The Instigator
MassiveDump
Pro (for)
Losing
24 Points
The Contender
jdog2016
Con (against)
Winning
28 Points

My Life Sucks More Than My Opponent's

Do you like this debate?NoYes+48
Add this debate to Google Add this debate to Delicious Add this debate to FaceBook Add this debate to Digg  
Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 9 votes the winner is...
jdog2016
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/18/2013 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 8,636 times Debate No: 32657
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (32)
Votes (9)

 

MassiveDump

Pro

My motion is that I, MassiveDump, have a suckier life than he, jdog2016.

Telling the truth is not required.

I am providing round one to be for jdog to accept this challenge, and arguments will begin in round two.

If anybody cares... probably not...
jdog2016

Con

I SHALL join This here Debate!!Don't know why thou............I'm just gonna lose cuz no one will vote for me
I look forward to this debate!! And think it will be depressing.............
Debate Round No. 1
MassiveDump

Pro

I stand affirmative to the resolution that my life sucks more than my opponents.

"Sucks" obviously, is being used in a slang sense meaning "is really, really not so good".

Below are my contentions:

1. I Am a Ginger

Gingers are one of the most bullied forms of people in the United States, and unlike homosexuals and the obese, no spotlight is ever being given to us in order to be supported [http://abcnews.go.com...]. I go to school like e'rryday and get treated like much less than a human being. Being so discriminated against has brought me to sleep on railroad tracks some nights, hoping that the Polar Express will come to the rescue and run me over.

Being a ginger has also driven my family to feed me only once a day as punishment. "We just want you to stop being this way," said my father, "and we will only feed you as much as legally required until you learn to change". Needless to say, I get pretty hungry once in a while.

Finally, while the normal human being's heart is made up of four chambers and an aorta, the ginger's heart is more or less a tiny black hole, that slowly drains away any happiness I could possibly feel. Since I cannot feel any happiness, my life sucks to a maximum. Since my life sucks to a maximum, only a ginger's life can suck worse than mine. Since jdog is not a ginger, my life sucks worse than his.

2. jdog2016 is the Prince of Jordan

(This is a troll debate, so now that I said you're the prince of Jordan, you're the facking prince of Jordan.)

jdog2016 cannot possibly have a sucky life. He is the prince of Jordan. He is provided with any and everything he could ever want, including food, shelter, and most importantly, free hot tubs filled with Pepto-Bismol.


Also, considering that he's the third son of the kind makes him fourth in line for the throne, since the king has a brother. So, there is a fine chance he will go the duration of his entire life never having to take on any royal responsibilities. For example, when one of the princes of England ran around Las Vegas butt-naked, he did so because he knew he had no reputation to lose seeing as he'd never be king. jdog has the same right.

Being prince of Jordan gives him all power and no responsibility. That's a pretty non-sucky life if you ask me.

I was going to post contention 3, but I was like nah bro. It's late.

Still, the resolution is impenetrable.

VOTE
PRO.

jdog2016

Con

Last round, Pro gave the definition of "sucks". His definition was "is really, really not so good". My definition is

1. To move mouth in a repetitive motion over a
2. To have ones life be so unbelievably shittty, that he tries to kill his or her self, but no matter how HARD HE TRIES, HE CANT.


Here are my reasons why my life is more sucky than my opponents:

1. It's all a show

My father, the king, hates me. In public he makes it look like I have an amazing life, so no one will suspect. It's the perfect crime. However I suffer from severe child abuse. Last night, at dinner my father slipped cyanide in my berry berry strawberrylitiouse drink. Not enough to kill me, just to hospitalize me. So anyway I take a drink of my super ungirly drink, and as I expect unconditional delitiosness to come flowing into my mouth, I instead start wrenching on the table. Foaming at the mouth, seizures, I mean the whole nine yards. And my father isn't the only one, when this happened, everyone at the table was laughing. Some of my brothers got on top of me while I was having a seizure, and pretended I was a bucking bull. Also what you said about 4 brothers is wrong. I have 17 1/2. The half was born without the lower half of his body. He drags himself every where. It's really facking scary. He looks like a fuucking zombie or something. Even he picks on me.


