The Instigator
jdog2016
Pro (for)
Losing
3 Points
The Contender
MassiveDump
Con (against)
Winning
9 Points

I am more bad-azz than my opponent

Do you like this debate?NoYes+11
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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 5 votes the winner is...
MassiveDump
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/7/2013 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,142 times Debate No: 34588
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (18)
Votes (5)

 

jdog2016

Pro

TROLL DEBATE.

Resolved: I am more of a bad azz than you.
-5 rounds
-8000 ch.
-profanity allowed
-telling the truth not required
-'sources' is changed to 'hillarity points' when voting
Round 1 for acceptance.

This should be fun!

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Bro Fist :D
MassiveDump

Con

~ACCEPTED~

IT'S SPELLED BADASS, YOU PANSY.
Debate Round No. 1
jdog2016

Pro

Before we begin, I would like to point out that spelled it badazz because I thought Massive might anally explode if he saw someone cuss in his presence. I apologize for my false assumption.

Have you ever heard of Mithridates VI?

No?




Well, he one of my greatest ancestors. I take after him. This guy was probably the most hardcore threat to Roman superiority since the good old days of Hannibal Barca bodysurfing across the Tiber River with rafts made out of corpses of dead Roman citizens and then fvcking everything he encountered on the other side. Like I said, I take completely after him, and surf with dead bodies frequently. Known as The Poison King, Mithridates opposed three of the greatest generals from the most powerful civilization in the world, successfully fvcked with Rome for over 40 years, conquered lands spanning across Central Asia and Eastern Europe with an armada of badass, scary as he1l scythed war chariots. He was so fvcking hardcore that he made himself completely immune to all forms of poison through a daily training regimen consisting essentially of eating lethal doses of poison and then not fvcking dying from it!

My ancestor, the Poison King was from a weird, place called Pontus. Mithridates's mom was a Syrian princess too so honestly who the fvck knows what the he1l was going on with that place anyways. Ambiguous ethnography aside, we know that Mithridates assumed the throne of Pontus in 120 BC at the age of 12, when his mom assassinated his dad, seized power as regent, and sent Mithridates running off into the forest to hide before some aszhole with a sword showed up and sent him on a one-way trip to visit his dad. Mithridates hid out in the freezing, ultra-dangerous mountains of northern Turkey, training hard in horsemanship, swordfighting, and javelin throwing, learning dozens of languages, and toughening himself up with one-armed pull-ups, biceps curls, and baconized wheat grass protein shakes. As soon as he was done with his badazs training, Mithridates marched into his rightful throne room, imprisoned and executed his own mother, had his only brother killed by a hitman. He then seized sole power of the Kingdom of Pontus, and prepared to convert a relatively small Kingdom in Asia Minor into an Empire that would rival Rome.


The Pontic Army.

Starting with his days chillin' in the forest punching rocks and wrestling bears, Mithridates got the excellent, Princess Bride-style idea of developing an immunity to poisons by ingesting small amounts of lethal toxins every morning with his orange juice, then slowly ratcheting it up to the point where he was bombing arsenic keg stands and freshening his breath with cyanide mouthwash. His obsession with poisons was so intense that the longest-lasting impact of his life is concoction he invented known as the Antidotum Mithridaticum, a bizarre antidote cocktail of 54 ingredients ranging from acacia and cinnamon to duck blood and something called "Gallic Nard" that I really hope isn't what I think it is. Throughout his reign, Mithridates perfected the recipe by testing it out by giving it to convicted criminals and prisoners of war and then seeing if they died from lethal doses of poison. This sounds fvcked up, but this sh!t is so crazy that the Antidotum Mithridaticum was still being used as a poison antidote in England until 1745 and in Germany and France until about 1900. As in 1900 AD, roughly two thousand years after this duck blood smoothie was invented.

Oh yeah, and if you think this was all just some paranoid delusional bullsh!t that seemed to be pretty common with ancient kings, think again – Mithridates survived at least two assassination attempts during his 57-year reign. In both cases he had the perpetrators tortured to death, then executed their entire extended families. That is some badasz shiznit bro!


This is the first thing that comes up
when you Google "Gallic Nard".

