The Instigator
resolutionsmasher
Con (against)
Losing
36 Points
The Contender
theitalianstallion
Pro (for)
Winning
48 Points

Funny Quotes

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 13 votes the winner is...
theitalianstallion
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/3/2009 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 8 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 21,026 times Debate No: 7214
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (25)
Votes (13)

 

resolutionsmasher

Con

There will be three quotes a round all rounds.

"Make crime pay - become a lawyer." -Will Rogers-

"It's simple. PG means the hero gets the girl. 15 means that the villain gets the girl and 18 means everybody gets the girl." -Michael Douglas [on UK movie rating system]-

"They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the end of time. Can you imagine trying to sit through his home movies?" -Scott Roeben-
theitalianstallion

Pro

First, I thank my opponent for this debate and such a fun one at that.

Now, for my quotes.

"I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now."
-Unknown

Read that one twice; it's funny.

"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."
-Robert Bloch

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
- General George Patton

I wish my opponent the best of luck and again thank him for this debate.
Debate Round No. 1
resolutionsmasher

Con

"By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation."

"Jeff: How do you spell your name?
Achmed: Oh, let's see, an A... C... phlegm... (audience laughs) Silence! I kill you!
Jeff: So Ahmed, if you're a terrorist, I'd suppose you have some sort of speciality.
Achmed: Yes, I am a suicide bomber.
Jeff: Ah. So, you're finished.
Achmed: What?
Jeff: You've done your job.
Achmed: No I haven't.
Jeff: But you're dead.
Achmed: No I'm not. I feel fine.
Jeff: But you're all bone.
Achmed: It's a flesh wound.
Jeff: All right listen, Ahmed, I have something to tell you.
Achmed: What?
Jeff: You really are dead.
Achmed: Are you sure?
Jeff: Yes.
Achmed: I just got my flu shot... Wait, if I'm dead, that means I get my seventy-two virgins! (looks at crowd) Are you my virgins? I hope not!
Jeff: Why?
Achmed: There's a bunch of ugly-#$% guys out there! If this is paradise, I've been screwed!
Jeff: Well, is there anything that said there'd only be female virgins?
Achmed: Holy crap!"

"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." -Winston Churchhill-
theitalianstallion

Pro

"While running, it is rude to count the people you pass out loud."
-Anonymous

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
- Louis Hector Berlioz

"I'm gonna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked."
-Jimi Hendrix

Thanx again for the debate and best of luck.
Debate Round No. 2
resolutionsmasher

Con

I dedicate this round to Chuck Norris (my hero).
You may also use five quotes if you wish on this round.

"When Chuck Norris was born, nobody cried...except the doctor. Nobody slaps Chuck Norris."

"It is a well known fact that the fastest way to a man's heart is not supplied by a woman, but is instead the fist of Chuck Norris."

"You know how children pee thier name in the snow so that they look cool to thier friends? Well, Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete and he does it because he damn well feels like it."

"There is no such thing as evolution. There is only a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live. The endangered species list is any body that owes him money."

"Chuck Norris can punch you so hard it alters your DNA. Generations from now your decendents will suddenly keel over in the street, clutching thier head, and screaming 'WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!!!!'"
theitalianstallion

Pro

I will post five quotes like the instigator has allowed.

Hope you like them.

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."
-Lyndon B. Johnson

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"
-Unknown

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
-Rodney Dangerfield

"The latest new dance craze is called, "The Politician." It's two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep."
-Unknown

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
-Albert Einstein

Good luck!
Debate Round No. 3
resolutionsmasher

Con

"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?"

"When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet."

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."

"In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity."

"Joan Collins unfortunately can't be with us tonight. She's busy attending the birth of her next husband."
theitalianstallion

Pro

"I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early."
-Jack Benny

"I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."
-Jimmy Carter

"I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."
-Joan Rivers

Chef: Hello there, children.
Stan: Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt?
Chef: Goodbye.

"Thank God I'm an atheist."
-Luis Bunuel.

Another one you might need to read twice.

Good Luck!
Debate Round No. 4
resolutionsmasher

Con

Your quotes are just wrong, dude. Just plane wrong.

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was You'll never find anyone like me again! I'm thinking, I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly."

"Welcome to the suicide hotline.....Please hold."

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

"I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell."

That last one is something to think about.
theitalianstallion

Pro

"A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are made for."
-Unknown

"You're alright, but you're only half as good a singer as I am a drummer."
-John Bonham

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally."
-W. C. Fields

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
-Woody Allen

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
-Fred Allen

Again, thanx for the debate.

And a reminder to vote Con
Debate Round No. 5
25 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by wjmelements 8 years ago
wjmelements
"Again, thanx for the debate."
Not a debate.

And you just lost my spelling vote.
Posted by bored 8 years ago
bored
I like this:) however, I don't see the point. You can't be pro or con...and I guess i'm slow but was your last comment a joke too, theitalianstallion?
Posted by resolutionsmasher 8 years ago
resolutionsmasher
Thanks dude. Challenge us some time if you liked it so much.
Oh and send me a friend request.
Posted by gregthedestroyer 8 years ago
gregthedestroyer
I have to say this is the best quote debate i have seen by far. good job guys.
Posted by theitalianstallion 8 years ago
theitalianstallion
Yup. Realized that as soon as I posted.

Normaly on these kinds of 'debates,' the instigator always takes Pro.
Posted by RacH3ll3 8 years ago
RacH3ll3
have you noticed pro said vote con? lol in the last round
Posted by FeatherintheWind 8 years ago
FeatherintheWind
yeah, most likely, oh and i answered your riddles
Posted by resolutionsmasher 8 years ago
resolutionsmasher
Wherever he is he's probably shooting people.
Posted by FeatherintheWind 8 years ago
FeatherintheWind
"do you think Andrew Jackson is in heaven right now?"

"if he wants to be"
Posted by FeatherintheWind 8 years ago
FeatherintheWind
yeah, thats too bad.
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Vote Placed by DeadLeaves93 8 years ago
DeadLeaves93
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Vote Placed by theitalianstallion 8 years ago
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