The Instigator
Pro (for)
29 Points
The Contender
Con (against)
5 Points

Famer's Story-writing debate tournament Round#3 TUF VS LANNAN13

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 6 votes the winner is...
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/27/2013 Category: Arts
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,049 times Debate No: 30670
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (26)
Votes (6)




Welcome to the second story-writing debate tournament.


The rules and voting guidelines will be provided here:

S&G will be awarded as usual

Conduct will only be awarded to the side that forfeits least (cursing within the story is allowed as this is a story)

Arguments will be awarded for the side providing the more interesting continuation of the story.

Sources will be awarded to the side with better writing techniques and displays a better ability with writing a story.

Both sides will produce a story starting with the Instigator. One story will be created, and must be continued on from both parties within the debate. (recommended that the Instigator gives a title for their story before starting)

For more information both about the tournament and the member's involved, please visit:

TITLE: Frozen

Chapter 1: Static

It had been 6 days since the world had frozen. Yep, you heard right. I said frozen. As in completely still, and un-moving, as if an eternal slumber had swept it's way over the entire Earth, and all of it's inhabitants. Except for me, of course. It's not like I am surprised of course. This kind of thing would happen to me. Bad things always happened to me.
I didn't always feel this way of course, about dead time. In fact, when it first happened, I was actually happy.
I had woken up, dis-gruntled, ready to go to work, wondering why my alarm clock hadn't ticked me off. I must have slept in for hours, one good nights sleep in weeks, stressed as I was at worried about being late for work. My alarm clock read 12:00 am midnight, and I was angry. The damn thing had to have somehow reset in the night. I figured I would fix it later, quickly got ready. I went outside, hair a mess, with a cup of crappily made coffee in my hands to be shocked to see complete darkness outside. How could it have still been night time?
It was then, when I saw something completely confusing. A car, out in the middle of the street. Parked right in the middle of the road, where people are supposed to be driving. The wheels seemed to be flattened forward, a bit, as if the car had been moving, stopped, and somehow the tires retained the shape of their moving form.
The sight was completely weird, and confusing. But what had confused me more, was the fact that someone was inside the car, staring perfectly straight, unmoving, as if he were a statue. I had gone up to the man, knocked on his window, and asked him politely to move out of the street, so I could back my car out. He said nothing. Angrily I tried calling the police. My phone didn't work, and was frozen on the home screen picture of my dog.
My dog.
I ran to my back yard, to find Marlene, my 3 year old Golden Retriever frozen, in a squatted position, as a steady flow of yellow liquid transcended from her to the ground, frozen. Nice.

It was then that I realized the world was frozen.

At first I thought I was dreaming. I had gone around for hours, messing with people, drawing on people's faces, peeking down attractive girls bra's, stealing expensive electronics from the local stores, etc. I felt just like a teenage boy. I definitely didn't feel like a full grown 29 year old male, construction worker anymore.

But after six, lonely boring days, I actually started to miss society. I missed people, I missed movement, I missed music. Electronics didn't work, so the most I had for music was my own memories of the good stuff.

I often found myself singing The beetles, Journey, or Bon Jovi, to keep myself entertained.

I had no idea why the world was like this. I had no idea why I wasn't frozen along with the rest of everything. And I had no idea how long it was going to be like this. But I wanted it to end soon.

I sighed, as I sat atop the Devon tower, probably the tallest building in all of Oklahoma.
I got up, grabbed my golf club, and swung at one of the tiny golf balls I had posted on the ground. I watched the golf ball dis-appear off into the distance, though I quickly lost sight of it. I took a bite of the big Subway Sandwich I had taken.
That was another thing that sucked. There was no light, except or the small dim radiance that the moon, and stars had given off. Why couldn't time have stopped during the day?

I quickly got bored of being on top of the lonely skyscraper, and made my long journey down the stairs of the massive building. When I made it down, I went out onto the street, and grabbed by bike. Seemed kind of silly to be riding a bike, when there were so many empty cars, but the cars didn't work in the dead time, and even if they did, the streets were so filled with frozen cars that it would be impossible to navigate around any of them in a big vehicle.

The bike worked well for my means of transportation's. I rode past plenty of statues as I decided to go somewhere I haven't yet been, in the more rural part of the big Oklahoma city. Statues were what I called all the frozen human beings. I tried to ignore them, to be honest they kind of creeped me out. It was as if a photograph had been taken, and they were forever stuck in the middle of it. There faces seemed so lively. If you touched them, they felt so real, as if they weren't really frozen, and were just pretending. They felt like ghosts to be, and I hated being around them for more than a few seconds. Sometimes I wondered if they were still conscious, and could hear and feel every little thing, even as they were trapped in their own bodies. I shuddered at the thought of the immense claustrophobia I would feel if I were in that situation.

I rode on, into the central area of the city. I passed through Midwest city, and made my way down to Moore. I observed the surrounding. I had been here many times before, but not in the dead time. The town seemed very different to me, now that all the busy bodies, were frozen in time. I was amazed as I passed by Wild Rogers World Airport, to see a ginourmous commercial airline in the process of landing. The tip of the plane descending downward, about 100 feet away from the ground. The sight was pretty, well, awesome.

