The Instigator
Brainmaster
Pro (for)
Winning
3 Points
The Contender
phantom
Con (against)
Losing
1 Points

Joke Debate

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 1 vote the winner is...
Brainmaster
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/14/2011 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,853 times Debate No: 17051
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (6)
Votes (1)

 

Brainmaster

Pro

R1 for acceptance, max characters for jokes, max 10 jokes a round.
phantom

Con

I accept this Debate. :p
Debate Round No. 1
Brainmaster

Pro

O RLY?

Yo mama

Yo mama so fat her clothes come in three different sizes large, extra large, and oh my god its coming!

Yo mama's so fat that when she fell in love she broke it

Yo mama's so ugly when I took her to the zoo they said, "Thanks for bringing' her back!"

Yo mama's so cheap, she's on the dollar menu.

Yo mama's so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund.

Yo mama's so ugly, American express left home without her.

Yo mama's so fat, she got Baptized at sea world.

Yo mama's is so stupid when she went to Walgreen's she said "hey, these walls isn't green.

Yo mama's is so ugly that she entered in the ugly contest they said, "no professionals"

Yo mama's is so old, when god said let there be light she flipped the switch


phantom

Con

Blonde jokes:


There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. A man came up to them and told them that their was a slide that when you slide down it whatever you said on the way you would land in a big cauldron full of it. The brunette went down and said “money”, so She landed in a couldron full of money. The red head slid down and said “make up” so she landed in the cauldron full of make up. When the blonde went down she shouted “wheeeeee!”.


__

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?


A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

__

There are two blondes. One’s a cop and ones driving a car.

The blonde cop stops the blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

__

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"


__

A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.

“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.

Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”

__

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, "Meow." The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, "Woof." The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She says "Potato."

Yo mama:

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a weight scale it says “to be continued.”

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo mama so fat she had to come back from the dead because God told her he had no room in heaven and the devil said there was no room in hell.

Back to you pro.

Debate Round No. 2
Brainmaster

Pro

Li'l Johnny__

1 Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," says his mom, "Of course not."

After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, "It's OK, we can keep playing!"

2 There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Jonny. He then tells his mother his first name would be Jonny. The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. The third day, Jonny goes out and hears the name Harder. Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Jonny Humper Harder. Jonny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie. The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Jonny's cookIes. Jonny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes. Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry,' JONNY HUMPER HARDER'!!! Little Jonny yells,' I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!!!'

3Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"

Little Johnny: "None."

Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"

Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."

Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."

Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"

Teacher: "Sure."

Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"

Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."

Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

4 At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sexx education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sexx education on TV.
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important. "
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education."
"Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f*ck with John Wayne."

You might be a redneck if__

5 You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

6 If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you are shur 'nuff a redneck.

7 You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

8 More than half of your cars DON'T run.

9 Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her asss.

10 You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

Back to you phantom..
phantom

Con

1. Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy
and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought
to herself, " He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this
carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she
lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be
late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and
the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any
ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and
before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably
sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and
exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He
then blindfolded
her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he
was about to remove the blindfold from his wife,the telephone rang. He made
her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to
answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure
was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she
seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was
not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her
vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which
reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her
ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for
another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her
freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on
her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was
the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so
long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At
this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy
Birthday"!!!

__

2. A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

__

3. Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.

"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."

The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

__

4. A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

_


5. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'

__

6. A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

Chuck Norris jokes:

7. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh!t from anybody.

9. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

10. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobobdy crosses chuck Norris and lives.


Debate Round No. 3
Brainmaster

Pro

Chuck Norris__

1 Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

2 Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

3 Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

4 In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies, he will bury himself.

5 They're making a sequel to 300 starring Chuck Norris. Its called 1

6 Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

7 Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

8 Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

9 Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

10 Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take sh!t from anyone.
phantom

Con

1. One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned
thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your @ss!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

__

2. Daddy and Mommy are fighting in the living room, right before their little
son.
Daddy : Oh!!! You B!tch!
Mommy : What?? You Bast*rd!
Son : Daddy, Mommy, what's B!tch and Bast*rd??
At this moment, Daddy blushes. He quickly thinks up of something.
Daddy : It means Ladies and Gentlemen, Son.
Son : Oh I see!

2nd Scene . . .
Little Son was watching a TV show about premarital sex and there
they mentioned the words 'bre@sts' and 'pen!ses'.
Mommy was reading the papers.
Son : Mommy, what's bre@sts and pen!ses?
At this moment, Mommy turned blue, and quickly thought of something
to say.
Mommy : It means coats and hats, Son.
Son :Oh I see!

3rd Scene . . .
Daddy was shaving his beard and Son passed by the toilet. Suddenly,
Daddy cut himself and screamed . . .
Daddy : "OH SH!T!!"
Son : "Daddy, what's sh!t?"
At this moment, Daddy's eyes bulged, and quickly thought of something
to say.
Daddy : It means shaving cream, Son.
Son : Oh I see

4th Scene . . .
Christmas is approaching, and Mommy was stuffing the turkey into the
stove.
The turkey just wouldn't fit into the stove, so she said . . .
Mommy : Oh FVCK!
Son : Mommy, what's fvck?
At this moment, Mommy froze. She quickly thought of something to say.
Mommy : It means stuffing, Son.
Son : Oh I see!

5th Scene . . .
It's Christmas eve! Little Son exuberantly opened the door to let all is
uncles, aunties, cousins and friends come into the house.
Proudly, he said . . .
Son : Welcome in, Bast*rds and B!tches! Please put all your bre@sts
and pen!ses at that corner of the house! My parents are busy at the
moment. You see, Daddy is putting sh!t on his face upstairs and Mommy
is fvcking the turkey in the kitchen, but don't worry, they'll be out
here
in a minute!!

Yo mama:

3. Yo mama so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.


4. Yo mama so old that when she was in school, there was no history class.

5. Yo mama so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

6. Yo mama so old I told her to act her age and the b!tch died.

Chuck Norris!


7. Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.

8. Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him.

9. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.

10. After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?

Thanks to pro for an enjoyable debate!

Debate Round No. 4
6 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 6 records.
Posted by Brainmaster 5 years ago
Brainmaster
Little Johnny always wins forever.
Posted by Brainmaster 5 years ago
Brainmaster
damn, i gotta look for better jokes than yo mama :I

RELEASE THE LITTLE JOHNNY!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by phantom 5 years ago
phantom
Just realized if brain master is a duplicate account of "thegodhand" I'll have done joke debates with two of his duplicate accounts.
Posted by phantom 5 years ago
phantom
Haven't debated in a while, but this should be a nice debate to start me off again.
Posted by Brainmaster 5 years ago
Brainmaster
i think its fixed
Posted by phantom 5 years ago
phantom
12 hours is a bit short to post your round. Make it 24 of 48 and I'll accept
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by Cobo 5 years ago
Cobo
BrainmasterphantomTied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Who had better conduct:-Vote Checkmark-1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:--Vote Checkmark1 point
Made more convincing arguments:Vote Checkmark--3 points
Used the most reliable sources:--Vote Checkmark2 points
Total points awarded:31 
Reasons for voting decision: I liked Pro jokes an i thought most were orginal. While I've heard most of Con's jokes many a times. The Reason I gave con 1 point is becuase the farting joke was hilarious but not funny enough.