The Instigator
BigSky
Pro (for)
Losing
2 Points
The Contender
imabench
Con (against)
Winning
3 Points

Parody Election 2

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 2 votes the winner is...
imabench
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 3/4/2013 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 4 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 1,023 times Debate No: 30950
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (2)
Votes (2)

 

BigSky

Pro

I read your debate with dylip and found it very amusing. I am a big fan of your parodies and would like to debate you. I would be running as the Master Chief (after retirement) and you can choose who you would like to be.

Thanks
imabench

Con

My name is Pope Benedict XVI, and I am running for president of the United States of America!

I have TONS of experience of running organizations that have fallen on very hard times and are prone to controversies, so I am a natural fit for being president of the United States.

I am against Gay Marriage, against the separation of Church and State, against abortion, against the use of condoms, and I totally wont be f*cking little boys or plan on killing all the jews while im in office or anything.

Over to my opponent then.
Debate Round No. 1
BigSky

Pro

Hello civilians. My name is John-117. You may call me the Master Chief or Petty
Officer. I have served in the UNSC Navy since I was six years old, and have
leadership experience. I haven’t been back to the earth for about 3 years so I’m
not entirely sure what all the main issues are, but I may know a few things. I
have killed thousands of poor alien f*cks so I definitely not pro-life,
although I am not sure why they call that pro-choice because the f*cking grunt
got a bullet in his head whether he wanted it or not. I am asexual so I really
don’t care if two guys want to go at it, it really isn’t my concern. What the
hell is a condom?

Hard Times

My opponent doesn’t know hard times. If protecting yourself from a sex scandal is a hard time, then the sh*t I go through is basically hell. Since I was six years old I have been forced to carry a pistol at all times, never ask questions, and pull someone’s head off if I need to. I have also survived a 6 mile fall, a nuclear warhead (I personally detonated it), and I have saved you, the human race, four times. If that doesn’t show I care enough about my country to be a good president, then I’m not sure what does.

What I’ll Do

Here’s my philosophy, if you want
something killed, you’re going to have to kill it yourself. You cannot rely on
anyone. So when I am your president, I’m not going to tell you how to jack off,
or help you do it . If there is one thing I learned from my service, It’s that
life’s a b*tch, and you just have to deal with it. I’m completely pulling the
government out of everything, and every man, woman, and child, gets their own
shotgun.

About Me

I was abducted from my family when I
was still a boy, so I learned early on that life isn’t fair. I also learned
that the human race was in need of protection from some freaks from outside our
galaxy, and so I heard the Call of Duty. Don’t play Call of Duty by the way,
that sh*t is for p*ssies. After I was anally probed and taken from what innocence
I had, scientists put me in a big metal suit and told me to f*ck sh*t up.

About My Opponent

Not that I have anything against the
Pope, but how could he be your leader? You want a pro-life leader? He won’t
even let you shoot somebody! I also heard he’s anti-crack, and with my PTSD,
that sh*t ain’t gonna fly by this super soldier.

Why You Should Vote For Me

I am completely morally sound. While
other presidents have sex scandals, my penis’s physically shriveled state
makes it impossible for me to be horny. Other presidents tell you lies, let me
be the first to say that everything I have ever said is true, mainly because I
have only ever said yes sir. Ever since my release the lowest IGN score I have
received is an 8, and that is only because f*cking Microsoft decided to remake
what was already perfect. That is the reason I am personally codemning every
Microsoft employee to death. Also Justin Beaver.

In Conclusion

Remember what I did for you, for
your family. Know what I COULD do to
you, and your family. Thanks.

imabench

Con

"What the hell is a condom?"

A condom is what Satan uses to seduce young people into sin. ABSTINENCE IS THE WAY TO GO PEOPLE!

1) Hard Times

"Since I was six years old I have been forced to carry a pistol at all times, never ask questions, and pull someone’s head off if I need to."

I was in the Hitler Youth as a kid, I experienced the same stuff

"I have also survived a 6 mile fall, a nuclear warhead (I personally detonated it), and I have saved you, the human race, four times."

God has saved the human race countless times.... So theres that

" If that doesn’t show I care enough about my country to be a good president, then I’m not sure what does."

It takes more then just killing everything you see to serve the United States. You got to feed the poor, clothe the needy, and preserve marriage as the Church defines it. Between ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.

What we need to do is have faith in God that times will get better and let everything work itself out. We shouldnt try to change fate by using the government to bail out banks and companies and stuff, we can only go with it and be happy for what we already have, because the United States is a fortunate country with many people who are lucky to have what they have. Not all is lost my faithful, we must persevere and simply wait for this whole mess to sort itself out, because God has a plan for everything.

2) What I'll do

"if you want something killed, you’re going to have to kill it yourself"

No no no. If you want to kill someone, ask God what to do, and he will steer you on the right course. It worked for Adam Lanza right?

"I’m completely pulling the government out of everything, and every man, woman, and child, gets their own shotgun."

'Pulling out' is also an unholy act... Pre-maritial sex is nothing to condone mr Master Chief...

What I propose is keeping everything the same because thats worked out pretty well so far right? But I will advocate shutting down the Westboro Baptist church.... I use to be the Pope and even I think those people are f*cking insane...

3) About my opponent

"he won’t even let you shoot somebody! I also heard he’s anti-crack, and with my PTSD, that sh*t ain’t gonna fly by this super soldier"

I dont think this country needs a nuclear warhead fanatic, gun-crazy, crackhead as president.... We already had that with Bush and he got us into this mess....

I am a man of faith, and I have faith in this great country and I have faith that this country can be great again by getting back to its roots.