I continued downtown, until I heard it. Static, a faint buzzing on the of my brain. What the-?
I hadn't been able to hear anything except for the sound of my own voice for the past week, so to hear anything else, was completely alien to me.

I pedaled towards where I could feel/hear the static coming from. Yes, I could feel it... Like a faint nudging on the edge of my brain. Like something was pulling me toward it.

As I drew nearer to the buildings, the static grew stronger, and the tug on my mind grew a little stronger. Finally I stopped in front of a pharmacy where I figured the source of the pull was. Almost as soon as I stopped the bike, the static, and the pull stopped. I was confused. Could I have imagined that? No... It felt so real...

I put the kick stand up on my bike, and walked near the entrance of the pharmacy door, to see the word "Devin Asterfield" Written in big red letters on the door.

That was weird... Why was my name written on the door of some random pharmacy... I felt un-easy as I opened the door. Something was definitely up here.

The pharmacy looked completely normal. Pills, drugs, band-aids, and the normal stuff you would see inside a pharmacy lined the shelves, and the displays.

I walked deeper into the store. Then something caught my eye.

Light. Light was spilling from underneath the crack in the office door in the corner of the pharmacy. It had been a week since I had seen light... I moved toward it slowly, feeling my apprehension rising, along with the hairs on the back of my neck. I nearly jumped out of my socks, as I saw a shadow move across the light. Something, or someone was on the other side of that door.
But that's impossible... I thought I was the only one in dead time...

I moved toward the door, preparing to open it. Here goes nothing...


Chapter 2: A Blast from the Past.

I wrapped my hand around the handle and slowly turned it and threw the door open. My jaw dropped, as I was amazed in what I saw. It was a blue sort of purple portal that had opened and even more of my amaze at who... I mean what stepped out.

The edges of my vision began to blur and as 4 creatures stepped out of the portal. The whizzing of machinery could be heard. I decided that it wasn't safe and I quickly dove under the table to avoid the site of the machines. My vision began to come back. I counted them. 7! 7 pairs of android legs. Then my vision began to blur again as another creature emerged through the portal. It looked to be human. It wore black leather boots and tan trousers.

"Thank you boys, I don't think I would have be alive today if it wasn't for you boys." The man said, he had a strange German accent.

"Now Hitler, I may caution you, time will remain frozen until history has fully 'rebooted' and then history will then unfreeze." The machine said this in a almost human voice, almost. Wait a minute... Hitler isn't dead and some crazy guy that is probably 39 and single that is some fvcking Neo-NAZI that hates the Jews and wants president Obama dead, so this guy probably builds these machines and sends them into the past to retrieve Hitler. However what that man probably with Hitler coming to present day is that the Holocaust had never happened and thus his family tree gets screwed up and he is therefore never born.

Woosh! The portal closed and released a large gust of wind into the room made Hitler and two machines near him lose balance.

"So if the world is frozen the how do you purpose that we begin to build the Pure German Automatic Society. With it we will be able to finally purge this world of dah Jews and then make a pure human race. Then with the PGAS living as the great servants of the new German world and..." there was a short pause, as Hitler then sighed, "We will have world peace." Now I could see how Hitler was manipulative of the German people. The machines clapped for his speech. I take it that they aren't very good at clapping because the way that they were doing it it sounded like a very sarcastic clap, well that's aside the fact that they were machines and that their claps sounded more like someone beating on pots and pans.

Hitler then scooted in a chair which I was by at lightning fast speed that it hit my sides and I was wreathing in pain. I clenched my side as it felt as if he had broke my ribs. I tried to stop myself, but a small scream escaped my lips. I saw Hitler jump at this, but as my line of site was focused on Hitler that I didn't see that another machines had reached under the table for me. The machine grabbed my leg and dragged me out from underneath the table as I slammed into a chair or two on the way out. It then spun me around once and then threw me against the wall like a rag doll. After I hit the wall my back straighten and I fell to the side withering in pain.

Hitler just squinted his eyes with a puzzled look on his face and he ask me, "Son what are you doing ease dropping on us, aren't you suppose to be frozen as well?"

"I guess God had other plans for me today, eh." I responded in a smart Alec tone.

Hitler's mood then changed completely from confused to looking like he was getting ready to fly off the handle and that it was completely scary, "Don't you cock a tone with me son, I'm the kind of man that can have you killed with just the snap of my figures. So answer the question, why aren't you frozen in time?" I moaned in pain and appanetly Hitler didn't like that, because his eyes wided and he pointed to a robot closet to him and said, "PGAS #3 you know what to do."

