The Instigator
ReginaP
Pro (for)
Tied
0 Points
The Contender
SmirkyMK
Con (against)
Tied
0 Points

Is it possible to romantically love more than one person at a time

Do you like this debate?NoYes+1
Add this debate to Google Add this debate to Delicious Add this debate to FaceBook Add this debate to Digg  
Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 0 votes the winner is...
It's a Tie!
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/12/2015 Category: People
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 383 times Debate No: 69933
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (0)
Votes (0)

 

ReginaP

Pro

1. All parties involved need to reach an agreement on what they define romantic love as. In this case love is based on trust, understanding, honesty, and intimacy

2. Intimacy does not have to mean being sexually intimate with a person or more than one person. It can mean to share your deepest thoughts and desires with another person and be totally open with them which can allow for a romantic love to develop.

3. Romantic love does not have to entail sexual relations but it can.

4. A healthy relationship is based upon the above information which can be found in more than one person at a time.

5. The feelings of romantic love are out of one"s control which can lead to a person being in love with more than one person at a time.

6. Polygamist relationships are multiple people having romantic love for one main person

7. Polygamists are aware that they are in a romantic relationship with someone who is also in a romantic relationship with other people. This is not considered cheating.

8. Therefore, it is possible to romantically love more than one person at once.

Non-controversial premises:

Premises 1, 3, and 6 are non-controversial. Premise 1 is non-controversial because it is simply stating what the grounds of romantic love are, which can be widely agreed upon. Premise 3 is non-controversial because it is known that there are people in the world who are in romantic relationships but do not take part in sexual relations. These types of people are considered asexual. And premise 6 is also non-controversial because it is the definition of polygamy.

Controversial Premises:

Premises 2, 4, 5 and 7 are controversial.

2. Being intimate with someone is about becoming close to that person and having a feeling of attachment and secureness. That feeling can come from anything, it does not have to come from sexual relations.

4. Trust, understanding, honesty and intimacy are the foundation of a healthy relationship and it is more than possible to experience those things with more than one person simultaneously. Just because you love one person does not necessarily mean you lose any love for the other person.

5. It is often said that you cannot control who you fall in love with and I have seen this happen to many people. Love can take over your psyche and as much as you want to fight the feelings, the feelings will remain.

7. Polygamy is not considered cheating because the people involved are aware of the actions that are taking place outside of their realm of control and are accepting of it.
SmirkyMK

Con

1.) True romantic love is rare, authentic, something that is precious and shared with one person, unexpectedly. The feelings must be 100% mutual, or else that love will be mistreated and the value will diminish. True romantic love occurs one at a time; if one is unfortunate to have lost love for someone, they will find another, but being in love (not falling in love) should not happen simultaneously because then the love is not true or pure.

2.) What is defined as romantic love in this case, loved based on trust, understanding, honesty, and intimacy, is agreed upon by both parties.

3.) It is highly possible for a person who is romantically in love with more than one person, to show favoritism toward one partner more than the others. This may be a very dangerous, key conviction that can destroy relationships.

4.) Polygamy is clearly understood and it may not be considered cheating since all involved are aware of how their love is being spent. However, in order to assure and attain a healthy relationship based upon trust, honesty, understanding, and intimacy, a polygamous relationship may lead to problems based on possibly having serious feelings toward partners they care more for.

5.) Monogamy is basically giving and receiving love between a person and solely one partner. It is a relationship that is accepted by most, and sharing trust and honesty is confirmed in such a relationship.

6.) I agree that one cannot control who they fall in love with.

7.) It"s true that control, to an extent, is something not all people have, but some do. Also, control vanishes when amidst a true love; It is reaching that point of a certain extent in which control can exist no longer, only in the face of a one and only true love.

8.) Therefore, it is not possible to romantically love more than one person at the same time.

