It's time Jesus finished the job
Debate Rounds (2)
Notwithstanding this, some of his followers wrote his biography, which they called The New Testament and cleverly sold free with the Bible in order to spread the word. These early Christian evangelists peddled the Good Book around Europe and beyond and it eventually became a best-seller, and now 32% of the world’s population have read it and identify themselves as “Christian”.
However, that still leaves over two thirds of mankind either not religious or signed up to rival religions such as Islam and Hinduism, and what’s more, Christianity is in decline. And no wonder - the clergymen are out of control and are running about getting drunk and raping young boys, the Pope has been forced to resign, and widespread access to scientific information is making preachers look like a bunch superstitious fools, so God can hardly blame disillusioned Christians for renouncing their faith and signing up to atheism or one of the competitors' faiths.
Clearly, things have got to change, and fast. Of course I understand that Jesus must have been quite upset when one of his disciples grassed him up to the Jews and he got crucified, but surely two millennia is enough time to get over it? I say Jesus needs to stop snivelling like some spoilt little nancy-boy, dry his eyes and get back down to Earth to finish the job he started two thousand years ago.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you
What happened last time God came down? We crucified him. God cannot just let that pass, he has to show us who's boss. He should let us struggle a little longer.
God needs to invest in our future. Many times he's tried to help us stupid and puny humans, and every time we've thrown it in his face. He cleaned our room and we left cig butts, Frosty Jacks bottles, roaches and puke stained clothes all over the floor the next day. Maybe after a while of stewwing in our own filth we'll clean up after our selves.
If everyone wins, then how will the casino make money? There needs to be some losers. If God reveals himself in the modern age then the evidence will be clear. Somehow (don't ask me how, let the brainbox God figure it out), he'd be able to prove he is who he says he is, and not some powerful alien imposter. He'd also be able to make use all follow and love him. This creates a problem. Heaven's meant to be VIP, the white suit club, if everyone got in, then suddenly God isn't cool anymore.
Meme culture's bad enough without Jesus 2.0 becoming one. No explaination needed.
Last time God may have had the freedom to perform miricles, but this time he'd be locked away in area 51 for testing. Aliens got nothin' on Jesus 2.0.
I'm pretty sure when God comes to Earth again, it's judgement day. Sure when you get a new video game you want to complete it, but once you do you realise it isn't the destination that's important, but the journey. So when God comes down, he's turning on God mode, and boy does that become old quick.
God made a classic, he can't top his last creation this time around. Leave the original alone!
Jesus was classy. If Jesus 2.0 comes, he's profess swag. Very uncool.
I know I haven't laid out many arguments here, but I believe they will suffice. God, if you can hear me (who am I kidding, of course you can, you can even hear my thoughs... creepy), please, please don't send down Jesus 2.0, at least give it another 500 years or so.
Thank you, and in Gods best wishes, in the name of original Jesus, for absolving original sin and providing modern sin, vote con! :D
I should like to thank Albino Bunny for responding to this important ecumenical debate with the respect and dignity that it duly deserves, and I should like to reply to the points he raised as follows:
"Don't bite the hand that feeds you...what happened last time God came down? We crucified him..."
No, that was the Jews, and he showed them who was boss in Germany 70-odd years ago. Personally, I think He went a bit too far, since none of them could have been directly responsible for Jesus' crucifixion, but the Good Book does say that "the sins of the father shall be visited upon the sons, and the sons of sons", so I suppose His actions were Biblically justified.
"Responsibility...maybe after a while of stewing in our own filth we'll clean up after our selves."
If we are speaking literally here, I will have you know that I am a paragon of virtue as far as being clean and tidy is concerned, plus, I employee a cleaner to do those tedious chores that I don't have the time or inclination to do myself, so I should go to Heaven using the VIP Fast-Track Lane in this case.
However, if we are speaking spiritually, then God should recognise that Jesus didn't do his job of guiding us properly because we are still making a mess of the world on a wholesale basis.
"Free will...if everyone wins, then how will the casino make money?"
Yes, there will be winners and losers - the winners will be the punters who have lost their shirts at the casino and the losers will be the cheating gangsters that run them - for does not the Good Book say "it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to go to Heaven" or something like that? And anyway, even poor people can scrub up quite nicely and look smart in a freshly-pressed white suit.
"Meme culture's bad enough without Jesus 2.0 becoming one."
But that's progress for you: does not the Good Book say "No man can stand in the way of progress"?
"Area 51...this time he'd be locked away in area 51 for testing."
This would be merely a precautionary measure: as soon as his credentials were verified, having been made to do some amazing miracles (not walking on water or doing tricks with loaves and fishes, David Blaine can do that sort of thing using smoke and mirrors) - I mean something truly spectacular like turning Nevada Desert into a lush paradise by fertilising it with his divine excrement or extinguishing an erupting volcano by dousing it with his holy urine.
"Game over...when God comes to Earth again, it's judgement day."
But that would be very unfair on the people who Jesus hadn't got round to enlightening, for does not the Good Book say "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life". That rather implies that the Hindus, Jews, Muslims, tree-dwelling savages of Borneo and everybody else who has not converted will perish.
On the other hand, the Bible also says ""Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. And again, the Lord will judge his people. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God" so perhaps God is a racist? But even if he is, there are still a lot of white non-believers left to convert.
"Remakes...God made a classic, he can't top his last creation this time around. Leave the original alone!"
The same could be said of the original Jaguar E-Type with a straight-six engine but the later V12-powered versions are the more sought after models. I rest my case.
"Classy...Jesus was classy. If Jesus 2.0 comes, he's profess swag. Very uncool."
Sadly, due to being middle-aged and British, I am unfamiliar with the parlance of American youths so this comment meant very little to me, but I suspect Jesus will have the sense not to return looking the same as he did 2,000 years ago - long hair and beards, and gowns and sandals are no longer fashionable these days, except in Saudi Arabia.
In conclusion, we didn't ask to be born into this world, God created the universe together with all creatures great and small, including us humans, so it is the responsibility of God and His son, Jesus, to look out for us. Personally, I'd rather not have be born than inadvertently mess up and spend eternity burning in Hell, just because Jesus couldn't be bothered to come down and show me the true path to righteousness and salvation.
No, it's time God discharged His duties to mankind, went to Jesus' bedroom and told him to stop moping about feeling sorry for himself and to get back down to Earth to finish the job he was given two thousand years ago.
Vote Pro. Thank you.
AlbinoBunny forfeited this round.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by philochristos 3 years ago
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Reasons for voting decision: AlbinoBunny forfeited. :-(
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