh. Continue," Horacio encouraged as he scribbled notes on a miniature legal pad, leaning forward with his elbows rested on his knees.
"Well, especially over the last week or so, he was just, ugh... I don't even know how to describe it. He would complain that he couldn't move, calling panicking about being paralyzed or something... I don't know. I think it's because he was freaking out about all the weight he was gaining. Blew up like a fuckin' balloon, out of nowhere!"
"Wait -- so, how long ago was he shaped like a regular person?" Horacio interjected.
"Something like a month ago; two months ago. Then, he just started gaining lots of weight out of nowhere, it was insane. I'm sure it depressed him or something and he couldn't handle it. He stopped moving around as much -- complained he was tired all the time. It just got worse and worse."
"Uh-huh. Uh-huh. But, he was always eating like a madman, Glutton Claims any day of the week and whatnot?"
Kaus laughed. "Yeah... well, no, he's never eaten a Glutton's Bane before, but he's always eaten rather excessively."
"Uh... huh." Horacio looked away for a moment and thought intensely.
"What?" Klaus asked incredulously.
"That's like... that sounds like of weird. That's just kind of weird, is all," Horacio quickly answered.
"Yeah... I guess that is kind of weird," Klaus replied, curiously confused.


Ryan pressed further: "So, explain to me why you hung out with him? Because, it doesn't sound like you really like Marty."
"Oh, I didn't hate him. He was cool, I guess. But, that way about him with food... I didn't really like it. Well, I didn't care at first, but it's just disgusting, ya know?"
"Uh-hum," Ryan sctibbles in his notepad, nodding slowly, but resolutely.
"Oh, come on, really? Psh, well, whatever. I didn't kill him, so it's nothing to worry about." Ginger crossed her legs, looking away from Ryan, and rested her chin on her hand with her elbow on the table.
"Well, he's dead, and someone made him that way. You know how it goes. Start with the closest," Ryan replied.

“Well, you even been close to an animal like that? Ugh, I don’t know why I ever agree to eat with him at all. I just go along with Klaus -- it’s like he’s oblivious until it happens, and then he immediately forgets after it’s over,” explained Ginger.

“So, you admit that you’re not particularly altogether fond of Marty,” inquired Ryan.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that. Other than that about him, I’d say he’s an altogether good guy. He’s funny.” Ginger relaxed enough at this point to face Ryan again.

“He’s funny.” Ryan scribbles.

“Yeah, and he’s nice. You know, he just kind of rolls with the punches without dishing too many of his own. It’s hard not to like a guy like that.” Ginger thinks about cigarettes and begins digging for some in the battered clutch that was on the floor next to her chair.

“So, he was likeable.” Scribble, scribble.

“Oh, sure, when he wasn’t being a pig.” Ginger subconsciously winced.

“I see.” Scribble.

“What, you putting my measurements in there, too? Damn, you writing down everything that’s here in the kitchen?” Ginger leaned in to glance at Ryan’s pad.

“No.” Ryan replied curtly, as he flipped it shut and slid it in his coat pocket as he stood up. Ginger reflexively scooted back in her seat.

“We done?” She asked hopefully.

“Sure, let’s get these clowns in the other room,” Ryan said over his shoulder as he started toward the living room.


“Hey, sh ithead, ready to go?” Ryan snapped Horacio out of his contemplative daze. Klaus simply shifted his blank stare from Horacio to Ryan.

“Yeah, it’s time to go. Let’s get the hell out of here,” he replied as he stood and held out his hand to shake first Klaus’s, then Ginger’s hand, who had to walk around Ryan from the doorway and then around the coffee table; an uncomfortable and silent few seconds. Ryan then shook both their hands, starting with Ginger’s, then Klaus’s before he followed Horacio out the door.


“So, what do you think?” Ryan asked from the passenger seat of the unmarked, black Chevy Impala.

“I think they have nothing to do with it. What’s Ginger do?” asked Horacio.

“She’s a waitress, what about Klaus?” replied Ryan.

“He works at a grocery store.” Horacio paused. “…I think he sells pot.”

“Get out! What makes you think that?” inquired Ryan, excitedly.
“I don’t know, he’s just… and his place… call it a hunch,” said Horacio distantly.

“Fu ck atta hea,” muttered Ryan, shifting in his seat and turning to look out the passenger side window.

“Anyway, let’s go talk to Bianca, she’ll know something,” said Horacio.

“God bless, halleluiah, I was hoping you’d say that,” replied Ryan.


Ryan looked into Bianca’s eyes, and she looked right back into his, deeply, almost knowingly, and Ryan struggled to maintain his assertion of authority. Her eyes are hazel; flecks of gold glint in a corona of deep blue leading to a sort of liquid russet. Bianca smirked and turned away and said, “alright, explain it to me and be thorough,” then she leaned back and crossed her glittered and bare legs. Ryan slowly regained consciousness, and the strip club they were in faded back into reality. The unpleasant music, the smell, the annoying lights, the smoke, the darkness -- it was so much more lovely inside of Bianca’s eyes… like Heaven...

