The Instigator
Valar_Morghulis
Pro (for)
Tied
0 Points
The Contender
Kelban
Con (against)
Tied
0 Points

Oranges are Better than Apples

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Post Voting Period
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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 9/10/2013 Category: Funny
Updated: 1 year ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,744 times Debate No: 37587
Debate Rounds (5)
Comments (5)
Votes (0)

 

Valar_Morghulis

Pro

It is the position of the Pro that oranges are better then apples. The goal of the Con is to prove otherwise. If the Con accepts he may simply state acceptance for the first round. No dense introduction necessary.

Kelban

Con

I accept your challenge. This age-old question will soon be settled.
Debate Round No. 1
Valar_Morghulis

Pro

Fellow debaters! Today is a momentus day! A glorious day! A day that shall live in the halls of eternal orangey glory!

So how is the orange greater then the filth these heathens call an apple? I SHALL TELL YOU.


The day the universe was born a great god of orange fury appeared in the skies of transcendence. On the first day he decided that oranges were good and never did anything else because he COULDN'T BE BOTHERED.


The great orange
BEHOLD HIS MAJESTY

So why is the orange the greatest fruit that has ever existed in the history of everything forever? WELL I WILL TELL YOU.

WELL ACTUALLY THIS MAN WILL TELL YOU.



So....

WHAT ARE THE HEALTH BENEFITS OF ORANGES YOU ASK?

The answer is....TOO MUCH TO LIST!

So here is a short list....

HEALTH BENEFITS OF ORANGES:

1. SEX (LOTS OF IT)
2. BEARDS
3. HOT CHEERLEADERS
4. CHARLIE SHEEN
5. BOB SAGET
6. YOUR MOTHER


Clearly as we can see (YOU BETTER SEE IT) the orange fruit of super badassness is simply unmatchable. No fruit in all of the universe can match it's delicious orangey glory.

In conclusion I leave you with this groundbreaking analysis of my position....



Your move....Con.
Kelban

Con

Do not be deceived by my opponent’s flagrant appeals to authority and flimsy reasoning. By sleight of hand and fancy visual effects he is attempting to sway an audience which he believes to be gullible and infantile. I respect you all much more than that, as I know that Debate.org is a community which values evidence and sound logic. I will provide heaping portions of both.

Refuting Pro’s Arguments

1. My opponent invokes the authority of a false god, which (aside from being a logical fallacy) is blasphemy. Apol, the one true god, clearly deems this behavior worthy of damnation in his Holy Dictations, and elevates the apple above all other fruits (Dictations of Apol chapter 7, verse 9). However, I understand that this is a secular venue and therefore will not dwell on these religious tensions. This is not the place for Appeals to Authority.

Apol in all His Glory


2. The orange “expert” whom my opponent consults is clearly biased and lacking in credibility. Though he would not admit it publicly, it is clear that he is irrationally obsessed with oranges by his bewildered exclamation, “FKN ORANGES MAN”. This “expert” is rumored to be an acolyte of the Cult of Orange; and I need not remind everyone of the atrocities committed by this group.

3. My opponent does not provide any credible sources supporting his claims about the health benefits of oranges. Beards have also been shown to cause cancer in laboratory mice, so the link between oranges and beards actually strengthens my case.

Tragically, the mouse died shortly after this photo was taken


The Case for Apples

1. Taste and Texture
When compared with oranges, apples are far sweeter and more appetizing. Apples have a crisp and firm texture, while oranges are mushy and weak. According to these charts, the taste of apples is far more popular and apple-flavored foods are far more abundant than orange-flavored ones for this reason.



2. Culinary Versatility
Apple pie, caramel apples, apple fritter, apple sauce, apple juice, apple Danish, apple bread, apple muffins, candied apples, apple pancakes, the list could go on and on. Apples can be used in the preparation of far more dishes than oranges.

3. Affordability
According to the National Fruit and Vegetable Retail Report (http://1.usa.gov...) this week, Red Delicious apples were selling for $1.02 per pound, while Navel oranges cost a whopping $1.28 per pound. Why pay more for an inferior fruit?


4. Health and Nutrition
Apples provide vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium, iron, dietary fiber, and carbohydrates that our bodies need. Apples are fat free, cholesterol free, and low in sodium (source: http://bit.ly... ). In contrast, oranges provide no nutritional benefits and cause cancer (source: http://bit.ly...)