PGAS #3 just nodded and charged at me and speared me out through the window. His hard cold metal case thudded against my body as pain went shooting through my body. The PGAS just tucked into a ball and rolled and then quickly stood up. It than ran at me and I had just started to get up kicked me in the ribbs as hard as it could. The kick had set me flying and I crash landed against the wall.I could taste blood in my mouth and it started to get hard to breathe. My breathing deeped and I began to spit out blood since it was getting hard to breath. The PGAS picked me up by my brown hair and lifted me up until I was standing. He then reared his hand back and then bashed my head against the wall, a couple of my teeth flew out and several others were surely chipped or broken. It did this several times. PGAS then let go of me and I was wobbling and my vision began to blur. I caught a glimpse of Hitler as he was watching and looking out the window. The machine then picked me up and held me in the position of a fireman's carry except my side was on this shoulders not my stomache. It then leaned backwards and fell toward the ground at lightning fast speed. It then got up looking to bash my skull in, but Hitler called him off and said, "PGAS 3 leave him, he is sure to die just bleeding out there on the ground." PGAS looked at Hitler and then took another look at me, it then just turned and headed through the window to join Hitler.

I lay here bleeding out all over the ground. I was nothing but a blood soaked carcus. I ached all over and was begining to feel tired. I this what death feels like, I thought to myself. I felt a fearse vibration and then my vision blurred even more then I blacked out.
Debate Round No. 1


DDO is not letting me post my response from my word document. Please read in the link below


(I'm not sure what to do with TBE or what it means so...)

There was a flash of light. I was blinded. It took me a second or two to let my eyes ajust to the bright light. I was in a forested area. Light shinning through the trees and moss was growing on everything. I heard the sound of a rushing stream, but all didn’t feel right. Where am I? I thought to myself. Then she appeared. Chloe Philippe, with that sexy body and those smooth curves.

I ran to her and I embraced her in my arms. She was my wife before she died in a car accident during a snow storm on the way from Denver to Kansas City. I was driving and she was in the passanger's seat. All of the sudden a blizzard came out of left field and we would couldn't see two feet in front of me, but we continued driving. Screetch... Bam...bam. Cars were beginning to crash into eachother and then... BAM! Our car got hit and it spun sideways. Then our car flipped and we rolled off a bridge onto the road be low. She died upon impact, but me? No, I was the unlucky one who had servived the car crash and began to live the life of a widdow. She snapped me out of my flash back by asking, "Baby are you alright?"

"Yes suggar plumps, now that I'm here with you."

"I got to tell you something and you have to promise that you won't be mad." She said as she broke away from me and looked me in the eye.

"Yes cup cake, what is it?" I responded, holding her hands.

"First off you're not like dead and the second is that you are the only one who can stop Hitler from taking over the world. God is depending on you. He has giving you
an incredible mind, but your most powerful wepon is you sword of just. Hold out you hand.” I did as she said. “Tak-Tah-Lah.” As she said these words a bright light appeared in my hand and then the light turned into a sword. “This sword will only appear if you say these ancient words, but you can only use it on people who are pure evil or else the sword won’t cut.” The whole forest began to shake and trees began to fall. “No! I been with you to long! Go my dear and free yourself only you can do it.”

“No Chloe, I don’t know what to do CHLOE!” I said and screamed as my dream faded to black. I woke up crying and bleeding on the ground. “Why God, why.” “Everyone has a purpose to life,” said a voice in my head.

Debate Round No. 2


I apologize about last round. I was having HTML difficulties. Did the round on a Google docs, and it wouldn't copy and paste right over into DDO from my laptop at work. The text had a bunch of weird codes. I provided a link so I could just edit it when I get home, from my personal computer, but unfortunately Lannan was a bit overeager and posted his response pretty fast. I am not going to lie though, I don't completely understand what Lannan's mind set was on this story. It's hard to carry on a plot anymore, as it's been completely destroyed and re-oriented. No offense but Hitler and bunch of goon robots? That doesn't even make sense, or is possible. I was really hoping this debate wasn't going to be messed up like that. I figured I could probably salvage it, but after last round, I don't even know what to do.

He's completely changed the concept of frozen time, to defeating Some long dead german dude who mysteriously got robots somehow to aid him in some unknown plan to conquer an already conquered world. Then his dead ghost girlfriend somehow gives him a magic sword of light? No offense but this is definitely the worst story debate I have ever done. Not to mention I can barely understand half of the incoherent grammar that has come from my opponent. Anyways, I'll do the best I can to fix this, and hope my opponent will try to refrain from butchering this story any more in the future rounds.

Chapter 2: Dreams

I woke up, feeling well rested, but also feeling lazy, as if I had over slept. I naturally checked my alarm clock, before remembering that it didn't work; It would never work again.

I wanted to laugh. That was the funniest dream I had ever had. I also felt a little bit of despair at seeing my wife again. God I missed her. I had always been of the philosophy that dreams meant something... More than we tried to give them credit for.

But what did this dream represent? What did Hitler represent? Here in the dead time I had no enemies, but that's who the Nazi represented.

Then I realized.... It was me. Hitler was supposed to represent me. How often had I killed people everyday, in my own way? Before the dead time, I was closed off. Shut down from the rest of the world. I never acknowledged anyone, never smiled, stopped loving, caring, about anything. Nothing was important to me anymore.

People tried to reach out to me. I never even gave them a chance. No one could understand the pain I felt, no one could help me. I had judged them, and deprived them of ever having the ability to reach out to me. In a way, I had done the same thing as Hitler. And the robots in my dream, what about them? In many ways I represented myself, just life a robot. Carrying on, just working, burying myself in something so I could try and forget what life had done to me. Just like the robot, I was emotionless, and automatic. And just like what the robot did to me, I beat myself up every day, mentally for what happened. Always somehow feeling like I was responsible.