2. 17 1/2 Brothers one Bathroom

One bathroom. One MUTHA' FUcKKINN" bath room!! We live in a 500,000 acre mansion(its big) and we have one bathroom. ONE.

O.

N.


E.

And not only do I have to share it with 17 1/2 brothers, but sometimes I'm 20 miles away from it. (My house is 500,000 acres) In which case I must walk through 20 miles of hell. However sometimes I can't hold it, so I just let one on the floor. When this happens, my father finds me, and cuts off a few of my toes. He then makes me eat them wile he watches and makes weird grunting noises. I think he get a sick turn on from me eating my own toes?


3. No AC

My 500,000 acre mansion has no A.C. This means that I will be 5 miles from my room. I'll start to walk there, but it's like the Sahara f**king desert. So I pass out from the heat. When I wake up, I'm tied to a bed in a small dark room. Next thing I know, a cute little puppet with rosy cheeks asks me to cut off my leg, and then cut it open and find a key. Well, he was super cute, so I listened.

Debate Round No. 2
MassiveDump

Pro

Seeing that our definitions are both the slang sense of negativity, there is no topicality conflict here.

1. I Am a Ginger

Carry this argument because my opponent agrees that it is theoretically impossible for a non-ginger to feel more unhappiness than a ginger.

2. jdog2016 is the Prince of Jordan

A. His show is all a show.

My opponent has been spotlighted on multiple occasions on CNN, Fox News, BBC, and the Weather Channel trying to pretend that his royal life is all a miserable experience. However, many insiders have reported my opponent plotting to frame His Majesty the King of Jordan for child abuse in order to take away his throne. The truth of the matter is that when people buy into his stories of child abuse, his life only becomes better. Because people in Middle Eastern countries buy dat dump, his life becomes increasingly better than mine.

B. False.

My opponent states that the royal palace of Jordan only has one bathroom. False.

"The royal palace in Jordan is absolutely beyond belief. The building spans 500,000 acres wide, there is an indoor shopping mall of all things, and you can't go anywhere in the complex without being at least twenty feet away from a bathroom."

- The Great Philosopher Mick Jagger

Once again, my opponent has made up malicious libel.

C. Air Conditioning

My opponent thinks his life is so freaking terrible because he has no Air Conditioning. Think about this. I live in Northeast South Dakota. There is still snow on the ground in April, and we are so separated from civilization that heat and food has become even more scarce than air conditioning in Jordan. On a good day, we only lose two relatives to hypothermia and one to excessive diarrhea. On any other day, Cousin Eddie and Grandpa Sittingbull might just poop themselves to death on the same day.

Recap:
  • My heart sucks happiness out of me, so in theory no one can have a better life than me.
  • The royal pains my opponent experiences are all frauds.
  • There are multiple bathrooms in the royal palace.
  • My climate situation is far worse.
PRO
WINS.
jdog2016

Con

I have AIDS. Even though I'm a virgin....




Also, the stuff about my father was true.



And your quote has a typo,

"The royal palace in Jordan is absolutely beyond belief. The building spans 500,000 acres wide, there is an indoor shopping mall of all things, and you can't go anywhere in the complex without being at least twenty feet away from a bathroom."

*twenty billion miles* B - I - L - L - I - O - N

I spoke with The Great Philosopher Mick Jagger himself.


Also, all that the shopping mall sells is dildo's. But I don't like to talk about that. It makes me remember to many horrible things involving my dad, me and a closet.(and a dildo)


And man, you think your weather is worse? You say that there, your grandpa shitting sittingbull and cousin eddie have death by excessive diareah? Here diareah is impossible. do you know why? Ya, it's because it is soooo damn hot that our shittt boils inside us, and evaporates out of our mouth. Every time I eat, in about an hour afterward, I get shittt for desert. Every were I go, I have brown steam spewing from my nose.

