The Instigator
Stevethewriter
Pro (for)
Losing
0 Points
The Contender
Axiom
Con (against)
Winning
1 Points

Physically harming your spouse, is worse than cheating on her.

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 1 vote the winner is...
Axiom
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/28/2012 Category: Entertainment
Updated: 5 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 3,884 times Debate No: 24892
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (3)
Votes (1)

 

Stevethewriter

Pro

The first round will be for acceptance. Arguments will be made in round 2 and 3.

I am arguing that physically hurting a spouse in any way, is worse meantally abusing your wife through cheating.

This debate is purely philosophical in nature, meaning that there is no stat or evidence that can win this debate, however that they can be used.

I will start my arguments in round 2.
Axiom

Con

Definitions:

Worse:
adjective, compar. of bad and ill.
1.
bad or ill in a greater or higher degree; inferior in excellence, quality, or character.

2.
more unfavorable or injurious.

3.
in less good condition; in poorer health. (http://dictionary.reference.com...)


Cheating on her: we'll take to mean adultery.

I accept. I will be taking my opponent at his word. He states that, "I am arguing that physically hurting a spouse in any way, is worse meantally abusing your wife through cheating." I will show that hurting a spouse in 'any way' is not worse than infidelity through statisics involving the reason for divorce, for suicide compared to the effects of minor hurts such as accidentally stubbing your spouse's toe or bumping into your spouse in the hallway, or banging your spouse's head against the headboard during intercourse. The conclusion will be that physically harming your spouse in any way (doesn't specify intentional harming) is not worse than cheating on your spouse.


(Why yes, yes I am a bit of a tool.)
Debate Round No. 1
Stevethewriter

Pro

I am not going to play semantics in this debate with my opponent. He knows very well that when I mean physically harming your spouse, that I mean with purpose or intent of harming her, not accidentally stubbing her toe. This is talking about abuse.

I'll leave it up to the audience's decision on whether or not to remove a conduct point for my opponents comments above.

Now, on with the debate.

My first point will be that physical abuse causes mental abuse as well.

Physical Abuse: Physical abuse is physical force or violence that results in bodily injury, pain, or impairment. It includes assault, battery, and inappropriate restraint.


http://www.preventelderabuse.org...


Physical Abuse is worse than Divorce, because the proprietor can mentally destroy the other person in the relationship pretty badly in the short and long run.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

http://www.helpguide.org...

Physical Abuse can result in many behavioral instinct's being damaged for life. Such behaviors are as follows.

Avoids physical contact with others.

· Apprehensive when others cry.

· Wears clothing to purposely conceal injury, i.e. long sleeves.

· Gives inconsistent versions about occurrence of injuries, burns, etc.

· Seems frightened by people similar to their abuser.

· Often late or absent to scheduled meetings.

· Comes early to meetings, seems reluctant to go home afterwards.

· Has difficulty getting along with others.

· Little respect for others.

· Overly compliant, withdrawn, gives in readily and allows others to do for him/her without protest.

· Plays aggressively, often hurting peers.

· Complains of pain upon movement or contact.

· Has a history of running away from home.

http://www.be-free.info...

My second point is that cheating is easier to recover from than Physical abuse is.

Divorce in America happens practically ALL the time. In fact more than 50% of all Marriages end in divorce.

http://www.cdc.gov...

Out of the 50% or so of divorces, 63% of them end because of infidelity.






Where am I going with this you might ask?


Well out of the 63% of divorces that end in infidelity, how many of those end up remarrying?




    • 54 percent of divorced women remarry within 5 years




    • 75 percent of divorced women remarry within 10 years


National Center for Health Statistics (2002)



With in 5-10 years, 50-75% of all woman who have been cheated on end up getting remarried. This goes to show that suffrage from divorce is completely minor in contrast to that of physical abuse.


According to this PowerPoint written on adult abuse, Men and Woman from abusive relations are 75% likely to NEVER heal from behavioral traits learned from an abusive relationship.

http://www.child.alberta.ca...


My third points to tie this all together, is that Physical Abuse can lead to death.