I wiped away a tear, and got up getting my bearings. Where was I? Oh yeah, I remembered now. I was in the pharmacy. I must have passed out.

I instantly became weary, remembering the light and the movement. I looked over to the door, but the light was gone. I cautiously walked over to the door, and opened it, raising my golf club up to defend my self if need be. The I opened the door and let out a war cry as I charged right in to.... Nothing! Absolutely nothing was on the other side of the door. I was so shocked. Maybe I had imagined the light... No, I couldn't have.

I ran outside to see the there was no longer the red paint on the door with my name. Maybe that was just part of my dream too. I was going crazy here. I planted my face in my palms irritatingly, and started to walk away. Maybe I should just kill myself. Maybe leaping off a building was the only escape from this dead world.

Then I saw it, one single drop of red paint on the ground... What the-?

I looked back at the door. It had been wiped. I could see a single swipe and a bit of moisture still clinging to the door. Clever devil, almost had me fooled.

Someone or something is messing with me.

I looked down the street, at the building, towards alley ways, there was nothing.

I felt angry.

Then I shouted at the top of my lungs.


My voice echoed down the empty city of Oklahoma for a few minutes, but there was no return answer. Then I noticed something, a weird bump in my pocket. That wasn't there before.

I pulled it out, to see a crumpled picture of my wife. But that didn't make sense... I lost this years ago.

I looked on the back, to see the numbers 717 etched in the same red paint. What did 717 mean? Who was doing this? What were they trying to tell me?

Then I saw a shadow move quickly across the street. It was fast, and it was about 50 meters away from my position.

"Hey stop! Come back!" I yelled. Whatever it was didn't comply, and quickly dis-appeared behind an alley way. I tried to follow, but realized I had lost him.

I sank to my knees defeated.


(It was a SFI-FY! Oh well.)

It was a lot to take in. My dreams must of had some impact on me and they must have been a sign! There couldn't have been any other explination of it. I looked up from my arms of which I have sobbed upon. My tears even had a drop or two on my jeans. I straightend out my leggs as I reached into my pocket for my picture of Chloe. It obviously wasn't there when I had fallen asleep. Asleep? When did I does off? That is strange... I don't remember going to bed or even being near my house.

I look at the picture. It was the week we went on vacation in Boston. It was at Fenway Park and it was her caughting a home run by Big Papi over the Green Monster in the 5th inning against the New York Yankees. I was a Red Sox fan though Chloe, however, she was a Yankees fan. I smiled at the memory, but it quickly faded into a grimance of sorrow. memories of us being together came flooding back and it hurt. Memories of when we met at Paris Island and at that moment we say each other as we lined up at the yellow foot steps we instantly fell in love. Of course the DIs (Drill Instructors) wouldn't have this as they keep the men and women appart. We only saw each other occasionly after that. We saw eachother everyday in the chow hall (lunch room) and we occasionly said a word or two to each other as our eyes would always be on the look out for the DI's and when they were near we ate Pie style (less dominate hand on your knee under the table, head and eyes straight forword, and no talking). With me have had being in Marine Corps ROTC I knew my basic Marine Corps knowledge, so I wrote down the 11 General Orders and the Leadership traits and Princliples so she could take it with her back to the female barracks (bed rooms) so she could study them. I tried my hardest to get her into the Marine Corps. I even brided SSgt. (staff Sergeant) Frenza a couple of times to let Chloe and I get together and talk.

Then when I turned age 20 we graduated from Paris Island and after a couple bribes we got put into the same unit and a year latter, in 2004, our unit got shipped to Okinawa, Japan. We were staitioned there for 4 years and in 2008 we retired from the Corps to live the rest of our lives and do things that a normal person would do. I retired a Gunney, while Chloe retired as a Sergeant.


I caught a glimps of the car. "Chloe?" I called for for her. I was ejected from the car when we flipped off the bridge. I was bleeding and I tried to get up. I clenched my teeth hard as I got up. I walked toward the car. BOOM! The car exploded and I was sent flying back. I landed against a barbed wired fense. My back stiffed and I fell off the fense. I reached for my back. After a few moments the snow lightend up and I heard sirens. I turned over and I saw the car a blaze and Chloe chared inside. "Chloe, Nooo!" I called for her but my voice was lost in my throght as I blacked out.


I snap out of my flash back as I jump up off my couch. Wait my couch? I thought I was outside, how'd I get back in here?
Debate Round No. 3


Chapter 3: A stroll down memory lane

Every time I thought of her... I seemed to just black out. Missing her definitely wasn't good for my health. Then my mind instantly snapped back to the stranger in the pharmacy. That was so... Weird...

I must have somehow rode my bike all the way home in my blackout/memory. Chloe... I would give anything to have her back.

I had remembered a poem from Edgar Allen Poe, which was one of my favorites.

I recited it to relax my nerves.

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

I fumbled with my old cigar, wishing that I could smoke in the dead time. It always used to relax me as I recited poems, and read texts. Now, I was alone, left to pity my lost love. God, I need to get out.