I once decided I would rather starve that taste anymore poo, however once all the food have left my body, my stomach acid started to boil, and my toung melted. I can't speak. Also, the inner part of my esophagus was chard to a crisp, so now I have to breath out of a hole in my throat.

The acid also killed one of my lungs.

Now I have to carry around five oxygen tanks...5!!


(Black man voice)
Do you know how haaard it is for a man wit' one leg(the cute puppet in round 2)to carry around FIVE FAWKIN' OXYGEN TANKS MAN?!?

F.
I.
V.
E. Bags


One leg........

Recap:

<>I have AIDS
<>MY dad rapes me.....
<>Shittt evaporates out of my mouth
<>Only have one lung
<>Breath out of a throat hole
<>Esophagus is melted
<>FIVE oxygen tanks, ONE leg






IM
Fucckked



Vote
Con












Debate Round No. 3
MassiveDump

Pro

Reminder: While this debate is funny, this debate is not one judged by who is the most entertaining. This one rides on serious debate criteria.

1. I'm A Ginger

My opponent forfeits this contention.

2. Prince of Jordan

A. Pain is staged

My opponent forfeits this contention.

A very important one at that. He proves now that being the prince of Jordan is a good thing.

B. Bathrooms

He says he spoke with Mick Jagger himself. However, I grew up alongside Mick Jagger for ten years, and he frequently spoke of his adventures to Jordan. You should value my quote over his because I have a better understanding of Mick Jagger's thoughts having known him for so long.

The mall only sells dildos this the part that my opponent chooses to shop in, but in other parts, the mall contains quite a variety of useful items.

C. Climates

My opponent claims that steam poop is worse than excessive diarrhea. However, if that was true, and he had it, he should have been dead before many members of my family, so this contention is false. Perhaps he's disabled, but he's not dead. People who poop it all out end up dead.

D. AIDS

Apologies, but my opponent recaps AIDS but I believe never mentions anything about it in the body of his argument. This contention, therefore, gives no weight to con.

Conclusion

My opponent still fails to prove that anyone's life can scientifically be worse than a ginger's, and his silly charades about the hardships of being a prince just aren't true at all.

I win all contentions.

Vote Pro
jdog2016

Con

1. You Being a Ginger


I am adopted, and my real father was a ginger. I am not, however because of this, half of my soul is missing. There for this piece of my argument alone makes me have at least a 50% more sucky life than you.


2. Jordan

A. The pain is staged

Everything that happens to me is real. None of it is faked. I could just as easily say parts of Massive's life were faked as well.

Also, my opponent gave no real evidence that supported his theory that I was faking the pain.

B. Bathrooms
It seems as though my opponent is taking the words of a very discredited man, Mack Jagger, over someone who lives in the palace himself.

If I were you, I wouldn't listen to a word Mack Jagger says.

"Some people believe President Obama is a Muslim, and some say he is just a good old American. Well, we should be focusing on his daughters. I have found research showing that they are aliens working for Mexico."

-Mack Jagger
(His words, not mine)
Just because you've known someone a long time, doesn't mean they give correct detail.


C. Climates

"My opponent claims that steam poop is worse than excessive diarrhea. However, if that was true, and he had it, he should have been dead before many members of my family, so this contention is false. Perhaps he's disabled, but he's not dead. People who poop it all out end up dead."

This contention is far from false. You see, my fathers people have lived here so long, that our great grandfathers great grandfather had steam poop billowing from his nostrils. And yes, at first nearly the entire kingdom's population was wiped out. However, over the centuries, we have grown a natural resistance to the steam poopoo. Yes, it still tastes like azz, and people are killing themselves because they hate their life so much, however the steam poop is no longer life threatening.


D. AIDS


"Apologies, but my opponent recaps AIDS but I believe never mentions anything about it in the body of his argument. This contention, therefore, gives no weight to con."

