The Instigator
dtaylor971
Pro (for)
Tied
7 Points
The Contender
imabench
Con (against)
Tied
7 Points

In Current Day, Male Nipples are USELESS!

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 3 votes the winner is...
It's a Tie!
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 1/5/2014 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,225 times Debate No: 43457
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (2)
Votes (3)

 

dtaylor971

Pro

First round for acceptance.

This is a troll debate. Well, you obviously know that.

Good luck, Ima.
imabench

Con

I accept and argue that male nipples are NOT useless, and in fact serve a vital use to society!

Good luck, may the force be with you
Debate Round No. 1
dtaylor971

Pro

The resolution is changed from "male nipples are useless" to "male nipples suck," as agreed by my opponent. Visual available upon request.

I'm honored you accepted.


First off, I'm a serious debater, so I SUCK at trolling. But hey, let's do it!

Swearing is allowed.


--Argument one: THE BEACH--

OK, so as a lot of you know, I'm pretty damn young and just getting into the teen stages of life, you know where I start liking girls. So I went to Hawaii for six days with one, and my nipples f*cked the whole thing up. I went boogeyboarding, and it screwed me over:

MY NIPS TURNED RED. MY F*CKING NIPS TURNED RED!

So then, whenever I saw her, she was lookin' at the band-aids I had on my nips.

I HAD BAND-AIDS ON MY NIPS. BAND AIDS ON MY F*CKIN' NIPS!

Whenever I went into the bathroom, I had to look at my red nips in the mirror. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LOOK AT RED NIPS?! I felt like Miley Cyrus!



I FELT LIKE MILEY CYRUS. LIKE MILEY F*CKIN' CYRUS!

And you know what the worst part of it is?! The band-aids
got sand stuck in them. So now, I have green stuff from the band-aids for some reason.

GREEN STUFF COMIN' FROM MY NIPS!

What the HELL is the point in nipples if they DRIVE AWAY WOMEN?!

Male. Nipples. Suck.


--Argument 2: They screw you over--

Be honest with me. Have you ever saw a really, REALLY fat guy from afar and thought he was a topless woman? And then when you walk up closer, you realize you were lookin' at a fat man, and that you just ever so slightly got gayer?

The first time I ever saw "boobs+nips" was when I was on a boat, and my fat uncle took off his shirt, and shook them. It was only the hairy nips I was disgusted with. I was in therapy for five months after.

You know that Cleveland Brown show? Yeah, Cleveland Brown Jr. demonstrates my point perfectly.



"That's right. I'm a boy."

Without nipples, the people who looked at Cleveland Jr's. nipples wouldn't feel so freaking' ashamed right now. Without nipples, they would've known that they weren't boobs. And I would not be traumatized for life.

Male. Nipples. Suck.

--Argument 3: They make women less special... Plus, porn--

With a lot of women being discriminated against in today's society, you would think that God would give them a(nother) (ahem) physical thing that men shouldn't have. Wrong.

Don't you think women would feel special if men didn't have nipples, and only they did? Do you honestly think that men should have (almost) every physical trait a woman has? No.

Plus, if nipples were not on men, they would increase the need for speed (ahem, intentional intercourse.)

Plus, if men did not have nipples, they would want to see them more to (ahem, satisfy their "personal needs and pleasures.")

THUS INCREASING INTERNET PORN.

And we all know that the government needs internet porn, making a bit more than many businesses, with 3,000 BUCKS A SECOND [1]. With nips not on men, the revenue would SKYROCKET.

Bro, that it about $94,670,820,000 bucks per year. Yeah, that's in the BILLIONS. IT'S A MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS.

Male. Nipples. Suck.

That' all I have. I await your response.

[1] http://www.businessinsider.com...
imabench

Con

1) The Beach Argument

"I HAD BAND-AIDS ON MY NIPS"

Im feeling aroused....



"DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LOOK AT RED NIPS?! I felt like Miley Cyrus!"

Who there, In order to legitimately claim that you felt like Miley Cyrus you have to sell your self-respect, invent a new terrible type of dancing, and adopt a hairstyle that makes you look like a brain dead giraffe: https://i.chzbgr.com...



"GREEN STUFF COMIN' FROM MY NIPS!"

PLEASE STOP, I AM ALREADY AROUSED.



