The Instigator
Ashley_95
Pro (for)
Tied
0 Points
The Contender
Philomena3
Con (against)
Tied
0 Points

Is it possible to romantically love more than one person at once?

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/10/2015 Category: People
Updated: 1 year ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 343 times Debate No: 69804
Debate Rounds (4)
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Ashley_95

Pro

The topic of loving two people romantically is a widely talked about topic that usually goes in to a heated debate. Although most might argue against the topic I am one to say I agree that we can love more than person. I think we can all honestly say we have gone through a stage where we have fell for two people at the same time and got stuck wonder who to choose. This mostly occurred during our teenage years when we started to develop different feelings toward the opposite sex. We see this boy or girl we like so we crush on them until it becomes something more, other people talk to you and you get attracted to them and all of a sudden your stuck between the two not knowing how to go at the situation. In the most ever popular show "Scandal" Olivia Pope played by Kerry Washington, she plays the role of the woman who everyone runs too when they are in trouble and never want anyone to find out about it Olivia fixes the problem. But Olivia has problems or her own; she is stuck between two men who happen to be the most powerful men in the country, the president of the United States who she is constantly having an affair with and Jake who is the leader of one of the government services. While both men are in love with her, she is stuck between choosing but she in confused. Just Olivia we can for two men or even two women. While this maybe just a show it is still relatable in our everyday lives. Loving a person romantically does not mean you love them on the same level. Now if the question was; "is it possible to equally love two people romantically?" then that would be impossible. Loving two people is highly possible because no two people have the same personality and there can be one person who fits half the characteristics your want in a person and the other fit the other half. If our parents can love us and our siblings equally why can"t we love two people equally? Remember we can"t control our feelings and we don"t just pick and choose who we fall in love with. Just like how you don"t choose who your family members are it just happens, it the same way. If you have multiple best friends and love them why can"t it be the same with two people? I do not know whether it is true or not but, I have always heard that you can never really get over your first love and if you do there is a small part of you that still have some sort of feelings left for that person. So you will always love them or even if it isn"t your first love just someone who you thought you would spend forever with, that person ends up being the one you love no matter what. So when you do move on and love someone else, even though you might love this new person it is slightly possible that you are in love with the other person from before, which would mean you are in fact in love with two people. Those who love two people and really put those feelings in to actions are setting their selves up for failure because when it all said and done they will have to choose between the two or lose them both because they have waited too long or found out about the other person. This is where you choose who makes you happier, who fits the characteristics that you are willing to accept. Whose faults do not bother as much as the other person? Consider your feelings and the feelings of the other people involved. In conclusion you can"t help who you fall in love with, so falling in love with two people is something normal though it might sound rare it is not. We love our family members and for those of us who have big families, we love them just the same so there is oddly no difference just the content in which you love them. Remember we don"t pick and choose who we love, or why we even love them our hearts do so why not love two people? Nothing is impossible. So yes while it is impossible to love two people equally it is however not impossible to love two people at once because no two people have the same personality and there can be one person who fits half the characteristics your want in a person and the other fit the other half.
Philomena3