Horacio recounted the details of the case. What they knew about Marty based on the autopsy. What they found inside of him. What they think someone did to him

Bianca cocked a perfect eyebrow and her immaculate forehead barely wrinkled. She frowned, though, and it creased her cheeks and chin. You see, Bianca was a medical student, and she is absolutely brilliant. She is also scathingly beautiful, and could often make more money than the other ladies in her nightly gig during a performance before she even removes a piece of her costume. She does, though, to prevent hatred, and they appreciate at least that.

Her family was poor, she encountered too many obstacles, and there was just too much money in it. If you’d ask her, though, she’d admit that girls like her were few and far between. In any case, she was the medical advice Horacio relied on most, and she’s helped crack more than a few cases. She considers it good practice, and Horacio just wonders when the other shoe is going to drop.
Finally, she renders her answer:

“Well, I don’t know, that’s on some Seven sh it. I mean, clearly, he had hypothyroidism, which is probably what made it so easy for him to eat so much. Well, someone got back at him, some kind of judgment, and caused him to develop hyperkalemia, which causes you to become weak, experience bouts of paralysis, and gain significant amounts of weight rapidly. To become a slovenly pig. That’s some sick sh it, if you ask me.”



It had been two weeks since any new developments in the case were made..... Horatio's law team couldn't get any new leads since there wasn't any proof that Klaus or Ginger were involved at all and couldn't be indicted. Marty's autopsy was complete and didn't give any new leads. The case was rapidly turning into a dead end.

Ryan walked into the room Horatio was in, Ryan was mad.

"I told you a thousand times, if you call me a sh*t head in front of people I will make you eat your own words...." - Horatio
"YEAH, I STILL TASTE IT!!!!! IM GONNA WASH IT OFF MY FACE NOW SINCE I HAVENT DONE SO YET" Ryan then marched into what he thought was a bathroom, but was actually the experimental monkey feces throwing room.......

Horatio would have been amused, and would have videotaped it too, but he was still distressed over a decision he was about to make. Whenever Horatio was at a dead end he always relied on one person to bail him out or give him new insight. The one person who has been solving dead end cases for 2 decades and counting was a long time friend of Horatio, but he was distressed because the man he was about to call because Horatio hated having to swallow his pride to call for help on cases that he normally could have figured out by now.

"Screw it" he said to himself, he picked up the phone and dialed the number. After five painfully long rings, Horatio's long time friend picked up the phone.

"Jack McCoy's office"

(Yep, a Law and Order + CSI Miami story..... You're welcome. No video this time though)

"Jack, its Horatio...... I need help"
"I told you Horatio you don't need help, psychologists are just people you pay tons of money and they tell you you are confused"
"No no Jack, I need your help with this case that turned into a dead end case" - Horatio
"Give me the details" - Jack

For the next half hour Horatio told Jack everything about the case while Ryan had accidentally locked himself in the monkey throwing feces room and was eating more sh*t than Rick Santorum in the presidential race..... As time passed though Jack once again came up with the answer to the case.

"You said that Marty got his personal salt supply directly from the company?" - Jack
"Yea, right to his doorstep" - Horatio
"Are you sure he got it?" - Jack
"Jack don't mess with me we have all the shipments on record he got his salt" - Horatio
"How do you not see this Horatio?" - Jack
"See what? What am I missing?" - Horatio
"Horatio, the salts were delivered to his own front door, but after that someone could have pulled the switcheroo and no one would ever know.... It would have to be someone close to Marty who didn't care for him or had reason to get rid of him....... Hello?"

Horatio had hung up and was long gone.

3 Hours later.

Horatio walked into the interrogation room.
"Glad to see you both again" - Horatio
"Why are we here again Horatio?" - Ginger
"Why does Ryan smell like sh*t?" - Klaus
Ryan gave an evil stare at Horatio, who was trying desperately hard to not break out laughing. He had forgotten all about Ryan and Ryan had ended up being locked in the monkey feces throwing room for over 2 hours.... Eating sh*t the whole time. Literally.
"We figured out that one or possibly both of you two could have had a hand in Marty's death since you two were close to him. We both know you two are dating, you two are closer to Marty than anyone else, you both lived with Marty at one point, and that both of you like to hump more than poop flinging monkeys" - Horatio.

Ryan left the room in anger. It was a cruel but crafty tactic to get Ryan out of the room so that Horatio could do what it is he does best, bend the rules.