Ok so Mithridates inherited a decent-sized kingdom, but he had pretty hardcore ambitions to be all that he could be in terms of kicking major azs and conquering chinatown. A guy who loved his oldschool Greek and Persian heritage and thought all this newfangled Roman Republic hipster bullsh!t was pretty much the lamest thing since ancient Sumeria, Mithridates's master plan was to basically be Alexander the Great (the guy was so hardcore about it that he even wore Alexander the Great's cloak around like a throwback jersey so that should tell you something dog!) stomping balls from Persia to Athens. Already fairly wealthy thanks to his control of trade on the Black Sea, Mithridates hired a sh!t-ton of mercenaries from across Asia and Europe, kitted his forces out with everything from Scythian horse archers and scythed war chariots to Macedonian-style infantry phalanxes, and went to work making sure the rest of the world never forgot where the hell Pontus was and what the fvck he was all about. He intervened in a war in Crimea, ended up conquering the region for himself, then took both warring countries into his empire as protectorates! Next, he kicked the Scythians in the ball sack, destroyed the armies of Colchis, captured territory all around the Black Sea, and married his daughter off in a political alliance with the king of Armenia.

He marched his army into Cappadocia, and, just as the Cappadocian army was lining up against him, one of Mithridates's assassins shanked their king in the asz in front of his entire army and the Cappadocians quit the field, surrendered without a fight, and kinda just sat there with their mouths open like dumbazses while Mithridates put his 8 year-old son on the throne. HIS SON WAS 8 AND WAS A KING. That makes me a prince. I think.....

Anyhow...


When the Cappadocians rebelled against this King Joffrey bullsh!t a few years later and nominated a replacement king, Mithridates had that guy poisoned to death without even getting out of his gold-plated recliner.

FVCK YES!!

Well all this conquering and nonstop aszkicking and slaugtering enemy warriors into chowder with spinning scythe chariot blades understandably got Rome a little nervous, so they eventually got around to sending a guy named Manius Aquilius out there to get this Poison King bullsh!t under control. Aquilius casually rode out there with five legions and told Mithridates to get the hel! out of Cappadocia and a couple other places and settle down with this massacre/killing thing. Mithridates wasn't really looking to fvck with Rome just yet, so he said, "yeah, sure thing," (not literaly what he said, but just stfu) and withdrew his forces back to Pontus. Aquilius, thinking he was the biggest sh!t ever, started power-tripping balls, installed Roman-allied governors in the area, shut down economic trade, blocked the entrance to the Black Sea, and stupidly acted like a total d!ck to the most powerful ruler in Asia Minor.(Mithridates six)

Mithridates asked Aquilius to reconsider. Aquilius told him to fvck off.

Wrong answer.


Ok fvckers, that's how we're going to play it, huh?
HERE'S A SCYTHED WAR CHARIOT, FOOL!!

I've got more on this badazs motherfvcker, but sadly I'm out of room, so I will have to continue the story of my heritage NEXT ROUND!!



VOTE
PRO

Sources:
http://www.livius.org...
http://ancienthistory.about.com...
http://www.fordham.edu...





MassiveDump

Con

First things first: My opponent's entire argument is that because his ancestors were badass, so is he.
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FALLACY
ALL UP IN YO FACE.

Now back to the good part.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

YOU'RE ALL ABOUT TO SEE HOW MASSIVE THIS DUMP CAN GET,

BEYYYYYYIITCH!!!

IT GETS
THIS MASSIVE:
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DUMBASS CAR PICKED A FIGHT WITH THE WRONG

GINGER!!!
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"But it's just a car."

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YOU'RE JUST A CAR!!!

I GET MORE ACTION THAN ALL SEVENTEEN JAMES BONDS INCLUDING THE ONES THAT WILL AT SOME POINT EXIST IN THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE.

BETCH!!!

I'M THE ONLY GINGER ON THIS SITE AND THAT MAKES ME KICKAAAAAAASS.

"Airmax?"

NOT A GINGER.

"imabench?"

STILL NOT A GINGER.

"Ragnar?"

MOST-

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LIKELY-

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NOT-

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A GINGER.

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"Lannan13?"

GET THE SHET OUT OF HERE!!!

