The Instigator
imabench
Pro (for)
Winning
12 Points
The Contender
Raisor
Con (against)
Losing
6 Points

Imabench's 500th debate: Attempted Suicide should be punishable by death

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 4 votes the winner is...
imabench
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/15/2013 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 4,058 times Debate No: 42333
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (38)
Votes (4)

 

imabench

Pro

For my historical 500th debate, I shall debate that a person caught attempting suicide or a person who actually attempted suicide and then failed, should be a federal crime with the punishment being the death penalty.

Pro is for this resolution, Con believes that suicide or attempted suicide should NOT be a crime punishable by death
First round will be for acceptance only
4 rounds, 3000 character limit
Raisor

Con

I accept.
Debate Round No. 1
imabench

Pro

Reasons why Attempting to commit suicide should be punishable by death

1) What they try to do is technically murder

If killing someone is murder, then attempting to kill someone is attempting to commit murder. Attempting to kill someone is exactly what people trying to commit suicide are doing, yet these CRIMINALS get away with their crimes time and time again simply because they exploit the legal loophole that they are technically the 'victims'.

What a load of horse sh** right?

People keep looking at people who try to commit suicide as victims, while completely ignoring the fact that ALL of them attempted to commit murder. People who DO commit suicide DO commit murder, but they arent prosecuted or jailed because of the bullsh** and semantical excuse that 'They arent alive anymore'....

Point is: People who do try to commit suicide are trying to commit a crime, they just happened to be committing it against themselves because they have no friends, hence why they might be committing suicide in the first place, but they are still CRIMINALS who NEED to be PUNISHED.



2) "Why kill them though? Seems a little extreme...."

^ Thats the excuse you normally would hear from some pansy a** Obama titty sucking liberal who is against this proposal, who also thinks that criminals need to be coddled and given rights even though THEY ARE CRIMINALS.... But some people honestly wonder why people attempting to kill themselves should be given the death penalty when people attempting to kill OTHER people literally only get jailed for 10-15 years before being released http://www.attorneys.com...

The reasons why people attempting to try to commit suicide should be killed while people who try to commit murder only get 10-15 are as follows:

- 1 - It discourages people from trying to commit suicide
- 2 - We technically are doing them a favor by fulfilling their wish of killing themselves
- 3 - They were trying to commit suicide, they probably arent gonna stick around and enjoy life much longer anyways
- 4 - Despite all the things the US government sucks at, killing people is one of the few things they are REALLY good at
- 5 - Nobody f*cking likes to hang out with people who commit suicide, they really make everything depressing

Point is, there are several reasons why attempting to commit suicide should be a crime that warrants the death penalty. Ironic? maybe. Sensible? DEFINITELY
Raisor

Con

1. The Greatest Love Story Ever Told
Once upon a time there was a sad young girl whose life was filled with misery. Everything in her life was terrible- her parents loved her and encouraged interests, she was accepted and sought after by her peers, and she had to choose between loving a werewolf and loving a vampire.


"This is my sad face....also my aroused face"

Of course, Bella Swan is an allegory for love in its highest form. In real life, you pour your heart and soul out to the world hoping for the best. One day you finally find your one true love, get married, have three blond haired and blue eyed children, then walk in on your love playing naked twister with the elementary school principal. Also, your children were in a train accident- there were no survivors.

The point is, love means infinitely investing yourself in an uncertain world and is bound to fail. The best case scenario is you live long enough to watch everyone you love die, the worst case is you live long enough to learn that everyone eventually betrays you.


To be fair, you should have seen it coming

Bella knows that the only way to truly realize love’s tantalizing promise of happiness is to figuratively kill herself by allowing her boyfriend Edward to literally kill her by eating her baby out of her stomach.



The beautiful face of death

Thus I introduce the following Counterplan: We should all kill ourselves




2. Hamlet Teaches Us the Cost of Pussyfooting Around

Hamlet was a whiny teenager who was really bummed out about his dad dying and his family’s creepy incestuous overtones.



Kenneth Brannagh as Hamlet

Hamlet decides to kill himself, then decides to kill his uncle, then argues out loud about killing himself. Eventually Hamlet decides not kill himself and gets to watch his girlfriend go crazy and jump in a river while his mother and best friends die, only to finally be murdered with a poison dagger.

Hamlet teaches us that debating the value of life is pointless, because in the end everything you love dies. It also teaches us that sometimes the things you love come back as ghosts, but only to incite bloody story arcs of revenge.

