The Instigator
thisisit1
Pro (for)
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The Contender
Megalobrainiac
Con (against)
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Monogamy is a failed society trap. Polyamory can revolutionize how we love and live for the better.

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/8/2014 Category: Society
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 669 times Debate No: 51868
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thisisit1

Pro

This challenges western society's ideal, and may require a paradigm shift. Monogamy is a failed society trap, a learned fairytale that causes unnecessary negativity.

Polyamory is an umbrella term for any relationship that is not monogamous, restricted to two people. Often when we here polyamory many think of polygamy, which is a man with many wives, because it is in the spotlight on reality TV and the ill behaviours on such dynamic in eastern traditions. I'm not talking about either, though not oppose to polygamy if it is truly what all partners desire. I'm talking about looking at polyamory and monogamy for what they are, with no disrespect to those who truly choose monogamy for their life at the end of the debate. Its about talking about what we are trained to be uncomfortable with, ending the taboo. 5-10% are open about it, how many are in the closet?

Lets look at jealousy.
In general, jealousy should not, but often is mistaken for envy. Envy is to want what the other has in an inspiring manner, with no ill feelings. Jealousy is to want what the other has all to yourself, even at the expense of others. It comes from a place of fear and/or insecurity, selfishness and it often best to be resolved.
In monogamy it is perceived as normal and healthy, as well as painful and damaging to the relationship and those involved. Often seen, or excused as a sign of love, but still a negative feeling or trait overall.
In Polyamory, jealousy is perceived as a sign that something is wrong, as all negative emotions should. When it occurs it is discussed and resolved, which is possible as it is the core concept to having the genuinely loving and open relationships. To achieve this all individuals should have confidence to self assert and ability to empathize, a trait men seem to achieve as they mature at different rates.

Lets look at Love.
Love is an intense feeling of deep affection, sometimes romantic and/or sexual.
In monagamy love is ideally accepted with one person only, and loving others is perceived as betrayal. Even deep affection is often seen as "emotional cheating". The traditions and ideals we are raised with become programmed into our thinking and belief system, such as the fairytales of Disany movies instilled onto our daughters creating unrealistic expectations of men. Monagamy is not a hard wired natural occurrence in humans, which can inevitably cause hurt and stress in relationships and the partners. Many monogamous people are not open enough to resolve and free themselves of the pain from jealousy of their partner sharing deep affection with someone else (emotional cheating). Cheers to those who are and do.. I am not discounting those who are successfully only sexually monogamous.

In polyamory love is perceived as -truly- finding happiness in your partners happiness, which is not an odd idea to us generally, except when it is deep affection with someone they could be romantic and/or sexual with. Polyamory is about being genuinely loving and appreciating fellow humans and partners alike, humanism. Its about experiencing more loving, richer relationships in your lifetime, free of the negative aspects of limited loving we've been taught by society. 'Its OK and natural to love others, but you cannot fulfil needs or share happiness with anyone but your partner. Look, even fantasize, emotionally and/or sexually, but don"t invoke. That is what we are taught about love, sounds churchy. A Polygamous society would be a loving one.

How about paternity and raising children.
In monogamy two people, in many places not limited to a man and a women, raise children together, or more often than not, eventually separated. Why do they separate? I dont feel the I need to take up characters going there. Look up the many reasons if need be, most stem back to needs not being met and "cheating".
In polyamory the options are wide. Children would inevitably have more, and varied loving adults in their lives, which has never proven to be a bad thing. In most cases they would not need to loose paternity if wished so. Homosexuals are proving they can raise children wonderfully, so if that dynamic occurs, its actually a positive.

We have an overload of male energy in the world for various reasons. Mainly because they have led the way primarily up until recently. It is simply easier for females to be masculine than it is for males to be feminine. Unfortunately feminists are becoming masculine in their pursuit and thus, here we are.. theres the ultimate answer to the state of the world. We need more femininity to have a comfortable balance. We're yet to find a system that works. But polyamory will give men the opportunity to become more emotionally mature and loving in general. We joke that men cannot be monogamous, I don't think women are so equip either, but its society that has perceives us to be more moral and/or perhaps have lower sex drives. Society perceives a lot that does not balance out.

Humans created monogamy to create paternity and the structure of society. To keep wealth together, families of power. Look at what that has done for us. When we walk over the poor on the streets in our expensive outfits with our $5 coffee, on our way to our job that feeds the very system that put them there. Again, we lack empathy, and have become selfish creatures. But, again, we've been raised this way. My point is, the whole reason for beginning monogamy is nothing to be proud of or stand by in the end.