4) "Why you should vote for me"

" my penis’s physically shriveled state makes it impossible for me to be horny"

Nigga please, if having a shriveled old penis could stop people from having sex then the Catholic Church wouldnt have any problems at all!.... I myself have experienced turning my shriveled old whing-bang-boodle into something as hard as the cross that Jesus was crucified on.... Hell Ive even baptized children with it too, Not that that matters or anything.

"everything I have ever said is true, mainly because I have only ever said yes sir"

And that is what makes us different... Masterchef has only ever taken orders from people, Im the only one who has actually taken the leadership role on something.

"Ever since my release the lowest IGN score I have received is an 8, and that is only because f*cking Microsoft decided to remake what was already perfect."

I used to say that kids should turn in their playstations for a PRAY-station.... But the graphics were terrible so I moved on from that. You kids do whatever you want with video games I couldnt care less.

Besides, I feel kinda bad for masterchief.... It must be hard being a video game character in a game that always gets wrecked by every Call of Duty game ever made ;)

By the way kids, if you want my xbox gamer tag so that we can play CoD MW2, its 'touchingyouinyoursoul'

"That is the reason I am personally codemning every Microsoft employee to death. Also Justin Beaver."

- 1 - Its spelled 'Bieber'
- 2 - I agree that little f*cker has to go too
- 3 - Microsoft is the only reason why people can still play good games on their personal computers. You think people can pull that kind of stuff with a Mac? LOL please....

5) In conclusion

I know I was a part of an organization that is associated with corruption, pure evil, and has a history of causing a lot of sh*t with Jews..... But I left the Hitler Youth long ago to go to something that had none of those things, the Catholic Church! :D

That didnt work out really so I came here to America and now im running for president. Vote for me!
Debate Round No. 2
BigSky

Pro

I’ve saved the earth like three or four times,
time to put the rifle down and start bustin’ rhymes.
I know you’re the pope,
And that’s dope,
But I won’t coop,
With the fact you high priests don’t use soap!

Taken from my home when I was just a little boy,
They handed me a gun and said here’s your new f*cking toy!
Put into a suit and told to protect the human race,
Press LB and my fist will go flying into your face!

I may not be erectable,
But these raps are so undeflectable,
Vote for me and you will see,
The pope can’t compete with this fat D!

Yeah, I rap a little too in my spare time, so vote for me because of that…

“I was in the Hitler Youth as a kid, I experienced the same stuff.”

Hitler? Come on, that guy would bend over for me If I asked him to.

“And that is what makes us different... Masterchef has only ever taken orders from people, Im the only one who has actually taken the leadership role on something.”

For one, I am Master Chief, not Master Chef, I do however enjoy creative cooking. Also, I have pressed quite a few buttons in my life time, so I know to be a leader. Sure if I didn’t have a waypoint I would get lost, but it’s not like Obama’s doing any better. I good leader knows how to lead, not pray.

“I used to say that kids should turn in their playstations for a PRAY-station.... But the graphics were terrible so I moved on from that. You kids do whatever you want with video games I couldnt care less.”

I actually enjoyed the Pray Station, I had Halo: Holy Combat. I was really disappointed when they stopped making em’.

“Besides, I feel kinda bad for masterchief.... It must be hard being a video game character in a game that always gets wrecked by every Call of Duty game ever made ;)”

Conceded lol.

Vote Chief!




imabench

Con

If its a rap battle you want, then its on like Donkey Kong
But your lyrics are so bad, you should cut off your ding dong,
Ill show your first hand how to rap like a pope
Because youre just someone that I used to grope

In West Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground is where i spent most of my days
chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool
while eyeing those kids over in preschool
When a couple of priests thought I was onto something good
Started f*ckin boys in the neighborhood
They got in one little scandal and the church got scared
They said 'how can we fix this even though we dont care'
I whistled for Jesus and when he came near
He had grills in his teeth and he had shaved his hair
If anything I thought that this son of God was rare,
But I said 'hey man, how do I dismiss this affair?'

I, woke, up a day later, covered in hookers
and I said to Jesus
yo homes, YOU fix this mess
im blowin this dump to be the prez of the US

========================================================================

"Hitler? Come on, that guy would bend over for me If I asked him to."

Its much more efficient if you tell him if he doesnt bend over then God will kill his parents, it works better if hes only 8 too, trust me ive been around the block on this one.

"A good leader knows how to lead, not pray."

Dude I used to be pope, thats EXACTLY what a good leader needs to do

"I actually enjoyed the Pray Station, I had Halo: Holy Combat. I was really disappointed when they stopped making em’."

Well its because that game, like the Bible, hasnt had a sequel in like 2000 years (not exaggerating)

Vote Con!
Debate Round No. 3
2 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Posted by wolfman4711 4 years ago
wolfman4711
thats was an awesome debate!
Posted by Dovahkiin117 4 years ago
Dovahkiin117
BigSky lost my vote with that CoD comment, So did Imabench
2 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 2 records.
Vote Placed by Lizard 4 years ago
Lizard
BigSkyimabenchTied
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Total points awarded:23 
Reasons for voting decision: This was the best debate I've ever read! You guys have no idea how bad I wanted to tie this, but that wouldn't be fair. Pro's opening round had me hooked, and Con's opening round slowly won me over with his raunchy quips. Eventually, this all came down to the rap battle, which I think con won just by half a hair by parodying Fresh prince. You're both winners to me, but if I ad to choose, I'd go with Con. Edit) I'm doing this as a 2 to 3 scoring because I really did thoroughly enjoy both sides and I can't say any side in particular was the definitive winner.
Vote Placed by qopel 4 years ago
qopel
BigSkyimabenchTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Baby