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The Contender
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I should be allowed to marry my toaster

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/29/2015 Category: Politics
Updated: 1 year ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,549 times Debate No: 77045
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (40)
Votes (0)




Resolution - I should be allowed to marry my toaster.
This debate is impossible to accept. If you accept without my consent, you automatically forfeit. Please apply in comments.

Round 1: Acceptance
Round 2: Points
Round 3: Rebuttals
Round 4: Finalization

1 No trolling
2 No deconstructional statements that insult or offend a debator in either the debate posts or the comments.
3 No changing the debate structure or definitions without public consent from both debators

If any of these rules is broken the offender forfeits this debate, unless a middleground is agreed upon by both debators.

I - myself
marry - engage in a formally recognized union
toaster - an object that toasts stuff

All definitions influenced either by logic or by Google.

Good luck to my partner, and thanks to all who applied!

If you haven't noticed, this is not a serious debate. It's meaning should be quite obvious when one takes into account recent news.


I accept this challange.
Debate Round No. 1


mfigurski80 forfeited this round.


Today ladies and gentelment I am going to prove to you why this "jester" Is truly a fool and does not deserve to marry this beautiful Toaster. And in addition, why I am the rightfull groom to this splinded kitchen appliance.

Lets first talk about the toaster
This Team Two-slice toaster is a beautiful sleek 900 watt kitchen appliance perfectly toasts bread at 155 degrees Celsius in 216 seconds.
A simple yet elegant design, this lady never lets you down.

Speaking of letting you down. Lets discuss mfigurski the king of all let downs, much like his jokes, and debates.. He leave you hanging.

Let me show you why he is not only not meant for this toaster, but really any appliance in holy matromony

Exhibit #1

This image was taken in the backyard of mfigurski. As you can plainly see, When the appliance has no more use for him, he casts it aside into he back. Why bother fixing an applicance when you can toss it aside and get a new one. There is no loyalty with this man. Until death do us part? for shame... little do you know, he is the one who causes the death:

Exhibit #2

This image disgusts me! Look at him stab his own companion with a fork! what kind of sick man would do this to his spouce to be? He does not give a FORK about her! This man is just plain wrong, this is why his backyard is a graveyard for appliances caused be his own murder!

Evidence #3; />

infidelity is mfigurski's middle name. the second some new, better, more advanced toaster comes around He snoops around looking for other toasters. This toaster is going to testify that mfigurski stuck toast in her, multiple times. and pushed all her buttons. He is well known in the appliance communty picking up whatever suits his needs for that night. The second they make new better toasters you know he will be right there.

As a simple man, all I ever wanted was a simple toaster. When I wake up, I make eggs, cook some bacon and have a golden delcious toast. This beauty is the kind of toaster that will always make breakfast for me in the morning. In return I keep her clean and healthy. I never shove my toast in or pusher her buttons hard. I respect her wishes to not stare at her as she toasts my bread.

We are a perfect match.
Debate Round No. 2


It really is true love!

Me and my toaster are in a steady relationship, depite her (it's a female toaster) being shy and not really talkative. Now, I want to take it to the next step and propose. Except people are telling me that I can't marry my toaster.

Recently the government passed a "Marriage Equality" law, that permits homosexual pairs to engage in an official union called marriage. I'm personally steaming, because despite the so called "marriage equality", I still cannot marry my toaster. What do other people care? Am I not free to do whatever I want?

Anyway, here are some of my pictures with her from last summer:
s://; alt="Me+Toaster+Paris.png" width="624px;" height="377px;" />

This is me and my toaster in Paris. A wonderful two weeks.

s://; alt="ME+TOASTER+Venice.png" width="624px;" height="360px;" />

This is our trip to Venice. Sorry for the blur, it was done by a passer-by. This is also the site of our first kiss!

s://; alt="Me+Toaster+Movies.png" width="624px;" height="410px;" />

This is us at the movies this week. We went to watch "Inside Out", and she seemed to enjoy it.

As you can see, I have ann extensive relationship with my toaster, dating back to last summer when we first met. I see no real reason why I couldn't marry her!