"Ginger you said that sex with Klaus was a lot like sex with Marty. You said quote "it takes longer to cook a two minute hot pocket than it does to get Klaus's wimpy little di-" - Horatio
"That was private!" - Ginger
"Fair enough. Klaus you on the other hand have been trying to avoid Ginger since you know first hand she got herpes and crabs from the same toilet seat at a Justin Bieber concert in Jersey back when she liked to suck di-" - Horatio
"That was a secret!" - Klaus.

Horatio threw up the papers in fake frustration and then stared at the two.
"Alright look here. I don't know what exactly your relationship is like but I'm pretty sure that Facebook doesn't have an option that describes "nasty". We have a reasons to believe that one of you two did it so here's the deal, the first one to talk gets immunity, the one who doesn't goes to prison from 20 to 25 years. Talk" - Horatio

"Where are our lawyers?" - Ginger
"They are currently in the monkey throwing sh*t at each other room. It's every lawyers natural instincts to want to spend their whole life flinging sh*t at others......." - Horatio

Ginger and Klaus nodded in agreement

"The offer still stands, talk or jail. Your choice" - Horatio
Klaus and Ginger stared at each other for a couple of seconds. They both looked like the other was about to throw them under the bus and they were waiting for the other person to say something. Seconds turned into a minute and they both stayed silent.

"Unless I get something from one of you I would have to assume you both are involved and prepare charges for both of you...."

This time Ginger spoke

"We don't know how he died but I will say this. Marty wasn't exactly the nicest guy in the world. He was jolly Fat Albert to everyone of his normal friends but to his close friends he was your standard fat slob to those who were good friends or who lived with him. This food tasting gig he got was the luckiest break for him in the world and rather than use his new found wealth to help us get our own places to stay away from him, he decided to save it and plan for his future or something idiotic. Me and Klaus sacrificed a lot of our time, energy, patience, and especially food while living with Marty. As much as Marty irritated me though neither of us ever thought of killing him, we always knew the day would come where we would get our own place but we never wanted, er, thought, it would come like this. For the record-" - Ginger

Ginger was interrupted when her and Klaus's lawyers walked into the room, all of them laughing from the greatest sh*t slinging they've been in since the time they were on the Casey Anthony case. Ryan then walked into the room also covered in sh*t again.

"Ryan what the hell happened to you?" - Horatio
"I had Diarrhea and the toilet flushed up instead of down. It was a blood bath....." - Ryan
"I think the term "sh*t storm" would be more applicable in this case...." - Horatio, earning a nasty look from Ryan.
"You look ridiculous" - The lawyers covered in sh*t, earning a dirtier look from Ryan.

"Look here, neither of you two have to say another word, this meeting is over." - Lawyers towards Klaus and Ginger.

"Last chance you two, or you'll both be indicted for murder sooner or later" - Horatio

"I didn't do a damn thing. Now excuse me it is Tuesday and it is plus sized girls night at the strip club I work at and if I don't get my shift in this week my boss is going to hound my a**, and not in the good way like when Herman Cain showed me how he likes to ride a-" - Ginger

"I'm the one who switched the salts, I killed Marty" - Klaus

Everyone stared in silence.
Debate Round No. 2


“Oh, come now, Franz, be serious!” Vickie’s eyes and tone weren’t admonishing as much as they were pleading, and they made the fur on Franz’s tail ruffle slightly. He hated to admit it, but he had grown rather attached to the girl, and he did indeed want her to enjoy the story as much as he wanted her to learn from it.

“I am being serious, Vick,” Franz retorted, his eyes glinting.

“You are not. You sound like Mom when she drinks. Monkey poop-throwing room?” Vickie pouted.

“Of course!” Franz replied, “what else would you call his boss’s office? After all, that is what transpired in there.”

Vickie commented: “I just don’t understand these strange jokes you make, but you always make them. What is the purpose of making a joke that no one understands, anyway, Franz?” Vickie inquired sourly.

“Well, clearly, I understand it, so I wouldn’t call that nobody,” Franz replied cheerfully.

“But, you already know the punch-line,” Vickie objected.

“That makes it no less amusing in execution, my dear,” Franz answered. His pupils thinned. “Vickie, is it really that important?

“Yes,” she stated resolutely, “it’s distracting, to listen to you say nonsensical things when I’m trying to learn sensible things.”

Vickie was fifteen and attempting to learn Chemistry. By rather precarious circumstances, she became acquainted with a curious imp named Franz, who appears to her in the form of an anthropomorphic fennec fox, and who, by his description, “knows most things.” Accordingly, she challenged him to teach her what she needed to know for her upcoming midterm, and he was more than happy to oblige -- of course, with the intention of entertaining himself in the process. Thus, he decided to intersperse the concepts she needed to know in an elaborate story with twists both appealing to he as well as she (based on her habits, of course).

