The Instigator
imabench
Pro (for)
Tied
16 Points
The Contender
thett3
Con (against)
Tied
16 Points

Fancy Polite English Gentlemens Rap Battle

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 8 votes the winner is...
It's a Tie!
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/3/2013 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,987 times Debate No: 32061
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (23)
Votes (8)

 

imabench

Pro

Pretty straight forward, 2000 characters, ill get us started

Good day! hello! how do you do?
im here for one reason, to entertain you!
I shall not be dirty, I shall not be mean.
In this rap battle, I will only be clean!

To my opponent, whoever they may be
May I offer you, a nice crume brulee?
If that doesnt suit you, just name your favorite dish,
Ill serve you anything, unless youre Irish ;D

After you eat, we can chit and we can chat
Maybe exchange some advice on wearing fancy hats
Then afterwards, if we happened to be bored
We can go throw some rocks at some protestant whores!

My favorite landmark is Trafalgar Square,
My favorite childrens tale? The tortise and the Hare.
But enough about me, tell us about you.
Are you English or Welsh, a Catholic or a Jew?
thett3

Con

Tally-ho, my jolly good chap!
I do dearly hope you enjoy my rap.
I will answer your questions it is true,
Then ask my own and learn more about you!

My favorite dish is fish and chips,
I say we eat them at a harbor, watching ships.
I like to wear powdered wigs,
and go fox hunting, and spend some quid.

I am indeed a beloved Jew,
My favorite tale is the old lady and the shoe
My favorite ice-cream is tea,
oh how I love my fancy tea...

I'll pour you some fine Indian tea,
and we can calmly discuss the keys
to all the issues we face today, indeed
we must discuss them, God save the queen!

Oh, and please do pardon me!
I have been speaking most rudely!
My name is Sir Reginald of Trent
and what about you, my noble bench?

What is your favorite hobby, dish, and game?
And dear sir, do tell me all about your family name!
Your history, heritage, and origins you see,
and if you wish, you can learn the same from me!

So goodbye for now dear lad,
but please do not be sad
for I shall be coming to speak again hence
and I shall bring with me a shiny sixpence!
Debate Round No. 1
imabench

Pro

So you like fish and chips,
and going to the harbor to look at some ships.
Which is your favorite, a steamer or a schooner?
If we finish eating we can go look at them sooner!

I also used to wear powdered whigs
Back when my hair was as brittle as twigs
But rather then go with whigs, I prefer top hats
They make me feel fancy, like I own exotic cats

You say you're a Jew, who likes the old lady and the shoe
It just so happens my wife loved that story too
she is no longer with me, we had a divorce,
its because she gained weight and was as fat as a horse!

God save the queen, yes indeed
Did you hear about her most recent deed?
She actually decided to go and visit the Princess of Wales,
and she gave her royal diamonds, (they were actually from Zales!)

Reminds me of the time I wrote to my nephew in Oxford,
top of his class, but he says he's so bored.
He actually claims it isn't challenging enough,
So I said "Be a woman if you want your life to be tough!"

I guess my favorite hobby is gentleman's football,
if you want to have a game, just give me a call.
I don't like that kind that Americans play,
I prefer the other version, Ill play that every day!

My family name is bench, its actually Hebrew
People tease me about it, but I say "oh you ;D"
My lineage is thanks to the third crusade
When Europe beat Saladin, boy we made him pay!

Do come again, I would love to hear more!
Did I tell you how my brother used to hunt wild boar?
I would go with him but I don't care much for a hunt,
Unless what we were hunting was a defenseless little runt.
thett3

Con

Oh dear!
I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!
It seems I'm almost out of time to finish this debate!
But regardless, my opponents dedication I do appreciate.

And I do declare, what a wonderful saturday morning!
What are my opponents plan for his weekending?
Does his avatar suggest that he plans to pirate joyfully?
Hmm perhaps I should warn the music industry...

I digress, but will say it is unfortunately impossible
for my friends nephew to be top of class at Oxford
Because I am actually a professor of literature there
and can confirm no student known as bench, not that I care!

Who would like to join my for a nice smoke?
I love puffing pipe tobacco until I choke!
And sit chatting about philosophy, religion, politics,
any subject that to speak about women are unfit ;)

Given that last statement, I suppose the truth is unfortunately
that my good friend Lord Bench cannot discuss with me.
I'm just kidding with my good friend! Lord Bench is clearly quite a man!
Why else would he spend such time in the whorehouses? I would not understand!

The extensive libraries at Oxford have allowed me to gain
access to images of my opponents ancestors in the crusades!
As you can see: http://www.wle.com... , their contribution was huge!
Without the noble bench's, we could not sit on our backsides after a day of abuse!

So I thank my opponent, and I thank his family for their past!
Indeed without them, MY family would've had none to sit on at last!
My opponents rhymes are nice, I do admit
so I shake his hand and thank him for his refusal to quit!
Debate Round No. 2
imabench

Pro

Yes it is true, I do have a fancy
for plundering, buccaneering, and of course piracy.
The first pirates raided the ships of the Spanish Main
the Spaniards so wicked you should hit one with your cane!

