The Instigator
TheChristian
Pro (for)
Losing
0 Points
The Contender
james14
Con (against)
Winning
7 Points

In a relationship, your happiness is most important

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 1 vote the winner is...
james14
Voting Style: Open Point System: Select Winner
Started: 12/10/2014 Category: Philosophy
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 934 times Debate No: 66719
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (14)
Votes (1)

 

TheChristian

Pro

First-acceptance
Second-fourth-rebuttal and counterclaims
Last-conclusion
Pro-agrees with the title,con disagrees
james14

Con

All I can do is accept.

You are wrong and I will prove it.

Since you are a Christian, would Bible verses be okay?
Debate Round No. 1
TheChristian

Pro

They would be ok,but they wouldn't fit in a philosophy debate...anyhow, thanks for accepting. Firstly, In any relationship, the other persons happiness is important, because their happiness relies on your happiness,and vice versa. So if you aren't happy, no one is happy. Your move(that is the center of my thought)
james14

Con

I'm probably wasting my afternoon on DDO, but let me post this and then I'll stop!!

Maybe.

All Pro says (for argument) is:
"Firstly, In any relationship, the other persons [sic] happiness is important, because their happiness relies on your happiness,and vice versa. So if you aren't happy, no one is happy. Your move(that is the center of my thought)"

Okay. So if I am married, my happiness depends on my wife's happiness?

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I hope you've thought a little about that. Some arguments don't have to be refuted, they just have to be stated.

But, if you still don't get it, I'll refute anyway.
Relationships are centered around love. Love as in affection and caring for the other person, not as in sex. If you love that person, you should care about him/her and do what will make him/her happy or what will most benefit him/her. Why? Because what will make YOU happy won't always make the other happy, and what will benefit You won't always benefit him/her.

If a husband has an adulterous affair, will that make him happy?
Yes.

Will it make the wife happy?
No.

But why not? If the husband is happy the wife will also be happy, right? Nope. The wife wants the husband to be faithful to her. She doesn't want him to be extra "happy" if that "happiness" is at her expense.

Doing what will make YOU happy, regardless of the consequences, is stupid selfishness.

Doing what will make your wife/friend/neighbor happy, presuming it benefits them, is love, sacrificial love if it doesn't benefit you.

"If you aren't happy no one is?"

Not.

The world does not revolve around you or me, or him or her. If I make myself "unhappy" by paying what I owe to my creditor, he/she will probably be happy. That's just one example.

Pro, you need to learn that love is not just about making you feel better. It is about caring for others.
Debate Round No. 2
TheChristian

Pro

Well that is a good point, but say you are unhappy, over a job, horrible sex, ect. That would make your wife unhappy. So,both are dependant on each other. Love and sex are not the same. Sex usually requires love, but love does not necessarily include sex. I love my gf/bf/other, but i dont have to have sex with them (yes im bisexual,not the debate topic,moving on) and the no one refers to everybody in the relationship.
james14

Con

I do all that and Pro just says "say you are unhappy . . . that would make your wife unhappy."

That's it?

Yes, possibly, but as I pointed out that is not always the case. Anyway, if you really love someone you should do what will benefit him/her rather than what will benefit you with the rationalization that since you are happy the other person will be too.

Example: My X hates baseball. I love baseball (not really). I watch baseball because it makes me happy but at the same time I make X unhappy. If I care more about X's happiness than about mine I will switch off the baseball. If I don't, I'll keep watching. The latter is called SELFISHNESS, caring more about your own happiness than that of anyone else.

You say: Worry about your own happiness and the other person's happiness will take care of itself.
I say: Worry about the other person's happiness and your own happiness will take care of itself.

You see, love is all about caring for others. Without love (and, incidentally, God) life is meaningless, or at least depressing. In fact, if you really love someone, doing what they want rather than what you want will be really what you want to do, because you love them so much. Love is not about getting what you can. It is about giving what you can.
Debate Round No. 3
TheChristian

Pro

I tend to do this, but if you are unhappy, so is everyone. And if this were a real-world debate, i would call you ma`am. If you hate baseball, dont watch it, if you do, you watching it , if your ex actually cares about you being happy, it should make her happy. If not, she is not perfect for you.
james14

Con

If you are unhappy, so is everyone? Hopefully not! I already talked about this. Selfishness.