Vickie looked at the CSI photo displayed on her iPad in her lap. “I never noticed that black lady is cock-eyed.”

Franz laughed. “You silly girl, most humans are cock-eyed. Most everything is cock-eyed. Have you ever seen perfection? It’d probably scare you.”

“I don’t like it when you laugh at me,” Vicky replied.

“Relax, I’m not laughing at you. It was just a funny thing to say. She is about as cock-eyed as an ungulate, though, which makes it funnier.” At this, they both burst out laughing.

“So, iodine helps the thyroid work?” Vicky asked after she calmed down. She rested the iPad next to her and lay back on her bed to get more comfortable.

“Clever, clever -- essentially, it does. The thyroid uses iodine to produce hormones. That’s all part of the endocrine system,” Franz explained.

“Why, of all things, do you know so much about humans, Franz?” Vickie asked.

“What? You think you’re the only interesting human in the world, don’t you?” Franz asked, quite bemused.

“Well… well, no…” Vickie replied carefully. “Anyway, and potassium related to hyper and hypokalemia.”

“Right,” Franz confirmed.

“Okay, so, that’s probably like, a tenth of my test,” Vickie said.

“But, you have that much committed to memory, do you not?” Franz replied.

“So, what, this is gonna take like,” -- Vickie checked her cellphone -- “ten hours?” Vickie answered, annoyed.

“It just might!” Franz said candidly, “this is material you were supposed to have learned over the course of a… semester, right?” Franz affirmed.

“Right…” Vickie responded dejectedly.

“Oh, stop. I’m not your mother, I’m only teasing. Stop being so serious,” Franz pleaded.

“You stop being serious!” Vickie countered, more annoyed.

“I’m just teasing!” Franz laughed as he ran for cover, while Vickie attempted to whack him with a pillow. After Vickie calmed down and sat back down on her bed, Franz lifted his head so that it appeared to emerge like a sun rising on the horizon over the edge and then just hovered there. Then, he asked:

“So, what did they tell you in the last family therapy session, now that you’ve told them you can see entities and whatnot?”

Vicky paused. She didn’t like the constant shift in emotion that seemed to come with Franz. “I don’t know. They probably think I’m crazy.”

“Naturally,” Franz replied. “Well, you realize, this is to your benefit, now that you know me.

“How?” Vickie inquired incredulously.

“Hehe, because, you might as well be a genius! Now, you have access to the knowledge of (erm, just about) everything!” Franz exclaimed.

Vickie pondered this.



The scientists looked on, Vicki was heavily sedated in a safehouse while all the guys from Inception were sedated in another room.

"Soon we will be able to get her to reveal where her dad hid all the gold, but first we have to earn her trust through this shenanigan where an entity helps her study for chemistry. Once we get her to trust it we can then get back on track and find out where her dad hid the gold...." - Unnamed scientist 1

"We are running low on time though, we need to speed this up or else we will run out of sedative" - Unnamed scientist 2

"Relay the message through the dream levels, they have a talent for getting answers during the final time crunch." - Unnamed scientist 1

A third scientist relayed the message.


"Now vicki the next part of the chemistry test involves Alchemy, the science of turning other elements of lesser value into Gold" - Franz

"Ok got it, is this still going to involve the same story?" - Vicki

"Yes it is, pay attention now and listen closely" - Franz

"OK" - Vicki


Franz was immediately arrested, even his lawyers couldnt defend the confession because it was unprovoked and intentional.... Ginger was in shock but it wasnt from the fact that Klaus did murder marty, instead she looked like she was in disbelief over the fact that Klaus confessed to it.

Horatio now knew that Ginger knew about the murder all along, but he had no proof........ Yet.

Ginger and Klaus were lead out of the room by police officers, the poop covered lawyers exited from another door, Ryan then stared at Horatio in disbelief over what just happened. The two then talked about Horatio's hunch that Ginger was in on it. However Ryan contributed to the case for once by bringing up an old case about how a man once plead guilty to a crime that his wife committed to save her life and go to jail in her place.

"But would Klaus do such a thing? youve seen that fat whore Ginger shes clearly not worth it" - Horatio

"What if she meant more than sex to Klaus?" - Ryan

"Ryan, 99.99% of the time guys take the fall for women because they have sex with them, do you really think this is one of the .01% of cases when its not that?" - Horatio

"Have you seen the fat rolls on Gingers back?" - Ryan

Horatio than threw up violently all over Ryan, who was still covered in sh*t from the monkey feces throwing room.....


