The Instigator
muslimnomore
Pro (for)
Losing
6 Points
The Contender
Xenofloppy
Con (against)
Winning
11 Points

My pen is better than yours (this is what most debates really boil down to)

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 3 votes the winner is...
Xenofloppy
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 12/10/2013 Category: Funny
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,077 times Debate No: 42105
Debate Rounds (2)
Comments (5)
Votes (3)

 

muslimnomore

Pro

People here debate as though they have an important point to make. As if they care about the topic of the debate. We all know the truth however. We all know what all this verbal diarrhea, and all these brain farts are for. We all know that in the end, all we care about is: whose pen is better? So let's skip all the formalities and get down to it. Let's skip all the nonsense and talk about what really matters. Whose pen is better? Mine or yours?

My pen is better than yours.
Here are the reasons why:
1. It is longer length-wise and it also has a larger cross-sectional area
2. It is harder, firmer, sturdier, whilst still maintaining a soft comfort grip for ease of use and entry.
3. Your pen can fit through the eye of a needle. Mine doesn't even fit through a tunnel made for cars to pass through. But it does so, by breaking the walls of the tunnel apart. Completely consesual yet forced entry.
4. My pen is clean and smells nice. Yours smells like Dick Cheney's sweaty armpits.
5. My pen is well-lubricated. Yours is dry and shrivelled.
6. Your pen is Justin Bieber, my pen is the love-child of Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Stallone, and the entire cast of the Expendables (it was an orgy, all their best genes were fused together).
7. My pen graduated with a Ph. D in quantum mechanics from Harvard. Your pen flunk out of Clown School.
8. My pen is Bronn, your pen is Joffrey.
9. My pen shines and glows in the dark. Your pen doesn't even have any ink left.
10. My pen drives all the girsl crazy. They always ask me if they can use it. No one asks for your pen, except for your socks.

Thank you. My pen is superior.
Xenofloppy

Con

It seems that your pen does not improve your grammar whatsoever.

1. Longer does not always mean better. It's about functionality.
2. Hardness doesn't matter here: Again, it's about functionality. And you could add a fine grip onto any pen.
3. If your pen can't fit through a tunnel made for cars to go through, you're going to have a terrible time writing.
4. This argument is subjective. Define what "clean and nice" smells like.
5. A pen that is well-lubricated? Well, that totally doesn't contractict this: "...a soft comfort grip for ease of use..."
6. Does that make the cast of The Expendables gay? The last time I checked I'm pretty sure they were all straight.
7. A pen can't get a degree of any sort or attend school.
8. This argument is subjective, because 1: Not everyone watches The Game of Thrones and 2: Some people like Joffrey.
9. Objection. I just finished writing an essay with my pen. Last time I checked it had enough ink to write a couple more.
10. Except you find out that these girls all have eager bumps near their crotch. *wink wink*

I await your argument. In the meantime, I will go write some more research papers.
Debate Round No. 1
muslimnomore

Pro

1. Please provide an example of a grammatical error that I made.
2. "It's all about functionality." This is the most common excuse used by those with small pens.
3. There is nothing wrong with being gay or transexual. So what if the girls have "bumps"?
4. If you had any experience with proper pen usage you would know that grip and lubrication go hand-in-hand. A well-lubricated ball-point for instance, makes for an enjoyable pen- using experience, Mr. "Contractict". (Yeah, my grammar is what we should be concerned about.)
5. It's 2013, why are you still writing your essays with a pen?
6. You could certainly install a comfort grip on any pen. You could install silicon breasts in your chest cavity too. My pen, however, had a comfort-grip built-in. It was born this way.
7. You did not point out any way in which your pen is superior to mine. Good luck doing so in the next round.
8. Of course you think pens can't graduate from college. This is because yours failed so miserably. You can't believe that there could be a pen as intelligent as mine.
Xenofloppy

Con

1: Let's take a look at the comments section...

"can't tell if dumbass or idiot.. o wait.. on closer inspection it's both."
* I can't tell if you're a dumb(donkey?) or an idiot... Oh wait... On closer inspection, it's both.

I wonder who wrote this...

2: What? You want a 1 mile long pen that's barely usable? Of course not.

3: Except gays don't count as women (Transsexuals might count, but that's for another time. They are technically biologically men, but legally women... Well this is going to get complicated), and "My pen drives all the girsl crazy" means gays and transsexuals don't count.

4: Except I use a fountain pen. Lubrication is not necessary on such a fine tip. Oh and...

"My pen drives all the girsl crazy"
*My pen drives all the girls crazy

5: Because I can. If you have a problem with my preference of writing tool, I'm sorry but there's not much you can do about it.

6: So, it happens to be "born this way". However, we can conclude that it can only make your pen's grip a vanity grip, as it is just as special as a grip you can attach onto a pen.

Also, note that pen grips and breast implants are different issues. The more comparable situation is to get a computer.
There is a computer that came with a USB mouse. Then there's the same computer, which is cheaper, but doesn't come with a free USB mouse. Except you can buy that USB mouse at a retail price, no problem.

7: It is a fountain pen. My fountain pen is better than your vanity ball-point pen for the following reasons:

A: Because fountain pens naturally deposit different amounts of ink and are able to create strokes of differing widths depending on the speed/direction of the strokes, it can give variety to your strokes, making them look much better than what a ball-point pen can achieve.

B: Studies show that ball-point pens can make your handwriting poor. [1] This makes fountain pens even more better than ball-point pens.

C: The shape of the fountain pen makes grips unnessecary. The fountain pen doesn't comfortable grip, the entire pen is literally a smooth grip of sorts.

8: I've never been to pen college before, but do you mean Pennsylvania College of Technology? If that's so, I decided to just go for MIT. My fountain pen followed along though.

Hopefully you will re-evaluate the quality of your pen and go for a superior fountain pen.

Sources:
[1]http://johntranter.net...
Debate Round No. 2
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by muslimnomore 3 years ago
muslimnomore
I have no idea why I just typed that.
Posted by muslimnomore 3 years ago
muslimnomore
er... i mean... no one here....
Posted by muslimnomore 3 years ago
muslimnomore
no one has seen our pens.
Posted by KingDebater 3 years ago
KingDebater
However, I do agree that it's what most debates boil down to.
Posted by muslimnomore 3 years ago
muslimnomore
I am sorry for posting mean comments. I say this out of sincerity. I was not well last night.
3 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Vote Placed by KingDebater 3 years ago
KingDebater
muslimnomoreXenofloppyTied
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Total points awarded:05 
Reasons for voting decision: Con had reliable sources relevant to his case and refutations of Pro's arguments
Vote Placed by Logical-Master 3 years ago
Logical-Master
muslimnomoreXenofloppyTied
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Total points awarded:33 
Reasons for voting decision: Both sides presented excellent arguments. This was a close, but what really won me over was CON's point abouthis fountain pen. Indeed, "lubrication is not necessary on such a fine tip." This was powerful and dismantled PRO's entire case. Poetry in motion if you will. Still, although CON presented a source, I found PRO's personal pen testimony to be infinitely credible and was also more impressed by PRO's mastery of words. Pro gets sources and grammar because of that.
Vote Placed by Yraelz 3 years ago
Yraelz
muslimnomoreXenofloppyTied
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Total points awarded:33 
Reasons for voting decision: Well, Con has the better sources and writes grammatically better. However Pro's pen is consensual. Con ignores this fact as if consensual... uh... pens don't matter. In reality I think this is the greatest impact in the debate.