I AM THE HIGHEST LEVEL GINGER.



"But my daddy killed the Romans!"

FAK THE ROMANS!!!

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:

WHEN IN ROME, GET THE FAK OUT OF ROME!!!

MY PARENTS WERE ALIENS!!!



ALIEN PONIES!!!



ALIEN PONIES WHO COULD TRAVEL THROUGH THE FABRIC OF TIME AND SPACE!!!



YOUR ANCESTRY SUCKS!!!


but chariots.

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BUT FAK YOU.

MY AAAAAASS IS BAD AND YOURS IS NOT.

NUFF.

SAID.
Debate Round No. 2
jdog2016

Pro

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one” - Bruce Lee

Massive, I've been alive for about 4000 years now, and I've done some pretty fvcked up bad as fvcking azz shiznit!

Do you know how I'm immortal?

I drank from the Fricking TREE OF LIFE!
AS in the tree of life in fricking HEAVEN!!
YOU CAN LEAVE!

You see Massive, every so often in human history a blood-soaked, face-eating murder-master comes along who is so impossibly evil, cruel, and utterly unredeeming as a human being that the only logical conclusion is that he was the physical incarnation of Satan's unrelenting desire to bring about the brutal dismemberment of all human souls in Creation and then use those souls to wipe his ball sweat while he makes beef jerky from Sacred Cows and bench-presses Jesus............

THATS ME!!

In the late 830s I sailed at the head of a massive fleet of dragon-headed longboats decorated with multi-colored shields and loaded with spear-hucking bearded Viking azskickers eager for nothing more than to face-shank and/or kidnap and/or massacre every single human being that ran slower than them. When people are asked to describe me, they say something like, "imagine the most horrible thing you can imagine and then crank it up by a factor of five and give it tentacles for a beard".

It's important to note that this wasn't the first time the I'de made ultra-violent raids on villages, and quite honestly, by the time people even noticed I was succesfully leading a force of badazz motherfvcking pillaging/rampaging viking hounds all around town, it was too late. There was nothing ANYONE COULD DO ABOUT IT!

You see, I realized that the other Viking raiders in my area up to this point were pretty much total idiots. Sure, storming through a village, setting fire to thatched-roof cottages and kicking peasants in the gonads with a boot made of reindeer fur was fun and everything, but your typical fisherman and dirt-farmer aren't exactly dripping with gold and jewels and microwave ovens – and once the initial rush of adrenaline associated with torching a town to cinders wears off you really aren't left with much in the way of plunder or loot or souvenirs to bring home to your bearded Viking wife and children. No, instead I realized that the key to success was to fvck up ultra-holy sites like churches, abbots, convents, and monasteries – for some reason those wacky Catholics liked to stock their places of worship full of golden treasures, and the only people guarding them were a bunch of unarmed holy men equipped with little more than burlap sacks, leather-bound manuscripts, and a vow of non-violence. All the other Viking Lords in my area were g@y little conquerors who wouldn't know the difference between a crucifix and a Big Mac if it was handed to them by the fvcking Hamburglar, the solution here was easy – attack churches, fvck them up, and plunder the sh!t out of them. It's all the excitement of killing, maiming, and destroying, plus it hit my enemy where it hurts and you can make a little cash in the process.

You like my story so far? YOU are NOT this GOOD!

So then, in 839, I decided to go big, heading straight for the crown jewel of Christianity in one of the most devoutly-Christian places in the world. I took my ships, loaded them up with dudes, sailed way the fvck up some river, and launched an attack on this big azz city – a place that at the time was the single holiest place in the fvcking world. After three full-scale assaults against a fanatically-determined but badly-outnumbered force of dedicated peasant warriors – none of whom were expecting to be attacked by fvcking Vikings in the middle of the night – my torch-bearing comrads battled their way over the walls of the city, and immediately proceeded to turn the city red with the blood of everyone they could find. While one brave peasant did manage to escape with the Shrine of Saint Patrick, my Vikings pretty much went nuts on everything else, killing monks and students, knocking over altars, looting, and turning the abbey itself into a twisted Hexen-map-style temple where my psycho bearded viking Blood God Priestess wife offered up animal sacrifices and read tarot cards and did the Macarena until like four in the morning without any consideration for noise ordinances.