"So how is this going to work?" - Scientist number 1

"Well we give a little story about why the murder was done so that Klaus and Ginger could take back the hoard of gold they had stashed under his house when they were younger. The couple accidentally lost the house in a drunken bet, Marty bought it, and now they would inherit it back if they killed him. Thats the plan" - Scientist 2

"How do we use that to get the girl to spill the beans about where her dad is keeping the gold?" - Scientist 1

"We emphasize the brutality and ruthlessness of hiding the gold from people who wouldnt take it in the first place, which then we would insert some background effects into causing little Vicki to have an emotional epiphany that she has a moral duty to reveal what her dad is doing. Then when she spills the beans we casually keep the dream going so she doesnt freak out while we go and get the gold." - Scientist 2

"How did her dad get that much gold to begin with?" - Scientist 1

"He used his powers as the former president of the United States of America to authorize moving gold to secret military bases across the country by using former presidential residences to move the goods..... We dont know the details or the reason why its going on we but we dont care, we only know that its happening, that there is a hoard located somewhere in her house and that she knows where it is and how to get it...." - Scientist 2


"After 4 months of trials it was finally revealed that Klaus and Ginger had conspired to kill Marty to re inherit their old house to recover a secret treasure they had stored underneath it before. What they didnt know though was that Marty had found the treasure quickly, and spent it all on his food-related lifestyle. Klaus and Ginger didnt know this until after his death though, they were both so distraught that on Friday the 13th midnight they took each others lives by hanging themselves with their own bed sheets...... Vicki whats wrong?" - Franz

Vicki started sobbing.... "Thats too graphic!!!!!" She was very upset.

"Its just a story though Vicki nobody ever hoards gold and treasures in their house.... Im sorry if I went on too much I just like telling a good stor-" - Franz

"But my dad does that that! he keeps a lot of valuable stuff under our house!" - Vicki

"Well nobody knows about it except you right?" - Franz

"I think so, the only reason I know is because my dad told me to not go down there, but now if someone does find out then they might try to kill us!!!! WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Vicki

"Vicki Vicki calm down!!!!! Its okay its okay. As long as whatever it is is in a safe place then you and your dad will be ok alright? Please stop crying, you're safe as long as its safe..... The stuff is in a safe place right?" - Franz

"Yes its safe....." Vicki said as she started to calm down. "Its in a secret basement underneath the other basement where nobody can find it. And even if they do theres too much of it for them to move it before someone gets to it....." - Vicki

"There see, you're perfectly safe..... Now lets get back to studying for your chemisty test, we have a lot more material to cover.... " - Franz

"Ok, lets start with chapter 5 though, I dont want to study anything about Ancient Greek advancements in Science yet...." - Vicki


"Alright guys you heard the girl, secret area below their basement holds the gold. Radio the boss to deploy the infiltration team!" - Scientist 1


The 5 trucks with amateurly painted "U-Haul" logos on the side immediately pulled up outside the house of the great Ronald Reagan..... They unloaded some crates and made their way into the house after a clever pickpocket of the door locks was achieved. The team quickly made their way into the basement and began to tear the place up for the gold.

One of them found the hatch hiding behind a picture frame of a bunch of campaign stickers. The thief alerted the others to help him remove the door and after a few minutes of drilling the door was no more than a slab of thick steel, however what they found inside the door was a passage deep underground into a tunnel of mazes that were lined with an unusual amount of silvery boxes....... They made their way through the tunnel, which seemed to lead them in circles. As time dragged on though the men began to suffer from very strange symptoms. Many of them began vomiting, a good number of them had burns on their skin and face, some of them had collapsed and were unable to get back up. As time dragged on the effects got worse. People's hair started falling out in clumps, people had difficulty breathing, and soon they were dying left and right.

What they didnt know was that there was no gold, the goods being smuggled were highly radioactive rare earth elements that had been contained underground but were now spewing out of the basement uncontained since the robbers had removed the door. As time ticked on the radiation began to reach critical levels until an explosion ripped apart the house and begin to contaminate Bel Air, and soon Lower Los Angeles.

But there was now one person who could stop it.

This guy,

Debate Round No. 3


That man’s name was Marteuse Ricotti. If there was anything about him, he knew all the right people. So, he called Adam Kazama out of Okinawa and Henri Beughel out of the Netherlands and set up a webcam conference in ten minutes.

In the meanwhile, he made his way to the nearest vehicle, expertly disengaged the driver’s side door lock, and sat inside. Once inside, he hotwired it like a pro, or a delinquent at least, and in three minutes flat, he was making a left at Bloomington Blvd. He stopped at a CVS and picked up all of the surgical masks -- well, he left a few behind just in case -- and brought them to the front counter. Then, to their great annoyance, he claimed that he wanted only three, figuring their lazy as ses would have the rest right there behind the counter when sh it went down.

Actually, they were quite lazy, but also stupid, and left it sitting right there on the counter. At just that moment, their manager angrily screamed from his office for two of the employees to come to his office, and they all paraded back there to see what the commotion was about. There was a customer left wandering the store, and when he saw that everyone had left from the front momentarily, he walked out with everything he had in his hand, several candy bars, and, inexplicably, all of the surgical masks that were on the counter.

