The Instigator
Clearys
Con (against)
Tied
0 Points
The Contender
grilojo
Pro (for)
Tied
0 Points

Is it possible to be romantically in love with more than one person at the same time?

Do you like this debate?NoYes+0
Add this debate to Google Add this debate to Delicious Add this debate to FaceBook Add this debate to Digg  
Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 0 votes the winner is...
It's a Tie!
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/11/2015 Category: People
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 391 times Debate No: 69885
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (0)
Votes (0)

 

Clearys

Con

1. Romantic love is a pleasurable feeling of emotional attraction toward another person.
2. Romantic love enables to individuals to be committed to one another.
3. This commitment is possible with only one other individual because it involves chemistry, attachment, the time and energy, and the security needed to pursue a life together.
4. In order to properly describe romantic love, it is important to differentiate between love and lust. Lust is a craving of a sexual nature, which usually dissipates once gratified, but can return a few hours or days later. Love is an intense feeling of affection or care towards an individual. Lust is short-term, while love is a lifelong commitment to one person.
5. It is possible to feel feelings of lust and attachment to other people, but this should not be confused for romantic love. Chemistry and attraction produces feelings of lust, however, once those feelings disappear and we still feel deep affectionate for our partner, then it is love.
6. Love is honesty and a commitment that involves you putting your all into a relationship, therefore there is not enough time, nor does one have the energy and ability to love many romantically.
7. Psychologically, "loving" two people at the same time would cause dissonance and therefore extreme pain to an individual thinking about their partner with someone else. This also signals in the brain that something is amiss.
8. Research done on individuals who claim to love multiple partners shows that they created two personas, and treated each partner differently- making sure to separate the two. This experience is not only stressful but takes the pleasure out of any relationships.
9. The more you love a person, the more time and energy you will give them. Romantic love needs to be worked for, it is not readily available, and also not easy to find.
10. Concurrent love is problematic because it is not very stable, research done in mormon communities shows that no family has successful reached the ideal of "loving everyone equally" for the long term.
11. Therefore, it is not possible to love more than one person romantically.

Non-controversial:
Premises 1, 2 3 and 7 & 8 because they are things we have agreed upon and research I have come across in my studies in psychology.

Controversial:
Premise 4, because one could argue that relationships require both lust and love. However, lust is something we can feel with almost anyone we have chemistry with. It is immediate and fleeting, where love takes not only a place in our hearts but in our lives.
Premise 5- again, the argument that both lust and love are mutual can be made. Although just because you are attached to someone and feel attracted o them does not indicate that you are indeed in love with that person. There is a difference.
Premises 6 and 7 may be controversial because they invoke time, which is perceived differently by different people. However, there literally is not enough time to put the proper energy and nurturing needed into a romantic relationship with more than one person.
Premise 10 can be argued but it is based on research done on concurrent relationships, which are mostly unsuccessful and very few have lasted. Most people have sought the love of a singular partner after failing to create a stable concurrent relationship.
grilojo

Pro

1. My partner and I have agreed that , Romantic love is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person.
2. It is possible to be in love with more than 1 person.
3. Open relationships allow you to be together with someone but allow you to see other people when you're apart.
4. People find it easier and more beneficial for open relationships and thinks it can actually keep you in love with your main partner.
5. There is no limited to how many people you can be in love with.
6. Monogamy doesn't exist in every culture. Muslims and Mormons are allowed to be romantically in love with one or more people.
7. Feelings toward different people are different, so you can have have different emotions or physical attraction towards different people.
8. Therefore, You can be in love with more than 1 person.

Non Controversial:
1- My partner and I have agreed on this definition of Romantic love.
5- Many people can agree with loving different people different ways
8- Because it is my conclusion.

Controversial:
2,3,4,6, and 7 Because we have different views on these topics at hand and I am willing to defend my views on this and can hopefully convince you to support the Pro side of this argument.
Debate Round No. 1
Clearys

