The Instigator
Kingtruffles
Pro (for)
Losing
27 Points
The Contender
Daxitarian
Con (against)
Winning
42 Points

It is better to just poop fast rather than wait, if you don't have a book

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/26/2007 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 9 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 4,035 times Debate No: 1016
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (9)
Votes (23)

 

Kingtruffles

Pro

I believe it is much better to push hard, and get the poop over with, rather than sit there and relax. Relaxing, and waiting is much more time consuming, and often the poop clings, making you shake your butt a little to get the little straggler off. However, if you just poop it out, you can return to your everyday life, and enjoy the rest of your day, claiming you have accomplished an impossible feat. On the contrary, if you have a book, you can read about other people, and before you know it, "pop" its out! It is very simple and it slides out, but this only works if your mind is off the subject. Sometimes, if you're just reading, you dont even know its out and some times you're there for hours! I find this an enjoyable task! All those who disagree, probably have a piece of toilet paper stuck in their buttox. So YOU SUCK!

thanx
Daxitarian

Con

Well done, but I think there are a few key points you are missing.

1. If you are at work, a longer poop will get you to miss more work and decrease the chances that your boss will run into you and ask you to work on weekends. These poops are the closest thing I have to a vacation.

2. If you force to poop, sometimes it becomes a real mess to clean up, so while the net time you save is increased, the gross time you save remains the same when factoring in extra time and resources spent on whipping.

3. A longer, lingering poop may leave more of a smell, thus establishing your territory and giving you claim to alpha male of the bathroom.

4. Just because you don't have a book doesn't mean there isn't other stuff to do. There is plenty of things to read in your wallet: The back of your drivers license, your voter registration card, a collection of movie stubs. Some people like to write polysyllabic witticisms on the wall. You can draw, paint, or nit a sweater. Really the possibilities are endless.

So my argument boils down to: life is short, so enjoy your time on the can.
Debate Round No. 1
Kingtruffles

Pro

you make a good argument, however you too have missed a few key points! holding it in will increase your risk of kidney disease! Additionally, when i say poop it out i dont mean force it out, just gradually push with an extra tug, this relieves pressure in your stomache, and also relieves your stress. You can avoid work in many other ways too! for example, hide a laptop in your briefcase, go to the bathroom, get your poop overwith and enjoy yourself! Your boss will still think you're in the bathroom! Another reason is if you're on a real vacation, long poops take up your life, making it a less enjoyable life! My opponent claims that life is too short and you should enjoy it on the toilet! In my opinion, why waste it on the toilet when you can enjoy your REAL vacation with palm trees, not stained tile and old scratchy toilet paper. In addition, you claim that pooping it out fast leaves a mess and quite a smell, but yet you claim territory ONLY when you relax? you just disproved your own point! Also, speeding it up leaves a more satisfying log. To add to that point, when speeding the proccess up, you leave more poops, which end up MORE stinky. Also, by leaving more poops, you clean out your poop bladder, which as an end result means you dont have to poop again.

I have thus disproved all of your "theories," proving all of mine, and humiliating you.

i hope you can deal with this stink
Daxitarian

Con

Kingtruffles: i hope you can deal with this stink

Reply: Be careful what you wish for, because I am about to harpoon your straw man arguments.

Kingtruffles: holding it in will increase your risk of kidney disease!

Reply: You are thinking of urine, not poo.

Kingtruffles: when i say poop it out i dont mean force it out, just gradually push with an extra tug, this relieves pressure in your stomache, and also relieves your stress.

Reply: "extra tug" is a force, which can be measured by the mass times the acceleration of the poo. It does not relieve stomach pressure, but instead strains your diaphragm which increases stress.

Kingtruffles: You can avoid work in many other ways too! for example, hide a laptop in your briefcase, go to the bathroom, get your poop overwith and enjoy yourself!

Reply: Yet earlier you said you wouldn't do this with a book. What's the difference? If you are going to be spending that much time on the John, you might as well have an easy, long crap then trying to force one out at an arbitrary pace.

Kingtruffles: Another reason is if you're on a real vacation, long poops take up your life, making it a less enjoyable life!