So, yeah. That’s what happened to them.

Mart pulled into a Shell gas station and put the car into park, letting it idle. He took out his mini notebook and prepared to have the conversation that might save Califronia.



The surgical masks would have been no help to the burglars in the residence of Ronald Reagan, because the men from Inception made one critical error. They had believed that the valuable goods stored in the basement was good old fashioned gold, but it turns out the valuables were not gold, it was a super rare form of radioactive Promethium, an element that has its use in powering satellites and batteries for years. The huge metal door that kept the Promethium down there was used solely to keep the radiation from spewing out, but also to prevent heat from coming in.

Now that the door was wide open, it was only a matter of time.

Or was it?

Marteuse Ricotti was once a member of the Inception team, he retired though for reasons he told nobody, and dropped off the grid. He was beloved by his fellow Inception team members, which is why in scenarios they often name people after him (Hence the character at the opening of the story was named Marty, after Marteuse, in his honor). Marteuse though knew exactly what was going on but couldn't do anything until the burglars had infiltrated the residence and blown open the door, leading to the countdown.

"The door is open, the extraction team will be there shortly" - Mart said to his two allies.

Adam Kazama was the worlds leading supplier of materials that is used to power batteries and help space vessels generate electricity. A covert $60 billion business that he secretly owned half of through one organization or another. The Promethium was the only industry he didn't have any stake in, so the downfall of it would only be to his benefit.

"What was the issue that you said came up?" - Adam

Henri on the other hand was a large chap from Scotland who had detailed information about the secret moving of such goods through presidential residences during the cold war, which he discovered was done to prevent any material from being lost in a nuclear war by the Russians. However once the Cold War ended the process still continued because of how covert and successful it was. Henri though was mistaken in how much of the material was located in the residence, and when they learned how fast the burglars died they all realized there was much more than they thought.

"We are dealing with much more material than we thought, its so much that in a matter of minutes it could blow up Los Angeles, something that we would actually profit from but could raise too much awareness about our operation. It is in our best interests therefore to make sure this doesn't happen" - Henri

"How can we contain it?" - Mart

"Our immediate goal is to keep the Promethium under room temperature to make sure it doesn't blow up, so a quick seal is necessary. However the radiation would surely affect the community so the radiation needs to be capped too and that will take far too much time without people dying and our cover being blown." - Henri

"What solutions do we have?" - Mart

"The more Promethium there is the bigger the explosion it will be, however it dissipates easily so if we removed enough of it the crisis will resolve itself. Problem is we don't have the manpower to remove all those goods, we were anticipating a one man operation for the entire extraction." - Adam

"What if I blew up parts of it? would that work?" - Mart

"It could but the explosion would have to not give off too much heat and cause a further radioactive explosion, while also be big enough to significantly eliminate enough of the material to prevent an explosion too. The Math behind it is quite complicated, even a physicist would struggle with it" - Henri

"I know where I can find someone" - Mart

"Well you better hurry otherwise LA will be gone in a matter of an hour!" - Henri

52:37........ 52:36......... 52:35........ 52:34

Mart pulled up outside the complex where the inception team was operating. He hauled a** up to the door and slid his ID card through the key reader. He knew his team wouldn't be able to close his ID account, sure enough he got inside and made his way through the halls to the operating room. He burst through the doors while whipping out his mini notebook to explain everything as fast as possible.

"Mart what are you doing here? I'm thrilled to see you but we're in the middle of-" - unnamed scientist number 1
"Pull everyone out, your extraction team is dead and LA will blow up in less than an hour, I need everybody's help on this" - Mart

He showed him the mini notebook, they did as he said without asking any questions.


Klaus, Ginger, Horatio, and Ryan all were in the same room when the train burst through the wall in slow motion. They all grabbed on and rode it into the wall on the other side which brought them to the next level.


Vicki and Franz were still in the bedroom when the same train plowed into their room at a greater speed. Franz grabbed Vicki and the team helped Franz get on the train as it plowed into the next wall, bringing them back to real life.


Everyone who was sedated suddenly woke up. Franz, Horatio, Ryan, Ginger, and Klaus woke up in one room, Vicki woke up in the other room, and soon everyone was brought up to speed.

"I'm going to need all of you to suit up, we got a lot to move and a little more to blow up." - Mart

Mart then went into the room with Vicki and pulled out the rest of the mini notebook. Vicki was actually a brain-child who knew anything and everything about elements, but her interest in the nature of explosions made her the best person to have when trying to figure out how to not cause a city to die by blowing up the material that would blow up the city..... Vicki did some calculations as the team piled into the vans and hauled a** back to the Reagan Residence in a host of vehicles.