Con

2.I'm curious to hear the explanations for how it is possible to romantically love more than one individual, and i'd like to see an expansion of this claim, so that I can properly evaluate it and my counter-argument.
3. Open relationships may allow you to have concurrent relations, but they do not guarantee success of said relationships. Open relationships suggest that you are not in love, they merely suggest that you are just experiencing affection with multiple people. If you are sexually involved with another, that does not mean that you love them. Under the assumption that romantic love spans all of these categories, i.e emotional, sexual, physical, mental, spiritually- it is therefore a commitment to all of these things. To make the argument that being in an open relationship suggests that an individual can love these people on the same levels is not substantial. A commitment to all of these things, and the willingness to nurture them, is what sets a romantic relationship apart from lust or infatuation.
4. I am counter arguing this because there is no substantial evidence that claims "most" people would find this to be beneficial. Despite this claim, the success rate of monogamous relationships is much higher than polygamous ones. Loving multiple people takes a lot of time, energy, and effort- and to keep up with this would not only be tiring but would ultimately lead to a failing relationship. Creating two personas in order to cater to these separate partners would create a dissonance, and eventually one would not be able to nurture both and would find this to be very stressful.
5. Although there is no "limit" to the amount of people you can love, this does not mean that you will love more than one person simultaneously. This does not even mean that is possible.
6. Monogamy may not exist in every culture, however many polygamist cultures designate wives for certain activities. These partners each have separate responsibilities to the household and to their husband. This does not prove that he loves them all equally, or that he loves them at all. This just proves that it is allowed, by religion and law, to be married to more than one individual. Being married to someone does not mean you romantically love them. There are instances where people become married for other purposes- such as taxes, and personal gain. Sometimes women are promised to men without choice, this does not guarantee a loving relationship. Point being, is that claiming that polygamy exists does not argue the point that loving these multiple partners simultaneously is possible. I would go so far as to argue that polygamy is in no way conducive to a loving relationship, because it neglects to promote any sort of commitment or trust among partners, which is essential for a lasting partnership.
6. Feelings are different among different individuals, however, arguing that subjectiveness is the main reason one cannot claim that is it neither possible nor impossible to be romantically in love with more than one individual, is a cop out. We can argue back and forth all day that things can be whatever a person feels, and we would come to no conclusion at the end of our argument if that were the case.
grilojo

Pro

4. You say that Relationships require lust and love but who says that cant be with more than one person. Someone could want to spice up their love life and have sex with more than one person that they care about or Just have sex at separate times with different people without being completely dedicated to one person.

5. You are right about getting lust and attachment and that being confused with romantic love. But people should have rights to be able to feel those ways towards multiple people. Those two things can lead to love which can cause a person to possibly be in love with multiple people.

6 and 7. There is definitely enough time for people to be romantically in love. In a recent study it showed that at least 37% percent of marriages or relationships fail because a significant other is found cheating. So that means that the one spouse finds time to sneak around with someone while living a life with someone.

10. I am arguing this because Ive read about a few Mormon families that are happy and everyone is loved equally. Ive read an Article that Mormons that can love more than 1 person and 87% of the families that follow this stay together. Thats more than any of the social norms that many people are use to.
Debate Round No. 2
Clearys

Con

For my Premise (4) I want to clear a few things up. Lust is completely different from love, and the two shouldn't be confused. The point I was making was that lustful relationships cannot constitute as love, for they are driven by physical attraction. There is no deeper connection on an emotional level. Although we desire our loved one on a physical level, it is not the entire basis of our relationship. The loving relationship is built upon a stronger foundation of emotional attraction, support, loyalty, etc. So yes, you can lust after more than one person, but that does not mean that you love that person. It only means that you desire them physically.

5. I am not arguing that people do't have the "rights" to feel the way they do. What I am arguing, however, is that it isn't merely possible. Lust more often than not does not lead to love because it is based solely on attraction at a physical level. As a result of this, a relationship won't last as long because there are not deeper connections that is has built itself upon. Lust is very similar to infatuation in that they operate on a level of attraction that is not conducive to a relationship. I cannot compare the two completely, as lust is purely physical and infatuation is an obsession, however, neither carries a huge success rate of developing into a romantic relationship because thy hold their basis in face value. They are built upon attractions at the surface. Not a deeper attraction.

Regarding my premise (6) and (7) this is exactly my point. They don't have the time, because their marriage failed. If they had the time to dedicate to both their spouse and their "other", then their marriage may still be working. Point being is that no one actually has the time or energy to sustain two relationships concurrently. Like you pointed out, 37% of marriages fail. This is ultimately because the one spouse could not keep it under wraps by keeping both personas separate. They also may not have been able to give as much attention or time to their spouse as usual because someone else was in the picture. Thus, leading to a failed relationship, and further proving my point that concurrent relationships cannot be successful.

Regardless of what this argument says about my premise (10), they very well might stay together and be happy, this does not mean that they are in love or love each other equally. What your argument proves is that they are willing to work at being one big family, and keeping it together as it is a part of their religion. This does not, however, have any bearing on the amount or to which extent they love each other, nor does it actually say hat they are deeply romantically in love. I would go so far as to argue that there are different levels of love. Meaning, sometimes we love people for who they are and what they bring to the relationships. As far as romantically loving someone, and wanting to share every aspect of your life with them, yo'd need to be able o give all of yourself to them. In which case, Mormons do not have the ability to do so. They are married to multiple individuals because that is their lifestyle. Their religion is based on polygamy- and has been for centuries. This is something they are born into, and unless they choose not to follow it, they know nothing of the world outside or polygamy and their religion. They have grown up only knowing of having multiple partners. Therefore, they continue along that same path. This does not mean that they are romantically in love with these multiple partners.
grilojo

Pro

For your premise 4 and 5: You are correct. Lust and Love are two different things. A lustful relationship and a loving relationship can happen at the same time though. For example, you can love to have sex with certain people, Love the way they look, and love the way they think. The topic we are arguing if we can "romantically love" more than one person. When you are getting romantic, people show it it different ways. Through gestures like holding the door open or giving them presents on valentines day or by getting physically involved with someone through sexual actions. It is possible to love more than 1 person. Like I stated earlier, It has happend before in situations.