Con

Am totally against the fact that we human blame our actions based on our feelings, its impossible to love more than one person romantically because when it comes to the term love, people mistake it for a lot of things and LUST is the most popular one. Yes its possible to lust after someone you think matches your criteria but then again how long would that last. Claiming to love more than person is an act of selfishness because when something goes wrong on one end, they run to the other for comfort, loving one person romantically is hard because you have to put up with their flaws and you would want them to do the same as well. Now the my opponent used the television show SCANDAL as an example, most females wouldn't want to be in Olivia's situation because as time goes by, she gets confused more and more going through the same phase of been in love with the president and Jake( her boyfriend). Now if Olivia was asked to pick one man out of the two perspective men, she would not be able to make the choice because she is used to both of them, now my point is why go into something deep when you know coming out would be difficult. Personally i cant love more than one person romantically, there's a limit when it comes to love, however, equally there's no way you can love more than person romantically, i agree with my opponent on that. When it comes to parents and their children, the love is totally different irrespective of their differences and that is called unconditional love. The mind has own way of working and so is the heart, the last thing a person would want to is to be attracted to more than one person knowing fully well how the body system works. Majority of the people who are single today, would tell you they walked away from their relationship because they wasn't satisfied and when you dig down into their story, then you will find out there was a third person in the picture, now that person might who they they had an affair with and when it became too confusing to the extent that they felt like someone was going to get hurt, walking away from everything seems like the only choice to them. If we take a look at where it all started from which is the bible, God created eve to be Adams companion, now eve was told not to eat a certain fruit from the garden, every other fruit she was allowed to eat but that where the human mind comes into action, eve knew the consequences of eating that one fruit and she went disobeying Gods order, people might see this has been brave and taking risk but we all know there's always consequences mostly when we dare our selves into trying something we know its wrong. Love is not an easy game, its not a win win situation, its either you play someone or you get played. A long the way that comes back to bite you because you might be involved with someone who is also seeing someone else and for example imagine if the other person gets chosen over you, then you feel hurt and think its not fair because you might you loved that person more than the other who got chosen. i guess we can call that been played by fate. like i said said earlier on, its impossible to romantically love more than one person at once and my reasons still stands firm, which are lack of focus, confusion, and unhealthy mental stability when it comes to relationship. Unhealthy mental stability would affect not only your romantic relationship , it would affect your friendship with other people as well, therefore relationship and friendship wouldn't be a constant factor in your life, because you would loose anyone who comes into your life.
Debate Round No. 1
Ashley_95

Pro

In this debate between loving two people romantically we see how my opponent basically contradicted her self by using my example of the show "Scandal" she says that you can't love two people at the same time but then she says that basically if you do love two people at the same it becomes confusing. If that's the case why would it be so confusing to choose between the two if you didn't love them both? If it's lust then it shouldn't be so hard to choose. The Internet defines lust as sexual desires, how does that compare to loving someone romantically? Bring love in comparison with lust causes a confusion in the true meaning behind this topic. In Olivia's case , she loves Jake and the president and we see this because she doesn't have sexually desires but she wants a real future with both guys that's where her confusion comes in . If it was only for the sex or for as my opponent say it's only lust then the sexually desires would be for filled by the one that she loves but giving the fact that she LOVES both causes the problem of confusion. I agree that most females wouldn't want to be caught in Olivia's situation but what you fail to realize that WE DONT CHOOSE WHO WE FALL FOR. Our hearts are the ones who choose who we love so, yes it might be hard to be in that situation but it happens. Then my opponent also contradicted her self when she says that most females shouldn't want to be in Olivia's situation. If Olivia isn't in love with both men then why wouldn't females want to be in Olivia situation? Your basically saying that the being In love with two people is too much of a hectic situation so no one wants to be in that situation, which means you agree with me. And again you said you personally can't love two people but I will repeat my self again,you do not choose who you fall in love with so if you can fall in love with one person you can fall in love with another. You don't tell your self, I won't fall for this person because he's this not for me, your heart chooses.
You said that the love between a child and its parents or any family member of that matter is called unconditional love which apparently differs from the love you share with a partner, so does that mean you can't love your soul mate or your inmate partner unconditionally ? When people find their soul mates or have been marriages for year and years their love becomes just as unconditional as the next person. The love between you and your parent is the same thing as loving two people the only difference would be the extent in which you love this person. If you agree and say that you can't love two people equally then why can't you love two people at the same time, but on different levels ?
Your response is some what confusing too me, you tend to say that people who are single most likely had a three people on their life. That is not true , those two people could have lost interest or something more drastic happened. Now saying that there was a third people means that their was love involved so you do agree that you can love two people at once. And saying that the person isn't satisfied can be true because who knows, you can be in love with two people because one fits some of your needs and the other fits the rest so both people together fits your needs completely. Your reference to the bible does not sit well with me. Mostly because God made Adam and Eve which is two people neither of them were in love with other people and the fruit that they both took part of does not have anything to do with love but it has something to do with obedience. Being in love with two has nothing to do with disobeying anyone. As for the guilt , loving two people romantically doesn't mean you are dating both of them so in a way there is no way for you to feel guilty. It's basically the same thing as those people who do online dating you go on a number of dates to see which one of the people fits the characteristics of what you want in a man or a woman. In the end it's not considered playing someone if you aren't dating them and it's just the talking stage. If you can date people and break up and move on but still love them it's the same thing nothing different
Philomena3

