The Instigator
thedebatekid
Pro (for)
Losing
1 Points
The Contender
ishallannoyyo
Con (against)
Winning
16 Points

Novice Presidential Debate

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 5 votes the winner is...
ishallannoyyo
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 1/15/2013 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,061 times Debate No: 29218
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (14)
Votes (5)

 

thedebatekid

Pro

Now ive seen people on here that are my idols. Everyday i get on and see great debate, forum games, and PM's that make me laugh. It is for these reasons that i want to try and make my way to the top with them.

One of my favorite things to get on and read are imabenches Presidential debates.
I love them and would like to do one of my own with another person. I will let my oponent choose who they want to be. I would like to be The Doctor. The david Tennant version, not Matt Smith.

This Presidential debate is open to anyone.
8,000 characters
5 rounds, minus 1 for acceptance
2 week voting period

Remember that this is a Novice Presidential Debate so join if your like me. Relativley new to the site and willing ot have a good battle. AND PLEASE NO ROUND FOFIETING. I really don't like that.
ishallannoyyo

Con

I will keep this short as to give me more time for breathing, I am Lord Vader, second in command of the mighty Sith forces, I destroyed Alderaan so I could make my child cry, I have crushed numerous a rebellion and have slashed many fools with my lightsaber. Now, I am here to subjugate this planet by becoming your leader.

My philosophy when it comes to leadership is simple: KILL ALL THOSE WHO OPPOSE US. This philosophy has worked quite well in the past, and if you don’t believe me I will crush your windpipe with my mind. I know what direction this country needs to go in and my party stands firm on all issues, ranging from how to crush the Rebellion, to how to crush the Rebellion. To aid me in completing this goal, my VP will be none other than the mighty Lurtz, the first of the great fighting Uruk-Hai! Now, this choice may seem a little bit off to you Republicans, you are probably recalling that Lurtz was decapitated at the end of the Fellowship of the Ring movie (curse you Peter Jackson). However, that was an elaborate plot by the government to cover up 9/11. This country needs strength, and together we will conquer!

(Lurtz enters the room and waves to great applause.)

Your presidential candidates kiss and bless babies? Hah, Lurtz EATS THEM.


The biggest weakness in your country is weakness, and this will be rectified. All your issues ranging from homosexuality to abortion all result from your namby-pampy wishy-washy baby kissing. Under our administration, we will take your babies from you and train them to be Sith warriors! Those who are too weak will be turned into a subservient class who will feed me grapes, message my throat, and fan me with my dead enemies. Then, with my army of Sith, we will conquer this planet, and then, the galaxy!


So, any questions?

(Lurtz looks at Vader questioningly and leans forward to whisper in his ear)

Ah! I forgot. We had recently agreed backstage that question asking will now be against the rules in our society. Those who ask questions will be severely punished. I look forward to hearing from the Doctor Who nobody and the queero with no friends. Hah, I'm just joking. I'm sure those two will be very amusing to see, they are more awkward than meeting your ex at the Mos Eisley Cantina when you've already started dating a twi-leck.

(Lurtz looks at Vader questioningly and leans forward to whisper in his ear)

Ah! I forgot. Joking will also be severely punished.

(Vader leans forward to talk to Lurtz. He finishes, leans back, and Lurtz nods)

Ahem, the rule has been amended! Only Lurtz and I may joke. The rest of you will have your testicles crushed if you dare try to create laughter or happiness.

Debate Round No. 1
thedebatekid

Pro

Hello everybody, My name is the Doctor. I travel through space in time. In fact I go back so often that i am probably related to all of you in some way.

I love all people. I have saved this planet multiple times and without me you would be slaved to many an Alien race.
Now im going to point out my different views on many of America's problems.

1. Abortion
If you don't want the f**kin baby don't kill it. "Accidentally" roll the carriage of a cliff. Problem solved. You don't have to... (Sheldon enters)

Oh hi Dr. Cooper i was just about to introduce you. Umm, this is Sheldon Cooper and he will be running as my Vice President.

Dr. Cooper: Yes, I will. Now the first thing we are going to focus on is global warming. Instead of making the world hotter or colder, why don't we just make it the same temperature. After The Hot Night, i have found that the most comfortable range is about 75 degrees. If we but coolers in the desert we can keep it to this wonderful temp.