"What the HELL is the point in nipples if they DRIVE AWAY WOMEN?! "

Lol ok, there are about 140 other things that can drive away a woman before nipples even enter the equation..... And about 90 of them have to do with whether or not you look like Ryan Gosling.



2: They screw you over

"Be honest with me. Have you ever saw a really, REALLY fat guy from afar and thought he was a topless woman?"

Nope, moving on.



Argument 3: They make women less special...

GOOD. Women need to be knocked down a notch anyways.....




"you would think that God would give them another physical thing that men shouldn't have."

I think God would focus on making the average breast 10 times larger before he ever decided to handle the nipple conundrum.....





"Do you honestly think that men should have (almost) every physical trait a woman has?"

Um, YEAH! If women had tails, or gills, or 7 eyes while men didnt, that would kind of make women horrendously unattractive and freak out men dont ya think?




"THUS INCREASING INTERNET PORN."

I think men already devote WAAAAAAAAAAY too much time to internet porn in the first place.....



"we all know that the government needs internet porn"

lol, no they do not! The reason they dont get anything done in the first place is BECAUSE they spend all their time watching internet porn! Making even more of it will only make the government perform even worse!

========================================================================

Reasons why Male nipples do not suck:

1) They serve as a personal GPS

When you give the pledge of allegiance, where do you put your hand? Thats right: directly over your nipple! Nipples serve as a GPS for you doing the Pledge of Allegience. Without nipples, your hand could end up in all kinds of weird places, like over your stomach, or on the boob of the girl standing next to you!



2) They serve as leverage

The act of a 'titty twister' is the act of twisting ones nipples viciously clockwise and/or counter clockwise to cause pain, and it has been a go-to tactic for people to fight someone who dont match the physical strength of their opponent. Nipples serve as a potential weak spot for countering a physically superior foe at times when no other means exists



3) It would just look weird.

Look, if you met a guy without any nipples, that would be the weirdest lookin dude you would ever see. Just because something doesnt serve a functional use, that doesnt mean it doesnt serve an aesthetic use either..... Nipples are like belly buttons. Not particularly valuable to have, but if someone doesnt have them then its horrendously weird and borderline terrifying.



4) They can be funny

Ever see a drunk person pass out and then his buddies draw a hysterical face on his stomach with the nipples serving as eyes? Nipples serve as a hysterical item that can be exploited when taking advantage of someone who is passed out drunk.

Not only that, if someone has something hysterical happen that results in them losing one of their nipples, it can be the funniest thing ever!
http://sargentspeaks.wordpress.com...

Nipples do not suck, they are quite hysterical and serve an aesthetically valuable purpose, among other things as well
Debate Round No. 2
dtaylor971

Pro

Hah. Classic Ima.

"I'm feeling aroused...."

Ima, if you are feeling aroused by red nipples of a twelve year old boy, please learn more about child abuse... I would hate you to end up in jail like Amanda Bynes or something. Did she go to jail? Do I give a sack of horse sh*t?

"invent a new terrible type of dancing, and adopt a hairstyle that makes you look like a brain dead giraffe:"

Dearest Ima, despite your best attempts, you are far too late with this argument. I've been doing this since I was two. Ask any of my friends. As for the brain dead giraffe... I have an IQ of -17. Scientists are baffled how anyone could have a negative IQ. It has only happened in Lindsay Lohan after years of crack abuse.

"PLEASE STOP, I AM ALREADY AROUSED."

Uhhhhh...

"Lol ok, there are about 140 other things that can drive away a woman before nipples even enter the equation"

Yeah, so why the f*ck do we need nipples if we already have 140 things that drive away women? Also, it's not Ryan Gosling you have to be worried about... it's Liam Hemsworth.

"Women need to be knocked down a notch anyways....."

Tell me that when you are plowing a Kentucky Whore. You don't want it down a notch. It's the d*mned best feeling I have ever had.

"I think God would focus on making the average breast 10 times larger before he ever decided to handle the nipple conundrum....."



:D
:D
:D
Ok, so NOW can we focus on this nipple problem, God?

"7 eyes while men didn't, that would kind of make women horrendously unattractive and freak out men don't ya think?"

...This is irrelevant to the previous argument, as women do not currently have seven eyes, gills (except for those hot Disney mermaids) or tails.

