The Instigator
kristyns
Pro (for)
Tied
0 Points
The Contender
Christinedwagner
Con (against)
Tied
0 Points

It is possible to romantically love multiple people at one time

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/14/2015 Category: People
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 290 times Debate No: 70052
Debate Rounds (4)
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kristyns

Pro

1.Romantic love is defined as a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.
2.The heart and the mind don"t know any limits, so far as to say when you fall in love with someone they don"t know that that is all they are allowed to have.
3.When a spouse dies, what normally happens is the surviving spouse moves on and finds love again, not necessarily moving on from their departed love.
4.Polyamory is defined as the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.
5.In a relationship one partner might not have all the qualities one might want so they could be part of a polyamorous relationship and find those qualities in someone else in another relationship.
6.There is no official "rule" that says one cannot be in love with more than one person at the same time.
7.Many people with repress secondary or "more" feelings of being in love because society says it is abnormal, causing them to be stuck in a relationship where, while they may love that person very much, they don"t feel as fulfilled as they would like.
8.In conclusion, it is possible for someone to be romantically in love with multiple people at one time.

Non-controversial: Premises 1 and 4 are definitions, they are non-controversial. Premise 6 is just a statement.
Controversial: Premises 3 and 5 are scenarios that represent part of what could possibly happen but might not represent the entire majority. Premises 2 and 7 are my opinions on the matter.
Christinedwagner

Con

1.I agree with your definition of romantic love.
2.I disagree with this statement. The heart and the mind are not autonomous things that aren"t capable of knowing any better. People have consciences that tell them when they"re doing something wrong.
3.Some people who lose their loved one don"t get over them and may spend the rest of their lives without another significant other because they cannot love another person like they had loved their spouse. Others move on from their previous relationship to the point where they find someone new and fall in love again.
4.I agree with your definition of polyamory.
5.If someone is really romantically in love then they already have all the qualities they would need in a relationship. There would be no reason to find someone with other qualities the other may lack because the current relationship should already have them.
6.There are many rules that say one cannot be in love with more than one person at the same time. The terms cheating, affairs, and bigamy prove that.
7.People repress those feelings because it is wrong to go outside of the current relationship to find love when all the qualities one would need should be in the current relationship they are already in.
8.In a monogamous relationship each partner is attracted to the other because they possess the qualities that they need in a relationship. To go outside of that to find someone else would make it seem the current partner isn"t good enough for that person so they would feel the need to find someone "better"
9.Polyamorous relationships and even polygamist marriages come under fire frequently for the unfairness between the multiple husbands or wives that are a part of it. For one, bigamy, is against the law. Morally, no one person can unconditionally love multiple people with the same equality and passion. Many of the multiple spouses or partners are either just used for sex or are not really cared for to the point of calling it love.
10.Thus, it is impossible for someone to be romantically in love with multiple people at one time.

Non-controversial: Premises 1 and 4 are definitions that I've agreed with.

Controversial: Premise 3 is also a possible scenario, premise 6 is your statement that I've disagreed with, and premises 2, 5, 7, 8, and 9 are all my own opinions.
Debate Round No. 1
kristyns

Pro

2.People are not in control of their emotions. Their actions yes, which they can do to physically prevent them from committing any type of multiple relations, but they cannot stop themselves from feeling the intense feelings inside them.
3.This is not true. When someone loses a loved one they will always be in the grieving stage. Yes, it gets easier as time goes on but the pain will always be within them. There is no "getting over it" as you say. Most people are actually still in love with their deceased lovers and always will be. They are forced to live with their feelings and there is nothing that can be done about it. They learn to cope and even bury them deep inside so they may continue to live their lives and even eventually find someone new " while still keeping their strong, intense passionate love for the one they have lost.
5.Any intelligent human being knows that nobody is perfect. One learns to overlook certain flaws within somebody to make the relationship work. That also includes things that may be missing. Possibly some physical aspects are lacking or there is not shared interests between the two. No one ideally has every quality one would like to have in a relationship but whereas the current partner might have some, it is possible to meet another who has the qualities the other lacks and there is the solution that is polyamory.
6.Those rules have nothing to do with how someone feels. As said in my previous statement, people are repressed by those terms created by what society feels is correct which proves nothing.
7.Repeating what was said in premise 5, no one person can possibly have all the qualities someone could want.
8.A polyamory relationship isn"t about finding somebody "better." There is no "not good enough." It"s about being happy in one"s relationship and if that relationship consists of multiple people to be happy, that is how it is. And in those relationships no singular connection is going to be exactly the same as another because what"s important in the singular connections will be different between them. There is no unfairness because there is no equality and that is not a bad thing.
Christinedwagner