Yes many of them later turned on the English
with their taxes on whiskey, cookies, and fish.
But the glamor of pirates shall always be seen,
even if they didnt have the best hygiene

My devilish opponent makes a treacherous claim
in saying that my nephew isnt at the top of the game
Enrolled in Oxford, he is top of his class
But he isnt listed as a Bench, hes registered as Jazz!

My nephew has a thing for that kind of music,
I myself prefer classical, but my nephew oh he hates it.
He instead has a taste for Jazz and the blues
thats why he goes by the name Jazz, you silly goose!

I would love to take your offer, I enjoy a good smoke
I'll bring the drinks, Ive got plenty of coke!
Afterwards I wish to see your lovely sister
Id like to show her how much that ive really missed her ;D

As for my ancestors, yes they were crusaders
and though their role was small, so too were their haters
You can find them in history, but look for the signs
You'll never see them fighting up in the front lines

My look at the time, its almost midnight!
If I dont feed my dog soon then im in for a bite.
Still better treatment then what ill get from my wife
But I'll remind her I can get away with ending her life

Theres so much to say and im already out of time
Damn the Irish and the French, theyre no better then swine
Protestants and Muslims, I'll see thee in hell
Where the only show on TV is 'Saved by the Bell' ;D
thett3

Con

Yo ho!
What do we have here?
A pirate who thinks he can rhyme
Why does this happen all the time?

My opponent wishes to insult my honor
With his insinuations in our affront war
But chaps, who is he kidding?
My sister and him? He's dreaming.

And what's with his tastes, this crazy Bench?
He hates the Irish and the French
And lusts after a red head girl (whom he's never met)
Who's half those races, and also Jewish? Absurd from the outset.

And this man tries to insult my honor? How cruel!
Come to me post haste my dearest brother, I doth challenge the to a duel!
I'll show the whole world the better swordsman between us two,
I am a fencing master,champion, rulder! So hint: It is not you.

Indeed, I'm fantastic, aristocratic, and look handsomely
My opponent is none of these, and he wants to go against me?
Hah! Let him try, and watch his insults drop lower, (by the way, on this I bet 240 Pence)
than his win ratio when the voting for this round has commenced!

So my dear friend, please leave the pipe smoking and rapping to me,
Go back to that old weekly stupid program where you're the king,
Go anger some blubbering idiots (like Historygenius, make his tear ducts drench)
And watch me sit my fine fancy British behind down on your noble family, Bench.
Debate Round No. 3
23 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
WHOA really awesome rap battle! I like it better than the normal ones, actually!!
Posted by thett3 3 years ago
thett3
one year ago...
Posted by BennyW 4 years ago
BennyW
This gave me an idea for my own debate.
Posted by BennyW 4 years ago
BennyW
That was a jolly good show.
Posted by PatriotPerson 4 years ago
PatriotPerson
Who won? Who's next? EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!!
Posted by Legitdebater 4 years ago
Legitdebater
fail *facepalm
Posted by Legitdebater 4 years ago
Legitdebater
oh crap i voted for the wrong person lol
Posted by RyuuKyuzo 4 years ago
RyuuKyuzo
I say, good show! This was bloody good fun!
It's practically impossible to declare who has won.
Upon seeing the effort you two have put in,
To vote one way or the other would be a damnable sin!

Your rap skills are doper than doberman's coat fur,
Any father would be proud to let you be his daughter's chauffeur.
I can't judge this battle, regardless how hard I try,
So, as lame as it is, I declare this a TIE!
Posted by cybertron1998 4 years ago
cybertron1998
dear god I am laughing my @ss off
Posted by thett3 4 years ago
thett3
I think this rap battle tops ours:
8 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 8 records.
Vote Placed by Beginner 4 years ago
Beginner
imabenchthett3Tied
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Total points awarded:50 
Reasons for voting decision: Greatest Fancy Polite Gentlemen's rap ever.
Vote Placed by Smithereens 4 years ago
Smithereens
imabenchthett3Tied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: benchy didn't do as bad as peeps make it out. But as both were pretty much equally good, I'll give pro 3 points to move the scores a little closer together. Con certainly didn't do exactly twice as good as Pro.
Vote Placed by Walrus101 4 years ago
Walrus101
imabenchthett3Tied
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Total points awarded:05 
Reasons for voting decision: Greatest Fancy Polite Gentlemen's rap ever.
Vote Placed by RyuuKyuzo 4 years ago
RyuuKyuzo
imabenchthett3Tied
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Total points awarded:50 
Reasons for voting decision: comments. Edit* countering royal's now expired counter.
Vote Placed by Legitdebater 4 years ago
Legitdebater
imabenchthett3Tied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Both of you were excellent. I thought thett3 really got into a role of a British person whereas imabench got into a role of a pirate more than a British person.
Vote Placed by F-16_Fighting_Falcon 4 years ago
F-16_Fighting_Falcon
imabenchthett3Tied
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Total points awarded:33 
Reasons for voting decision: RyuuKyuzo's RFD says it all.
Vote Placed by royalpaladin 4 years ago
royalpaladin
imabenchthett3Tied
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Total points awarded:05 
Reasons for voting decision: Legitdebater says he voted for the wrong person (he said this in the comments), but did not change his vote.
Vote Placed by cybertron1998 4 years ago
cybertron1998
imabenchthett3Tied
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Reasons for voting decision: both of them were very good