The Instigator
Shadow-Dragon
Pro (for)
Winning
11 Points
The Contender
9spaceking
Con (against)
Losing
0 Points

My life is worse than my opponents

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 3 votes the winner is...
Shadow-Dragon
Voting Style: Open with Elo Restrictions Point System: 7 Point
Started: 8/30/2014 Category: Funny
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 706 times Debate No: 61095
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (0)
Votes (3)

 

Shadow-Dragon

Pro

Hello. I have decided to propose a debate modeled off a previous and legendary debate. {1}

This is a troll debate, and I have challenged a opponent who is confident in his abilities.

First round acceptance. Second and third opening. Fourth closing.

Thanks.

{1} http://www.debate.org...;
9spaceking

Con

My life is so bad I don't know what acceptance means.
Debate Round No. 1
Shadow-Dragon

Pro

Let's begin with my family.

My fourth stepfather is abusive. If I don't win this debate, he will kill me. If I don't do all my chores, he comes to my bedroom, glues a bandaid to my back, and then pulls it off after an hour.

One of my stepmoms is a black ginger. She has tainted my blood by even living in my house. If I don't complement her or notice her haircut, she grabs my leg hair, and slowly pulls them off.

I have 12 siblings. One of them died years ago. He was a gay, homophobic, black, republican. He had a drug-dealing Mexican girlfriend who took my money for drugs. He, on the other hand, would give me money, and tell me to buy some materials to kill myself.

But that's not all.

To fit my entire family, we've upgraded to a larger home {1}. I sleep outside. On the way into the house, my siblings must each kick me- in the crotch area. My parents use each of my screams to count how many children are entering the house.

When it's warm outside, I have to live on the roof. They don't want the house to get hot, so I live up to to block the sun's heat from getting into the house.

I am dark skinned, so I'm close to black. Unfortunately, my other sister is a slave owner on her plantation. I pick cotton for her, and she laughs.

My opponent, however, is Asian. He has no right to complain. He's automatically smart, and if that doesn't work out for him, he surely has a career going for him in piano, violen, or ping-pong.

When I was a child, each time I lost a tooth, the tooth fairy would come. The Real One. My greedy father would then attack the tooth fairy, steal all of her money, and then deposite her body outside. She woke up without remembering a thing.

Are you aware of the TV show: "Two and a half men"? That was modeled off my family after two of my fathers starting filming with my camera, and sold it to the network.

They're the two men, but I'm only half man. You wanna know which half of my body is male? The right half.


Finally, since my house doesn't have a bathroom, my entire family takes massive dumps on me, and pees into my mouth.
At the end of the day, I walk three miles to the closest bathroom, and spit it all out there. I don't get food throughout the day, and my family expects me to live off their waste- if I'm hungry or thirsty... just swallow.

There's no way my opponents life is nearly as bad as mine. I rest my case.

Thanks.


{1} http://www.thedirtydozen.com.au...

9spaceking

Con

You're lucky compared to me. I have no father or stepfather. My dad died in a infiltration to a secret labatory and he was found as a terrorist. Now the whole CIA and FBA are hunting us down, and everywhere we go, the agents come in and find us. My mother uses me as a vest and I have scars all over my body to prove it. My 7 sisters are annoying and when the agents come they run all over and stampede over me. I have bruises everywhere. We always get away because the agencies know I'm innocent, but we never get caught. It may sound good but we live terrible lives and my mom always gives the good food to her and her daughters while I get expired poisonous wild mushrooms and I have to drink nothing all day except for the morning, in which I'm forced to drink pure coffee per day with absolutely no addition to it, no sugar, no milk, no marshmallows, one gallon of JUST COFFEE. My mom says it's for my vitamins because I need to grow.

My opponent thinks because I'm Asain I don't have to complain. But he is wrong. Not only do I have poor food, I am expected to play 10 hours of piano and 10 hours of violin consecutiely every single day, and for each mistake I get whipped on the back. The rest of the day is for balancing the food table on my head so that my family can eat, because the floor is so darn dirty they can't eat on it, and the table has no legs to hold it up. At night I'm forced to sleep in the bunkers with the storage boxes everywhere, and the boxes are filled with mousetrap to stall the agents. I have to get the boxes every single time we move, which is very often, and the mouse traps inevitably fall upon me every single time.

Chores are not easy at all. While I play piano or violin I have to sweep the floor with teeny tiny sponges and no soap. If my mom spots a single dirty spot she has me punished by forcing me to write a 10,000 word essay in only 15 minutes, and if I don't finish in time, I have to not sleep and instead by more piano and violin, and get triple whips for my mistakes!! :(

And at least you have a decent TV show based on you, our TV show is "Bustin' Crime", where you see me bloody all over and can't do anything to stop my family from escaping....
And your house doesn't have a bathroom? You'd be glad that your house does not have a bathroom, because I have to clean my bathroom with nothing but myself. I'm not even allowed in the bathroom except for a 10 second interval set by my mother, I have to either go to the nearby scary forest 5 miles away to pee, or I have to hold it in all day and wait until that 10 second interval to go to the bathroom.