AIDS was not an argument, but simply me informing you about myself. And yes, this does give weight to con. How can having AIDS not make you life suck? AIDS kills my immune system. When I get a common cold, I usually foam at the mouth, and have repeated seizures because my body cannot fight it.


Conclusion:
My opponent fails to prove that my pain is all fake, therefore I win the contention A. In contention B, I show how truly unreliable Mack Jagger truly is, and proved it. Therefore I also win contention B. I win contention C for proving my opponents arguments invalid. I win D because I proved that AIDS makes my life royally suck azz.

CON
WINS



RECAP:

<>My father was a ginger, therefore I have only half of a soul. 50%

<>Mack Jagger is a fvuck trad.

<>The steam poop is unlifethreatening.

<>My friends and family are always trying to kill themselves.

<>I have AIDS, which causes me to have insane physical reactions to even just a common cold.




Debate Round No. 4
MassiveDump

Pro

FINAL ROUND- No New Arguments, Just Summaries

1. Why I Win on Gingers

My opponent is half a ginger. I am a full ginger. He has passed up on this argument for two rounds and thinks he can finally bring it up now.

But he says that being half a ginger makes his life 50% suckier than mine? That logic is beyond flawed. If he has half a soul, she is still capable of having half of his happiness, making him 50% better off than me, because I can feel no happiness at all.

You should vote for pro because I have proven that it is theoretically impossible to be unhappier than me unless you are a pure-bred ginger, which he has admitted he is not.

2. Why Being the Prince of Jordan Makes His Life Better Than Mine

A. Staging the pain for the throne.

My opponent clearly did not read my round three argument at all. Firstly, sure he could say parts of my sucky life are staged, but I have no motive to do so. He however, has the throne as a motive.

Secondly, I did provide evidence when I said quite specifically that it was mentioned on BBC, Fox News, CNN, etc. By ignoring this, he has proven that he is not paying attention to this debate.

B. Bathrooms.

My opponent believes that Mick Jagger is in uncredible source because of a quote he made. But these were two different Mick Jaggers. I was referring specifically to the wise philosopher Mick Jagger, who surely has a more open mind than a prince who wants to cry about his fake troubles in order to steal the throne.

The quote my opponent referred to, however, was a quote by the Rolling Stone's Mick Jagger. These are two very different people, both physically and ideologically.

C. Climates.

This one I'm loving the absolute most.

My opponent just went and admitted that steaming poopy burps are nowhere near as deadly as the problem I face in my climate, excessive diarrhea. He has conceded that in this area, my life is suckier than his.

3. AIDS

A. Throwing in this argument halfway through the debate is unfair because it does not provide time for a decent argument to develop.

B. My opponent does not have AIDS; he barely knows the symptoms. Foaming at the mouth and repeated seizures are not symptoms of AIDS. Moral: If you want AIDS, do your homework first.

Overall, Why Pro Wins.

My opponent conceded the ginger argument by saying he has more of a soul than me.

He did not deny that his sadness was all an act, he simply threw a fallacy at me.

He tried to dismiss my Bathrooms argument by saying because one Mick Jagger is ignorant, all of them are.

My opponent flat out admitted, no exaggeration there, just went and admitted that steam poop is a less threatening issue than South Dakota conditions.

My opponent tried to pretend his A/C argument wasn't completely defeated by ignoring it.

My opponent does not have AIDS because he doesn't even know the symptoms.

-----------------------------------

I win all contentions, My life sucks more than my opponents.

Vote Pro.
jdog2016

Con

I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes with curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind
Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
(Aa aa aa)Dust in the windAll we are is dust in the wind
Oh, ho, hoooooh

YOUR MY BOY BLUE!! Your my boy...

I'm sorry, I just had to get that out....

