The Instigator
Cooperman88
Pro (for)
Losing
41 Points
The Contender
Protagoras
Con (against)
Winning
43 Points

Lamest Joke Competition

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/9/2008 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 9 years ago Status: Voting Period
Viewed: 4,895 times Debate No: 4642
Debate Rounds (2)
Comments (15)
Votes (20)

 

Cooperman88

Pro

The purpose of this debate is to find the lamest joke. I urge those of you reading to stop now because I assure you this won't be funny. there are three simple rules. The first is that all of the jokes must in fact be jokes. They can't be real stories or anything like that. The second rule is that it can be any type of joke. Yo momma, story jokes, etc. You get to pick. And the last is that if you need to exceed the limit of characters, then go ahead. leave them in the comment box, and nobody will hold it against you. I wish you luck, and I will begin.

A little old lady was in her pink house in her pink living room in pink clothes reading her book pink pink pink. Outside a traveler broke down outside the pink house and walked up the pink steps to the pink door rang the pink doorbell and waited for the lady in pink to answer. So the lady in pink answered and gave the traveler a room for the night. She said that your room is down the pink hall down the pink stairs to the first pink door on your left. So the traveler went down the pink hall, down the pink steps and to the first pink door on the left. The lady then went back to her pink living room and continued reading her book pink pink pink.

Then another traveler had the same luck breaking down outside the pink house. So he walked up the pink steps to the pink door and rang the pink doorbell. The lady in pink answered and said that he too could spend the night in the pink house. So she told him that his room was down the pink hallway down the pink steps and was the first pink door on the right. So the traveller went down the pink hallway down the pink steps and to the first pink door on the hallway. Then the lady in pink went back to her pink living room and continued her book pink pink pink.

As chances may have it, another traveler broke down in front of the pink house. So the traveler went up the pink steps to the pink door and rang the pink doorbell. The lady in pink answered and said that he also could spend the night in the pink house. She said that his room was down the pink hallway down the pink stairs and was the second pink door on the right. So he went down the pink hallway down the pink stairs and went to the second pink door on the right to go to sleep. So then the lady in pink went back to her pink living room and finished her book pink pink pink.

The next morning the three travelers awoke in their pink rooms. They went out their pink doors, up the pink stairs down the pink hallway through the pink living room into the pink kitchen where the lady in pink asked what they wanted to eat. Traveler one said cheerios, traveler two said wheaties, and traveler three said cheerios as well.

The moral of this story is that two out of three people prefer cheerios over wheaties...

Thank you and good luck.
Protagoras

Con

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One is a salted.

A dog hobbles into a saloon with a bandaged leg, and growls, 'Am lookin fer the man that gawn done shot ma paw...

Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Doctors tell us that there are over 7 million people overweight. These, of course, are only round figures...

Statisticians say 'mean' things.

When Mr Sip's wife steps into the restroom, does Mississippi?

Why couldn't the hen find her eggs? She mislaid them.

A man sent in ten entries to a newspaper's pun contest in the hopes that one would win. Sadly,
No pun in ten did...

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

Source:

http://my.opera.com...
Debate Round No. 1
Cooperman88

Pro

Alright, thank you and good luck. Let me now put you in the place of listener and myself in the place of narrator.

As i was recently on my travels around the world a man told me of a place where monks say they have seen the most beautiful thing in the entire world. So being a man of much curiosity, i decided i should see what it is. I set out to find these monks and soon enough i did.

When i arrived at their encampment i was quickly greeted by an older monk. it looked like he was in charge but i couldn't be for sure. so i asked him if they had in fact seen what the most beautiful thing in the world. he quickly responded that they had in fact seen it. so i eagerly asked him to bring it to me. but it wasn't with them they told me. so i asked him to take me to it or at the very least tell me what it is.

"Ah my son...I cannot do that." he said. "For you are not a monk. if you were to become a monk then i could take you to it."

So being extremely curious, i quickly asked what i must do to become a monk.

"You must pass three simple tests." He said. The first is that I had to carry a bucket of water three miles from the lake to the encampment. Easy enough. or so I thought. he then told me that in order for me to completely fulfill this task that i must do so without spilling a single drop of water. As i am young and quite foolish i still thought nothing of it. so i headed for the lake. I grabbed the bucket and filled it up without a thought. As i started to head back, i stumbled over a slight unevenness in the terrain and was forced to start over. so i went back and filled my bucket up once more. This time i made it a complete mile before i shifted the bucket and accidentally spilled another drop. Now for those of you who have never had to carry water I must say that it is quite tiring. I thought to myself what is the purpose of doing this? It doesn't make sense. Then I remembered the karate kid. you know...wax on wax off. so i begrudgingly made my way back to the lake. this time i set off with a newfound sense of fervor. I was determined to do it. As i walked along the path to the encampment i could feel the sun beating down on my back. i desperately wanted to drink the water but knew that would make me start over. so i trudged onwards. i finally reached the encampment without spilling a drop. truly excited i raced to the monk and asked to see the most beautiful thing in the world. but he shot me down by saying i still needed two more. i had forgotten that in my glee but figured the worst was already over.

