The Instigator
Chastidy.Melo85
Pro (for)
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The Contender
la_mun3ca158
Con (against)
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Is it possible to love two people at the same time?

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 1/15/2015 Category: Society
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 675 times Debate No: 68411
Debate Rounds (4)
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Chastidy.Melo85

Pro

1.) Romantic love is the feeling of passion, tenderness, and sexual desire for another individual.
2.) Many people are in successful open relationships.
3.) Many people's husband/wife die and they end up marrying other people and still claim to love their deceased spouse while being in love with their current spouse.
4.) Human feelings are so complicated that it is not feasible to completely strike out the idea that one person can be in love with two people at the same time.
5.) Many different countries/religions practice polygamy.
6.) In other types of love such as family love it is possible to love more than one family member at a time.
7.) Many people who are married also have other families with another person and live double lives because they cannot say that they are in love with more than one person at the same time and not avoid social stigma.
8.) People who are in love, can feel attracted to others.
(C) Therefore, it is possible to love more than one person at the same time.

Non-Controversial: Premises This is the dictionary explanation of romantic love. Love is an abstract concept and this is the best way to explain it in simple terms.
Premises 3 many people do claim to be in love with their deceased spouse because death does not make someone fall out of love with another individual it just forces you to live without them. It is possible to fall in love again after the death of their spouse and re marry, many people do. Premises 4 is non- controversial because human behavior is so complicated that a whole sub-section of psychology is dedicated to it-Behavior psychology. Premises 5 is non-controversial because this is indeed a fact many other countries and religions practice polygamy.

Controversial: Premises 2 is controversial because the scale for success cannot be objectively identified. This is a subjective claim that can be a point for dispute. Premises 6 is controversial because we are discussing romantic love this can be a point of dispute.
la_mun3ca158

Con

1. I agree with your definition of romantic love
2. Many people may be successful in open relationships but are they truly happy is it healthy for them. Being in an open relationship is bad because jealously eventually gets the most attention and then you begin to start comparing yourself with the other. Stress begins when you begin to try and make each of them happy. Eventually someone grows apart and just moves on to other different things
3 .You are right many husbands/wife that die and claim they still love their deceased spouse even if they have a new one. In fact they have Love(d) them you can"t love something that"s not here anymore. You have Loved them. They are not going to interfere with your new relationship since they are not here.
4. Yes our minds are complicated but we are a kind of species that love one at a time. There are certain creatures that practice a form of monogamy such as swans, wolves, penguins, and lobsters.
5. Many may practice polygamy but in New York you can"t marry more than one person at a given period of time with an individual. It is just morally wrong.
6. When it comes to romantic love you can only love one at a time, but you can have platonic love with just about anyone and anything.
7. You are wrong because some people who live double lives and may be married under another name somewhere often do it for money. For example I may be in a relationship here but someone in another country who may be illegal immigrants and want to come to the US need there green card so they have pretend to love someone else and just do it for the benefits.
8. You feel attracted to others but it is not like you are fully committed and putting all in or nothing, love takes a lot of energy. I can feel attracted to someone because I may have a desire for copulation.
9. Monogamous relationships are the best kinds of relationships.
10. A monogamous relationship has important advantages for us because it lowers depression, have a better healthy heart and boost your immunity.
11.There isn"t enough time in the world to love more than one person at a time due to the fact that time is a resemblance to what is real and it"s something we must put up with.
C. It is not possible to love more than one person at a time.
Non-Controversial: Premise 1
Controversial: Premises 3 see explanation above. Premise 4 not only do humans follow monogamy but animals and creatures as well. Premise 5 is just morally wrong some are forced to do these things based on their religion some practice it but do they really love them and give the time and energy and build goals together.
Debate Round No. 1
Chastidy.Melo85