I made my self a sandwich, and ate it. After using the restroom, I decided it was time to go. I opened my front door, and almost ran face first into... Jeffrey Dragolin? What the-? What was even stranger was that the word "Dragon" was printed in sloppy red pen directly across his forehead. Only myself, and two other people had ever called him that...

He was a stiff of course. But what was he doing in front of my door? Dragon lived a few states away, in Aurora Colorado.

I had met Dragolin on Paris Island, during basic Training during my time in the Marine Core. We were best friend during Basic. Labra, Mosquada were are other two battle buddies that we often were associated with.

We all had nicknames. we called them goofy things like Dragon, Lab rat, and Mosquito.

But what was Dragon doing on my front Porch? Someone obviously had moved him.

I knew it had to be the mysterious guy who was continuously messing with me.

Screw it. I wasn't playing his game. That's what he wanted, and if he was too scared to meet me in person, than I wasn't going to waste my time trying to find out who he is.

I pushed Dragolin out of the way, so I could get in and out of my house. I needed to have some fun.


I was at a club called CityWalk. I used to come here and drink when thoughts of Chloe were too strong. I drank today. I pretended the hardcore techno rap music was playing as I talked to Britney, and Sierra. They were two chicks that frequently came here. I had been working on them for weeks, trying to take them home with me, but they were both very challenging. Stuck up b1tches.

"So can I buy you a drink?" I asked stupidly. Oh geez, she probably thought I was an idiot.

"What you've heard that one too much Brit?"


"No I'm not hitting on you! Can't nice guy buy a nice girl a drink with out it being platonic?"


"Fine! SCREW you. Sierra is hotter anyway."

I turned away from Britney, and started my drunken conversation with Sierra, the other statue. She looked kind of silly with a big goofy grin plastered on her face, and her bottle of beer in her hand. It was almost as if some one had taken a picture of her, and she had been turned into a mannequin.

"So Sierra, this party's kind of lame. We can have a better party at my place if you know what I mean?"

There was obviously no answer.

I sighed. Who needs these hoes anyway? I was drunk and acting silly.

I stumbled out of the now very unorthodox silent club, and onto the quiet street.

I fell to my knees, put my hands in face palms, and started crying. Chloe, why can't you be here with me? Our life was so perfect. She was so beautiful. Things were so amazing. All the memories, all the goals, everything was gone. Now all I had was an invisible scar that pained me more than anything in the entire world. I missed her so bad. I needed her now more than ever. I couldn't do this any more. What was the point to life? Nothing was living anymore, there was no hope of falling in love again. I could never recover, and could never move on.

I was going to commit suicide.

It didn't take me long to get back on top of the Devon tower. I looked down at the tiny speck of cars, and stiffs, and embraced death. I was ready. I knew it was time for me to move on, time for me to find see her again. I was never religious, and I had no clue if there was an afterlife. But if there was... If there is any chance that I could see my baby again, I will take it.

I smiled. See you soon, Chloe, my dear.

I prepared to jump.


I was just about to jump when I saw it. A bright beam of light, piercing the frozen night sky. Just like the Batman Sonar. Except for this beam of light read something completely different.

On the beam of light in the sky, were the numbers 717.


I stumbled back in order to keep from failing off the Devon building. I took a deep gulp of air and was breathing heavily. I almost killed myself, that was a stupid thing to do. Although there isn't much to do when time is frozen and you're trapped in a society that is trapped in time. I used my Nike hoodie sleeve to wipe the sweet off of my forehead. My shoulders locked up and for some reason were sore.

I took another look into the sky and say the beam of light in the frozen night sky. Pitching those numbers of 717. What did those numbers mean? It wasn't my social security number. I wasn't my my birthday, or anyone's I knew for that matter. Then I felt a sudden jerk. I blinked and the sceenery changed.

I appeared in a white room. I saw many others in white lab coats, in a white room and then there was a white curtain cutting the room in half. The edges of my vision was blurred. I tried to ask what was going on here, but for some reason I couldn't hear it. One of the white coats came over to me, grabbed my shoulders and shook me. He had a serious look on his face, but as bad as I read lips couldn't make out a word. I tried to clue him in and I gave him a puzzled look and asked him for what he said.By this time my vision was slowly recovering and my hearing came back.

"Listen, sir. You might want to sit down for this," the man in white lab coat said, "It's about your wife." I already began to tear up as I knew this was about Chloe and her death. So the man in the white lab coat is obviously a doctor. By now as I attempted to meat his eyes I noticed his name tag. It read Dr. Joesph Gadzia. *Sigh* "Look, I know this isn't easy...

...Your wife was burnt to death...

...I...I'm sorry...I did everything in my power to save her." He said. I just turned my head and looked down as I was overcome with sorrow.

The tiled floor then transformed into a sidewalk and the chair that I was sitting in turned into a sidewalk bench. What is this? How'd I... It felt as if I had a giant hole right where my heart was and I felt sorrow beyond all that one could possibly imagine. I head sank and my shoulders slumped. A voice filled my head, "Hope is just around the corner." "WHO ARE YOU!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Around the corner, it seemed to echo itself in the vastness of my mind. I look around for the street signs. 29th and Burlingame read the street sign. It can't be far. I began running toward the source of the skylight. Finaly I can get some answers.