he led me to an opening where there stood about fifteen pillars roughly the width of a basketball. he said that if i could stand on one pillar for three days straight then i would pass the second test. i knew it would be tough, but being a college student i figured i could handle it. i mean i've pulled all nighters before and this couldn't be too much different. so i stood on that pillar for eight hours. it was growing dark and i must say that carrying that water was quite difficult and i was pretty tired. i swear i only dozed off for thirty seconds but when i awoke i was startled and lost my balance. so i was forced to begin again. cursing myself i climbed back onto the pillar. i stood there for a good twenty four hours or so. it was once again dark and i swear i saw something coming towards me. i'm no chicken but when i'm in a place i don't know at dark and see something that looks pretty scary i'm outta there. so i heroically ran away. but the third time i was once again determined to pass this test. i was going to truly be like the karate kid and practicing that flying kick thing, but he fell a lot and i didn't feel like starting over all those times. so i stood on that pole for a full three days. i didn't eat...i didn't sleep...and i didn't fall off. exhausted but eager to see the most beautiful thing in the world, i set off to find the monk.

when i finally did find him, he told me that the third task was the actual part of getting to the most beautiful thing in the entire world. So we started to walk. We walked through forests and swam across lakes. We went all over the wilderness before we finally came to a mountain. "Surely the most beautiful thing is on this mountain" i said. only silence from the monk. we started to climb the mountain. we reached the top and once again i asked if the most beautiful thing in the world is close at hand. but once again i got no response. we climbed down the mountain and back up another. we climbed down that one and started to climb up another. finally i asked the monk "are we even close?" he told me that it would be at the top of the mountain. so i ran up the mountain as fast as i could go and there standing at the top was an enormous temple. with gold and jewelry all around. i'd never seen anything like it. "this must be the most beautiful thing in the entire world i thought. but the monk said that it was inside. so we came to the first door and the monk pulled out a set of keys that would make even the janitor to the world jealous. as he slowly moves from key to key finding the right one i look around and take in all the beauty.

we finally get the door open and there before me is a room larger than the white house that gleams like the sun. surely the most beautiful thing in the world is close at hand. we go to another set of doors and repeat the process of the keys. is the most beautiful thing in the world on the other side of this door? i ask. yes, my son. it is. So he opens the door and at first i can't even see because of the light emanating from this room. then, after a couple of seconds...i see it. the most beautiful thing in the room.

What is it you ask...well, i can't tell you...because you're not a monk.
Protagoras

Con

Ha ha. Thank you.

__________________________________

LAME STORY JOKES:

There is a man that just got done eating dinner and he was on his way to a party.

Half way there he said, "man i really gotta take a dump." he got off the freeway, found an abandoned gas station went in there and took a dump.

While he was taking this dump he read a sign that said "There is no tolet paper... You have wipe your butt with your first two fingers, then stick them out the hole and they will be licked clean for you."

Well, he had no choice so he wiped his butt with his fingers and stuck them out the hole.

All of a sudden a guy with two bricks smacked his fingers.

The man screamed with pain and licked his own fingers.

___________

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

___________

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
__________________________________

CORNY "YO MAMMA" JOKES:

Yo mamas so short she jumped in a puddle and drowned

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed!

Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed!

Yo mama's so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning!

__________________________________

JUST RANDOM EXTRAS:

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs??

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?!

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
__________________________________

That was fun. Thanks!

I hope you enjoyed the err "jokes".

- Protagoras of Abdera
Debate Round No. 2
15 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Killer542 9 years ago
Killer542
here's probably the lamest joke ever: what is the best kind of ship? friendship.(it pains me to have to tell you that "joke")
Posted by Protagoras 9 years ago
Protagoras
They are, thanks for noticing.

SeriousIy, I put them up there to make people wonder.

But, there still funny, atleast in my opinion and 8 others. Ha ha.

Thanks!
Posted by Killer542 9 years ago
Killer542
As amazing as it seems some of the "jokes" in the random extras section are good points/questions.
Posted by Im_always_right 9 years ago
Im_always_right
lol, these are pretty, lame... now I know where dad gets them...
Posted by Protagoras 9 years ago
Protagoras
Ha ha.

I love it how the comment section continues our game.

Keep it coming guys! lol
Posted by Jamcke 9 years ago
Jamcke
A woman goes to the doctor's and says, "Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me. Every time I go to the bathroom, DIMES come out!"

The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.

A week later the woman returns and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it's gotten worse! Every time I go to the bathroom, QUARTERS come out!! What's wrong with me?"

Again the doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.

Another week passes and the woman returns and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I'm still not getting better! Every time I go to the bathroom, HALF-DOLLARS come out! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!"

The doctor says, "Relax, Relax,... you're just going through the change!"
Posted by Xera 9 years ago
Xera
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

frostbite.
Posted by Casiopia 9 years ago
Casiopia
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Damn.
Posted by DrAlexander 9 years ago
DrAlexander
Oh, don't get me wrong, PRO had some funny jokes as well, just not AS funny.

I think my previous post came accross wrong :/.
Posted by PoeJoe 9 years ago
PoeJoe
They both made me laugh... neither was necessarily bad. Although CON gave more jokes so, yeah.
20 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Vote Placed by DebatePro 6 years ago
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