5. Cultural Appeal
Apples have long been associated with temptation in religion because they are so damn delicious and sexy. Everybody wants apples and the psychologist Freud discussed this primal desire at length in his book The Apple Narrative: “Every boy and girl is born with the instinctual drive to copulate with and consume apples. This is because the apple resembles the mother’s bosom, and exposure to apples stimulates in the subconscious the same feelings of comfort that the fetus experiences in the womb.”

Conclusion

Apples are far superior to oranges. Pro may concede the debate if he so wishes; I would understand. No hard feelings.

Sources:
The Apple Narrative by Freud
Dictations of Apol
Anecdotal and Fabricated Evidence for Dummies vol. 3
Debate Round No. 2
Valar_Morghulis

Pro

The Con seems to be clearly misinformed about this debate. The title of the debate is,"Oranges are Better than Apples" not, "Apples versus Oranges". That is because Oranges are better then apples therefore it must be true. Don't believe the Con, he probobly smells bad anyway.



Let me ask the audience one simple question. Would you vote for the Con? If so your voting for Hitler. You wouldn't vote for a genocidal maniac would you? Me neither.


The Con then attempts to make some ludicrous claims about my arguments (that are always right of course). They are easily refuted if one only looks at the evidence.


According to the most reputable source in the world (exlcuding me because I'm always right), USA Today listed apples as the most contaminated fruits of all. They are doused by pesticides all year round causing constipation, hair loss and erectice dysfunction.

"Pesticides are known to be toxic to the nervous system, cause cancer, disrupt hormones and cause brain damage in children. Pregnant women are advised to avoid foods containing pesticides." - USA TODAY [S1]

Clearly as we can see apples are deadly filth. No sane person would ever ingest such harmful substances. Remember audience, just say no to apples. Just say no.



In conclusion with the evidence presented there is no doubt that apples are awful and vile fruit. You should just eat oranges. Oh and vote for me.


Sources:

1. http://yourlife.usatoday.com...
2. Me

Kelban

Con

Hello. I am the Con, and I can state with total certainty that I am not Hitler, nor do I resemble Hitler. Here is a picture of me:



Here is a picture of Pro:


Who are you going to believe when it comes to the deep questions of life, such as whether oranges are better than apples (they're not)?

The only relevant claim that my opponent presents in Round 3 is that apples contain a high amount of pesticide residue. Though this would be a legitimate concern if pesticides were always poisonous, it just so happens that the AMOUNT and TYPE of pesticide determine the health risk involved. The use of pesticides is closely regulated by the Environmental Protection Agency to ensure that the amount and type of pesticides used in growing apples is not harmful to humans.

"For these reasons, the Federal Government, in cooperation with the States, carefully regulates pesticides to ensure that their use does not pose unreasonable risks to human health or the environment. In particular, the Federal pesticide program is designed to ensure that these products can be used with a reasonable certainty that they will pose no harm to infants, children, and adults." (source: http://www.epa.gov...)


Besides, I don't see any pesticides in here anyway:


Delicious.
Debate Round No. 3
Valar_Morghulis

Pro

The Con is clearly misinformed about my facial features and attempts to distract the audience from the truth regarding oranges and apples.

The truth is the Illuminati and reptilian conspiracy are trying to brainwash you all through super secret mind controlling rays from space. Don't believe me? Here is a picture as proof.



The hard truth of the matter is that the illumanati are planting mind controlling transmitters in apples in order to make you think oranges are the enemy. The truth is they are not. According the great innovator and scholar snoop dog he highlights the dangers of apples,

"Oranges:

Uhh, that felt good
Does it baby?
Yeah, rub my orange for me
Where do you want me to rub the orange baby?
Right here
OK
Ohh
Turn around
Aight, check it out though dat orange
Why don't you put me on some oranges?
What you wanna hear baby?
Put me on some of that old gangsta sh*t
Aight".


As we can see this incredible peer reviewed study from Snoop Dog defines why oranges are so great and why everyone should vote for me. Without oranges where would we get these masterpieces of rap? The world would burn.

Another point I should make is that eating oranges make you sh*t better. Don't believe me? Here is an actual legitimate study (something the Con seems incapable of providing),

" Oranges' health benefits continue with their fiber; a single orange provides 12.5% of the daily value for fiber, which has been shown to reduce high cholesterol levels thus helping to prevent atherosclerosis. Fiber can also help out by keeping blood sugar levels under control, which may help explain why oranges can be a very healthy snack for people with diabetes. In addition, the natural fruit sugar in oranges, fructose, can help to keep blood sugar levels from rising too high after eating. The fiber in oranges can grab cancer-causing chemicals and keep them away from cells of the colon, providing yet another line of protection from colon cancer. And the fiber in oranges may be helpful for reducing the uncomfortable constipation or diarrhea in those suffering from irritable bowel syndrome."