Blue was my only friend in this world, and yesterday he died.
He was wrestling some hookers in a kitty pool full of Vaseline when he had a heart attack and a stroke at the same time. His body over loaded. He had a seizure so insane that he smashed his face into the sharp edge of his table. His teeth were ground down to a fine powder. The front of his face exploded out the back of his scull. He died instantly, the next day.

Anyhow...


1. Your Gingerness

You are 50% more ginger than me, however that does not mean your life sucks more than mine. Since you are 100% ginger, you cannot feel happiness at all, you don't even know what it's like. However my situation is far worse. The ginger blood took over my system when I was 7. I wish I was full ginger, anything would be better than this. You see, because I am only half ginger, I have the capability to understand happiness, and crave it. Before the ginger blood took over, I could feel happiness. Unlike you I know what it's like. However no matter how hard I try, the infinite hole of sadness, fear, loathing, (or anything else horrible that you can think of)doesn't allow me to feel the happiness. My mother was the only person who ever really lover me(other than Blue), by the way my father cheated on her, so she hung herself.

Anyhow..

She once got me a guitar. I had asked for it for my birthday. She expected to see me happy, and grateful. I tried soooo hard, just to feel happiness. I tried, for myself, but mostly for my mom. I knew it would make her happy. That's all I ever really wanted, was just to make her happy. But I couldn't. I can't. Ever. And she knew. She saw it in my eyes. That was the day before she died. Sometimes I think she might have died from me. Or because of me. I killed her. She saw the monster inside of me, and couldn't live knowing she created it.

Massive, do you know what that's like? To have to live like this. It's not even living really. I'm already dead...



2. Prince? Ya right

Last night my father found out he was not my biological father. He disowned me. I am now no longer a "prince". I now live in a gazebo next to the butcher facility. Every night, I am lillibied to sleep by the sickening 'thunk' of a pigs scull being crushed. Or maybe I'll get lucky, and I can get misted with some feathers of chickens being grinded to pulp.

All I have now, are the clothes I'm wearing, and my laptop. I have no food. I'm forced to eat what is left on the dead carcasses in the facility next to me. However I can't live like this anymore. Not anymore. It's time to move on. Nothing matters anymore. Not Mick Jagger, or bathrooms, or the rolling stones. The climate doesn't even matter. Not for much longer anyway. I've lost everything. I never had much, but now I have nothing. Nothing but fear, and pain.

Now I can leave it all behind....no fear or agony. Just peace..

I'll see you in another life brother....










Debate Round No. 5
32 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by funwiththoughts 3 years ago
funwiththoughts
I have to say that while from a convincing standpoint Con was the clear winner he took it way too far to be funny.
Posted by rajun 3 years ago
rajun
wow...
Posted by kyree_lover 3 years ago
kyree_lover
Hahaha A ginger! That would suck!
Posted by ElHombre 3 years ago
ElHombre
I was going to vote Pro, but this line just sealed the deal for Con: "I have AIDS, even though I am a virgin". Damn...so much sadness in one short sentence.
Posted by jdog2016 3 years ago
jdog2016
42 likes! 0.0
Posted by jdog2016 4 years ago
jdog2016
wow....um.....that was.... uuuh really fvcking funny.................
Posted by games 4 years ago
games
my life sucks like my girlfriend sucking my d*ck
Posted by jdog2016 4 years ago
jdog2016
leojm
Posted by Ithinker 4 years ago
Ithinker
My life sucks...