There's no way my opponent's life is worse than mine. I have a worse life in every way possible.
Debate Round No. 2
Shadow-Dragon

Pro

My opponent is so lucky. Why does he complain?

My opponent's life is good because he has:

1. Access to actual food
2. A roof over his head
3. A bed of some sort
4. Access to pencil and paper
5. A piano and violen
6. Time to use a bathroom
7. Access to a computor


As I have said before, my opponents life is no way as bad as mine.
1. While he is given coffee, I have to drink pee and slurp sh!t, like a slushy smoothie.
2. He has a roof over his head, I have my head over the roof; that's where I live.
3. No bed is provided for me. I sleep on the roof, as I previously stated
4. In order to write this response, I use my blood after I prick my finger with a rusty nail I found. I write in blood, and then my only sibling that doesn't hate me types it and posts it here. (I get tetnis each debate I do, so she cuts my finger off for me. You don't want tot know what I'm writing this debate with. Ouch)
5. Ten seconds to use the bathroom is ample time. I already told you that I have to hold my business in- along with that of the rest of my family. Also, since only half my body is male (the right half) going to the bathroom is difficult.
6. He is allowed to use instruments, and since he is Asian, he's not going to make a mistake.


He lives in luxury compared to what I have to go through.

My family kicks me in the crotch on the way into my house.

My skin is so dark, my racist sister uses me as a slave on her plantation.

Every time I try to kill myself, I fail. I have rugburns on my neck from the rope, and got sick from swallowing pills. I even shot myself, but the bullet navigated around my brain, and my mouth.
But you know what they say, "Commit suicide, or die trying."

My gay, black, homophobic, racist, brother is in the KKK, and hates Jews. He says whites are the root of all evil. (He's Hispanic)

My stepmom is a ginger, and my soul exits my body one beating at a time.

I live in a one- story hut. Oh, you think I mean one level? No, the only story in my house is the book my parents wrote about why they didn't want me. Each chapter highlights one bad trait about me. It's a long book.

He gets the choice to eat off the floor. Lucky.

My parents have hot-glued legos to the soles of my feet. Each step almost hurts as bad as the acerbic comments my siblings throw at me.

All the friends I made in school have killed themselves because of how bad my life is. Being associated with me is worse than death.

I'm running out of blood to write this, and the sh!t is starting to overflow in my mouth. Although I don't have eyes, see you soon!

I rest my case. My life is the worst.


9spaceking

Con

1. Access to actual food
Do you think poisonous mushrooms are actual food?? They are sporing through my stomach as I type this up. I'm slowly...dying...everything...blurry....
2. A roof over his [my] head
Who said anything about the warehouse having a roof? It is patched up with loads of rags and holes, and I have to patch up the new warehouse every time we move.
3. A bed of some sort
It's not even a sturdy bed at all...it can collapse at any time and I can fall upon the mouse traps, which I have to get off of me and back into position before my parents find out.
4. Access to pencil and paper
Incorrect. It's pen and paper. Every time I make a mistake on my essay I have to get stepped all over by my family, and spanked until my butt and hands look as red as the blood spurring out of my hands and butt.
5. A piano and viol[i]n
But they're broken, so I can't play correctly.... :(
6. Time to use a bathroom
My opponent has access to a bathroom as well (at the end of the day).
7. Access to a computor
You have access to computer too...
Pee and sh!t vs coffee
You obviously don't know how horrid pure coffee is. Besides, at least you get to spit out all your stuff while I have to swallow down the whole darn gallon of coffee.

In order to write his response my opponent writes in blood by pricking his finger....
You're lucky you have fingers, my fingers are all broken from playing so much piano, I have to use my feet to type all of this up. And keep in mind every time we move while my family gets to get on the car there's no room for me so I have to run those 50 miles....

My opponent fails to kill himself:
Please, you at least get the chance to. One of my sisters is a psychic and can tell when I want to suicide, so she tells mom, and mom just crushes me with a giant wrecking ball and forces me to kneel down for the rest of the day on hard cement while I play the broken piano or violin and keep on getting whipped for my mistakes.

The book your parents wrote:
Well, your parents certainly worry about you enough to write a book. My parents just show off my amazing sisters in their crime book published to the mafia world, revered by most of those murderers and malicious masterminds, while even the lowest ranking theives laugh at me and throw bones and trash cans every time I get in their sight.

My opponent is lucky he can still walk. After that 50 miles and typing this all up, I can't really walk any more. I just roll around lamely while slowly torturing my hip bones and muscles. Don't mention those jumping excercises my mom uses by throwing barrels like Donkey Kong so to practice when we escape, we jump over the agents...I don't know how that works, we always run away instead of jumping to the agents...she forces me to do it anyways. Every time I fail...well, let's just say there's gonna be a fire incident. D:

I don't think I will survive next round.
My aunt is coming to visit...you'll see.
Debate Round No. 3
Shadow-Dragon

Pro

Introduction

Firstly, thank you for participating and for all those who read this debate. I hope you enjoyed it.