Con

1.People may not have complete control over their brain but it is very possible to talk oneself out of something. The brain can even make someone perceive something that is impossible, such as hallucinations, so why wouldn"t it be possible for someone to control themselves to be in love with only one person?
2.As time goes on, those strong, intense, passionate feelings fade. While someone may dearly miss the person who is gone, eventually they learn to cope with the loss and move on. Days and maybe even weeks go by without thinking of that person eventually.
3.Is that really still romantic love? One may care deeply for that person but it is no longer even close to what they once experienced when their loved one was here. Especially if they"ve moved on to another person where they can experience that intense passion anew.
4.It"s not that that particular person has every quality someone could possibly come up with for their ideal perfection of love. That is not being realistic. Being realistic takes what"s really important to a person and finding someone who fits what matters most. Whatever doesn"t fit one either decides that it doesn"t matter, or they learn to fall in love with it.
5.Wanting every quality someone could want and not settling for anything less is greedy and unrealistic, not to mention self-centered.
Debate Round No. 2
kristyns

Pro

1.Having to control oneself is just another way of repressing how someone really feels. And feelings are not something that can simply be talked out of.
2.If someone denies how they truly feel for long enough, it will only come back to haunt them twice as bad in the long run.
3.Countless years of love and emotion cannot simply fade after a time, and coping is not synonymous with forgetting.
4.For someone who didn"t choose to end the relationship, having their partner forcibly taken away from them is a traumatic thing that never goes away. It stays within them for the rest of their life, whether they meet someone new or not. And if they do meet someone new, it does not erase their entire life before that.
5.It"s not greedy to want to be fulfilled and happy in a relationship if everyone is on board with the same thing. What"s greedy and self-centered is ending a relationship with someone who is loved and cared for but isn"t entirely perfect, for someone else who also isn"t entirely perfect. The cycle would just go on and on because there never will be that one person who has every single quality and the only outcome would be multiple broken hearts for everyone involved.
Christinedwagner

Con

1.It"s not repressing if the person also knows that it"s not right. Ruining a perfectly good relationship with someone because of feelings that may or may not even come out to anything more than lust would haunt them more in the long run. The partner would eventually end the relationship if they are not in to your solution of polyamory and after a time with a new partner one realizes that there"s nothing there besides a physical attraction, they"ll regret ending their previous relationship.
2.Losing a partner is devastating, just as losing any other loved one be it a close friend or a family member but just because that person is not here anymore does not mean life has to be put on hold for that person indefinitely.
3.After a time, be it a year or more and possibly even less than that for some people, life is easier to live without the constant reminder their loved one is gone. Not thinking about them takes away the pain and as I"ve said numerous times, the love - as it once was - fades. They become a fond memory for that person and that leaves them with an open heart to find someone new.
4.Something we"ve agreed on is that no, no one in this world has every quality someone could want in a significant other. But what you don"t understand is that for someone to feel fulfilled in their relationship, it"s not necessary.
5. You say that one can just have as many people as it takes to have all these qualities spread out between them but how can they properly love them all in the long run? Yes all relationships are different as you"ve stated but what about the partner you suggested may lack in the looks department or not have that sense of humor? Say they"ve found someone who does have that quality that"s apparently absolutely necessary and when that person goes to them for solely those reasons, the relationship with that person eventually becomes stale as there"s apparently nothing else from that partner the person likes, and the other partner feels inadequate because they are not capable of pleasing their partner in every aspect.
Debate Round No. 3
kristyns

Pro

1.Romantic love is defined as a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.
2.The heart and the mind don"t know any limits or restrictions to feelings, and cannot simply be talked out of how they feel for another person whether for a current relationship or for another person outside it.
3.When a spouse dies, it is not something that is carelessly pushed to that back of one"s mind to gather cobwebs. That person stays with them and it is because of the love that survives within them that that person is capable of loving again.
4.Polyamory is defined as the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.
5.In a monogamous relationship, one"s partner might not have all the qualities one would want in a relationship. It is not self-centered because they are not ending the current relationship with their partner but finding another person to fill in the holes that are missing in the current one.
6.Repressing one"s feelings of wanting more out of their relationship because of an unwritten rule that people are only allowed to love one other person at a time will leave them unhappy in their current relationship which in turn will cause their partner to be unhappy.
7.In conclusion, it is possible for someone to be romantically in love with multiple people at one time.
Christinedwagner

Con

1.I"ve agreed with your definition of romantic love.
2.I still disagree with this, for the feelings of two people in a relationship should be exclusive to that relationship. Any feelings outside it are unnecessary and probably only physical attraction to another person.
3.A loved one"s death is not carelessly pushed back to someone"s mind. It is progressively coped with over time and at a certain point, because that love is no longer what it used to be, frees the person to be able to love again with someone new.
4.I"ve agree with your definition of polyamory.
5.It is very self-centered because it may not be ending the relationship with that partner but to that partner who may only be interested in a monogamous relationship, having to see their partner go out of that relationship to find what they apparently cannot give is very hurtful to the one who might have thought their partner was all they needed.
6.If someone is unhappy in their current relationship because they feel their partner lacks something they believe they need, then maybe they are not with the right person for them and should end it for good. The conclusion of that will make both of them unhappy because they may really love each other but ending it will free them to find the person they each will really care for.
7.Thus, it is impossible for someone to be romantically in love with multiple people at one time.
Debate Round No. 4
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