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Joke debate.

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 6/9/2011 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 3,808 times Debate No: 16978
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (3)
Votes (4)




We take turns posting joke of all types. Yo mama, redneck, etc. Original or copypasta. Round 1 for acceptance. 5K characters and max 20 jokes per round.


Thanks for the debate, been a while since my last joke round.

I'll assume my opponent is going first. Good luck.

Debate Round No. 1


Thanks for accepting BlackVoid.

Here are my jokes.

1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.
3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
7. You own a homemade fur coat.
8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

Pearly Gates__

9. A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,

"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

10. Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."


I await a response.


Thanks to Brainmaster for his opening jokes.

Note: Please dont be offended by any potentially offensive remarks. I have no personal feelings against any groups of people who may be brought up.

"Madder than..." jokes

1. I was madder than a fish dying of lung cancer

2. I was madder than Plaxico Burress shooting himself, calling 911, and getting put on hold.

3. I was madder than McLovin finding out that he actually is 25.

4. I was madder than a group of flashers getting lost on a nude beach.

5. I was madder than Sieben losing a debate on a last-second votebomb.

Short jokes

7. I’m on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That’s a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver’s license.

8. My mother is a freakin' hypochondriac, thinks she has every sickness on the planet. Every time she watches TV and sees symptoms of some disease being shows, she says "oh my god, thats me...". I have to go over and tell her, "Trust me mom, you do not have testicular cancer."

9. Me and a kid were outside flying a kite one day. Some guy comes up and says "yall flying a kite"?
"Nope. Fishing for birds".

10. One day my wife came up to me and said that she was hearing the pitter-patter of little feet. I'm thinking "oh great she's pregnant". She ended up leaving me for a midget.

Debate Round No. 2


Thanks for responding BlackVoid.

Yo Mama__

1 Yo mama so fat she sweats crisco
2 Yo mama so ugly she entered an ugly contest and they said "Sorry, no proffesionals."
3 Yo mama so black she listens to rap
4 Yo mama so old Jesus is in her yearbook
5 Yo mama so old her birth certificate expired
6 Yo mama so stupid she tried to sort M and M's in alphabetical order

Funny Quotes__

7 "In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

8 "A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio

9 "He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer

10 "An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio

11 "This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.

12 "We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

13 "He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

Back to you Void.


1. I was seeing this hot girl for about 6 weeks, but then somebody took the binoculars out of my truck.


2. "I know that human being, and fish, can coexist peacefully."

- George Bush

3. "We bring oil to American shores"

- BP

4. "After all, (me and John Boehner) have a lot in common. He is a person of color, although not a color that appears in the natural world."

- Obama

5. "We all know the press is really an independent, civil minded, and non-partisan group. Like ACORN."

- John McCain


- Koopin.

Dirty jokes. Those under 18, look away.

7. My damn manager told me if I get another complaint I'll be fired. I was madder than a sperm in an anal encounter.

8. I tell you what, if I were a girl, I'd never shave! I'd look like I'm smuggling around Chewbacca all up in there.

9. And it was at that point that I realized that 50 million gay men can't be wrong.

10. There was once this high school football coach who got fired for letting the players have sex with his wife. How does that work? "Robinson! Get in there!"

Debate Round No. 3



1 Yo mama is so fat that she took geometry in high school just cause she heard there was gonna be some pi.
2 Yo mama is so fat that the ratio of the circumference to her diameter is four.
3 Yo mama is so fat that her derivative is strictly positive.
4 Yo mama is like a protractor - she's good at every angle.
5 Yo mama is so fat that in a love triangle, she'd be the hypotenuse.
6 Yo mama is so stupid that when I told her "pi-r-squared" and she replied no, they're round.
7 The limit of yo mama's asss goes to infinity.
8 Yo mama = x/0 for every x in yo mama.
9 The infinite series of yo mama from 0 to infinity is strictly diverging.
10 Yo mama is so mean that she has no standard deviation.
11 Yo mama is so ugly, that Pythagoras wouldn't touch her with a 3-4-5 triangle.
12 Yo mama is so square that she's got imaginary numbers on her social security card.
13 Yo mama is such a ho, that she asked all the math majors to to figure out g(f(your mom)) just so they could "f" her first.
14 The volume of yo mama is an improper integral.
15 The integral of yo mama is fat plus a constant, where the constant is equal to more fat.
16 Yo mama's muscle-to-fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.
17 The only way to get from point A to point B is around yo mama's fat asss.


Thanks for continuing.

Yo mama

1. Yo mama so fat we sent her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.

2. Yo mmma so stupid she lost a debate to Solarman1969.

Short jokes

3. Vegetarians may claim to be ethical, but I didnt climb to the top of the food chain to eat freakin' carrots!

4. I've never had much of a vocabulary. I struggled with basic things like antidote vs anecdote. One time my friend got bit by a copperhead, so I read a bunch of short stories out of Reader's Digest. His head started to swell, I said "This aint working!" And he goes "Read faster!!!"

5. I got kicked off the high school debate team for saying "Yeah?! Well, f*** you!!"

I thought I'd won. The other guy was speechless. I thought that was what we were trying to do.