"If your ex cares about you being happy, it should make her happy. If not, she is not perfect for you?"

Really? That's the best you got? No wonder the divorce rate is at 50%! If my wife doesn't like everything I like (not that I'm married) then she's not "perfect" for me. If she doesn't like baseball, then, well, on to the next girl. No matter that she's got a charming personality, beauty, a great character, and likes just about everything else I'm interested in.

How about this? If you actually care about your wife (or ex, but saying ex implies the relationship is over) then how about you do what makes her happy instead of just doing what makes you happy and expecting her to agree with you?

Goodness. You're expecting the other person to do precisely what you're not prepared to do. Love is about giving and caring, not just about getting.

Why would you call me ma'am? Actually, I don't want to know.
Debate Round No. 4
TheChristian

Pro

I believe i may have strayed back away from my point. Calling someone ma`am shows humiliation, but not the point. If one person is unhappy, in a real relationship with empathetic connection, one persons happiness helps the other be happy, that was the point my argument was built around and unless you disarm it, it is still intact. If you are unhappy, in a relationship,it shows,adding stress to the others in your relationship, so if you keep yourself happy, it contributes to their happiness, and your relationship problem was hypothetical. This would be a point to deploy your Bible. Thank you for the lovely debate,it has been an honor.
james14

Con

The debate was about whose happiness was more important, yours or X's. To state that your happiness is more important because you being happy would make X happy would imply that X's happiness truly is more important. Anyway, I've already proven that your happiness doesn't always carry over to X's happiness, so the point is invalid.

Instead of worrying about keeping yourself happy so X will be happy, it is more logical to just worry about keeping X happy, and, since you love her so much, keeping X happy will keep you happy.

Again, thinking your own happiness is the most important thing is selfishness, which isn't great for relationships. I hope it is obvious who won this debate.
Debate Round No. 5
14 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by TheChristian 2 years ago
TheChristian
Unless im wrong, he just reworded my argument
Posted by TheChristian 2 years ago
TheChristian
Skeletor? Please hold all name-calling unless we are debating
Posted by rich123 2 years ago
rich123
your'e in the last round and james has a more compelling arguement than you do. Think it's pretty much over. Also if I wanna say something now I will you can't control me Skeletor.
Posted by TheChristian 2 years ago
TheChristian
Save opinions until voting
Posted by rich123 2 years ago
rich123
not buying it christian im on james side.
Posted by TheChristian 2 years ago
TheChristian
And for the record, i refer to everyone in the relationship
Posted by Thejackal 2 years ago
Thejackal
@TheChristian- The point I'm making is that yes, everyone has sinned... I am extremely guilty of this. But the idea is that we try to follow God's word to the letter and that we, as christians, should have a burning desire to become more Christ-like. Please note I'm not trying to start anything. Goodluck in your debate and I probably won't get around to responding for a while.
Posted by TheChristian 2 years ago
TheChristian
Yes im a bisexual, and you forget, there is a few verses,such as- all have sinned, snd the context has been ignored
Posted by Thejackal 2 years ago
Thejackal
1 question, TheChristan said that he was bisexaul in round 4? That contradicts his name, right? "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." Leviticus 20:13. Just want to clarify because I'm confused.
Posted by MattStPaul 2 years ago
MattStPaul
Bible verses "wouldn't fit in a philosophy debate"??? Really? Why not?
Philo - what's that mean? ... I can't remember ... something about knowledge ... wikipedia helped me:
"Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental problems, such as those connected with reality, existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language."
... I would think Bible verses would be a great starting point ...
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Bennett91 2 years ago
Bennett91
TheChristianjames14
Who won the debate:-Vote Checkmark
Reasons for voting decision: Pro's argument is very ego centered, Con shows that a relationship is more than just ego.