The Instigator
yoda878
Pro (for)
Losing
9 Points
The Contender
ConservativePolitico
Con (against)
Winning
21 Points

Funniest jokes wins

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 10 votes the winner is...
ConservativePolitico
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/15/2012 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,018 times Debate No: 21175
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (6)
Votes (10)

 

yoda878

Pro

Ok, I saw this done already so, no I'm not original who cares. I needed to come up with something for another debate and had fun reading the other debate like this.
anyways don't guess this needs to be explained. round one excepting the debate.
ConservativePolitico

Con

I accept.

One joke per round?
Debate Round No. 1
yoda878

Pro

The athiest
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip,
the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below
to swallow man and boat. As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" Suddenly, the scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!" "Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must
understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?" The atheist thinks for a minute and then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also." God replies, "So be it." The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the ferocious beast. Then the Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided.....
ConservativePolitico

Con

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.


But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Debate Round No. 2
yoda878

Pro


Fishing Trip


A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! please pack my new blue silk pajamas."


The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.


The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.


The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?


He says, "Yes! lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"


The wife replies, "I did, they were in your tackle box!"


ConservativePolitico

Con

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.

The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.

The second guy wishes the same.

The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Debate Round No. 3
6 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 6 records.
Posted by Brenavia 5 years ago
Brenavia
new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied: "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start
to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning
of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to
talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the
following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are ten commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s*** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his a**.
10. We do not refer to the cross as Big T
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body," he did not say, "Eat
me!"
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the
Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not, "Rub-A Dub-Dub,
Thanks for the grub, Yeah God."
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Posted by wiploc 5 years ago
wiploc
This guy was shipwrecked on an island, all alone. He watches
and watches for a rescue ship, but none comes.

And then one day he does see something. It's a rowboat,
coming towards him. The lone survivor of another shipwreck,
is heading to his island.

The boat lands. The passenger gets out. It's Jennifer Lopez!

And she loves him. That is, she quickly falls in love with him,
worships the ground he walks on. They get along so well.
She'd do anything for him.

At first they are very happy. Ecstatic. But, as the weeks pass,
she sees him decline. Something's bothering him. Something
depresses him cumulatively, worse and worse over time.

Finally, she says, "Honey, you know I love you. You know I'd
do anything for you. If there's anything I can do to cheer you
up, anything at all, just tell me what it is so I can do it."

He brightens. He says, "Really?"

"Really! Anything!"

"Would you put on my clothes so you look like a man?"

And she does.

"Would you tuck your long hair up under my hat so you look more masculine?"

She does that too.

"Would you let me draw a mustache on you with the charcoal on the end of this piece of firewood?"

Yes, she does.

"Now, would you go in that direction, and walk along the shore, all the way around the island?"

She agrees to this too, and sets off.

He goes along the shore in the other direction.

On the back side of the island, they see each other. He begins to run toward her. As he gets close, he shouts out ...

...

...

...

...

... he shouts out, "Dude! You won't _believe_ who I'm sleeping with!"
Posted by Maikuru 5 years ago
Maikuru
I've heard these before =\
Posted by ConservativePolitico 5 years ago
ConservativePolitico
No problem! :)
Posted by yoda878 5 years ago
yoda878
Thanks for the debate! :)
Posted by yoda878 5 years ago
yoda878
Yes one joke per round.
10 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Vote Placed by 16kadams 5 years ago
16kadams
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: I like that last one, although I have heard it 6 times, Hilarius
Vote Placed by lannan13 5 years ago
lannan13
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Sherlock homes joke wins it for me.
Vote Placed by KRFournier 5 years ago
KRFournier
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: I liked Pro's jokes a little better, though most of these were ones I'd heard before.
Vote Placed by jm_notguilty 5 years ago
jm_notguilty
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Atheist joke made me crack up.
Vote Placed by imabench 5 years ago
imabench
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: sherlock holmes joke was a classic, had i known what a tackle box was then pro might have tied it..... But I dont so.......
Vote Placed by wiploc 5 years ago
wiploc
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Tackle box wins it.
Vote Placed by vmpire321 5 years ago
vmpire321
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Hmm. Close one. It came down to Pro's "The Athiest" and Con's Round 3's island joke. The island joke was brief and funny, so he gets the vote.
Vote Placed by Guitar_Guru 5 years ago
Guitar_Guru
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: I didn't really like any of the jokes in the round but I liked ConservativePolitico's last joke which won him the round.
Vote Placed by johnnyboy54 5 years ago
johnnyboy54
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Very funny you two! However CPs Sherlock joke was great and won him the debate.
Vote Placed by trippledubs 5 years ago
trippledubs
yoda878ConservativePoliticoTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Both were pretty funny, Con island joke was funnier than the fishing joke. The first jokes were both pretty funny.