Here's your sign

Started by comedian Bill Engvall. They refer to people asking really stupid questions, where the answer is obvious. So he purposely gives stupid answers.

6. I got in a big car crash one time, it got completely totaled. This guy pulls up, looks at the car and says

"Your car get in a wreck?"

"Nope, the car wanted a cigarette, so I pulled over.

7. Our airline plane crashed into a deer. Dont ask me how it happened, but when I told my friend about it she said

"Oh my god, were you on the ground?!"

"Nope, Santa was making one last run."

8. I was in the Gap. Putting some pants on the counter, the clerk asks

"You gonna buy these?"

"Nope, gonna steal em. Just wanted you to see them before I walked out."

9. I was buying cakes at a shop. I bought two cakes, one with a "3" and the other with an "8". The clerk asks,

"Oh, you have twins?"

"Yes ma'am. My wife was in labor for five years.


10. My grandmother recently passed away. 104 years old. Oh, but they saved the baby.

Debate Round No. 4


DDO Yo Mama jokes__

1 Yo mama so bland she didn't laugh at brian eggleston
2 Yo mama so stupid she didn't use a proxy when flaming askbob
3 Yo mama so scared she uses the honesty box for everything
4 Yo mama so stupid interrogator was appalled

Nerd Jokes__

101 There are 10 kinds of people in this world:
Those who know binary code and those who don't.

6 The answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd"?

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game.

With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day, working or not.

If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $9.50, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.

If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

He'd make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura SLX (about $90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He'd probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed around $30,000 during that round.

Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He'd make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics.

He'd make about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'd pull in about $5600.

In his last year, he made more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

... However...

... If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 250 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

Game over. Nerd wins

7 How To Get A Life
It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn't as painful as kidney stones. Here's how:
Let go of the mouse.
Turn off the computer.
Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.
Eat something other than taco chips.
Fart without recording it and putting it up your Web page.
Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.
Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don't tell everyone on your ICQ list about it.
Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible). Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.
When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.
If you see someone, say "Hi" to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.
Visit a friend that you haven't spoken to in years because they don't have an email address.
Have ".com" officially removed from behind your name.
Go on a date with someone you didn't meet in a chat room.

8 Duct Tape is like the Force.It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Little Johnny__ (Offensive ahead)

9 Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

10 One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.

The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"

Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."

"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.

A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.

Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his d!ck hanging out of his pants.

The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"

Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."


Thanks Brainmaster for an awesome round.

1. I didn't even know my wife was pregnant at first. I'd gotten used to her throwing up everytime we had sex.

2. Did you know that when a baby poops its diaper, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled up newspaper?

More quotes

3. "It is an honor to be here with Al Smith. I obviously never knew your great-grandfather, but from everything that John McCain has told me..."


4. (During presidential campaigns)

"Recently, one of John's top advisors told the Daily News that if we keep talking about the economy, McCain's gonna lose. So tonight I'd like to talk about the economy."

- Obama

5. "Is our children learning?"

- George W. Bush

6. "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"

- Ronald Reagan

7. (During BP oil spill)

"Scientists claim they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico"

- Jay Leno

Yo mama

8. A counterfeiter was making some fake money when he realized that he made a $15 bill. Knowing he'd get caught if he was seen with it, he went to the grocery store because he knew yo mama worked there. He walked up to the
checkout line where the she was working and said,

"Excuse me miss but do you have change for a fifteen?"

"Sure! Do you want a seven and an eight, or five threes?"

9. Yo mama walks into Walmart, goes to the clerk and says "Can I buy
this TV?"

"Sorry, we don't sell to stupid mamas like you."

So yo mama comes back the next day with an Elvis costume on and asks "Can I
buy this TV"

"Sorry we don't sell to stupid mamas".

The next day, yo mama gets in a stormtrooper costume, and says

"Can I buy this TV"?


"Jesus, how did you know it was me?"

"Because you've been bringing that microwave up to me for the
past 3 days!"

Last one

10. Yo mama is so slow, she got passed by a kite, travelling at half the speed of smell.
Debate Round No. 5
3 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Posted by Brainmaster 5 years ago
Solarman... ye art trolling
Posted by Brainmaster 5 years ago
thx :)
Posted by BlackVoid 5 years ago
Lol @ number 10. Thats just terrible.
4 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 4 records.
Vote Placed by headphonegut 5 years ago
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Total points awarded:07 
Reasons for voting decision: This was very entertaining but many of Brainmasters mama jokes while very clever weren't funny the quotes of people would go to Void for quoting koopin and bush The short jokes go to void with the testicular cancer soaring above all else and many of the moma joke made by void were funny
Vote Placed by medic0506 5 years ago
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Total points awarded:32 
Reasons for voting decision: Close match but the little johnny jokes were too funny. 3 to 2 for pro.
Vote Placed by SuperRobotWars 5 years ago
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: The Proxy joke really got to me.
Vote Placed by Cliff.Stamp 5 years ago
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Total points awarded:01 
Reasons for voting decision: 1 pt to Con, simply because of the sex/vomit joke, just made me laugh.