Non-Controversial:

Premise 1, 2, 5, and 6 are non-controversial. Premise 1 is the idea of true romantic love, the statements are original and cannot be argued against. Honesty is a characteristic of romantic love, that is why it is ok to mention true romantic love. I am also stating my grounds on what being in love means and how important it is. Premise 2 is the agreement both parties have, on what is defined in this case, as romantic love. Premise 5 is my definition of monogamy. Premise 6 is an agreement on the fact that falling in love is uncontrollable.

Controversial:

Premises 3, 4, and 7 are considered debatable.

3.) It is highly possible, although it is still a true statement.

4.) Although the definition of polygamy is agreed upon and the idea of what a healthy relationship is, is understood under my terms, it is possible that serious feelings may or may not develop, considering the personality(type of people they are) of those who are in this type of polygamous relationship. If feelings do become serious, people become less accepting of the matter.

7.) Control is something that some people have and some don"t; It is an advantage that is attained through practice, so it is possible to tame. If the romantic love is true, then it is considered a dominating influence that is unchanging, but that is only if.
Debate Round No. 1
ReginaP

Pro

1.) I agree with your statement about romantic love being rare, authentic, something that is precious. However, we are discussing romantic love which, I believe, is something different than being in love which you stated in premise one. There is a difference between being in love with a person and romantically loving a person. You can love someone or more than one person without ever being in love with any of them. The topic is about romantically loving more than one person, not being in love with more than one person.

3.) I agree that favoritism can lead to issues if you are romantically involved with more than one person but that is not always the case. People in open relationships and polygamist relationships are fully aware that favoritism is a possibility in the relationship. And although emotions can get the best of us they know not to let jealousy ruin the relationship.

4.) My response to premise three applies to premise four as well.

7.) I disagree with your statement regarding control being nonexistent only when faced with a true love. Most of the time you cannot even control you have a crush on which is the most menial aspect of romantic love there is. When it comes to love, of any kind, your feelings overpower your mind.
SmirkyMK

Con

1.) I agree that you can love someone or more than one person without ever being in love with any them, but you cannot romantically love more than one person like such, in the sense that what we defined romantic love as, is having four factors of trust, understanding, honesty, and intimacy. It is intimacy that separates a romantic love from a familial love or love for a friend (strictly friend-zone). What you are saying, the way the sentence was worded, applies to all forms of love, other than romantic love.

2.) To defend my point further more, romantic love is authentic, rare, and precious, which I had mentioned before. Romantic love leads to becoming in love with someone, just one person, for
these special qualities. When love is truly authentic, it belongs to the one and only who deserves it for seeing it in its raw form, and appreciating the person who expresses his/her romantic love for them.

3.) Jealousy actually can ruin a relationship because feelings are always involved in any relationship. Polygamous relationships involve these feelings invoked by romantic love and the act of sharing each other without the certainty of loving all equally, happening sometimes unexpectedly.

7.) Is it really true or practical that feelings overpower the mind? Can it really be that people want to believe and convince themselves this is the case, due to which the fact that humans think this way is because we choose the idea that is more favorable/pleasurable to the mind?

8.) Love is special in a way which can most certainly cloud and confuse the mind, but romantic love also deals with making sacrifices and choosing what is best for both partners. This is called having control, the ability to make sacrifices in a romantic relationship based on certain situations, together, in the face of real love. Although other people may be the cause of or, have a part in difficulties between two romantic partners, it should do nothing to faze them because they know they have each other, they are a team.

5.) People fall in and out of love all the time, based on their emotions and feelings, which is uncontrollable in that sense. However, when two partners are dependent of each other, they are understanding of what is best for the both of them, and they agree upon these things together, while retaining what is defined as romantic love and retaining control, simultaneously.

6.) One cannot romantically love more than one person at a time, because the bond between two people assures truth in honesty. A person can tell if their romantic partner does not love them anymore, in most cases.
Debate Round No. 2
ReginaP

Pro

1.) I disagree with your statement regarding that intimacy is what separates romantic love from familial love. As I stated in round one, it is my opinion that intimacy does not have to include being physically intimate with another person but rather being close to their mind and to their soul. Usually intimacy is most related to romantic love however and if the connection is there then you can be intimate with more than one person at a time.