3. Happy People Deserve to Die

I can already hear your objection- “but Raisor! I’m happy! I like living!”

First of all, no you aren’t and no you don’t.

You simply haven’t encountered the true awfulness of life- your soul hasn’t been crushed by mindless cubicle chatter and drone work, your mom hasn’t died of cancer, your wife hasn’t popped out that genetically impossible biracial baby, your son hasn’t died of cancer, you haven’t had a beer bottle chucked at you from a passing car, your best friend hasn’t died of cancer yet.

Second, whatever small pleasure you glean from life is fueled by the pure misery of others. Your ipod is made from the bones of slave labor and its a scientific fact that only the fingers of small children are nimble enough to get the stitching right on H&M jeans.

If you think you are happy you are either delusional or sociopathic.

Debate Round No. 2
imabench

Pro

1) Groundwork

"she was accepted and sought after by her peers, and she had to choose between loving a werewolf and loving a vampire"

My support for abortion is growing.....



"One day you finally find your one true love, get married, have three blond haired and blue eyed children, then walk in on your love playing naked twister with the elementary school principal."

Sounds like a Disney movie waiting to happen!



"Bella knows that the only way to truly realize love’s tantalizing promise of happiness is to figuratively kill herself by allowing her boyfriend Edward to literally kill her by eating her baby out of her stomach."

And people wonder why there has never been a woman president......



2) Counter proposal

"Thus I introduce the following Counterplan: We should all kill ourselves"

Is this going to be a gunshot to the head type suicide or an autoerotic asphyxiation type suicide, because I will either sign up to be first or last depending on which one we decide to use.



"Hamlet decides to kill himself, then decides to kill his uncle, then argues out loud about killing himself. Eventually Hamlet decides not kill himself and gets to watch his girlfriend go crazy and jump in a river while his mother and best friends die, only to finally be murdered with a poison dagger."

You can tell that Hamlet was written by Shakespeare because everyone dies in the end with zero chance of there ever being a sequel.....




3. Reasoning behind new proposal

"Happy People Deserve to Die"

They deserve to die neck deep in hookers and blow if thats what youre implying....




"You simply haven’t encountered the true awfulness of life"

Ive had to sit through 8 seasons of How I Met Your Mother just to meet the god damn mother, and ive also had to tear those little shards of skin off the edge of my finger next to my nail that hurt like a mother f*cker..... I think that counts as experiencing the true awfulness of life/television....



"you haven’t had a beer bottle chucked at you from a passing car"

I live in f*cking Miami dude, having beer bottles chucked at me from a passing car is what I consider a normal tuesday night.




"Second, whatever small pleasure you glean from life is fueled by the pure misery of others. "

And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that ;D




"Your ipod is made from the bones of slave labor and its a scientific fact that only the fingers of small children are nimble enough to get the stitching right on H&M jeans."

God bless lax child labor laws in Malaysia



"If you think you are happy you are either delusional or sociopathic."

Have we met? Hi my name is Imabench, im one of the most delusionally sociopathic people on the entire site. Nice to meet you.


Raisor

Con


Pro’s Concession


Is this going to be… autoerotic asphyxiation type suicide[?] I will…sign up to be first.


-imabench


Pro has conceded my entire case- he agrees that we should all commit suicide and even volunteers to be first in line.


Pro clearly understands that life is shallow pool of fetid suffering, probably because society refuses to accept his revolting sexual perversions. Pro’s rebuttal offers a disturbing insight into the mind of deviant.


I f*ck… beer bottles chucked at me from a passing car [it’s] what I consider a normal tuesday night.


-imabench


“Hookers… blow…and…finger…my [omitted].”


-imabench


Pro also discusses how the world appears confusing and terrifying due to his severely limited mental capacities, admitting that even simple tasks tax his abilities.


“I…count…awful…”


-imabench


Pro should be viewed as a case study for the world at large. The fact that a person as deranged as Pro could even exist is evidence of the hopeless and indifferent state of the world. The only rational response in the face of such horror is mass suicide.


Pro’s Case


Setting aside the obvious conclusion that we should all kill ourselves, Pro’s opening case is incoherent.


I maintain that we ought to support the status quo, in which mental health disorders are stigmatized and attempted suicide is viewed as a moral failing. We ought to continue our chronic neglect of social mental health and treat attempted suicide as taboo topic.


First, Pro admits that executing these people is “doing them a favor.” Thus the Resolution actually tries to help people who should clearly be made to feel as worthless as possible. The status quo does much more to punish survivors of suicide.