Um. Dr. Cooper, what about melting the ice caps...

Dr. Cooper: Its ok, well keep that area cold as to not cause trouble. Maybe we'll use it as a world wide freezer.

Ok, then. Now foreign policy. I have personally been to every country in the world and have found reason in all religions. Hopefully if we use peaceful tactics we can sign treaties and become friends with our current enemies.

Then we go to economic and educational policys. Me and Mr. Cooper both agree that we should stop spending money on stupid things like sports, physical education, or anything involving activity. Instead with my immense brain, I will bring technology to America. Tech that will not be fightable by any enemy. We will use all money on education and making the Americas brighter.

I am now open to any questions that i will answer full heartedly.

Dr. Cooper: Wait, we'll be assigning a new presidential song. None of that bum bum bumbum bum. Its now:

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang!

Thank you!

(Ends with Doctor face-palm)
ishallannoyyo

Con

(Pretend I’m the moderator)


The first three domestic policy questions will be generic because a lack of actual questions. They will be:



Gun-Control/Military


Abortion


Outsourcing and the American Economy



(Vader)


Well, I thank the “Doctor” for his comments. Before I move on to address the questions (which will be banned in the future), I would merely like to point out that no one has ever seen this doctor’s MD. He is a fraud that we all must bear the burden of calling “a relative.” Furthermore, Dr. Cooper doesn’t seem to have an MD either. Does citizens of your planet call themselves “Doctors” as to boost their ego because they lack real friends? Moving on to the questions.


Firstly, regarding these “guns” you speak of, though my star destroyer informs me they are similar to blasters. Apparently you use these “guns” to shoot one another, so if I am elected president, we will have an outright ban on any form of “gun.” Instead, we will have Uruk-Hai’s armed with blasters patrolling the streets to maintain order, stationed at every building, and my men will frequently have military displays just so we can feel manly. Dissenters will be taken away. Any sort of rebellion will be crushed (you don’t I can do it? BRING IT.)


Your military sucks robot balls. However, for some reason I cannot say better. My Imperial Stormtroopers seem to crap bricks whenever they see a jedi (which I killed) or a rebel enemy (who I strangled) and get shot. A lot. Thankfully, this problem will be easily rectified. Lurtz has informed me that the Uruk-Hai have no fear nor do they feel pain. (Vader gestures to the video (play youtube vid)).



Your military will be completely revamped with Uruk-Hai soldiers outfitted with the latest tech. They will be commanded by us Sith lords, who will take from amongst you the strongest and turn them into the ruling class. My Stormtroopers will be busy subjugating other planets, and as POTUS, I will conquer this galaxy! My pacifist opponent on the other hand has not killed a single alien in his entire existence. He will drive you into the ground!


On to the second question regarding abortion. The purpose of the human population is to be one of our sources of Sith soldiers, thus abortion will be banned. Give me an apprentice!


On the final question regarding economy, this is also a stupid question. Money will be banned once we have taken over the planet. There is no purpose for money as it will only turn you into future Han Solos, desperate on earning coin. Thus, there will be no money, trading, or buying of any sort. A utopia.


My opponents are wussies and their theme song is the song of defeat and wussidom (the state of being wussy). Vote Vader/Lurtz 2013!

Debate Round No. 2
thedebatekid

Pro

thedebatekid forfeited this round.
ishallannoyyo

Con

Unfortunately, my opponent forfeited, but I will continue for the enjoyment of the users. Sorry this is kind of rushed (homework).

Foreign Policy Questions:

1. Terrorism
2. Foreign Relationships
3. Future Conflicts

(Vader)

Hmm, it appears that on your planet, your country is not the leader of the planet. Well, this problem will be rectified.

Terrorism
I have learned about the tragedy of 9/11 andn other terrorist attacks in your country. Rest assured, those who committed the crimes will be found and destroyed. They cannot hide, we will send our best troops to the Middle East where they will KILL ALL INSURGENTS. They cannot run, they cannot hide from my Uruk-Hai. I mean, my troops ran for like a week straight, no one can escape them.