2.) Romantic love is indeed precious and rare even when you have those feelings for more than one person at a time. A relationship between two people is simply that, a relationship between two people and only two people. If a person is in two separate relationships at once what happens in one relationship has nothing to do with what happens in the other relationship. The same goes for polyamory and polygamy, the love that is between each of those people is private and precious and only for them to share in and appreciate.

3.) Although this may not always be the case for everyone and every relationship but I do believe that feelings most of the time overpower the mind. There are usually two conflicting powers controlling you when it comes to love and that is the heart and the mind. The heart wants what it
wants and if you have strong enough feelings for two people at once you will listen to your heart and love them both simultaneously.

4.) I agree with this statement because it ties in what I stated before about a relationship being only about those in the relationship. Outside noise and drama should not effect a relationship and the people involved in that relationship because they are strong enough as a team to look passed it and motivate one another to rise above and be better.

5.) I agree with this statement only because it can be applied to someone who romantically loves more than one person as well. They want the best for everyone involved which may include making sacrifices and taking control of situations to better the situation.

6.) I disagree with this statement. A bond between two people does reiterate their trust and honesty for one another. But look at is this way, just because you trust one friend does not mean you cannot trust anyone else. The same goes for romantic love, as long as the four main qualities we previously discussed are there, trust, understanding, honesty and intimacy a person can romantically love as many people as they want.
SmirkyMK

Con

1.) In round one, you stated that, "intimacy does not have to mean being sexually intimate with a person or more than one person". I never mentioned physical/sexual interactions or attractions among the status of romantically loving someone and intimacy; We were already clear with what both of us agreed romantic love is defined as in this sense. In a romantic relationship, intimacy, that special connection, is what leads to a potential love for someone.

2.) You cannot romantically love someone without ever being in love with them, because it is intimacy, as a factor of romantic love, that determines only one true love and does not apply to familial love. Sure you can have a deep connection with more than one person at a time, but there is always something more special about one over the other(s), that separates that form of intimacy and separates one person from the other, romantically. An authentic love is derived by an original, intimate connection.

3.) Polygamy is the practice of sharing each other romantically, there is no privacy because the relationships are in the open and known. I believe that people who are polygamous are more likely to think they are happier and less likely to have stability in their love life. They can later see that the happiness is not real happiness, that the purpose of having a romantic love is finding one"s other half, not sharing "love" romantically with all. See, real love is experiencing romance with one other person, and finding the part of oneself that is missing or giving that one part to your partner to make them whole. It works both ways, between both people.

4.) If someone is in two different relationships at once, I believe that what happens in one relationship does indeed have an effect on what happens to the other, because people can"t help but compare others to others and always find something better about one versus the other romantic partner.

5.) Feelings can rule the mind and ruin relationships without a doubt. If someone has romantic love for more than one person, they are free to have these feelings, that may have increased over time. However, if someone has a potential love for another and is already seeing someone romantically, they can convince themselves that it is completely normal and fine to feel these things, which it is, but they cannot escape the fact that it is wrong. It is wrong to continue loving one person while seeing other people and having romantic relationships with them as well, knowing it can hurt everyone involved. If they know that they have the capability of doing the right thing (conscious mind) and they choose not to for personal satisfaction and selfishness, it is wrong. There is a difference between subconsciously doing something and consciously doing something, and both do exist (feelings exist in the subconscious mind, the ability to reason exists in the conscious mind).

