The Instigator
kenicks
Con (against)
Losing
24 Points
The Contender
PublicForumG-d
Pro (for)
Winning
26 Points

Joke Competition

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/29/2008 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 9 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 1,834 times Debate No: 4539
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (4)
Votes (14)

 

kenicks

Con

I've seen a few of these in the past, and thought I'd give it a try...the rules of the competition are as follows:

1. Each round a new joke will be posted as your "argument"

2. The Pro and Con positions mean nothing in terms of the arugment.

3. There is a limit of one joke per round.

4. The loser will have to individually wash the corns of the winner's feet.

Scratch rule #4. Let the Joke Competition begin!

One midsummer's evening, two sight-seers were captured by a native jungle tribe. They were tied up in ropes and vines to chairs, and placed in the center of the tribe.

The tribe's leader, a fat, sweaty, cannibalistic man with multiple nose piercings, approached the two sight-seers. "You white pigs!" he said. "You see our people as nothing more than eye candy to snap your flashy lens things with! We punish you people for your disrespect to our esteemed tribe!"

The tribe leader sneered. "But, we kind and generous enough to give you two choices. You!" he pointed at the first sight-seer. "You may choose between death-or oogie."

The first sight-seer paused for a moment to think. "Well," he said, "I suppose anything is better than death. Even though I don't know quite what it is, I choose oogie."

The next day, the first sight-seer was brought out to the village of the tribe. A tribal guard stripped him of his pants and undergarments, everyone in the tribe lined up behind him, and proceedd to give him anal sex. After the first hour his butt started to ache. After the second hour it began to bleed feverishly. After the third hour it felt as if it were to burst. By the end of the day, he was babbling uncontrollably, his eyes dilated, his face bright red.

Now, the second sight-seer was a bit of homophobic. When the tribe leader asked him of his choice of punishment, he replied "Death! Please, give me death! Please!"

The tribe leader smiled, and called out to all of his tribal members, "Death by oogie!"
PublicForumG-d

Pro

It was Entertainment Night at the Senior Center and the Amazing Claude was to appear.

A large crowd had gathered to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

Claude stood in front of his audience and announced,

"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of this audience."

The excitement was electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

"I want you each to completely concentrate on this watch.
It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations and has special powers."

He began to swing the watch gently, back and forth, back and forth, while quietly chanting:

"Watch the watch, Watch the watch, Watch the watch ."

Slowly the crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed, the light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch.
Suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"CRAP!", said the Hypnotist.

….it took three days to clean up the Senior Center.
Debate Round No. 1
kenicks

Con

A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do.

Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'
PublicForumG-d

Pro

A young man was strolling down a street in south London. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" over and over again.

Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a knot in the wood, and put his eye to the hole.

He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen …"
Debate Round No. 2
kenicks

Con

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. 'I don't know what to do here,' says the devil. 'You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.'

OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and ove r he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

'No,' OJ said. 'I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long.'

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. 'No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,' commented OJ.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief , and finally said, 'Yeah man, I can handle this.' The devil smiled and said ..

'OK, MONICA, YOU'RE FREE TO GO.'
PublicForumG-d

Pro

One foggy night, a United States Aircraft Carrier was cruising off the coast of Newfoundland and the junior radar operator spotted a light in the gloom. Here is a transcript of what happened next.

USS Lincoln: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Civilian: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

USS Lincoln: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Civilian: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Civilian: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Debate Round No. 3
kenicks

Con

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."
PublicForumG-d

Pro

admin June 11th, 2008

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

‘Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'

‘Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ‘It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

‘Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, ‘You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, ‘You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'

‘ 1955, ma'am.'

‘Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to ‘relax' him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, ‘Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, ‘I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'
Debate Round No. 4
kenicks

Con

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold,

my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.
PublicForumG-d

Pro

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

The Russians used a pencil.
Debate Round No. 5
4 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Posted by slayer54321 9 years ago
slayer54321
I voted Pro

I usually rate these debates by points.

Pro won 3-2, but Con owned with the OJ and round 5 joke
Posted by PublicForumG-d 9 years ago
PublicForumG-d
I voted Pro...because I'm Pro.
Posted by Logical-Master 9 years ago
Logical-Master
Anyone wanna have a rap battle debate? :D
Posted by Jamcke 9 years ago
Jamcke
I love these debates - had to vote con, even though round 2 bothered me a bit.
14 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Vote Placed by Jasonrl4991 7 years ago
Jasonrl4991
kenicksPublicForumG-dTied
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Vote Placed by kenicks 9 years ago
kenicks
kenicksPublicForumG-dTied
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Vote Placed by Im_always_right 9 years ago
Im_always_right
kenicksPublicForumG-dTied
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Vote Placed by JakeRoss 9 years ago
JakeRoss
kenicksPublicForumG-dTied
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Vote Placed by kcougar52 9 years ago
kcougar52
kenicksPublicForumG-dTied
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Vote Placed by Ironhead56 9 years ago
Ironhead56
kenicksPublicForumG-dTied
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Vote Placed by slayer54321 9 years ago
slayer54321
kenicksPublicForumG-dTied
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Vote Placed by DARKmonkeyfish 9 years ago
DARKmonkeyfish
kenicksPublicForumG-dTied
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Vote Placed by InquireTruth 9 years ago
InquireTruth
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Vote Placed by brian_eggleston 9 years ago
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