...Also, if a girl had seven eyes, I'd (content subbed out for obscene sexual material).

"I think men already devote WAAAAAAAAAAY too much time to internet porn in the first place..... "

AND WE ENJOY IT! I WILL STAND PROUD TO PROTECT MY INTERNET PORN!

"they spend all their time watching internet porn! "

THUS INCREASING REVENUE! AS STATED IN THE SECOND ROUND, PORNO MEANS MONEY. THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS TO WATCH PORN!
However, it is impossible for them to fap because of their insanely small d!cks

"Directly over your nipple!"


OK, during the pledge of allegiance, the most sacred speech in all of America, only about 18% of guys ever put their hand on their chest.

Even then, they put their right hand IN BETWEEN their nipples. Also, we do not need nipples to guide us. Rib bones and the throat can guide us. In other words, break a rib while smacking your hand onto your chest, you are probably in the wrong place.

"or on the boob of the girl standing next to you!"

Not to sound like a perv or anything, but all of you boys, would you rather a) put your hand over your heart or b) on the boob next to you?

"The act of a 'titty twister' is the act of twisting ones nipples viciously clockwise and/or counter clockwise to cause pain"

That definition is true by all means. However, there are many more places that men are sensitive to severe twisting...............

Yeah, like the nose, mouth, ears, finger, belly button, or the foot. Oh, and one other place...

Darn, I forgot what it was called. Ah well.

"It would just look weird."

Yeah, but if God never gave it to men in the first place, it would look normal. You only take the POV of if nips suddenly disappeared. And belly buttons are REALLY valuable, dude... without it, you would die because at birth, you wouldn't have a umbilical cord and come out as a f*cking comatose tomato.

"Nipples serving as eyes?"

I don't get it... first you complain about the government watching too much internet porn (meaning that they are lazy). All of those lazy fat*sses out there are fat only, and ONLY because they use nipples as eyes in drawing. If they were to actually take the time to draw the eyes, they would have a body like Matt Harvey.

In conclusion,

MALE. NIPPLES. SUCK.

I hand the debate over to con.

imabench

Con

"Ima, if you are feeling aroused by red nipples of a twelve year old boy, please learn more about child abuse..."

Its not child abuse, its pedophilia..... Get it right man, thats the same hiccup that the prosecutor made during the trial that allowed me to get off from those BS charges....



"As for the brain dead giraffe... I have an IQ of -17. Scientists are baffled how anyone could have a negative IQ"

Clearly those scientists have never visited a high school in the southern US.... Down here an IQ of 40 is considered impressive.




"Why do we need nipples if we already have 140 things that drive away women?"

Because the 140 excuses women use when telling me that they arent interested are getting old....




"Tell me that when you are plowing a Kentucky Whore"

Id rather not because I would literally be balls deep into someone else at the time.....




"Ok, so NOW can we focus on this nipple problem, God?"

He only gave one woman big boobs, we still have a half billion Chinese women who werent aborted at birth to deal with as well




"women do not currently have seven eyes, gills (except for those hot Disney mermaids) or tails"

Well NOW who's being the creepy pedophile?




"PORNO MEANS MONEY. THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS TO WATCH PORN!"

Ok 1) That money doesnt go to the government, in fact it goes FROM the government to some other group meaning its just COSTING us money

2) Congressmen are frail people who cant handle internet porn!.... Boehner cant even pronounce his name right without crying, you think he will be able to keep it together when watching cold-war era east-german porn? I wouldnt bet on it.




"during the pledge of allegiance, the most sacred speech in all of America, only about 18% of guys ever put their hand on their chest."

Sounds like 82% of guys are some god damn COMMIES




"break a rib while smacking your hand onto your chest, you are probably in the wrong place"

You also should probably see a doctor because that sounds like a horrendous case of bone degregation that you should get checked out....




"Not to sound like a perv or anything, but all of you boys, would you rather a) put your hand over your heart or b) on the boob next to you?"

Dude this is a debate, not a poll.... If you want to make a poll where you poll people and ask them to vote on your poll for polling purposes, we have a section for that.... Its called the opinions section!





"if God never gave it to men in the first place, it would look normal"

But he did, and so if we had them and then lost them, it would look really weird.




