The Instigator
newguy
Con (against)
Losing
7 Points
The Contender
CrusaderDebater
Pro (for)
Winning
21 Points

Little johonny jokes

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 6 votes the winner is...
CrusaderDebater
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 1/26/2010 Category: Arts
Updated: 7 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,913 times Debate No: 10962
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (16)
Votes (6)

 

newguy

Con

Rules: 1 joke per round, enjoy.

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the
rigs."

Mummy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
CrusaderDebater

Pro

One bright Sunday morning Cindy and Mark took their eight year old son,
Johnny, to church. They sat right in the front so Johnny could get all
the benefits from church. But as we know eight year old boys do not
like church at all. Especially little Johnny. Halfway through the
pastor's sermon Johnny fell asleep. The pastor noticed this, and it was
distracting him from preaching. He decided to go over to Johnny and ask
him a question about God.

"Son, do you know who created all the heavens and earth?"

His mother, Cindy, who did not want to be embarrassed by her son falling
asleep, stuck a pin in her son's right butt cheek.

"GOD!!!!" Cried little Johnny.

"Very good," the pastor replied. For he could not say it was wrong. And
he continued on.

But a short while later, Johnny fell asleep again. The pastor once again
noticed this and decided to ask another question "Who was Mary and
Joseph's son?" The pastor asked.

Johnny's dad, Mark, did not want to be embarrassed either, so he stuck a
pin in his son's left butt cheek.

"JESUS CHRIST!!!!" Yelled Johnny.

And once again the pastor replied "Very good."

Near the end of the church service, Johnny could not control himself and
fell asleep again. For the last time, the pastor decided to embarrass
him and ask a very hard question. "What did Eve say to Adam on the
morning when they woke up on the first day?"

But before Johnny's parents could do anything Johnny shouted "IF YOU
STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT AND BREAK IT
IN HALF!
Debate Round No. 1
newguy

Con

An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"
One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away." The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.

Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one -- the one that the farmer shot."

The teacher replied, "No, Johnny, you're wrong, but I like the way you think."

"OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?"

After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out the inside."

Johnny responded, "No, teacher, you're wrong -- it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."
CrusaderDebater

Pro

President Bill Clinton was visiting an elementary school today and when
he visited one of the classes (4th grade I believe), they were in the
middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in
the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So our illustrious leader asks
the class for an example of a tragedy."

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next
door, was playing in the street and a car came along and ran over him,
that would be a tragedy."

"No," says Clinton, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a
GREAT LOSS."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Clinton
searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example
of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In
a quiet voice he says,
"If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Clinton, was struck by a missile
and blown up to smithereens, that would be a tragedy!"

"Fantastic," exclaims Clinton, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY
that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says little Johnny, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it
sure as Hell would be no great loss!"
Debate Round No. 2
newguy

Con

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is. Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs. Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says, "you shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room. On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"
CrusaderDebater

Pro

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a
living. One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her
mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and
said, "My mom's a whore."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office.
Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.

So the teacher asked, "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?"

Johnny said, "Yes"

"Well, what did the principal say?"

"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and
asked for my phone number."
Debate Round No. 3
newguy

Con

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler.

She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that. After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, "I think I broke his gambling".

The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money."

"DAMN!" said the father.

"What's wrong?", the teacher asked. Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over
CrusaderDebater

Pro

Little Johnny, Billy and Tommy were walking home from school one warm spring day. As they were cutting through the alleys and backyards, they happened to look through a hole in the fence of one of the yards where a woman was sunbathing in the nude.

As they looked through the hole, Johnny suddenly started to scream, left his friends and took off running for home.

The next day, as the three boys came home again, they found the same hole in the fence and started to watch the woman. Again, after just a few minutes, Johnney started screaming and ran off quickly.

On the third day, the boys were peeping into the hole in the fence again after school, when Johnny turned around and started to run again. But this time, Bill and Tommy grabbed him and demanded to know what was wrong.

Johnny replied, "My mother told me that if I ever looked at a naked woman, I would turn to stone...

And I started to feel a part of me getting awfully hard… "
Debate Round No. 4
16 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by CrusaderDebater 7 years ago
CrusaderDebater
You're right. I took off my votes for myself. And I'm not sure about Brady1248. I haven't talked to him for a couple weeks man. May the best man win and I will not vote for myself.
Posted by Kinesis 7 years ago
Kinesis
Yeah, I didn't really get jokes 2 or 4.
Posted by Korashk 7 years ago
Korashk
All for Con because giving all the points seems to be the trend on this debate. I liked his jokes better.
Posted by Nails 7 years ago
Nails
That's a quick route to a ban if it's true.

I voted for PRO regardless. All 4 of PRO's jokes were funny enough to make me smile. CON's 1 & 3 were humorous, but I didn't find 2 or 4 very funny at all.
Posted by Kinesis 7 years ago
Kinesis
CD, giving yourself all points with out justification is an assholish thing to do. And your friend/other account brady1248 who always votes 7 for you shouldn't either.
Posted by john_locke 7 years ago
john_locke
Y'all are both so good I don't know who to vote for.
Posted by Kinesis 7 years ago
Kinesis
Aww...
Posted by CrusaderDebater 7 years ago
CrusaderDebater
Nevermind, I couldn't post it because there was too much vulgarity.
Posted by Kinesis 7 years ago
Kinesis
Ha ha, these are brilliant.
Posted by CrusaderDebater 7 years ago
CrusaderDebater
it'll be my final joke then...
6 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 6 records.
Vote Placed by KendallAntigone 7 years ago
KendallAntigone
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Vote Placed by newguy 7 years ago
newguy
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Vote Placed by CrusaderDebater 7 years ago
CrusaderDebater
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Vote Placed by Nails 7 years ago
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Vote Placed by brady1248 7 years ago
brady1248
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