Premise 6 and 7: You are misunderstanding my points. Im trying to say that people can find the time to love more than one person if they know how to handle the situation correctly. If someone has the energy and the passion to keep this up it can be done. Relationships like open relationships can work even if you love both people.

Premise 10: You misunderstood this one too. Im saying that people can have open relationships with those religions and it is possible to have a happy family and have multiple lovers. Taking the path they are suppose to isnt a bad thing and can be done. HAving multiple partners that you are in love with can lead to happier life because if one significant other is mad at you, you can be with your other significant other and it technically would not be wrong because you are just following along in you're religion.
Debate Round No. 3
Clearys

Con

1. Romantic love is a pleasurable feeling of emotional attraction toward another person.
2. Romantic love enables to individuals to be committed to one another.
3. This commitment is possible with only one other individual because it involves chemistry, attachment, the time and energy, and the security needed to pursue a life together.
4. In order to properly describe romantic love, it is important to differentiate between love and lust. Lust is a craving of a sexual nature, which usually dissipates once gratified, but can return a few hours or days later. Love is an intense feeling of affection or care towards an individual. Lust is short-term, while love is a lifelong commitment to one person.
5. It is possible to feel feelings of lust and attachment to other people, but this should not be confused for romantic love. Chemistry and attraction produces feelings of lust, however, once those feelings disappear and we still feel deep affectionate for our partner, then it is love.
6. Love is honesty and a commitment that involves you putting your all into a relationship, therefore there is not enough time, nor does one have the energy and ability to love many romantically.
7. Psychologically, "loving" two people at the same time would cause dissonance and therefore extreme pain to an individual thinking about their partner with someone else. This also signals in the brain that something is amiss.
8. Research done on individuals who claim to love multiple partners shows that they created two personas, and treated each partner differently- making sure to separate the two. This experience is not only stressful but takes the pleasure out of any relationships.
9. The more you love a person, the more time and energy you will give them. Romantic love needs to be worked for, it is not readily available, and also not easy to find.
10. Concurrent love is problematic because it is not very stable, research done in mormon communities shows that no family has successful reached the ideal of "loving everyone equally" for the long term.
11. Therefore, it is not possible to love more than one person romantically.

I still do not see the point your making about lust and love. Yes they are different and people express their feelings for another different, but that does not have anything to do with lust equating to love. Lust has nothing to do with love, and, in fact, is the complete opposite. So it does not argue the possibility of being romantically in love with one person.

I understand your points for premise 6 and 7 but I do not concede on my claims that it is not possible. Unless the case were that you are spending so little time with each individual that you couldn't give them enough attention and love they would need. There is not enough time to dedicate to multiple relationships, it would not last.

I don't really see how having multiple partners can lead to a happier life just because if one is mad at yo then you have the other. In fact, it could have more chances of leading to the complete opposite. Dealing with multiple partners swing in emotions and keeping up with them would prove to be very stressful. If one is mad, the other could also be- and even if they aren't this doesn't prove that it will make you happier at all. It will take more time and energy to keep your significant others happy because you have more than one.

I am not arguing if this is wrong, or moral- if we were we could go back and forth for a long time arguing these points. What I am arguing is whether it is merely possible, or impossible in my case. I never said anything about right or wrong in this entire argument.

Thus, I stand by my conclusion, romantically loving more than one individual simultaneously is not possible.
grilojo

Pro

1. My partner and I have agreed that , Romantic love is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person.
2. It is possible to be in love with more than 1 person.
3. Open relationships allow you to be together with someone but allow you to see other people when you're apart.
4. People find it easier and more beneficial for open relationships and thinks it can actually keep you in love with your main partner.
5. There is no limited to how many people you can be in love with.
6. Monogamy doesn't exist in every culture. Muslims and Mormons are allowed to be romantically in love with one or more people.
7. Feelings toward different people are different, so you can have have different emotions or physical attraction towards different people.
8. Therefore, You can be in love with more than 1 person.

Lust has alot to do with love. "Love has to arise out of lust. If you avoid lust, you will be avoiding the whole possibility of love itself. Love is not lust, true; but love is not without lust - that too is true. Love is higher than lust, yes, but if you destroy lust completely, you destroy the very possibility of the flower arising out of the mud. Love is the lotus, lust is the mud the lotus arises out of. Remember it; otherwise you will never attain to love. At the most, you can pretend that you have transcended lust. Because without love, nobody can transcend lust; you can repress it." (satrakshita.com) What this is saying is that you need lust for it to become love. So yes Lust has a correlation with love.

For your other premises the relationship may not last but that wouldn't stop you from falling in love and being romantic with more than 1 person. Yes it would take alot of time and effort to do this but it can be done and you can have a happy life if you play you're cards right with it.

Thus, I stand by my conclusion, romantically loving one person is very well possible.

http://www.satrakshita.com...
Debate Round No. 4
No comments have been posted on this debate.
No votes have been placed for this debate.