The Instigator
Alexander1
Con (against)
Tied
0 Points
The Contender
boss1592
Pro (for)
Tied
0 Points

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/8/2014 Category: Funny
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,082 times Debate No: 48693
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (2)
Votes (0)

 

Alexander1

Con

The following is nonsense, vote for whom you found the funniest.

------

Good day, hello and well met.

As a tyrant seeking conflict in all forms, like a Heroin addict seeking cocaine, arguing with people I cannot see on a text based forum is a favourite past time of mine. After casting my insidious, thousand yard gaze across the accounts of Debate.org, I have singled out Boss1592 as the individual whom I shall engage due to my absolute and palpable loathing of the number one thousand, five hundred and ninety two " as well as the fact that we"re all dying and there"s nothing we can do about it.

You, Boss1592, I summon you for an intellectual battle of brain, and garnish it with taunts in the hope it adds to your case to accept my challenge " you udder-less cow.

The Debate shall be: Does Hismutep exist.
With myself as Con, it shall be my responsibility to demonstrate without error or capitulation that Hismutep does not exist.
As Pro, Boss1592 must demonstrate that not only does Hismutep exist but he is also unavailable for questioning.

Terms of the engagement are as follows:

A) Opening round is acceptance only. If Boss1592 accepts he must do so with a verbose, opulent speech with reference to the HMS Prince, a Warrior class Battleship launched in 1982 and committed to the Falkland"s war, serving a remarkably uneventful tour of duty and is also something I made up.
B) Round three will be forfeited as a gesture of respect to the onlookers.
C) Final round is reserved for screaming because round five is green coloured.

I will mention the other rules just for formalities sake:

1)Both participants surrender the option to use taxi"s in the daylight hours between 8am and 8pm for the duration of the debate.
2) Wilful use of the word ********* is not acceptable at any time in the debate. If ********* is mentioned even once the user forfeits the entire debate, regardless of voter opinion. For those of you curious ********* will be disclosed in a comment, the very first of the comments, in the comment section marked "comments".
3) Algebraic method must be used with the reverence it deserves.
4) Perchance Jesse Eisenberg relinquishes his role as Lex Luther in the upcoming and unimpressive looking Batman and Superman film at any point during the debate a haiku reflecting the authors sentiments is to be added to that rounds text (unless, of course, this conflicts with round three"s forfeit gesture) (if this occurs in the final round the haiku is to be in block capitals because round five is in green).
5) Spelling a funny word with the first letter of each new paragraph ought to be lauded by the onlookers.

I now turn the floor over to Boss1592. Let you come beneath the spot light. Let our minds meet and, with such intellectual kindling, begin a roaring furnace of wise and dazzling discourse. Our great owls of willpower shall land gracefully on each of our heads and lay eggs of everlasting and resplendent wit behind our ears. Unless, of course, you fear what may hatch from them Boss1592 - you glue-less postal stamp.
boss1592

Pro

Calling me out then, eh? Alexander1, IF that is your real name, you need not utter one more syllable of persuasion, a glib, blase tautology as it would indubitably be, for I, bossonethousandfivehundredandninetytwo, am no coward, and accept your challenge without reservation.

Hismutep, and my case for defending the existence thereof, like a ladder, rests on two legs, with lots and lots of rungs ascending skyward as an apt metaphor for metaphysical truth. I shall demonstrate, without ambiguity, that Hismutep exists, and shall then elucidate upon not only why he is unavailable for questioning, but why such a proposition is so holistically riddled with fallacious reasoning and logical incoherence that it can not even be examined under the lens of human discovery without redefining science and philosophy into utter meaninglessness.

On we go then, to a long, rambling speech only tangentially connected to the topic at hand

Kilo-Alpha-Lima-Foxtrot was the missions codename, and Captain Donaldson, on a blazing hot, December afternoon, was tired. The British forces, lead by Donaldson who was clothed only in a beret, one finger-less rubber glove, and a copy of the Wall Street Journal, pulled into the small, quaint seaport of Falklands, Mississippi, before disembarking the HMS Prince and immediately launching a full scale assault upon the Falk headquarters, slaughtering everyone inside before sailing home, the end.

East might not be as north as west is,, but you don't need to be a geometer to know that if you stand outside in the rain, without an umbrella, you're going to catch a cold, and you don't need to be a meta-physician to understand that Hismutep is a logically necessary component of reality, if he doesn't exist, how Alexander, how, how, HOW could you possibly explain the wind? Or the blooming of a flower? Or that The King's Speech beat Inception AND The Social Network to win Best Picture? It makes NO sense, except in the piercing, illuminating and eternal light... of Hismutep.

So Alexander, you better start training, you better start eating your vitamins, and you better start saying your prayers brother, because debate.org, the internet, and reality it's self shall be turned totally upside down, the fabric of reality shall rip and bend around us as we leave entire galaxies burning in the wake of our conflict. You may have sought me out, but what you will receive instead... is war. A war spanning all of space, and all of time, the universe it's self pushed to the very brink of destruction as it's future rests upon the victor of this debate, this... this very debate. Gods will cower, monsters shall flee, and even the Devil May Cry as the underpinnings of existence are rocked to their very core.

Lest I be misunderstood... war will never decide who is right. Only who isn't not that.

Are you ready? Make ready your arrangements and kiss your loved ones goodbye, for destiny calls to us Alexander and he is not a patient one.

Show me what you've got!
Debate Round No. 1
Alexander1

Con

I am right.
boss1592

Pro

Ladies and gentlemen, I have been on debate.org many years, and in all my days I have never encountered such a vile, slanderous onslaught of deceit and duplicity, bursting at every seam with logical fallacies, character assassination and circular reasoning. The fact that you could even consider yourself a man after such a loathsome, proud showing of speculative, question-begging, ad-hoc nonsense quite frankly is an embarrassment and a disgrace, to yourself, your family, the human species, the universe as a whole, and even the mighty hismutep himself.

You will burn for your unceasing, flagrant insolence in the face of powers greater than you can possibly fathom, you do not even have the right to call yourself a person, your brain should be dissolved in acid, sealing in concrete and dumped in the Atlantic ocean, it has proven it's self to be a danger to it's self, it's surroundings, and the fabric of reality it's self, and it must be forever dismantled and removed for the safety of all.

You will regret the day you ever set foot on this planet, eyes blinking in the face of a doom racing to meet you with every passing moment, you shall be melted down, solidified again, smashed into pieces, blasted into subatomic particles and cast into a black hole, for the stupidity of your reasoning, for the overwhelming offence you have caused to million of hismutepians, for the irrationality and illogicality of your "argument, and I use that in the LOOSEST possible sense of the word, for your flagrant and unabashed lies and for the slanderous, libelous grot that infests every syllable that comes dragging it's knuckles out of your obscene, profanity spewing mouth.

Hismutep loves you
Debate Round No. 2
Alexander1

Con

Alexander1 forfeited this round.
boss1592

Pro

This is a forfeit
Debate Round No. 3
Alexander1

Con

You're wrong.
boss1592

Pro

boss1592 forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 4
Alexander1

Con

Alexander1 forfeited this round.
boss1592

Pro

boss1592 forfeited this round.
Debate Round No. 5
2 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Posted by wwwwh 3 years ago
wwwwh
Okkk.............
Posted by Alexander1 3 years ago
Alexander1
Chokeslam
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