(Lurtz leans forward and whispers in Vader's ear)

Well, it has just come to my attention that the Uruk-Hai in that scene were doping, like that Lince Legstrong? Well, what did you think?? Could an orc have ran for that long? They were totally using something. However, that's not the point. We will find and eradicate terrorism.

Foreign Relationships
I don't like meeting with other dignitaries. Some of them smell like curry, and I HATE CURRY. The US will conquer the rest of this world, so foreign relationships are unnecessary. All relationships are unnecessary. I enjoy making my children cry.

Future Conflicts
KILL THEM.

Well, my opponent would probably want peace and a solution to global warming. Well my opponent lacks, how do you say it? Cojones? I think I'll be more direct, my opponent lacks BALLS, just like Lenc Headstrong, or whatchamacall it.

Debate Round No. 3
thedebatekid

Pro

Busy, grounded, and mafia. Forfeit. Vote Vader.
ishallannoyyo

Con

Nothing really left to say, so I'll just extend arguments.

Thanks for the debate Pro :)
Debate Round No. 4
thedebatekid

Pro

Again, sorry for the inconvenience. We shall try again at a later date, when im not grounded harder than a jet plane with no fuel.
ishallannoyyo

Con

Thanks for the debate Pro, VOTE CON!
Debate Round No. 5
14 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by morgan2252 4 years ago
morgan2252
Go David Tenant!!!!

That said, Cristopher Eccleson wasn't a bad Doctor either. And I haven't seen Matt Smith yet, considering that I'm not all the way through the Doctor Who series...
Posted by morgan2252 4 years ago
morgan2252
Go David Tenant!!!!

That said, Cristopher Eccleson wasn't a bad Doctor either. And I haven't seen Matt Smith yet, considering that I'm not all the way through the Doctor Who series...
Posted by ishallannoyyo 4 years ago
ishallannoyyo
All this round
Posted by ishallannoyyo 4 years ago
ishallannoyyo
TDK - you need to answer all three domestic questions, rebut me, and make 3 foreign questions if this debate will at all work because you didn't have any questions in R2
Posted by ishallannoyyo 4 years ago
ishallannoyyo
Actually, I'll just use generic things like abortion, gay rights, military, etc. from the big issues section.
Posted by ishallannoyyo 4 years ago
ishallannoyyo
This has gotten really few views and I don't expect questions, so I'll just use a mix of questions from both of Ima's debates.
Posted by ishallannoyyo 4 years ago
ishallannoyyo
How about we just use the questions in Imabench's debate?
Posted by thedebatekid 4 years ago
thedebatekid
Anyone who wants to ask questions post them here in the comments and we will use them.
Posted by imabench 4 years ago
imabench
Sh*t just got real!!! this is gonna kick so much a**
Posted by ishallannoyyo 4 years ago
ishallannoyyo
I'll just do this according to imabench's rules for the rounds.

TDK, who will ask questions based on policy like Lannan and Roy from the peter griffin vs cartman?
5 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Vote Placed by lannan13 4 years ago
lannan13
thedebatekidishallannoyyoTied
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Total points awarded:04 
Reasons for voting decision: FF
Vote Placed by Locke33 4 years ago
Locke33
thedebatekidishallannoyyoTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro conceded Vander wins
Vote Placed by 1Devilsadvocate 4 years ago
1Devilsadvocate
thedebatekidishallannoyyoTied
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Total points awarded:13 
Reasons for voting decision: Poor kid got grounded.
Vote Placed by OhioGary 4 years ago
OhioGary
thedebatekidishallannoyyoTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro said that he was grounded harder than a jet plane with no fuel. I like metaphors like a dog with a weak bladder likes closely spaced fire hydrants, but I've got to give the points to Con due to Pro's forfeit even though Con called for a CVB on one of my debates and hasn't asked for a CVB for the two people who provided no substantive comments in their votes against me. But who's keeping score?
Vote Placed by likespeace 4 years ago
likespeace
thedebatekidishallannoyyoTied
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Total points awarded:03 
Reasons for voting decision: Con solved "the stormtrooper problem" with Uruk-Hai and pointed out Pro isn't even a real doctor. Pro conceded in hopes of not having his windpipe crushed. Points to Con!