Second, Pro claims execution will deter suicide attempts. But he has already admitted that execution gives the suicidal exactly what they want! Execution will act as an incentive to suicide since the government is essentially guaranteeing free suicide service.


Finally, Pro mentions that no one likes to hang out with depressing people. But consider how much more depressing Pro’s proposal would be. Pro want to put depressives on trial in a court room to sentence them to death. We would have prosecuters building cases to prove that the defendant is really really depressed and tried to kill themselves. 12 jurors would have to sit and listen to a case about the life of s suicidal person. This is way more depressing than the status quo- where suicidal people are treated like fragile freaks to be largely forgotten about and ignored.


If You Aren’t Convinced You Should Kill Yourself, Go Read Twilight


…this book is so beautiful it will break your heart. The perfect love between Bella and Edward only illuminates the crushing loneliness in your own life. As the young couple’s love unfolds, you will see how the possibility of true love in your own life is precluded by your own mortality. For example, when Edward and Bella first consummate their marriage, Edward is simply too powerful for Bella’s fragile body


Debate Round No. 3
imabench

Pro

" he agrees that we should all commit suicide and even volunteers to be first in line."

No, im just asking questions about how everyone would be committing suicide since your plan didnt clarify that....




"Pro clearly understands that life is shallow pool of fetid suffering, probably because society refuses to accept his revolting sexual perversions."

Hey, What I like to put into my Easy Bake Oven is between Me, the Oven, and the bottle of Vaseline I use right before I use the Oven!




“Hookers… blow…and…finger…my [omitted].”

While I admire your ability to misquote me on everything I say, you'll have to do WAY better then that to become an anchor on Fox News ;D




"Pro also discusses how the world appears confusing and terrifying due to his severely limited mental capacities"

Whoa hey, just because Im liberal it doesnt mean I have severely limited mental capacities.... The two are correlated yes, but its not a cause-effect relationship :P




"Pro should be viewed as a case study for the world at large. "

Aww you flatter me too much <3




"The fact that a person as deranged as Pro could even exist is evidence of the hopeless and indifferent state of the world."

Like seriously, youre making me blush <3



"The only rational response in the face of such horror is..."

OH OH LET ME GUESS!

Is it having everyone put aside their differences to come together and strive for improvement of the world?

"......mass suicide."

Well I was WAY off :P




"Thus the Resolution actually tries to help people who should clearly be made to feel as worthless as possible"

Hey we're talking about suicidal people here, not Justin Bieber fans.....




"execution gives the suicidal exactly what they want! Execution will act as an incentive to suicide since the government is essentially guaranteeing free suicide service."

Well if you want to tax people to have the government kill them then go ahead and advocate for it, but thats kinda weird and unconstitutional to enforce... You cant tax people to pay for something they might not even need, thats like creating taxes to force people to buy healthcare, its just retar- oh sh** wait a minute.... o_0




"12 jurors would have to sit and listen to a case about the life of s suicidal person"

Which is loads better then them listening to their wives b*tch to them about stuff, amirite?



======================================================================


Let me cut to the chase. Con has spent more time advocating for his own plan that everyone should kill themselves rather then refute the rock solid logic behind MY plan.... And in the end my proposal is still better since it DOES carry out the final wish of the suicidal person, that killing people is the one thing the government IS GOOD AT, and that the suicidal people arent likely gonna stick around for much longer anyways....

I rest my case!
Raisor

Con

Pro's Case

I have won this debate simply by pointing out the logical flaws in my opponent's case. He maintains we should execute the suicidal because they deserve to be punished, but admits execution is really a reward for them. He says we should discourage the suicidal, but concedes that execution will be an incentive for the suicidal. He says execution prevents us from being depressed by the suicidal, but neglects that executions will require prolonged trials for the suicidal to bring everyone down with their depressing life stories.

We should reject the resolution in favor of the status quo- wherein the suicidal are punished for being downers by being treated as the freaks and societal burdens they are. Rather than give them what they want (death), they should be forced to live in a society that refuses to acknowledge mental disorders as legitimate health concerns and further alienates those with mental health problems.

Con's Case

Pro has entirely conceded my counterproposal- that we should all kill ourselves.

My counterproposal negates the resolution in two ways:

First, it precludes the possibility of the Resolution. If we all kill ourselves, then we will not be able to execute the suicidal. We can't both commit mass suicide and sit around waiting to execute the people who fail at suicide.