6.) I believe that friendship can be easily attained by these qualities of trust, understanding, honesty, and intimacy, and one can love more than one person as friends, not lovers. Romantic love however, in most cases derives from a deeper connection and attraction among each quality. You can trust one person who you share a romantic connection with, more than you can trust a close friend, there"s a difference.
Debate Round No. 3
ReginaP

Pro

1. All parties involved need to reach an agreement on what they define romantic love as. In this case love is based on trust, understanding, honesty, and intimacy

2. Intimacy does not have to mean being sexually intimate with a person or more than one person. It can mean to share your deepest thoughts and desires with another person and be totally open with them which can allow for a romantic love to develop.

3. Romantic love does not have to entail sexual relations but it can.

4. A healthy relationship is based upon the above information which can be found in more than one person at a time.

5. The feelings of romantic love are out of one"s control which can lead to a person being in love with more than one person at a time.

6. Feelings most of the time overpower the mind. There are usually two conflicting powers controlling you when it comes to love and that is the heart and the mind. The heart wants what it
wants and if you have strong enough feelings for two people at once you will listen to your heart and love them both simultaneously.

7. Polygamist relationships are multiple people having romantic love for one main person

8. Polygamists are aware that they are in a romantic relationship with someone who is also in a romantic relationship with other people. This is not considered cheating.

9. Therefore, it is possible to romantically love more than one person at once.

My argument that it is possible for a person to romantically love more than one person at a time still stands. The premises outlined in round one remain true even after my opponent tried to refute them. Premise five in my opponent's round three proves my point further because she is agreeing with me that feelings overpower the mind when it comes to romantic love. She claims that it is wrong to romantically love more than one person at a time but does not explain why based on the premise that your heart overpowers your mind. I hold on to the belief that it is possible to romantically love more than one person at a time based on what has been stated.
SmirkyMK

Con

1.) The agreement on what we defined romantic love as, still stands. In this case, romantic love is based on trust, understanding, honesty, and intimacy, agreed.

2.) Intimacy does not involve sexual relations, and romantic love does not, in this case, encourage sexual relations. Intimacy is an authentic connection between two people, it"s a special characteristic of romantic love shared amongst solely two partners. The potential for authentic romance relies on the deeper connection that intimacy ignites and conducts.

3.) A monogamous relationship is basically committing oneself romantically to only one partner. It is a relationship that is accepted by most, and sharing trust and honesty is confirmed in such a relationship.

4.) My opponent has agreed on the fact that favoritism is a possibility in a polygamous relationship, and it can cause problems.

5.) My opponent mentioned a point that claims my stance to be correct, using the word "team" in round 3 to describe what I had stated about romantic partners not being fazed in face of threats to their romantic relationship. I was clearly applying that two people involved in a romantic relationship are indeed a team, depending on each other.

6.) Feelings are always involved, of course. Feelings and emotions can cause conflict in a relationship, especially when one or more people are involved in sharing one"s romantic love like such. Feelings may be strong enough to attain influence over one"s self-control, however, biologically there are parts of the brain that control everything, including feelings.

7.) I have stated why, based on your premise that feelings overpower the mind, that romantically loving more than one person at the same time is wrong. It is the existence of the subconscious and conscious mind that control and direct emotions/feelings. This proves my point made about control as well, the possibility of having control and using it. The level of maturity in a romantic relationship between two people stimulates control, having the ability to sacrifice themselves in ways only worthy/meant for one another. It is simply wrong to do some things that seem to just feel good; Just because something might feel right in the moment, doesn"t make it right in reality.

8.) It was actually my opponent who never really answered questions I had stated in round 2, even if they were not meant to be directly answered, my opponent didn"t even consider them to mention the ideas in the following rounds. These were my critical questions: "Is it really true or practical that feelings overpower the mind? Can it really be that people want to believe and convince themselves this is the case, due to which the fact that humans think this way is because we choose the idea that is more favorable/pleasurable to the mind?"

9.) My argument that it is not possible for a person to romantically love more than one person simultaneously, still stands. My premises are all still true and possible, although points were disagreed upon by my opponent.
Debate Round No. 4
No comments have been posted on this debate.
No votes have been placed for this debate.