When it comes to the main difference between the two harms, we see that their has been plenty of deaths caused by physical abuse in relationships.

http://www.kpho.com...
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com...
http://abcnews.go.com...
http://www.kvia.com...
http://z6mag.com...
http://www.heraldextra.com...
http://thestir.cafemom.com...
http://nation.foxnews.com...

The lists and stories go on and on. It is completely sad, sick and dis-heartening.

This is not to say that Infidelity is not sad, and harmful to a persons emotional health as well however. But philosophically, all in all, we can see how Physical abuse is more detrimental to a human being that Infidelity is.

Infidelity is horrible, and leads to a broken family, divorce, lack of money, etc.

But all the same things can come from abuse, and as shown before, much much more.

CONCLUSION

I feel that while both are extremely horrible, I have proven that in comparison abuse is much more detrimental in the long term effects, in recovery attempts, and in the possibility of death.

Physical abuse is a horrible thing to go through, and anybody that suffers from abuse, will have side effects, and memories that may never go away. Physical abuse is mental as well, and can lead to many negative adaptations in life.

it is for all the reasons outlines above, that I feel Physical abuse is more harmful than mental abuse. I await for my opponents rebuttals, and wish him good luck within this debate.

:D

Axiom

Con

"I am not going to play semantics in this debate with my opponent. He knows very well that when I mean physically harming your spouse, that I mean with purpose or intent of harming her, not accidentally stubbing her toe. This is talking about abuse."

I don't want to play semantics either. You said: "I am arguing that physically hurting a spouse in any way, is worse meantally abusing your wife through cheating."
It is very clear through the use of the words 'physically hurting a spouse in any way' that I was adhering to the confines of the argument by deciding to present the most minor, minimal case of physically hurting one's spouse. That is my job as the opposition. This is a debate site. One must debate within the given parameters to win the debate.
"He knows very well that what I mean physically harming your spouse, that I mean with purpose or intent of harming her, not accidentally stubbing her toe."
Firstly, don't assume to know what I'm thinking. I can't know your intentions because you didn't make it clear. I could've guessed it or assumed it, but I could've guessed or assumed an entire host of things in your preamble. If you mean intentional violence, you should have said intentional violence, not "physically hurting your spouse in any way."
But because I'm not all about winning, and I do enjoy rational discourse, I will allowed the addendum, "...I mean with purpose or intent of harming her..." In the future though, define the parameters of your debate clearly. I lost my first debate by making the exact same mistake.

My Case:
Firstly, let me clarify that I am not debating for the comparison between an ongoing physically abusive relationship of years vs. infidelity (that's hardly a fair comparison). I will debate solely for a single act of intentional violence against a spouse vs. a single act of infidelity against the spouse. My opponent asserts that ' (intentionally) physically harming your spouse is worse than cheating on her.' All I have to do is present a scenario where this isn't true and I will disprove my opponent's claim. As Con, I will prove that a single act of mild (intentional) violence is not as bad as a single act of cheating on your spouse. As divorce usually happens after only a single occurrence of cheating, it is only fair that we examine a single occurrence of physical abuse.

The scenario:

Let us imagine a scenario where a husband and wife are in the kitchen in the middle of an argument. The wife gets angry with her husband and in a fit of passion she slaps him across the face. The husband is shocked and sits in stunned silence as his wife storms off. (Here is another scenario where a husband slaps his wife in which the marriage continues happily and they resolve their differences with ease. http://www.newvision.co.ug...)
This is a single instance of physical violence, but we see it all the time in modern media and news http://www.newvision.co.ug.... It is depicted in television, movies and can even be seen in our own homes. This sort of violence, once the spouse has calmed down, can be sorted out, forgiven and the couple can move on with their lives.
Now let us imagine a scenario where a husband and wife are in the kitchen and the wife, amidst a flood of tears, says that she has cheated on her husband (only once and once is all it takes). Let me refer you to the statistics that my opponent has provided: 63% cases of divorce are due to infidelity. This single act of betraying the spouse's trust leads to the dismantlement of a relationship, a love and a family. Here are some other effects of divorce:
--Nearly 50% of couples fall into poverty after a divorce (http://www.articlesbase.com...)
--Grief
--Guilt
--Anxiety
--Anger (http://www.livestrong.com...)
-- Can lose rights to see your kids.
There is no need to go on. While a single act of mild intentional violence can be forgiven with relative ease, the same cannot be said for a single act of intentional infidelity. Divorce and breaking of trust is a very nasty business and can even lead to suicide. (http://www.shatterdmen.com...)