Also, after quite a bit of research (which is why I didn't make the second round, folks) I have found TGambit to be the manager of an APPLIANCE REMOVAL COMPANY!!! Yes, it's actually real:;

On their website, on the link provided, a very personal quote can be found. "Toaster not toasting? The Surrey Appliance Removal is who you need to contact to get rid of them!" This, of course, is a major infringment of toaster rights around the world. It's as if there was a company that "removes" elderly people who lose the ability to reproduce. And TGambit is the evil paymaster!!!!
I have contacted the secretary of this firm, and she not only confirmed my suspicions, but also provided me with a very rough map of the disposal area.

s://; alt="THE DUMP.jpg" width="624px;" height="466px;" />

After very detailed analysis, toaster experts (me) have found that not only is this company evil, it seems to have a thing for fridges as well. And, of course, on the bottom right is a new, specially constructed zone titled "torture chamber for mfigurski's toaster." I think this should prove to all that not only should TGambit not be allowed to even look at my toaster, he should be arrested by the state for infringing the rights of senior toasters and refridgerators!


The picture titled "EXHIBIT ONE" is erroneous, as my backyard looks much worse.

(PICTURE NOT ATTACHED (I take the fourth))

Despite it's ugly looks, not a single toaster can be found in my backyard junk pile.

EXHIBIT TWO is also presented in a different light. The hand in the picture is not mine, but a trained surgeons. My toaster had large pieces of bread stuffed inside by some huligans, and I had to call a proffesionally trained service man to remove them. My toaster approved of the operation.

EXHIBIT THREE is just plain false, as I have pictures with my old toaster dating back to over a year ago! Yes, they're the ones attached. It's all a product of my partner's imagination, and I condone this fabrication of evidence. Though we should not disqualify my partner for this attempt to frame me, I think we can all agree that EXHIBIT THREE should be ignored!!!


TGambit forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 3


It seems that, at a very unfortunate time, someone has managed to find TGambit as the owner of the appliance removals company, and he might've been arrested for the infringing of rights of senior toasters and refrigerators as well as many other poor, poor devices.

In short, his account has been de-activated, probably by DDO Operators. TGambit, if you're still alive and on the loose, please comment with a different account so that the police have an easier time tracking you down. (No offense meant)

Meanwhile, let me continue my attempts to upload but a simple picture from my computer that can be used as proof during the trial. It didn't work last time, I'll have to try something novel. For all those who are reading, copy and paste simply doesn't work unless it's directly from the Internet.

Here are my pictures of me and my toaster, the first dating back to 7/14/14. Almost one year ago.

Me and my Toaster cruising it out on the canals in Venice. This is the sight of our first kiss as well! Sorry for the blur, it was done by a passerby.

Done about a week ago. Me and my toaster went to the movies to see 'Inside Out', which she really seemed to enjoy.

I contacted the secretary of TGambit's business, and I recieved this crude plan as well as a confirmation for everything I've said. At the top left we have a toaster disposal area, which, according to the secretary, is almost full. The company also has a thing against refrigerators as well, proven by the existence of a designated Fridge disposal area. In between, we have a miscellaneous appliance disposal area, and on the bottom left there is a futer expansion zone for the toaster dumping place. On the bottom right is perhaps the most relevant part, titled "Torture Chamber for Mfigurski80's Toaster". No further explenation neeeded.

(Analysed by toaster experts (Me))

HA, I DID IT. you have to upload the pictures online, using a site like the one in the links. And THEN you can copy and paste it over. Whew. Jeez. Way too much work.

Anyway, if anybody sees TGambit, don't hesitate to comment. It's kind of odd that he'd quit, or even get banned, so I really don't know what happened.

And if you liked this debate, well, there's a button for that.

P.S. Yes, I meant for them to be that big and go over into the sidebar. I find that messing with the weak html code of DDO is... very entertaining


TGambit forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 4
40 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by mfigurski80 1 year ago

Why can't I ever attach a picture correctly?!
Posted by mfigurski80 1 year ago
Well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine?

Anyway, how did you attach pictures? Don't you just paste them in???
Posted by TinyBudha 1 year ago
Your a fcking idiot
Posted by mfigurski80 1 year ago
AWW, what? My argument is dead, it didn't put thhe pictures in!!!
Posted by mfigurski80 1 year ago
Rafalaf, why are there two of you?
Posted by rafalaf 1 year ago
That's a nice cofee pot you got there tricias33! Who cares about the toaster I'm going for the coffee pot!
Posted by TGambit 1 year ago
can ya post an argument already lol
Posted by mfigurski80 1 year ago
Polygamy? That's a whole different topic kiddo.
Posted by tricias33 1 year ago
Will I have to divorce my coffee pot first or am I permitted more than one appliance?
Posted by rafalaf 1 year ago
My Toaster!!! Mine!!!
No votes have been placed for this debate.