Con

In as much as my oppnet tries to make the situation much comfortable or appealing, its still not right to go into an affair with more than one person knowing fully well the consequences. Some experts expressed their opinion about loving one person romantically, according to an anthropologist, Helen Fisher, she stated that people have three mating drives: lust, romantic love and long term attachment. You can love one person and lust for another, also she said you can't feel romantic love for two people at the same time. My oponent said i contradicted my self by saying the television show "Scandal" is all about confusion and act of selfishness, moreover my point is still firm, loving more than one person romantically is impossible, there's so much feelings being developed when you claim to love someone romantically, this includes your emotions and how you feel about this person. Now the term Romantic according to the merriam webster dictionary, it defines romantic as involving love between two peoe or making someone think of love suitable for romance. My opponent also mentioned that we can't help who we fall in love with, therefore it is acceptable to love more than one person, I totally get where she's coming from so i would love to know if she can be involve with more than one person romantically? As of today we see all over the television, the damages Of loving more than one person has cost, like i said most relationships got ruined because of the choices they made. Personally i went through the same thing of trying to love more than one person, as time goes by I realize that my long term relationship was falling apart because my attention was been divided and I didn't love the other person, i was just using him to get over my pains which is selfish. Leading people on a part as confusing as love, can make one loose everything, i lost everything and had to start all over again thats why i stick to my point that loving more than one person is absolutely impossible.
My opponent said lust is sexual desires, to me its a natural feeling just like been hungry or sleepy and you can learn to adjust to them. When it comes to love, it's ultimately about the choice and ability to build something with someone. Another anthropologist William Jankowiak argues that human beings are not sexually monogamous but are emotionally monogamous. He says you can"t be in love with two people at the same time, at least not in the same way. Jankowiak has studied polygynous cultures, and he says that even in societies where a man is supposed to love all of his wives equally, he "found they could not pull it off." The husband always secretly has one favorite wife, the wife he"s really in love with. Jankowiak refers to this as "illicit monogamy. I would conclude by saying theres no way someone can love more than one person, theres always favoritism when ot has to do with more than one person, even parents have favoritism when it comea to their kids, yeah thats not true but its natural to give more attention to one person more the others. I can honestly say my parents love my younger brother more than me because as time passes, am getting older and they see i can take care of my self so the attention goes to my brother, however they love both of us but not equally most times. Loving more than one person romantically causes a lot of negative tension like i mentioned earlier on, the confusion, the lies and deceit comes into action when you have to constantly balance in between both relationships. Theres no way an individual can have romantic love for more than one person, it doesn't seem healthy for the person, psychologically it would affect you in a long run, because if the person is used to being with more than one person then in the future they wouldn't be able to cope, i am saying this not just justify my points but to also say that when someone claims to develop feelings for another person, they have to make sure they know what it is, theres a thin line between Lust, likeness and Love.
Debate Round No. 2
Ashley_95