Cheating, this is a normal concept for us to dread when it comes to relationships, because the difficulties we face meeting the standards that are not aligned with our beings makes it a game. Those who have never cheated know its not easy and proudly stand by monogamy, which I do not discredit. Considering they have stayed to their agreement, it is honer-able, but is it the best way for relationships to occur?

Ashley Madison alone has over 25,165,000 members. I have more to add but, Ill open this with what I've said so far. I am a 28 year old, bisexual female for the record. I began exploring polyamory after examining my own jealousy and urges to get close with more people than my partner, or, 'cheat'. I am yet to have a serious open relationship, but have an over all knowing that doing the work to strip away at my programming and experience more love would be very rewarding. Polymory is not for those who are not self assured and confident with themselves.
Megalobrainiac

Con

Believe it or not, the human race already tried out polyamory. It's not a new idea, in fact it predates the concept of monogamy, whether you believe in evolution or not. The institute of marriage, and concept of one man and one woman having the other all for themselves, was first an idea insinuated through religion, and belief that a higher power would want it. Ironically, it was also religion that tore monogamy apart and replaced it with polygamy.

I think it is important for one questioning this debate resolution to must ask themselves why human societies, specifically the ones that are objectively more economically fair to all their nation's member, evolved to become monogamous in the first place. The answer lies in the concept of raising the young.

There are two leading theories on the matter, yet despite having both favour monogamy over polyamory as a method of conducting human society.

The first theory is the Darwinian view that it was an evolved strategy to avoid males killing the babies of other males. Essentially, if there is a father to look out for the baby and the social peer pressure that 'if it's another guy's baby you don't touch it, nor his woman' then the rate of infanticide will severely drop and the overall community will begin growing at a huge speed, hence why humans have out-populated all other mammals on the planet.

The second theory is that we evolved it as a result of evolving empathy. This is supported by the fact that it has been observed, in rare cases, in certain packs of wolves, tribes of chimps and mobs of meerkats and all show signs of empathy. Empathy is clearly a method of team bonding that derives from the sense of respect each member of a community gets for one another when they empathise.

I shall now address Pro's argument and rebut her points one by one.

First I challenge him on the statistic that 5-10% of the world are openly polyamorous as even the Muslim nations that practise polygamy are not polyamorous as this would mean they allowed multiple men to marry multiple women.

Secondly, I am not sure where my opponent got the definitions of envy and jealousy. I have no idea what on Earth the point she was making here was and require evidence of the definitions as I believe them to be false definitions and her analysis to be difficult to comprehend.

Third of all, my opponent misconstrues monogamous love as devoid of happiness whilst presenting polyamorous love, ironically as the Disney fairytale that she accuses monogamous love to be. This is based on the theory that one is trapped in a monogamous relationship when she forgets that in a truly monogamous society, people are free to choose their partners carefully and divorce if it truly comes to a disaster. If she speaks only of the oppressive form of monogamy then she is misconstruing the extremism of monogamous relationships as the norm of their kind.

In monogamy there may be the issue of cheating and divorces due to adultery but in polyamory these issues are still present, however they are permitted and accepted as parts of human relationships so no one feels loyal to anyone, not even their own children or the one in a hundred partners they'd slept with in the past year. The benefits of monogamy outweigh the evils of polyamory in this case.

My opponent firstly makes the fallacious claim that it is easier for females to act masculine that it is for males to act feminine which is grounded on absolutely no proof or justification whatsoever. She then regards the equal rights of women, thanks to the united protest of feminists in the past, as 'unfortunate'. This is not only outrageous as an opinion in itself but the fact that it's based on the theory that it's easier for females to act masculine than males to act feminine makes literally no sense whatsoever considering that it is masculine to be tougher both emotionally and physically and thus would be objectively deemed the harder of the two attributes to fake having.

I am also confused how my opponent seeks to solve poverty and the lack of empathy that she claims to be present in society by allowing anyone to have sex with anyone with zero loyalty whatsoever. If everyone shared everything, I think we know what happened to Soviet Russia and Mao's China.

My opponent then reveals, at the very end that this is all founded upon her urge to explore her bisexuality to its prime and does not offer anything substantial to back up this urge nor to justify why others in society must act on her personal code of morality which happens to disagree with over 80% of the nations in the world today.

Sources

Regarding the baby-protection theory of monogamy:
(1) http://www.independent.co.uk...
(2) http://www.sciencedaily.com...

Regarding the theory that it is an empathy-derived social construct:
(1) http://www.evolutionnews.org...
Debate Round No. 1
thisisit1

Pro

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Megalobrainiac

Con

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Debate Round No. 2
thisisit1

Pro

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Megalobrainiac

Con

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Debate Round No. 3
thisisit1

Pro

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Megalobrainiac

Con

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Debate Round No. 4
thisisit1

Pro

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Megalobrainiac

Con

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Debate Round No. 5
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