"And belly buttons are REALLY valuable, dude... "

So are nipples, as I have shown
Debate Round No. 3
dtaylor971

Pro

Last round, real short rebuttals.

"That's the same hiccup that the prosecutor made during the trial that allowed me to get off from those BS charges...."

Ima... child abuse means going New Jersey style on a young dude... Pedophilia is when you don't put those feelings into action...


"Down here an IQ of 40 is considered impressive."

Ever been to California? Bunch of brain-dead morons walking the streets groaning about the government.


"Id rather not because I would literally be balls deep into someone else at the time....."

That "someone else" will turn out to be a prostitute (probably from New York) later. That's worse than Kentucky. B!tch, you got the AIDS.


"He only gave one woman big boobs"

...You have obviously never been on Google images. As for the Chinese women, they're the Chinese, nobody gives a sack of sh*t about them. Until they drop an atomic bomb on us. Face it, it's gonna happen sooner or later.


"Well NOW who's being the creepy pedophile?"

Still you.


"That money doesnt go to the government, in fact it goes FROM the government to some other group meaning its just COSTING us money"

That's the whole point of the government...

"Sounds like 82% of guys are some god damn COMMIES"

You obviously did not get the point of my last argument. It had something to do with- nevermind.

"But he did, and so if we had them and then lost them, it would look really weird."

Then God screwed the pooch on this one. Plus, we would adjust over time.

"So are nipples, as I have shown"

...I'll let the voters decide.

Thanks for the "debate," bench. Good luck in life...
imabench

Con

"Ima... child abuse means going New Jersey style on a young dude..."

And I HAVENT gone New Jersey style on a young dude........ yet



"Ever been to California? Bunch of brain-dead morons walking the streets groaning about the government."

That sounds like EVERY state in the US.....




"That "someone else" will turn out to be a prostitute (probably from New York) later. That's worse than Kentucky"

Not all prostitutes come from New York dude, they come from households where daughters want to do everything they can to piss off their fathers.




"Until they drop an atomic bomb on us. Face it, it's gonna happen sooner or later."

The Chinese people arent tall enough to be able to reach the big red button, I wouldnt worry about it.




"That's the whole point of the government... "

Again, the point of government is not to lay around all day and watch porn while everyone else is forced to carry the load.... Youre thinking of banking.




"Then God screwed the pooch on this one. Plus, we would adjust over time."

LOL, ok we of all people know that guys do not adjust to ANYTHING over time. Guys are the most unchanging and unevolvoing thing in the Universe. If it werent for women we all would still be in caves right now because there wouldnt have been any reason to change it to anything else. Why do you think all teenage guys dont like sunlight and have their rooms look like A CAVE?

===============================================================

In summary

Con concedes that Asian women do NOT have big boobs
Con concedes that if you break your own rib by slapping it you should see a doctor
Con concedes that there is NO evidence I went Jersey style on those young boys
Con concedes that women do NOT have gills or 7 pairs of eyes
Con concedes that the 140 excuses women tell me when they are not interested in me are getting old
Con concedes that if men didnt have nipples it would look pretty god damn weird
Con concedes that nipples are vital for performing the act of a "Titty Twister"

Now apart from those last two points, I have absolutely no idea what the rest of those things had to do with this debate.

Ah whatever, vote con!
Debate Round No. 4
2 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Posted by dtaylor971 3 years ago
dtaylor971
I know...
Posted by DudeStop 3 years ago
DudeStop
"Um, YEAH! If women had tails, or gills, or 7 eyes "

Dammit now you've made me aroused!
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Vote Placed by Wylted 3 years ago
Wylted
dtaylor971imabenchTied
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Total points awarded:33 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro gets conduct points and source points for the picture of the woman with huge boobs. Con had better arguments.
Vote Placed by Cooldudebro 3 years ago
Cooldudebro
dtaylor971imabenchTied
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Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: dtaylor makes a more valid points than ima. I rule in favor of the pro!
Vote Placed by bsh1 3 years ago
bsh1
dtaylor971imabenchTied
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Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: Roflmao. Thank you both for this--so funny! In troll debates, I tend to vote for the person who makes me laugh more. Bench, you pedophilic bastard, you win the arguments. Pro also makes several concessions that flow the round Con. Bench also had better spelling. This was a great debate, there were more arguments that I think could've been presented, but all in all very entertaining.