Pro

2.) Emma Young, who is the wife of famous psychologist Carl Young accepted her husband"s second "wife" to live in the house. She claimed that Carl"s love for the second women Toni Wolf, did not in fact take away from the love he had for her. This is a successful open marriage in which jealousy and completion never derived from.
3.) It"s still love because the feeling you have the person still exist even if the person does not. So the word love will not be past tense in this situation.
4.) Our minds, behaviors and personality are complicated therefore you cannot generalize when it comes to humans. What works for one does not necessarily work for the other. My opponent cannot claim that we are the kind of species to love one person at a time because if that were so then polygamy would not exist and it does. People would not engage in open relationships and they do. Just because some people are against it does not mean our entire species is incapable of it. There are also animals that practice what we would consider polygamy such as; Bonobos, Bronze-winged jacana, Spotted hyena, Red jungle fowl, Walruses, Lions, Africanblue-headed lizard, Bottlenose dolphins, Hanging flies, and Brown antechinus.
5.) New York does not represent the human species as a whole. When referring to the human species you must talk about everyone in the entire planet and includes religions/ societies that do practices polygamy and do believe it is possible to love more than one person at a time. It"s also working under the assumption that whatever New Yorkers do is the "Correct" order of things and that is subjective. Also my opponent cannot claim something is morally wrong because morality is subjective unless you have an objective definition of it.
6.) Again there are people who are in romantic relationships with more than one person this is called open relationships.
7.) This is wrong because that is only using the example of illegal immigrants that are plenty of examples of both men and women who have no reason to live a double life but they do. Socially we look down on these people because the concept of being in love and married to more than one person at a time is not widely accepted but these people show that they can be in love and want to be married to more than one person at a time.
8.) Some attractions lead to affairs and some affairs lead to love. Although not all attractions lead to affairs and not all affairs lead to love but the fact that some do is enough to show that yes some people do fall in love with more than one person at a time.
9) A subjective claim. Many people in polygamous relationships can claim the same thing.
11.) Some people live by the motto that there isn"t enough time in the world to only love one person. If life is short then why condemn yourself to only living it with one person when there are so many other people in the world.
la_mun3ca158

Con

2. One case is not enough to convince anyone. Just because it worked for one psychologist doesn"t mean that it can work for someone else. Have you seen jerry springer? It does not work for many people some people who do deep down don"t really care for one of them. If they had to choose from one or the other, eventually the one chosen is the one who they really love and the other is just a mistress/side chick.
3. If the person were to be alive it will change everything but since the person is dead they have loved him/her. They will not be sleeping in the bed, they will not be needing for attention there wouldn"t be any jealous. There wouldn"t be any problems since they are dead. It"s not the same kind of love as if the person was alive.
4. Okay I agree with your point of view but in fact what you are implying is that we should act like animals instead decent human beings capable of using reasoning unlike monkeys. When we can and we should use reasoning and not rely on animals instincts.
5. New York many not represent the human species as a whole but NY has a better society and a better standard of living. The places and countries you are trying to debate are far more behind then NY. Some religions stone people to death is that ok? So why is it okay to have more than one?
6. Open relationships does not mean that the individual loves both of them. There"s a difference with making love to someone and just sleeping with someone.
7. I"m using one example to show you that it"s not always necessarily the case that it"s because they love the people and that"s why they living a double life. Like I said before it may or may not work for others. But until its 100% possible that it works for everyone you cannot claim that double life is solely based on love when there are other reasons other than being an immigrant as well.
8. Some attractions lead to affairs that may lead to love and that"s when that individual falls out of love with the first person and move on to the next. Then it becomes where they just care for the person and that"s it. While you think you falling for the next person which in fact is just infatuation you are falling out of love with the other merging into trying to love the next.
11. The more you love a person the more time, energy, money, devotion, building, and maintaining to do. It is not possible to do all of that x2 and then have your life as well. It gets a bit complicated. Where does time fall on the priorities list?
Debate Round No. 2
Chastidy.Melo85