The case is clear. No more doubt can be shed. Oranges are clearly better then apples. If you disagree you are wrong (but you should still vote for me regardless).

To the Con...



Sources:

http://www.whfoods.com...

http://www.azlyrics.com...

http://4.bp.blogspot.com...
Kelban

Con

We can see now that Pro's argument has degenerated into a conspiracy theory supported only by the inane mumblings of a humanoid canine.

As any clever person knows, oranges are an inferior fruit that has branched off of the pure evolutionary lineage of apples. The superiority of the master fruit is unquestionable except to a few airheaded buffoons such as Pro.

It is worth noting that there are hundreds of Apple Festivals held each year around America, while there are no orange festivals. Nobody celebrates oranges. The human race is ashamed of the orange and shuns it for good reason. The scourge of this despicable fruit must be purged once and for all from this great land!

I would like to take this opportunity to propose a plan that will both jumpstart the economy and bring immeasurable prestige to our nation: a National Orchard Project. A Grand Orchard should be planted across the continent, providing apples to all the brave citizens of America. No child should live outside arm's reach of an apple tree in their lifetime. Trillions of jobs would be created with such a plan, at zero cost to the taxpayers.

In summary, Pro's outlandish claims are an insult to us all, and he should be burned at the stake. Vote Con.
Debate Round No. 4
Valar_Morghulis

Pro

Well it seems this debate is drawing to a close. As we can see the Con has failed to list any appriopate reasons why apples are actually better then oranges.

To sum it up here are the reasons.

1. The Great Orange hath said so.

2. Health Benefits:

A. SEX (LOTS OF IT)
B. BEARDS
C. HOT CHEERLEADERS
D. CHARLIE SHEEN
E. BOB SAGET
F. YOUR MOTHER

3. The Con is Hitler.

4. Apples are filled with deadly pesticiedes that give you AIDS and erectile dysfunction.

5. Apples are false. The truth is the Illuminati and reptilian conspiracy are trying to brainwash you all through super secret mind controlling rays from space.

6. Snoop Dawgs's peer reviewed study listed in round 4.

The Con's attempts are futile. I have won this debate. Vote for me.


To sweeten the pot a puppy will be sacrificed to the Great Orange for every vote that doesn't go in my favor.



You wouldn't let this sweet innocent puppy die....

would you?
Kelban

Con

First, I would like to thank everyone who has endured this debate to its conclusion. I know how difficult it is to try to make sense of Pro's mindless jibbering, so I can sympathize with those of you reading.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to counter Pro's concluding remarks point-by-point:

1. Apol's Divine Word is supreme, and overshadows anything Pro's false god may have uttered.

2. None of the health benefits that Pro describes are legitimate, as he has provided no evidence. The health benefits lie firmly on the side of Apples.

3. I am not Hitler, and Pro is ugly.

4. Pesticides are not harmful in the amounts that they are found in apples, and certainly are not linked to either AIDS or erectile dysfunction.

5. Pro provides scant evidence for his conspiracy theory, and we all know that extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence.

6. Snoop Dawg has no expertise concerning anything but weed and dog biscuits.

The comprehensive argument that I have provided in Round 2 hasn't been refuted Pro. Here is a list of the points that Pro has neglected to address:

- Apples have superior taste and texture, according to survey data.

- Apples have superior culinary versatility over oranges, as apples can be incorporated into a greater number of dishes.

- Apples are more affordable than oranges, providing a source of life-sustaining nutrition for the poor and frugal.

- Apples provide more of the essential nutrients and energy that our bodies need.

- Apples are more celebrated in human cultures through events such as Apple Festivals, and they are frequently used in literature and religious texts as the object of temptation and desire.

Do not be distracted by Pro's threats. For every vote that is cast in my favor, Apol will reward the world with a new baby kitten.

Vote Con



Debate Round No. 5
5 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 5 records.
Posted by neptune1bond 1 year ago
neptune1bond
I know this wasn't one of the options for this debate, but pineapples kick the poop right out of both apples AND oranges. Who in their right mind doesn't love pineapples?
Posted by Valar_Morghulis 1 year ago
Valar_Morghulis
My life changed with this debate.
Posted by Orangatang 1 year ago
Orangatang
This debate has changed my life.
Posted by Kelban 1 year ago
Kelban
Prove it.
Posted by Valar_Morghulis 1 year ago
Valar_Morghulis
I would also like to add that anything you disagree with me about....

you're wrong.

c :
No votes have been placed for this debate.