Second, my counterproposal negates the logic of Pro's case in favor of the Resolution. If we should commit suicide, then it does not follow that we ought to punish those who try to commit suicide. If suicide is something we ought to do, then it shouldn't be punished.

Since I have won that Twilight is the greatest work of literature and cinema since Hamlet, I have demonstrated the thorough futility of life and love. Just Edward watches Bella sleep night after night, fighting the knowledge that if he were to touch her delicious porcelain skin he would be lost in unbridled blood lust- so we watch the days of our life pass before our eyes, knowing that to pursue what we love means the destruction of ourselves and the things we pursued.

Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope. In Twilight, Edward can only escape the desolation of existence by killing the thing he loves most. Just as Abraham was prepared to sacrifice Isaac, Edward is prepared to eat Bella. But Twilight puts the fantastical world of Twilight in contrast to the cruel indifference of the real world: by virtue of the supernatural, Edward is able to transcend the paradox of reality and receive his Isaac. But this supernatural escapes the grasp of humans- alas, we are not vampires. No matter how much blood you drink, how much body glitter you bathe in- no matter the amount you curse your weak human form and cry out in the night for the beautiful lips of Edward to caress the bare flesh on your neck- it is all in vain, you will NEVER BE A VAMPIRE.

And when you get down to it, that's really what this debate is about.
Debate Round No. 4
38 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by FourTrouble 1 year ago
FourTrouble
Raisor, your twilight argument here is probably my favorite DDO argument I've ever read.
Posted by RationalZack 3 years ago
RationalZack
Ironically, this debate is so stupid and malformed on both sides that I think I actually want to commit suicide just like Con suggested! Oy vey, have ve lost da aht of debating already?
Posted by upgrayedd800 3 years ago
upgrayedd800
How is it that this is even a debate to where people think that have birth right to dictate what a person does with their own life? If they don't want to do something why should they be obligated by law to fulfill another person's desire to see them exist. These questions shouldn't even matter because the basis of the debate is a complete oxymoron. People get so wrapped in their own BS.
Posted by PeriodicPatriot 3 years ago
PeriodicPatriot
For god sake, don't ever bring up twilight again.
Posted by imabench 3 years ago
imabench
You clearly don't know how troll debates work do you?
Posted by msheahan99 3 years ago
msheahan99
Here's the easiest argument in favor of con, if you say attempted suicide is punishable by death the number of attempted suicides will multiply by the thousands. Because if you want to die, you know that if you attempt suicide even if you can't bring yourself to do it you will be able to because you will be executed. The only thing keeping people from killing themselves is the knowledge that they will be caught, you will get rid of this if you add this punishment. The reason the death penalty works is because criminals are scared to die, but if you are willing to die you won't care if you die by death penalty or by jumping off a bridge. Con should have pounded this home.
Posted by TheLastMan 3 years ago
TheLastMan
ROFL at the debate :D
Posted by imabench 3 years ago
imabench
Its true, you cannot deny Raisor once he asks to be chosen :P
Posted by blackfirewolf 3 years ago
blackfirewolf
I want to debate this but I'll probably not get picked.
Posted by funwiththoughts 3 years ago
funwiththoughts
I wanna accept this.
4 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Vote Placed by GarretKadeDupre 3 years ago
GarretKadeDupre
imabenchRaisorTied
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Total points awarded:06 
Reasons for voting decision: So I thought that the resolution was silly, then I realized through Pro's arguments that it makes perfect sense, as when it boils down to it, it's attempted & premeditated murder. However, Pro made a fatal mistake that Con pounced on: Pro effectively conceded to Con's alternative proposal, which apparently unbeknownst to Pro, negated the resolution! Sources to Con also because he was the only one to source anything with his Twilight Pictures.
Vote Placed by funwiththoughts 3 years ago
funwiththoughts
imabenchRaisorTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Con building a case around pop-culture references, and especially Twilight, was friggin' annoying, and his insulting the mentally ill just wasn't funny (not giving conduct since this is a troll debate). Pro's "killing people is the only thing the government is good at" won the debate.
Vote Placed by amik10 3 years ago
amik10
imabenchRaisorTied
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Total points awarded:50 
Reasons for voting decision: Argument to Pro because con mis-quoted Pro which pretty much was his whole case, and Sources to pro b/c Con sited Twilight
Vote Placed by SeventhProfessor 3 years ago
SeventhProfessor
imabenchRaisorTied
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Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: Raisor severely misquoted imabench, and his main argument was that everyone should be executed. That includes people who attempted suicide, and counts as a concession.