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Literal Joke debate

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 11/15/2015 Category: Funny
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,004 times Debate No: 82598
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (13)
Votes (1)




This, as it says in the title, a literal joke debate.
Try to find the funniest joke you can.
Really bad puns are not funny.
First round acceptance and intro
Second round joke (no punchline yet!)
Third round punchline
If your joke doesn't have a punchline, forfeit or post something random in the last round. I don't care.

Either way, good luck!


I accept

Rules say I need an intro for the first round?

Intro in a haiku:

Bad puns are the best

Sometimes haikus don't make sense


Thank you, best of luck <3
Debate Round No. 1


Once there was a village with a very religious man. He would spend 2 hours a day praying to God. Well, one day, there was a flood in the village. Everyone evacuated, and no one extended help to the God-lover because he kept on saying, "God will save me!" Then, a man in a boat came by and asked him if he needed help. He responded, "God will save me!" and the guy in the boat shrugged his shoulders and left. Then, a guy in a helicopter came down and said, "Guy, you're going to drown! Get in my helicopter!" The man responded, "God will save me!" The guy in the helicopter shrugged his shoulders and flew away. The God-lover drowned in the rough flood...


Harry is walking on a downtown street one day and he happens to see his old high school friend, James, a little ways up ahead.
"Harry, Harry... Hey, how are you buddy!?" James waves to greet his old friend.
"Not so good," shrugs Harry.
"Oh really? Why, what happened?" James queries.
"Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."
"HA! Could have been worse!" James replies with a knee-slap "Could, have, been, worse."

A month or so later, Harry again encounters James, at a restaurant.
"And how are things now?" he asks.
"Terrible!" says Harry. "Our house burned down last night."
"Oh, HEHEHE!" James laughs and his friend scowls at him "Could have been *snort* HeHuck! It... It could have been worse!" Harry frowns and awkwardly and then walks away.

Another month later, Harry is at a library where he sees James a third time, from across the room.
Harry begins to turn around and act like he hadn't seen his annoying friend, but James spots him, gets up and yells,
"Oh me, oh my, is that familiar face I see!?" With a big dumb grin "Well, how goes it ol' pal!?"
"Oh shut up!" says Harry. "I hate you, you know that!? It's just one tragedy after another James! Now my wife has left me!"
He calmly walks up to Harry and leans in toward his cheek. Harry could feel Jame's pungent breath on his ear,
"It *snicker... could have been worssssssssssse."

Harry grabs James by the shoulders and shakes him vigorously!
"Get off of me, I can taste how bad you smell!!" He yells "I’m jealous of all the people that haven't met you! Every single time you say the same thing--'could have been worse. Could have been worse.'
IT'S NOT FUNNY! What the heck is it supposed to even mean!? Could have been worse, my butt! James, tell me --How could it have been any worse, huh!?... How!!?"
Debate Round No. 2


So, the man died and his spirit went up to Heaven. He goes up to God and asks, "why didn't you save me?"
God says, "I sent you a guy in a boat and a helicopter trying to save you. What more could you ask?"


NikolaGustav forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 3
13 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by Godgirl 2 years ago
I didn't think either of the jokes were very funny . . . Oh, well. I'm not qualified to vote anyways.
Posted by 9spaceking 2 years ago
Lol! I really wanted to know your punchline! XD
Posted by NikolaGustav 2 years ago
According to the rules, I can still win *if people find my joke to be funnier than breakingamber's, despite my accidental forfeit of round three :)
Posted by NikolaGustav 2 years ago
However I wrote the story to be funny even without the punchline.
To be clear:
According to the rules, I can still win even if people find my joke to be funnier than breakingamber's, despite my accidental forfeit of round three :)
Posted by breakingamber 2 years ago
Accepted. That's good enough. I hope the voters come and look here before they judge you guilty.
Posted by NikolaGustav 2 years ago
Hey sorry I'm late.
The punch line was this:

James looks at Harry with a gleam in his eye and says,
"Could have been worse," he says. "Could have happened to me."

Posted by breakingamber 2 years ago
Posted by NikolaGustav 2 years ago
Oops! In R2, it should be "Harry frowns *awkwardly and then walks away." and "Oh me, oh my, is that *a familiar face I see!?" Sorry about that
Posted by NikolaGustav 2 years ago
Yeah haikus rule ;)
Same to you buddy, same to you.
Posted by breakingamber 2 years ago
Not exactly what I meant, but... Well, good job! Good luck.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by MagicAintReal 2 years ago
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Who had better conduct:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:--Vote Checkmark1 point
Made more convincing arguments:Vote Checkmark--3 points
Used the most reliable sources:--Vote Checkmark2 points
Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: Well, S&G and Sources are irrelevant here. Pro forfeited round 3, so conduct to Con, and this was the most crucial round, because it was to be for the punchline of Pro's joke. Con's joke, though really bad, is the only one with a punchline, thus the only completed joke, so arguments to Con...I really wish Pro would have finished here, because his joke was set up better, but Con wins by default.