Isnt that a song.
Posted by leojm 4 years ago
leojm
This is an interesting debate. I like it. It looks like MassiveDump is loosing, so u are not that bad.
9 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 9 records.
Vote Placed by jayden2016 4 years ago
jayden2016
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:-Vote Checkmark-0 points
Who had better conduct:-Vote Checkmark-1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Made more convincing arguments:-Vote Checkmark-3 points
Used the most reliable sources:-Vote Checkmark-2 points
Total points awarded:16 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro got more aggressive at the end, so conduct is to con.
Vote Placed by Napoleon_Dynamite_915 4 years ago
Napoleon_Dynamite_915
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Who had better conduct:-Vote Checkmark-1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Made more convincing arguments:Vote Checkmark--3 points
Used the most reliable sources:Vote Checkmark--2 points
Total points awarded:61 
Reasons for voting decision: S&G to pro and arguments to pro because he used slightly more believable reasons as to why his life sucked but conduct to con because, as Walrus101 pointed out, pro seemed much more aggressive. Also sources to pro because he used the only one.
Vote Placed by vmpire321 4 years ago
vmpire321
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Who had better conduct:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Made more convincing arguments:Vote Checkmark--3 points
Used the most reliable sources:Vote Checkmark--2 points
Total points awarded:70 
Reasons for voting decision: Woah counter-vb for kicker
Vote Placed by Lizard 4 years ago
Lizard
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Who had better conduct:--Vote Checkmark1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Made more convincing arguments:Vote Checkmark--3 points
Used the most reliable sources:--Vote Checkmark2 points
Total points awarded:40 
Reasons for voting decision: Even though it was a troll debate I still feel genuinely more sad for Pro. The truth value of his complaints better convinced me his life is suckier. Con also had a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes, so I'm voting that to Pro as well.
Vote Placed by Kicker_Swag 4 years ago
Kicker_Swag
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:-Vote Checkmark-0 points
Agreed with after the debate:-Vote Checkmark-0 points
Who had better conduct:-Vote Checkmark-1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:-Vote Checkmark-1 point
Made more convincing arguments:-Vote Checkmark-3 points
Used the most reliable sources:-Vote Checkmark-2 points
Total points awarded:07 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro didnt even debate
Vote Placed by enclave101 4 years ago
enclave101
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:Vote Checkmark--0 points
Who had better conduct:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Made more convincing arguments:-Vote Checkmark-3 points
Used the most reliable sources:--Vote Checkmark2 points
Total points awarded:23 
Reasons for voting decision: Con was half ginger so he knew what happiness was before he lost the sensation. But Pro on the other hand gets picked on all day for being full ginger and not even knowing what its like to have a soul.
Vote Placed by Walrus101 4 years ago
Walrus101
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:Vote Checkmark--0 points
Agreed with after the debate:-Vote Checkmark-0 points
Who had better conduct:-Vote Checkmark-1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Made more convincing arguments:-Vote Checkmark-3 points
Used the most reliable sources:--Vote Checkmark2 points
Total points awarded:14 
Reasons for voting decision: I felt that towards the end pro stopped telling why his life indeed sucked more. No sources for either, not that it would be possible. Pro had better grammar and spelling. Conduct also goes to con, since Pro did seem like he was more aggressive.
Vote Placed by martianshark 4 years ago
martianshark
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:-Vote Checkmark-0 points
Who had better conduct:-Vote Checkmark-1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:--Vote Checkmark1 point
Made more convincing arguments:-Vote Checkmark-3 points
Used the most reliable sources:--Vote Checkmark2 points
Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: I think Con's life clearly sucks more. Pro hardly even gave any strong arguments for why his life sucks, and the fact that he's ginger doesn't necessarily make his life suck more. (even if it did, Con refuted this pretty well).
Vote Placed by Anon_Y_Mous 4 years ago
Anon_Y_Mous
MassiveDumpjdog2016Tied
Agreed with before the debate:--Vote Checkmark0 points
Agreed with after the debate:-Vote Checkmark-0 points
Who had better conduct:--Vote Checkmark1 point
Had better spelling and grammar:Vote Checkmark--1 point
Made more convincing arguments:-Vote Checkmark-3 points
Used the most reliable sources:Vote Checkmark--2 points
Total points awarded:33 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro won s/g because he didn't use obscenely small fonts. . . And Con put two exclamation points after one sentence, or something. Arguments go to Con because he provided compelling arguments, even with the Prince handicap. Sources go to for obvious reasons.