SO I KILLED HER TO....BATCH!
JK she was fine.

A year later, after the temple was mostly rebuilt, I came back and sacked the fvck out of it again. A couple years after that, I did roughly the same thing to the second-holiest city in the world, sailing up a River with 60 ships and attacking it. This place was a center of culture and learning that attracted students from far and wide. Sooooooo...I killed the monks, dragged off their loot, and laughed my azs off with happiness when my wife climbed on a Catholic altar, smeared herself with blood and barbecue sauce, and called on the gods for prophesies and badasz chicken wings.

Had enough?

Well that sucks!! CUZ IM JUST GETTING STARTED!!

VOTE
PRO



MassiveDump

Con



First things first:

http://www.debate.org...

Round 4 there --> Round 2 here. Don't copy-paste arguments with me, young man. Go to your room.

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OH, BEAUTIFUL!

YOU'VE BEEN ALIVE FOR FOUR-THOUSAND YEARS? THAT'S JUST
CUTE.

NO, REALLY THAT'S CUTER THAN THIS

AND THIS IS PRETTY FACKING CUTE.

I'VE BEEN ALIVE LONGER THAN THE MOTHERFACKING FACE OF BOE!


COME AT ME, BOE!
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YOU DRANK FROM THE TREE OF LIFE?!

WELL THAT'S JUST-


"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

I DRANK FROM THIS:


THIS TREE GIVES ZERO SH!TS ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.



"I attacked cities!"

I ATTACKED SHUT THE FAK UP!!!

NOBODY READING THIS CAME HERE TO READ A NOVEL SO DON'T FAKKING WRITE ONE!!!

ONCE UPON A TIME I KICKED YOUR AASS!!!

THE END.
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NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHT!

I BET YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE TIME I TELEPORTED TO THE PLANET SHUT THE FAK UP AND CONQUERED ALL THE KNIGHTS OF NOBODY GIVES A SHET AND EXECUTED ALL THE NE'ER-DO-WELLS WITH MY FINGERNAILS TO THE POINT WHERE IF THEY TRIED TO ESCAPE DEATH THEY'D END UP WITH A FINGER GOING ALL THE WAY THROUGH THEIR BODIES SO AFTER CONQUERING THAT PLANET I DECIDED TO CONQUER THE ENTIRE LYLAT SYSTEM SO I TEAMED UP WITH THE MOST AMAZING INTERSTELLAR MERCENARY TEAM IN THE UNIVERSE STAR FOX TO TAKE OUT THE EVIL EMPEROR ANDROSS ONLY USING A SPOON AND A FEW BAGS OF DOG FOOD UNTIL EVERY RESISTING FORCE FROM CORNERIA TO VENOM BECAME SILENCED BY ALL THE AWESOMENESS EXPLODING FROM MY VERY SKIN CELLS TO THE POINT WHERE THE ONLY PLANET LEFT TO TAKE OVER WAS THE MIGHTY GAS GIANT PLANET OF

YOU.

SUCK.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

HAVE YOU EVER SPOKEN GERMAN IN JAPANEESE?!

NO!

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HAVE YOOOU EVER AROUSED A WOMAN WITH YOUR BIG TOE?!

NO!

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HAVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU EVER STOPPED AN ARMY OF DALEKS BY SAYING, "HEY STOP IT"?

NOOOO!

I DIDN'T FACKING THINK SO!!!

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS...
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I DON'T STEAL IDEAS FROM OTHER USERS!!!






























no offense tho.

so vote con and stuff.
Debate Round No. 3
jdog2016

Pro

jdog2016 forfeited this round.
MassiveDump

Con

NOW YOU'RE GONNA FORFEIT ON ME?!

SO!!!

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FACKING!!!

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CUTE!!!
Debate Round No. 4
jdog2016

Pro

(forfeting the round was on purpose, its part of my argument.)

Forgive me sir, but I was on yet another conquest, however this conquest was soooooo fvcking huge, that I was unable to post an argument. I got kina sick of being a viking, so I tried something a bit different.

Have you ever been hungry?

Like really fVcking hungry?