Pro

I am not trying to make this a comfortable situation nor am I trying to cover up the truth I am stating facts with this situation and this a fact that you seem to be lacking. My opponent is so stuck on the word affair when that has nothing to do with what I just said. How can you have an affair if you aren't dating a person ? Is that even possible? Those who are signed up for dating sites and go on dates every other night with different people, does that mean they are having an affair with every person they are on a date with ? I looked up Helen Fisher and I see nothing about loving two people romantically. In fact she talks about she talks about the three mating drives: lust, romantic love and long term attachment when she writes about the topic of love and cheating which doesn't help your point.
Me saying that you contradicted your self is not act of selfishness it is the truth. How am I being selfish because your basically going against your own argument ? In reality it isn't called leading someone on if you truly in love with the person . You tend to go back to saying that it's cheating, you also use you example of you being in a relationship. Now that's where your wrong, because you continue to say the person is in a relationship and they aren't. You lost everything because your mind was caught up with someone else doesn't make something impossible because you had such a hard time with the situation makes it totally possible. Your definition of lust does not matter to be honest not to be rude or as you would call it selfish it really doesn't matter what your definition is because me and you are two different people you cannot just say a word and expect us to have the same meaning in our heads. What means something to you means something totally different to me. Lust is a sexual desire which is what it's is defined was in the dictionary. Saying that it's is a natural feeling is somewhat correct although not everyone feels lust and comparing that to sleeping and hungry does not fit your point because at some point we call feel hungry or we all feel sleepy but at some point we may not all feel lust. Love does come down to the feeling of wanting to build something with someone but can't you love two people and want to build with both of them ? I mean why is that so impossible? Your anthologist Mr. Williams touches on the point of not being able to love two people the same way . Exactly my point , the level of love you have for one will not be the same for the other which in all actuality that is considered impossible. You fail to realize that your points are not valid . You tend to say loving two people romantically is impossible but saying that you can't love two people equally actually says you can love both of them it not on the same level which is exactly what I've been saying this whole time and the augment about your parents are exactly my point which you have agreed to many times. If it is so called impossibly to love two people then why would it be hard to cope in the long run ? Okay will try another example for you I'm pretty sure you watch twilight we all have and you know and you see how Bella was in love with Jacob and Edward I mean at the end of the day she had to choose between which one she wanted to be with the most. But either way she still love them both. Look there's no way to really go against this we've all had situations where we sat there and thought that we love to people and yeah we did love up two people our hearts are big enough to love two people but it's just not big enough to be with two people. Yes it's sad to say and it's hard to really cope with but we've all thought of two people and it's kind embarrassing to sit there and say yeah I love to people and really couldn't choose who I love more but in all reality you just can't love them equally that's where the problem comes in and there's always one that's better than the other, one that's has a better personality than the other one ,then the other one who does seems to stick out to you more than the other day but that all falls down the line of personality.
Philomena3

Con

in as much as my opponent states her points clear, an affair doesn't mean you are dating the person, i would define the word affair as a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration. now i am guessing my partner would agree with me on that because if some tells you they are having an affair with someone, the first thing that comes to your mind is sex, the word affair connects with sexuality, Romans or something done secretly. dating is more of an open relationship because people probably there is something going on between the both of you, an affair seems to be more intense with feelings involved so you don't have to date the person for it to be called an affair and i hope we can agree to that based on he points i made about it. why we are talking about online dating, i would like to express my opinion about it. first of all online dating is not reliable, few people do it just to try their luck and am not saying it doesn't work but i know people would prefer the old fashion way of meeting a guy and possible falling in love with them, not just talking to a stranger you meet online and set up a date, this can really go bad because majority of the people you going to meet might not even fit your description of someone you want to be with; therefore, i wouldn't advise people to that but then again we are humans and human beings hate been bored with life so online dating is something people do just to see if there is "hope" in terms of meeting that potential partner.
i wouldn't associated the term cheating with been selfish because people tend to go out of their way and do things they would probably not be proud of but we are humans; moreover what i meant by been selfish because you are not considering the other person feelings at all, you cant awaken somebody's feelings knowing that you not putting your all into it. Its not possible to have an equal amount of love between two people, you might love them but there's always that one thing that people do to have connection. ***Often times, people cheat because they aren't satisfied. They go outside of their relationship in search of what their current partner lacks. For example, if their current partner argues a lot, they may feel overwhelmed and look for someone to fulfill what they lack. now that does not mean they were involved with more than one person and that's what am trying to explain to my opponent, i didn't contradict my self because i know my points in this debate. Another principle reason why you can't romantically love more than one person is religion because we are governed by our morality and for that reason it prevents us from doing certain things like getting involve romantically with more than one person. i would like to use the christian religion since am a christian but that would only be based on my personal opinion; so therefore, i spoke to someone who practices Islam and i also did some research on my own about their religion and to my surprise, i found out that they topics like this very very serious. my Muslim friend said logically you cannot love more than one person at same time cos the feelings can only be for someone special, now going to the Islamic religion, its a little bit complicated because the religion permits you to marry more than one woman only if you can take care of them. so many people engage in this act because of their selfish reasons which includes their status in the society or maybe they are wealthy or just want a lot of kids.even in situations like this, you will find out that they are always close a particular wife, most especially the first wife and her kids. he also said the generation of sharing the feelings of love in a "relationship" contest than usual, you can love every man or woman, you can also adore but you cant have a strong emotional attachment to more than more person, it affect you psychologically. i support what he said and i would like for my partner to come up with another strong point
Debate Round No. 3
Ashley_95

Pro

Ashley_95 forfeited this round.
Philomena3

Con

Philomena3 forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 4
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