Pro

2.) A show that is obviously made for entertainment purposes is not enough to prove me wrong neither. So if the people in the polygamous relationship are communicating and coming to agreements and disagreements about the rules and regulations and communicating to everyone when there is a problem then that type of jealousy would not be an issue.
3.) Just because the person is not physically there does not mean that it is not the same. We are talking about the feeling of love and how it can be felt for two people with the same strength.
4.) I was simply answering the point you made. So if you used animals in your point then are you implying that we are not acting as decent human beings? Also at the end of the day we are mammals even if we like to think otherwise. When we rely on basic human instincts this does not make us animals who do not act as decent human beings. Also relying on animal instincts is also necessary, for example people who find themselves stranded in an island or find themselves in a life threatening situations, use their basic animal instincts in this case it is absolutely necessary to rely on their basic human instincts. The idea of loving one person and being in a monogamous relationship is very territorial. Wouldn"t being able to get passed that make us logical reasoning human beings instead of savages who can"t get passed the concept of what is mine is mine like wolves. In using logic a person can freely decide and agree on the terms and conditions of their relationship and still love them.
5.) Saying New York has a better living standard is completely subjective. What is the scale for better living standards? This is a bias because you live in New York. Some people in New York claim to love more than one person at the same time. Does this mean they are behind their own society?
6.) That"s implying that because you're in a monogamous relationship you love the person. Monogamy does not equal love.
7.) You also cannot claim that it is not for love. There are instances as you mentioned that living a double life is one for necessity but there also instances in which the person leading the double life does not have a necessity to do so. Also many immigrants who live this double life also end up falling in love with the person they claim to only be with for papers while still thinking about their other spouse. Therefore this is an instance where a person could love two people.
8.) You cannot tell another person how they feel. While infatuation can often be mistaken for love it also true that it eventually dies out because it was never love. So how does this account for the people who are married and still holding an affair for decades? It is possible that they have not changed their situation which clearly is less than ideal for all parties involved because they are in love with both people at the same time.
11.) That statement implies that the person who is in love with both individuals would be taking care of both individuals by themselves. In the case that the person who is in love with both individuals is not in an open relationship then that person would have to take time for themselves regardless to sort out their feelings, but it is still true that they feel love for the other two individuals. In the case that the individual is in an open relationship then it makes it easier because all parties would take of each other it would not be one person putting in all the work by themselves because the point of an open relationship is to work together as a team and not to expect commitment to only one partner.
la_mun3ca158

Con

2. The show may be for entertainment purposes but it is based on real life situations. That do occur. Jealousy is always going to be an issue whether in a polygamous relationship or in a monogamous relationship. People may come to an agreement after words but it will always lead to jealously no matter what. Showing that open relations aren"t a breath of fresh air but rather complicated.
3. If you still love that deceased person you would not be able to move on and have a new relationship. I would imagine that it will be hard. For example in Indian culture some woman become Sati. Sati is "way of expressing sincerity and loyalty to their husbands, and also avoiding dishonor". And they did this after their husband death. They burn themselves to death after their husbands as to be close to them both in their life and in their afterlife.
4. No we are not being decent human beings we are being selfish human beings because you are continuing to look for something you are looking for in other people. And if you are still looking that means you are not satisfy with what you have.
5.Saying New York has a better living standard is totally not subjective it"s a fact. New York is more advanced, I chose New York because it is filled with different ethnicities from all around the world and is known to be the capital of world.
6. Monogamous relationships are benefiting and rewarding than any other type of "bed-hoping" relationship. Yes I am saying that being in monogamous relationship is loving that one person. No one is forcing you to be in a monogamous relationship but if you are in one that means that you have fully embedded yourself and your time into that person. You just don"t do that with anybody!To be with one person its because you are being true to yourself and your feelings because you come to terms with the fact that this is the one you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. If you in a Polygamous relationship its because you have yet to find the one you can accept whole. When you in love with someone you accept that as a whole and for what they are. Polygamous relationships don"t do that!
7. I can claim its not for love because it solely for money. Not only for money but just because people do it out of pleasure, they "want their cake and eat it too". For example: In a reality show called " Love & Hip-hop", One cast member left his girlfriend of 10 years who has 3 of his 8 kids, whom he claimed to love, yet left her for his side chick whom he later on made his wife. Something he wasn"t able to do for his than girlfriend whom he "Loves". This man claims to be in love with both women. His now wife is expecting her 1st child his 9th . On the show you see him avoiding his marital duties as a loving husband by not being there for his pregnant wife, who has a high risk pregnancy. And instead of being there, on the final days of her High risk pregnancy he chose to be with his ex-girlfriend and his 3 kids on a "business trip". Now that goes to show that when worse comes to worse love always comes first. His heart lead him to be with his ex-girlfriend in a time where his wife needed him the most. Him choosing to go on vacation with his ex-girlfriend showed his true feelings. You can"t love both and choose to be somewhere that only benefits you in his case being with his ex-girlfriend trying to make things work. Love is shown by actions.
8. People who are married and still hold an affair most likely can"t seem to come to terms with the fact that there relationship is over and are comfortable with what they have built with the person. Being comfortable with what you have built is a major reason why people choose to remain married and with hold an affair. People tend to misuse the word love and confuse it with lust. People seem to not fully understand what being in love really means.
11. The whole point of being in an open relationship is not to work together. Only the one loving both of the individuals is responsible for maintaining the open relationship with each partner. Not everyone as a whole. This is not a group project group effort isn"t needed. If you choose to be in an open relationship you should be able to handle it.
Debate Round No. 3
Chastidy.Melo85