Reply: Balderdash! Some of my favorite memories involve crapping up the bathroom at the Lincoln memorial and I have the pictures to prove it. Plus, if you are crapping in the woods, then you want to soak in nature.

Kingtruffles: My opponent claims that life is too short and you should enjoy it on the toilet! In my opinion, why waste it on the toilet when you can enjoy your REAL vacation with palm trees, not stained tile and old scratchy toilet paper

Reply: You have misquoted me. I said you should enjoy your time on the toilet, not enjoy your life on the toilet. The problem is that you can't seem to grasp the difference between the intrinsically good and the instrumentally good. I view a nice long time on the can as something intrinsically good--i.e. requires to further justification and is an end in and of itself. You view a quick jaunt to the John as something instrumentally good--i.e. it is only good because it will get you other things (palm trees). The problem is that when only focus on the instrumentally good, you become disconnected from the intrinsically good, and lose all sense of goodness. My view is a wholesome one connected to value, while yours is a bourgeois attempt to keep up with the Jones'. In addition. I only use tp with aloe, so it is like having your crack licked by angles.

Kingtruffles: In addition, you claim that pooping it out fast leaves a mess and quite a smell, but yet you claim territory ONLY when you relax? you just disproved your own point!

Reply: Yes, you seem to be right...
...If that was what I actually said!

Messy-ness and smelly-ness do not go together pari passu. By forcing it out, it is not compact and thus smears. In addition, you might not fully eject odor causing gasses, unless you take the long road. How are you going to claim your territory if you hastily number 2 then flush it down the toilet?

Kingtruffles: Also, speeding it up leaves a more satisfying log. To add to that point, when speeding the proccess up, you leave more poops, which end up MORE stinky. Also, by leaving more poops, you clean out your poop bladder, which as an end result means you dont have to poop again.

Reply: No, by trying to speed up the natural process, you are doing a disservice to your log. By pushing and pinching prematurely, you are not getting the whole log. Parts may be left behind, which does not clean out your digestive tract (blatter is for urine), but rather produces infrequent pooing times which tend to be embarrassing. Since you already went to the bathroom, your boss is likely to think that you are lying when you say you are going to the can--why are you going again if you just went? Did you lie? or are you lying this time? You can not speed up nature.

If you are too humiliated to reply, I'll understand.
Debate Round No. 2
Kingtruffles

Pro

your responses make absolutely no sense, it obvious, if you need to enjoy life poop it out. i hope you waste mindless hours on the john while im out in hawaii
Daxitarian

Con

If you can't see any sort of intrinsic value while sitting on the John, how can you ever expect to grasp any sort of value from Hawaii? I'm sorry your life is one where work is grind and everything is just a means to another end that is itself a means.

We'll let the voters decide if my arguments made sense.
Debate Round No. 3
9 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 9 records.
Posted by solo 9 years ago
solo
Although I completely agree with the Pro in this debate, I have to give my vote to the Con for his efforts.
Posted by gonovice 9 years ago
gonovice
never mind, i tried and you can't vote for both. sorry guys. i'm going to end up going with daxitarian cuz he gave better arguments.
Posted by gonovice 9 years ago
gonovice
Good debate!! disgusting but good none the less!! i think i have to vote for both sides. it's a tie for me. both of you gave good arguments.
Posted by longjonsilver 9 years ago
longjonsilver
Daxitarian, you have won my vote. Excellent debating.
Posted by Yrael 9 years ago
Yrael
Omg, this was so amazing for such a simplistic subject. Thank you for making my day a little better.
Posted by zarul 9 years ago
zarul
That's some great debate right there.
Posted by Rob1Billion 9 years ago
Rob1Billion
how can I pick a side here? Both arguments are so eloquently laid out, with copious amounts of evidence presented.
Posted by PoeJoe 9 years ago
PoeJoe
"life is short, so enjoy your time on the can."

Verry clever indeed!
Posted by dorobo 9 years ago
dorobo
HAHA, I am with you.
The funniest debate ever...anyone wants to take it?
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Vote Placed by HoosierPapi 9 years ago
HoosierPapi
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Vote Placed by griffinisright 9 years ago
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Vote Placed by Wooooooooo 9 years ago
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Vote Placed by Ethereal 9 years ago
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