Final Round
No new major arguments. Counter and summarize.


Counter-Arguments


1. Food: My opponent yet again tries to argue that his gallon of coffee is worse than my food: sh!t and pee. By now, your body would have become conditioned to tasting the mushrooms, so it would no longer react so violently.
When I have to eat or drink, I swallow the waste in my mouth. Have you ever tasted that stuff? I guess not. It taste like sh!t, because it actually is. My opponent loses on this aspect of his life. My life is worse than his.

2. A House: Here, my opponent tries to claim that his warehouse full of mouse traps is better than my roof-top abode.
However, he cannot complain about the traps hurting him. They're keeping the mice away! You're lucky you have that luxury. My body has been sucked dry by the mosquitoes in the air. He gets to cover the holes with rags, a luxury I cannot even fathom. He sleeps on a unsteady bed, and tries to make that seem worse than the bed I have, or the lack thereof.
Since my roof is slanted, I can easily roll off on either side. That's worse pain than some tiny mouse traps.

3. Writing Utensils: Here, my opponent tries to make pen and paper seem worse than my system of writing: using my bloody finger to write on a some scraps I find. My sister takes this, and types it on her computor.

4. Bathroom: Of course I have access at the end of the day, but do I have the luxury of relieving myself in the middle of the day? No. Thus, my opponent concedes on this point too. When you're forced to hold your own family's waste in your mouth, come back and tell me.


Conclusion

All in all, my life is worse than that of my opponent. The evidence is clear, and the situations have been laid out. I have an abusive, black, ginger mom. My fourth stepfather is abusive as well, but just plain sadistic with his punishments.
I have twelve siblings, one of which died a little while ago; he hated me so much he committed suicide. He had a drug-dealing girlfriend who stole money from me to fund her addiction.

-My gay, homophobic, republican, racist brother recently joined the KKK.
-My skin is so dark from the sun, my racist sister uses me on her slave-plantation.
-My family kicks me in the crotch on the way into the house. They count who is entering by listening for the number of screams.
-I store my family's daily waste in my mouth until dusk, then must walk miles to empty it out. If I get hungry, I just swallow.
-I try to kill myself, but it never works. I have burn marks all over my neck from the ropes, and turns out I'm allergic to some of the pills. I shot myself in the back of the mouth, but that hit a nerve, then exited my body. I now have permanant brain-freeze in my throat. But, you know what they say, "Commit suicide, or die trying."
-I have legos hot-glued to the bottom of my feet, and each step hurts almost as much as the bullet wound.
-My friends, even my enemies, have all killed themselves. Living a life with me in it was worse than death.
-I am only half male. Which half of my body? The right half.


Nobody's life is as bad as mine. My life is worse than my opponents.

I rest my case.



9spaceking

Con

Okay, no new major arguments...I guess I can't tell you about how my aunt loves boxing practice and is beating me up to death XD...so any how to conclude this debate...

Sh!t vs coffee
And the cardboard boxes are closed, so the mice can't get in, they crawl all over me and use me as a vest for the traps so You at least get to spit some of it out, I have to drink all the one gallon of coffee.
they can't get hurts. As for writing utensils, at least you have fingers to write with. Hey, I have to use my feet, and I'm punished for every single mistake I make.

And who says I get to decide when my 10 seconds are? It's usually when everyone is sleeping at the end of the day too!

In conclusion...
-I'm chased by 2 government agencies and used as a vest for my mother when the government agents come in and start stabbing and shooting everywhere
-My bed is worse than my opponent's bed
-I can't even use my hands while my opponent still has them
-I have to roll around to "Walk"
-I run miles and miles for practice, mush worse than my opponent's walking just a few miles
-All the crime community despises me but loves my sisters
-My food is worse than my opponent's, eating waste is not so bad as contaminating your body with spores and poison while slowly dying
-My restroom time is just as bad, if not worse than my opponent's
-Playing violin for 10 hours then piano for 10 hours ( Both instruments are broken, and if I make one mistake it's whip time!) is worse than living on a cotton plantation

My life is definitely worse than my opponent's. Vote me.
Debate Round No. 4
No comments have been posted on this debate.
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Vote Placed by Dookieman 2 years ago
Dookieman
Shadow-Dragon9spacekingTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: I don't want Pro to be killed for losing this debate.
Vote Placed by dynamicduodebaters 2 years ago
dynamicduodebaters
Shadow-Dragon9spacekingTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: Wow, this was a close debate, but I think pro made a better case for why his life is worse and he refuted con's arguments very nicely. Again, this was close, but in the end pro provided a better argument.
Vote Placed by Gogert777 2 years ago
Gogert777
Shadow-Dragon9spacekingTied
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Total points awarded:50 
Reasons for voting decision: I think Shadow is a the worse life. 9 Space Kings has a amazing life when put up side by side between the debaters. I am disappointed that I did not see this debate and except it first. I would have been opponent, because my imagination just goes and flows. Space kings, you disappoint.