Like holy sh!t I could eat an entire full-sized horse stuffed with a family of refugees and then sautéed in chicken broth over the burning ruins of an animal shelter drizzled with hollandaise sauce and sprinkled with a pinch of paprika?

So has I. Only when I get hungry, I make your stupid idiotic bullsh!t hunger look like an anorexic supermodel starvation diet being snack attacked by the offensive line of the 1982 Washington Redskins after they've been turned into undying vampires whose ultra-unquenchable thirst can only be slaked by feasting on the blood of humans.

Well, the last couple days I ate fvcking PLANETS!


LEAVE!

YOUR APETITE SUCKS!


Oh ya, and I was unaware you could steal arguments from yourself......http://www.debate.org...


BUT OK..............................................................................................................................................................................................



MY MOM IS NAGGING SO I NEED to leave so BYYYYYY! B!TCH!



MassiveDump

Con

~I'LL MAKE THIS QUICK SO WE CAN ALL GET TO VOTING.~

YOU CAN EAT PLANETS?!

OHMYGODTHATISSOFUCKINGCUTEICOULDJUSTPOSTAPICTUREOFAPUPPYAGAIN
BETCH!!!

MY CHINCHILLA JUST ATE THE UNIVERSE.




AGAIN!!!



"My mom is nagging so I need to leave so BYYYYYYY!"

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Okay that's a concession.

VOTE
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(wait for it...)

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KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHN!

Debate Round No. 5
18 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by jdog2016 3 years ago
jdog2016
OK.............................*GOES TO CORNER* FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHCKKKKKKKKKK AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*COMES OUT OF CORNEr*
-____________-
Posted by MassiveDump 3 years ago
MassiveDump
Mission accomplished xD
Posted by kyree_lover 3 years ago
kyree_lover
You guys both cracked me the fack up!!
Posted by MassiveDump 3 years ago
MassiveDump
Oh, and another thing: Bullsh!t. That account ONLY votes on debates that you're in. Take the vote back.
Posted by MassiveDump 3 years ago
MassiveDump
In-family votes don't work either (if that's even true). Please tell him to turn his vote to a tie.
Posted by jdog2016 3 years ago
jdog2016
*epic inhaleee* I am offended sir! Never would I make a second account. Well, actually, that's my old account, but I don't use it. My brother does. If you look, that account was created years ago I believe.
Posted by MassiveDump 3 years ago
MassiveDump
Yeah... if you're gonna make a second account, don't make it have nearly the exact same name as your first one...
Posted by jdog2016 3 years ago
jdog2016
It was allllllll to show that I just dont give 2 sh!ts. In fact, I don't even give one sh!t. Im too badass. I don't POST ARGUMENTS jesus! I am badass enough to forfeight a round. Massive is too scared, cuz' he knows I'll come over there and whoop his b!tch azz!
Posted by orioleking1 3 years ago
orioleking1
oh wow, a debate this epic and it ends on a forfeit? ns job jdog.
Posted by orioleking1 3 years ago
orioleking1
Post the fvckin argument jdog!
5 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Vote Placed by TheHitchslap 3 years ago
TheHitchslap
jdog2016MassiveDumpTied
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Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: conduct due to FF and the ginger jokes half way through made me spill my coffee laughing! Oh.my.GOD! Wonderful!
Vote Placed by utahjoker 3 years ago
utahjoker
jdog2016MassiveDumpTied
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Reasons for voting decision: FF
Vote Placed by jayden2016 3 years ago
jayden2016
jdog2016MassiveDumpTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Conduct was tough, but in the end goes to jdog cuz' MD kept calling names and stuff. Plus, the "BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN" thing was a bit odd. However MD is very creative with his pictures, but ponies? My Little Ponies? That has to be the least badass thing I can think of.
Vote Placed by Ragnar 3 years ago
Ragnar
jdog2016MassiveDumpTied
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Total points awarded:01 
Reasons for voting decision: Forfeiting a round due to *bleeping* Hungry... I hope he means the country, and not his dinner; however classic it is either way.
Vote Placed by YYW 3 years ago
YYW
jdog2016MassiveDumpTied
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Total points awarded:01 
Reasons for voting decision: lol