Debate Round No. 4


I approached the big house, awestruck at my stupidity. I understood, now, what 717 meant. 717 east, Martin Avenue, was the street address of one of my old friends, Jonathon Mosquada. I hadn't talked to him since... since my wife died. Suddenly the sky beam on the roof clicked off. Whoever was messing with me, was here. Cornered like a rat. I didn't know what I planned on doing quite yet, but I pulled out my big Swiss knife that I always had. I hoped that this wouldn't come to violence, but I had no idea what would happen. I cautiously approached the house, knife at the ready.

I went to the door, but didn't bother knocking. I tried opening it, but it was locked. Damn it.

I whacked the window with the butt of my knife, shattering it instantly, before climbing through. A light was on, and a man was sitting on a elephant skin couch Staring back at me.

"Well, Philippe, quite the entrance. You know you could have just knocked." Mosquada said nonchalantly.


Chapter 4: Friend or Foe?

I was flabbergasted, and couldn't form the words I wanted to say. What did I want to say?

I just stared idiotically at him with my jaw wide open. He stared back, though his look was grimacing. Definitely not excited to be welcoming back an old friend. Or meeting someone else not frozen in the dead time for that matter.

Finally I was able to manage a "Jonathon? What the fvck?".

He gave a brief chuckle, but instantly went back to his grimace. Then he responded "Michael Jay Philippe. I've been waiting to see you. I bet you have a lot of questions, and most of them I can't answer for you. I can't tell you why time has stopped. I can't tell you why me and you are free, only that it is perfect that it is. But I can tell you this, Michael; You and I have unsettles business." The last sentence was emphasized with a viscous stare and tone, that reeked of deadliness.

I was so confused, and shocked that I didn't know the correct response. "But... Mosquada? I don't understand. What business? I haven't heard from you in such a long time."

Jonathon answered quickly with "Well, that was because I don't talk to murderers. I only kill them." He stood up.

I put my hand on my knife instantly, but didn't draw it. "What are you talking about Mosquito? I haven't killed anyone..."

He smirked, but with malice. "You killed Chloe, Philippe. You killed the girl I love."

After the initial wave of shock (yes, a lot of shock coming my way today), I finally started to understand. Why would he care if Chloe died? He had known her at Paris Island. They had always been friends... But I never knew he had feelings for her, until now. But he must have valued our friendship too much to have ever told me, and figured she would be happier with me. I didn't dare question that portion of the revelation right now, not when he was like this. Mosquada was a Green Beret, a sniper, and Level 4 Combatives certified. I had always planned on becoming a sniper with him in Basic, but after I met Chloe, my plans for the military had changed. I wanted her, and I wanted to settle down.

"Mosquito, I didn't kill her. She died in a car accident." I said trying to calm him down.

He started breathing heavily, as emotion rose with in him. "I loved Chloe" he said again. "I trusted you with her. It hurt like Hell Mike, to just let you have her for all these years. But you were my friend, and Chloe was happy with you. And ultimately, that's all I wanted. Chloe's happiness made everything better, but not okay. I pretended to not care. I pretended to come to your house to see you. And sometimes I did. But I always loved being in her company, wishing that maybe she would leave you for me. Messed up, I know. But I can't help how I feel. I trusted you with her. You were supposed to take care of her, to protect her from anything. But you got in that accident, and now she is dead-"

I interrupted him angrily "Jonathon, I wasn't even driving! And Chloe's death has been hard on me, probably even harder than for you. But I will not be blamed for her death. I spent too long doing that to my self."

He was crazy. Utterly insane, if he thought I was responsible for Chloe's death. Mosquada had been in 3 deployments, and had definitely seen a lot of bad things. But it wasn't hard for me to believe that Chloe's death would have been the thing to set him off. Hell, it almost made me kill myself less than an hour ago.

He poised his body as if he were ready for a fight, and I tensed. "I am done hearing your excuses. Just because you don't feel responsible, doesn't mean I care. You stole the most important thing in my life, and you let her die. Now, it's your turn to die."

"JONATHON! Stop this Bull Sh1t right now, and let's talk about this. Your not of the right mind right now. You need to calm do-"

"Fvck you!" He pulled Glock out on me, that must have been tucked into his pants behind him. I saw that it was loaded, and gulped nervously.

"That won't work in the dead time, Mosquito. I've already tried." I said trying to sound confident, though I wasn't really.

He fired a shot at the wall next to me, and I jumped and screamed startled. I had seen him turn on light switches, and operate mechanics. I still didn't fully understand how he was able to do that when I wasn't.

The first shot was a threat, to show he was serious, but would the next one hit home? From the look in his eyes, and the insanity in his voice, I had to believe he was serious. I stood no chance of winning a fight with him. But I stood even less of a chance if he decided to shoot me. I had to do something, fast. And talking to this man clearly wasn't working.