Rebuttal:
My opponent's mistake is in assuming that all people who are physically harmed in a relationship remain quiet about it, don't act out and just let the damage rain on them emotionally and physically. His mistake is also assuming that physical violence is always a trend rather than a single occurrence that both parties regret. Another mistake is in him assuming all spousal violence is directed from men to women. It is not.
" Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you." This may be the case for ongoing abuse that becomes habitual. But I contend that the reason people divorce after a single case of infidelity is because they don't want to let it happen again. People who were physically assaulted have that same option. And as presented in my scenario above, domestic violence doesn't happen for only one reason. It can sometimes happen out of a fit of anger or emotion. It can be a one-off thing.
The list of effects of physical violence my opponent presents are effects of an ongoing relationship of violence that has become habitual. That may be the case in such scenarios, but they are not the case in the scenario of a single act of impassioned violence that I presented. (http://www.newvision.co.ug...) So this list becomes irrelevant.
"With in 5-10 years, 50-75% of all woman who have been cheated on end up getting remarried. This goes to show that suffrage from divorce is completely minor in contrast to that of physical abuse."
That isn't what it goes to show necessarily. It could show that the spouse is so emotionally scarred that they need to reaffirm their attraction to potential companions. It could mean they are all very ill-willed and want to get back at a surrogate-husband. It could mean that they simply can't exist without a husband because of financial difficulties. I'm not saying any of this is true, but it is all speculation, like my opponent's assertion.

My opponent says it best, "Infidelity is horrible, and leads to a broken family, divorce, lack of money, etc."
And while I agree with his contention that extreme physical violence over a long period of time that has become a habitual co-dependent unhealthy relationship can be horrible too, I don't agree that all acts of physical violence are worse than all acts of infidelity. In fairness, if one takes a single case of infidelity and pits it against a single case of mild intentional violence (As I have done above), you will find that the effects of infidelity are far worse.
My opponent has tried to take the most extreme case of ongoing physical violence to suit his argument. As infidelity is a single-case issue, they are incongruent. I'll assert in conclusion that if you take a single case of physical violence and compare it to a single act of infidelity, the consequences of infidelity are much more far-reaching and utterly damaging.
Debate Round No. 2
Stevethewriter

Pro

Stevethewriter forfeited this round.
Axiom

Con

By forfeit my opponent concedes all points and drops the debate.
Debate Round No. 3
3 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 3 records.
Posted by champ1976 5 years ago
champ1976
Depends on the value system of the individual making the judgment between worse and less worse; however, both are deemed bad by the moral majority. If I hit my wife as an act of aggression I have lost self-control because there would be repercussions for my own self if I did it. It is simply illegal to hurt another person except in self-defense. So, hurting my wife would also hurt me consequentially. This is bad on two levels: She is worth less injiured than healthy and I am worth less incarcerated. If I cheated on my wife I would be breaking my commitment to her and the commitment I made to myself. Again, it is a deliberate act of a lack of self-control. Being a loyal companion, if that is what your companion is desiring, is the highest desirable standard. By not being loyal, you are less desirable, a worse state. Both are bad but the wives of men make the judgment. I know women who forgive men for cheating and men that beat them. It doesn't make it okay to the women or even to the men, it just makes it a recognized fault that lies in the heart of more than just a few people.
Posted by Maikuru 5 years ago
Maikuru
Depends on whether or not she talked back.
Posted by 16kadams 5 years ago
16kadams
Both are terrible
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by LaissezFaire 5 years ago
LaissezFaire
StevethewriterAxiomTied
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Total points awarded:01 
Reasons for voting decision: Forfeit.