The Instigator
LakevilleNorthJT
Pro (for)
Winning
81 Points
The Contender
gahbage
Con (against)
Losing
36 Points

Funnier Jokes Wins.

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/3/2008 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 8 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 2,840 times Debate No: 4325
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (13)
Votes (35)

 

LakevilleNorthJT

Pro

I saw this somewhere and thought it would be fun.

1 joke per round it doesn't matter how long or short.

Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
gahbage

Con

This is gonna be really fun so I thank my opponent for this good idea.

Rob walks into a bar, walks up to the bartender and puts $10 on the counter. He says, "I bet you ten bucks I can bite my left eye". The bartender agrees, thinking that it's impossible. Rob pulls out his fake teeth and bites his eye. "Hah, ok you got me, here's your $10" the bartender says.

The next day Rob walks into the bar and puts $20 on the counter. He says, "I bet you $20 I can bite my other eye". The bartender agrees. Rob pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

The day after, Rob walks into the bar and puts $100 on the counter. The bartender goes "What now?" Rob says, "I bet you $100 that we can stand at opposite ends of the bar, and you can throw me a shot glass, and I can pee in it without spilling or missing". The bartender agrees.

The bartender throws him the glass. Rob misses completely, peeing all over the bar and on the walls, while the bartender laughs. Rob asks him why he's laughing. The bartender says, "I beat you in a bet! You just lost $100! Hahaha!"

Rob says, "I didn't lose $100. See that guy sitting on the stool over there? I bet him $200 that I could pee all over your bar and you'd laugh about it."
Debate Round No. 1
LakevilleNorthJT

Pro

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
gahbage

Con

A bear is chasing a rabbit when a genie stops them and grants them three wishes each.

"I'll go first" said the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle."

"I wish all the female bears in the world were in love with me."

"I wish I had a motorcycle helmet."

For the bear's third wish, he said, "I wish all the female bears were here in this forest."

The rabbit said, "I wish that bear was gay."
Debate Round No. 2
LakevilleNorthJT

Pro

Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies)

"Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...

isn't she adorable?"

Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."

Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
gahbage

Con

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Debate Round No. 3
LakevilleNorthJT

Pro

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
gahbage

Con

A dyslexic guy walks into a rab.

Then he says, I need 100 sretcarahc!

(Damn, I still need 100 sretcarahc)
Debate Round No. 4
LakevilleNorthJT

Pro

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
gahbage

Con

That's what SHE said! ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahah!
Debate Round No. 5
13 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Killer542 8 years ago
Killer542
You really shouldn't put your names out on the internet.
Posted by gahbage 8 years ago
gahbage
Shut up Dave. 25 characters
Posted by slayer54321 8 years ago
slayer54321
Ray, if you wuldve actually put a joke up during round 5, I would've voted for you
Posted by DrAlexander 8 years ago
DrAlexander
theLwerd,

Now look who's voting illegitimately...
The tables have turned...
:D
hah.
Posted by Danielle 8 years ago
Danielle
I agree. Pro's avatar is definitely the most comical LOL. Nice touch!
Posted by Jamcke 8 years ago
Jamcke
This has got to be one of my favorite debates ever. I voted pro because he was funnier overall. His funniest joke is his avatar, ha ha ha.
Posted by Derek.Gunn 8 years ago
Derek.Gunn
Neat idea.
Good jokes K-D
Posted by DrAlexander 8 years ago
DrAlexander
CON won round three, but other than that it was PRO.

Hahah, good job guys EVERY joke was hilarious!
Posted by GaryBacon 8 years ago
GaryBacon
Although both sides had some good material, I thought Pro's was funnier. I voted Pro.
Posted by gahbage 8 years ago
gahbage
Same. Although I'll admit my sense of humor may be a little messed up. XD
35 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Vote Placed by saamanthagrl 8 years ago
saamanthagrl
LakevilleNorthJTgahbageTied
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Vote Placed by gahbage 8 years ago
gahbage
LakevilleNorthJTgahbageTied
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sdcharger
LakevilleNorthJTgahbageTied
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emman101
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Alessia_Riddle
LakevilleNorthJTgahbageTied
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necromancer
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