Pro

1.) Romantic love is the feeling of passion, tenderness, and sexual desire for another individual.
2.) Many people are in successful open relationships.
3.) Many people's husband/wife die and they end up marrying other people and still claim to love their deceased spouse while being in love with their current spouse.
4.) Human feelings are so complicated that it is not feasible to completely strike out the idea that one person can be in love with two people at the same time.
5.) Many different countries/religions practice polygamy.
6.) My opponent is playing into a social gender stigma by assuming polygamy is only one man and multiple women. Polygamy exist in three different forms. These are the three forms; polygyny-the practice of men having multiple wives completely ignoring the other two forms such as polyandry-when women have multiple husbands. As to "this is not a group project" well yes, it is the third form is a group marriage where one doesn't have more than the other. Therefore your argument on polygamy is invalid.
7.) Animals such as lions practice what we would consider polygamous relationships.
8.) New York is not the living standard because although economically we are better off but New York holds one of the biggest crime rates. Are you saying its okay to be a criminal as long as where you live is more advance? Money does not equal decency nor more morality. What we are talking about is representation of people as a whole. As a whole many other places have diversity maybe not as much as New York but they are still human and do count as representation for their species!
9.) Logically speaking even in monogamous relationships problems do occur the key to all relationship is effective communication. You cannot tell another individual who consents to these terms that a polygamous relationship is not the right way to go because of certain societal bias. At one point it was seen as wrong for interracial relationships or same sex relationships to occur. The ideal of what relationships should be are societal constructs no one knows the correct way therefore whatever love or relationships mean to you should be the correct way for a logical, reasonable and consenting individual.
10.) You cannot prove someone does not love two people at the same time, unless you can read their minds.
11.) Just because we are people conditioned to believe love is between two people only does not make us correct. As we have seen during the times the standard of love changes by the times.Anything is possible.
(C) Therefore, it is possible to love more than one person at the same time.
la_mun3ca158

Con

1.Monogamous relationships are benefiting and also rewarding than any other type of bed- hopping
2.You develop a long term partnership something you don"t develop with just anyone
3.Loving more than one person at a time doesn"t mean you necessarily love them. Often people mistaken Love for Lust.
4.Love is an intense feeling of deep affection, feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment, a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. While Lust is a very strong sexual desire for someone.
5.Building and maintaining love takes a lot of work and effort.
6.There isn"t enough time to love more than one person at a time because time is a reality and we have to abide by that.
7.In nature one could argue that to be loving someone contains promising your deep affection exclusively, so the other can retaliate with confidence. Monogamous relationship is mostly expected
8.Animals such as wolves practice monogamous relationships
9.Monogamous relationships has important advantages for us such as it lowers depression, have a better healthy heart and boost your immunity.
10.Making love and sleeping with a woman are two very different interest/passion
11.What works for one may not work for another, jealousy is the root of all evil and makes you become critical of the many things the other may do. Jealousy can even drive someone to kill (Love Triangles are very deadly).
12.People who are in polygamous relationship are emotional dysfunctional because they don"t know what they want. They have commitment issues and basically want to have a type of relationship that does not deal feeling any vulnerability.
13.Back then woman were forced to have more than one partner, and even though they did they were not happy. They were oppressed. There were like property and traded around. There was no love they actually had no choice to have more than one partner that doesn"t mean the woman loved them.
14.Not all people who live double lives, loves both of the partners they are with. There are many cases on how people get away with legality and fake a marriage for their "Green Card".
15.Many don"t know how to differentiate Love with infatuation lust. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation meaning a lust that enhances to a limitless number of woman but is the desire for shared sleep and limited to one.
16.Generally speaking woman and men have goals when it comes to relationships Woman goals ultimately want a relationship on the other end Men ultimately just want to have sex with a woman then with another, and another.
C. Thus, it is why it is not possible of loving more than one person at a time.
Debate Round No. 4
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