When they got there the team suited up in the radiation suits to remove all the Promethium they could into an armored truck modified to contain radioactive materials while Vicki just finished calculating how much TNT they would need from another van.

12:21....... 12:20....... 12:19......... 12:18............

Mart checked his watch, he had just over 10 minutes left. The armored car was hauling a** back to the lab to stabilize the Promethium, and the detonation went off without a hitch.

"Hey Mart can I ask you something" - Horatio
"Fire away" - Mart said, he was staring with satisfaction at Greater Los Angeles which he just helped save from a catastrophic event, and his bank account would soon reflect his determination and quick wit.
"Before you vanish again, why was it you left the first time?" - Horatio

Everyone seemed to stop in their tracks to listen in, they had been wanting to know the answer to that very question for years now.

Marty took a deep breathe, exhaled, and then brought up the story of why he retired from the business.....
Debate Round No. 4


"Everything is connected," Mart concluded. "Delving into the minds of people -- it's not what you think it is."

"Elaborate," urged Horacio.

"Well, I mean, think about this. We're invading the minds of people. Do you realize some of the things I've seen? Some of the things I've manifested by mistake? Take Arthur Jensen -- oh my God, and what a good guy, too--" began Mart.

"The Arthur Jensen? The one who's case was dropped? You know what happened with that?" Horacio interrupted gregariously.

"Oh, indeed," Mart continued, "let me tell you.

"So, I was strolling through his mind, created a rather nice landscape, I'd say, when I noticed a door out of nowhere. I had a pretty bad feeling about this door, and I was pretty reluctant to open it. It was pretty surreal overall; it was as though the very dimension of the dream permeated my emotions and began to affect and manipulate them in ways that I was so beyond control, I was almost oblivious. I didn't want to open the door so badly, I started crying, and I was on my knees begging, please, don't make me open this door. I was sobbing on, the ground, tears steaming down my cheeks and seaking into my shirt, to the extent that my shirt was sticking to my chest and I was heaving and sobbing so hard that my chest hurt. And suddenly, I stopped, I got up, did one of those stuttering breaths (I was completely pulled together by now, btw), and I got up and opened the door. There he was, fvcking his son, and what was I do to, to see the glee in his eyes, the utter abandon in pure bliss. And it stank; God, the smell was atrocious, and his nose was flaring and he was exhaling steam -- sweating all over.

"I notified the authorities and disappeared."

Everyone remained silent, frozen in time.


"He was f*cking his son????" - Horatio

"Yeah, and really hard too...." - Mart

"And you immediately alerted the authorities and left?" - Klaus

"Well not exactly......... At first I was horrified at how hard he was f*cking his son..... But I couldnt stop looking..... I just watched it go on and on, it was actually a thrill to watch. I soon started ROOTING for him before I even knew why, he was just SO GOOD AT IT that it was baffling. He was doing things I didnt even think was POSSIBLE, I even wanted to use a few moves against MY OWN son...... The way he was f*cking his son at Modern Warfare 3 was truly a spectacle to watch" - Mart

"Oh THATS what you meant" - Ginger

"What the hell did you think I meant?" - Mart

"Wait, so then why did you retire out of nowhere?"

"Watching the kids dad play video games while I went around making his dream for him, doing whatever I wanted in his mind against his will, it finally got to me. I think that what we are doing is wrong because even though we only use it to prove a persons guilt when there is already overwhelming evidence, that its just not our right to intervene a mans own subconscious to trick him into admitting guilt. Jenson was innocent all along but his own subconscious tricked him into thinking he was guilty. we still havent found the actual rapist and his rape count as of Tuesday topped 2,000,000 cases...............I retired because this isnt a 100% safe business like I was promised, so I left it all behind immediately and disappeared." - Mart

00:05............. 00:04.......... 00:03........... 00:02..........


Mart stopped his watch. The catastrophe was averted, everything was cleaned up, and he finally got the truth out.

The team soon disbanded after the incident, they all keep in touch though and regularly get together. They do reminisce about their accomplishments over the years and the crazy characters they played in people's dreams. After years and years many of them started to have their own dreams again since the drugs that they used in entering other people's dreams made it so that they couldnt dream themselves unless they to were sedated..... The drugs prevented them from dreaming for a long long time but after they retired from the practice, the effects of the drugs wore off. They all grew old and wise, made their own money and their own careers, but the remarkable part is that 50 years later all of them had passed away in their sleep.

Debate Round No. 5
13 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by famer 6 years ago
For now, it looks like Ren might be debating for the second round in the tournament. We'll keep on waiting for another 4 days in case the circumstances of results do change.
Posted by drafterman 6 years ago
I'm going to give this to Ren, by a single point. While I attribute the first round to ima, it quickly went off the rails, also due to ima. Not really to my liking, though I give a small amount of kudos to Ren for at least trying to keep it together.