I charged it, letting out a thunderous scream, as I slammed him against the wall pinning his arm to his body. Mosquada was startled, and an accidental shot when off, barely missing my right leg. He was a lot stronger than me, and shoved me off of him easily. I stole the weapon from him quickly as he recovered from my surprise attack. I pulled the trigger twice, aiming to wound him in in the chest. Of course, the gun did nothing, and had absolutely no effect. Fvck me. I tossed the weapon aside.

Mosquada punched me in the face with a very strong and dis-orienting effect that seemed to show me the reality of what I was really up against. I threw a counter punch at him, that he easily dodged. He hit me again, and again, wearing me down more and more with every punch. He was a natural at fighting though, and I was lucky to hit him maybe 2 or 3 times to every 8 punches he landed on me. I needed to do something else, or I was going to be dead meat. I feinted right. He didn't fall for it, but punched left anticipating my move. Then I actually weaved right catching him off guard. His punch followed through, and pounded into the wall heavily behind him, near the window I had broken. I quickly jumped on his back side, and pulled a rear naked choke on him with my right arm. We crashed to the grounded, winding both of us in the fall. I was gushing blood from my face and was bruised everywhere from the Number Mosquada had put on me, so I could only hope that I had the energy left to finish the choke. His grip on my right arm was working it's way to prying my arm off. I went for my knife with my left hand, and thrusted toward his chest to stab him. He caught the arm though, and dis-armed me easily, sending the knife cluttering to the floor a few meters away. He went back to prying my arm off.

I locked my left arm with my right arm to strengthen the choke, and it worked. He wouldn't be able to fight it off now that my hooks were in. Struggling, and gasping for air, he gripped a shard of broken glass from the floor, and shoved it hard into my foot, twisting. I screamed in agony, but didn't let go. The pain, and my struggle seemed to last forever, but finally I let go. Mosquada was dead.

The pain in my foot had me screaming in pain, as blood gushed from it. Then I heard something... Sirens. Noise. Airplanes. Horns.

Time had resumed.


Chapter 5: Understanding.

I don't believe it... the world is unfrozen. I just laid on the ground to try to ease the pain in my foot. I now understood somethings but like with all answers come more questions. Hitler seemed to obviously represent my fallen comrade here. A man who was destined for greatness and did great things had one small misque, one slip up and now he's dead. He had the power to freeze time, but yet just to kill me? It doesn't make sense how that is logically possible. Has he done this to other people and have had other people killed or was this all a devious plan to kill me? Did he control my massive waves of flashbacks and blackouts, or is this all some game and I'm just a piece of the puzzle? Is everything around me falling apart. What am I and what is my purpose?

Another part of this mystery is also solved. The dream... or was it a flashbacks? I don't know...but anyways when she saw me and told me that I needed to defeat Hitler that must have ment that in order to unfreeze time I had to fight to the death and kill her friend. Something that both her and I knew that I couldn't do, but after several depressing flashbacks and after being chased to the edge of suicide and death I was able to do the impossible and fight someone to the death and save the world by unfreezing time. However, this leads to another question of that if I had been killed by him would he have unfrozen time or would he be waundering this frozen wasteland forever. And that if we would have both died then would time had been frozen forever.

I attempted to get up but the pain in my foot was so agonizing that when I tried to it sent waves of pain racking through my body. I was able to sit up for a moment, but the pain was just to un bearing that I slouched off onto my left side. I pulled his body toward mine where I then took off his shirt and then wrapped it around my foot in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Heh, were's one of those 'help I've fallen and I can't get up ' buttons. I crawled my way over to his gun. The pain was just so overpowering that I just couldn't take it anymore. "Chloe " I smiled, "Baby we'll be together soon." I put the barrel of the gun to my mouth. I pressed my lips around it and pulled the trigger.


"So can you tell me what happend here, officer Bloomquist?"

"I haven't the foggiest, sir."

"Well, it looks like there was a fight and this person got killed and then this person committed suicide. Better notify their loved ones."
Debate Round No. 5
26 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Subutai 4 years ago
S/G: Pro, as usual, has good spelling and grammar. Con, as usual, is a little challenged in this area, for example confusing "then" and "than" along with many spelling errors. Con, at times, even seemed incoherent. I'll factor this more into my sources vote.

Conduct: Although I feel for pro (I understand; it's happened to me before), I have to award conduct to con for pro's forfeiture in round 2.

Arguments: Con really seemed to be coming up with weird stories. Hitler, robots, some sword of light? It seemed like one big dream. This, in addition to pro's well-written continuations, earn these points to pro.

Sources: Pro just wrote well in the face of con's rambling. These points consider the abilities of each writer, and pro far outmatched con here. Even though pro was forced to work with a bad story, he pulled it off. Pro had the better ability of writing a story.

Overall, con's story seemed way out there, and pro did his best to reel it back in to reality. Pro wrote better than con, both on the creativity side, and the wellness of writing side.
Posted by DakotaKrafick 4 years ago
It was a fun read, despite any criticisms I outline below, beginning to end; kudos to you both.

Conduct: I must give this to Con considering Pro completely skipped a round (even though I understand it was just a frustrating accident).