Overall rating: Meh.
Posted by TUF 6 years ago
It can be hard accepting a writers debate when the opponent as a different taste in writing styles, and interests in plots, so I can't really blame you guys.

Ren's style is is like a symphony, while Imabench's style is more Jazz (If that makes sense)

While Ren prefers a sophisticated writing style, the adresses a copious amount of detail and explanation (Something I like in a story btw)

Imabench's contains interesting plot Ideas, as well comedy of course.

The problem with this debate, was that it was apparent both of you found out fast that your style was different, and were having a hard time with each others writing, as it deterred from your original intentions on the story.

In any case, I think a better match up for the next round would be Ren vs Drafterman, and Imabench Vs (whoever is left), assuming you both tie.
Posted by Ren 6 years ago
Lol, that isn't harsh, it's 100%, absolutely correct.

I can say of your assessment of my work -- indeed, the story opened with a generally ugly subject, but with rich description. Then, I worked off of the (concededly more interesting) storyline imabench began to construct. However, once he took the reins again, he went on a completely distasteful and overwrought segue, which made me lose interest entirely. My next two submissions were last minute space-fillers, and I wrote the last one quite intoxicated, in a last-ditch effort to make it somewhat interesting.

I thought it at least had a little suspense to it. :P
Posted by TUF 6 years ago
Sorry for the harsh RFD guys. I was tired when I wrote this.
Posted by TUF 6 years ago
I was really excited to read the rest of this one too. I hope to see a better round out of whoever wins this debate, in their next challenge against drafterman. Drafter is a good writer, so luck will be needed.
Posted by TUF 6 years ago
So then It's Ren's turn again. He basically looks at the last round and is like WTF. So he decided to go off topic. COMPLETELY. The whole thing with the studying partners was completely thrown out of no where. None the less, I tried to cope with it, though I felt the story was pretty much lost at this point anyway. Then Imabench comes in. Now I honestly don't blame him here, as it appears he was trying to save the story. I am sure he looked at the round and went WTF right back. So he adds in all that inception crap, and tries to make it go back to the story line. Of course he brings back the stupid poop jokes again (annoying at this point).

Then you guys both literally both just give up, and are like Fvck it. I'm just writing random sh1t, now that the story line has already been flushed down the toilet.

So yeah, I was kind of dis-appointed in this "story". You guys had the chance to save this better than you did, an both of you practically gave up.

I am sorry, but I don't think either of you really deserved the convincing arguments point.

I will give the spelling and grammar to Ren, because I like his writing style, use of words, and heavy description. Just needs to work on his plots a little bit more.

And Imabench get's conduct, for making the story interesting, and at least trying to save it when it was deterred heavily.
Posted by TUF 6 years ago
Okay Just finished reading this, and I guess it is time for an RFD.

First off.... THE FVCK guys! The FVCK!

This "story" went from:
1. Fat dude eating a ginormous sandwhich with his fat friends
2. CSI crime story
3. Some random poop throwing room, and a ton of sh1tty jokes (Pun intended).
4. Some random story about a chick and a professor, totally unrelated to the rest of the story.
5. Inception twist
6. Who the fvck knows
7. Both of ya'll basically giving up and trolling.

I am thoroughly dis-appointed that I wasted the last half an hour of my life reading this. You see, where I last left off, this story was still good. I guess reading on was a mistake, because that was basically just horrible.

So I liked Ren's opening round, as I felt he did a good job with his descriptions, and vocabulary. However I didn't really like the story Idea so much, and felt it was going to be boring and ugly.

Then Imabench comes in and saves the day making it a little humorous, and adding an interesting twist to the story line.

I liked Ren's round 2 continuation and felt it was better than the intro.

But then Lone behold, you guys to decided to go and fvck up what could have been a fantastic story? Why did you guys have to go and do that?

Here are some of the poop jokes Imabench made:

"Ryan had accidentally locked himself in the monkey throwing feces room and was eating more sh*t than Rick Santorum in the presidential race

It's every lawyers natural instincts to want to spend their whole life flinging sh*t at others

all of them laughing from the greatest sh*t slinging they've been in since the time they were on the Casey Anthony case

my boss is going to hound my a**, and not in the good way like when Herman Cain showed me how he likes to ride a-"

I laughed at the first two, but then it seriously started getting old.

Eventually I felt like Imabench's R2 was just him trying too hard to make the debate funny, which
Posted by TUF 6 years ago
Nice response Ren :)
Posted by drafterman 6 years ago
You could say....
... that he was the salt of the Earth.

2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by drafterman 6 years ago
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Total points awarded:10 
Reasons for voting decision: Meh.
Vote Placed by TUF 6 years ago
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Total points awarded:11 
Reasons for voting decision: Comments.