S/G: While reading Pro's first round, I thought for sure I'd be awarding this one to Con; but Con managed to convince me otherwise in his first round and throughout the rest of the debate. (And for the love of God, people, be careful not to mix up "then" and "than"...)

Arguments: I felt Pro took the plot in more interesting turns and twists than Con. No offense to Hitler or the Nazies, but I thought that was a bit ridiculous (wait, why did I say "no offense"...?). Anyway, I didn't appreciate Pro turning the whole thing into a dream, because I felt it was part of his job in this debate to write with his opponent, not against him. Even if he thought it was nonsense, he should have went with it; that said, Pro effectively saved the plot by doing so.

Sources: Both wrote a bit awkwardly around dialogue and I felt Pro could have included Poe's poem a little more succinctly (quote a line or a verse, not the whole damn thing; this is your story, not Poe's) and meaningfully. However, overall, I think it's clear that Pro demonstrated the superior ability to write a story.
Posted by DakotaKrafick 4 years ago
"No I'm not hitting on you! Can't nice guy buy a nice girl a drink with out it being platonic?"

This is contradictory. I'm picturing him drunk out of his mind to reconcile this discrepancy.
Posted by DakotaKrafick 4 years ago
Godwin's law was proven true very early in this case.
Posted by TUF 4 years ago
I wasn't sure how to manage the physics of a time trapped world either. I've done some reading, where the physics actually stop in these fictional philosophic environments, and that's where I based the rules of dead time off of. As I was writing this I confused myself several times, with my own rules. Like one thing I wanted to touch on, but didn't because I wanted to avoid the story being to confusing, was the concept of food. I had him eat a couple of times. After a week, you'd think most of the food would have gone rotten, but I was trying to have it seem as if time freezes the fall of bacteria, that allows food to constantly stay good. But it didn't quite make sense to me, and I kept thinking of more interfering paradoxes. Also I didn't know how to make the protagonists physical effect on an item play out right. Did the item gain physical properties back when he touched it? I didn't know if I should have made gravity a factor or not, but by the time I realized it, it was already too late, as I had mentioned the peeing dog in round 1. So technically planes could be stopped in mid-flight, or people could be stuck in the air if time froze while they were jumping. That basically destroyed the entire problem I had of physics being being allowed in Dead time. Also for movement, and chemical reactions, the jostling of atoms that creates energy in spark plugs or batteries, would be impossible. I was confronted with a bunch of paradoxes, and didn't really know how to approach them.

You make a very good point, and if I ever do a concept like this again, I will have to think over the mechanics of the story a little bit better. I can completely see how several things didn't make sense. It came to the point where I was more worried about plot, than trying to have complex things that most people won't pick up on anyway, make sense.
Posted by KRFournier 4 years ago
But car's are primarily mechanical. Even if the spark plugs couldn't work, they would have at least rolled into a stop. See, time paradoxes make for tough writing when you know about physics. I have the same problem with computers. Like Tron. I can buy into the idea that the main character was sucked into a virtual world, but I could for life of me accept that the virtual character was able to go into the real world.
Posted by TUF 4 years ago
That's true. I guess a gun isn't really electrical, so I should have allowed that to work in hindsight. Good catch.
Posted by KRFournier 4 years ago
One thing that bothered me, TUF, was the rules of Dead Time. Why could he ride a bike but not shoot a gun? It seemed arbitrary at times.
Posted by TUF 4 years ago
"I thought I was outside, how'd I get back in here?"

Yes... very good question.
Posted by lannan13 4 years ago
The fact that you made everything a dream threw me off so I spent last round with a little back story flashback.
6 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 6 records.
Vote Placed by Subutai 4 years ago
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Total points awarded:61 
Reasons for voting decision: RFD in comments.
Vote Placed by Magic8000 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: Very interesting. S&G to Pro, Con mixed "then" with"than" with various other mistakes. I thought the whole thing with the nazis and robots a little funny, but didn't think it fit. The dream thing was a little clich?, but Pro's style was much better over Cons
Vote Placed by DakotaKrafick 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: RFD in comments section.
Vote Placed by RyuuKyuzo 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: There were plenty of split-infinitives, inappropriate comma usage and incomplete sentences on both sides, but the one thing that knicked me beyond my ability to ignore was Con saying "ease dropping". I'm granting S/G to Pro on the grounds that he had marginally superior S/G over-all, but also didn't make any big errors like this. In terms of plot, I have to admit Con's plot twist of adding in Hitler and his robot army was a big groaner for me, so arguments to Pro. Pro did have some trouble posting his round, and while I'm sure this wasn't an intentional error, it still greatly detracted from the pacing of the story and so I'm giving Con 1 point.
Vote Placed by KRFournier 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: Ha ha ha ha ha. This story made me laugh, but not because it was supposed to be funny. Grammar and spelling? Pro. Hands down. Story? Pro. I mean, Con was all over the place and nothing made sense. Pro was left with so many plot holes that he had to just shrug most of it off as dreams and hallucinations. Better writing style? Pro. I'll give conduct to Con for Pro's missed round.
Vote Placed by 1Historygenius 4 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: I really felt Pro did a good job, but that one incident in one of the rounds makes me feel that I should give Con conduct.