The Instigator
Jesusfan
Pro (for)
Winning
12 Points
The Contender
9spaceking
Con (against)
Losing
4 Points

Poem Battle

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Post Voting Period
The voting period for this debate has ended.
after 8 votes the winner is...
Jesusfan
Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 7/12/2014 Category: Arts
Updated: 2 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 916 times Debate No: 58861
Debate Rounds (4)
Comments (13)
Votes (8)

 

Jesusfan

Pro

This is a poem battle. Poems may be as long as they wish, but they must be your own. First round is for acceptance only.
9spaceking

Con

I accept this interesting debate
be prepared my good mate
Debate Round No. 1
Jesusfan

Pro

Thanks for accepting, Con! Here's my poem.

Rainbows

The torrents come crashing over my head
And the music begins to fade,
The water is dark and empty and cold
Where once the mermaid folk played.

The sun is defeated by legions of clouds
And shadows obscure the day,
The castles around me burn to the ground
And the magic slips away.

And I wonder why we must tread these paths
Through deserts of sorrow and pain,
But the sun is seen best through a diamond of tears
And rainbows don't come without rain.

Have fun!
9spaceking

Con

Your poem about rainbows is misnamed,
based too heavily about the rain,
if you wanna win you better step up your game
otherwise the voter's will think you lame

Why, I got alliteration
and cool syncopation
I got the best poem sensations
my raps full of domination

I'm completely unbeatable,
fallacies untreatable,
you can't find nothin' wrong with my rhymes
you will fail every single time

Think your rain is cool?
wow, you take me as a dumb fool
anybody can write similes and metaphors
you don't seem so tough a competitor

your strong castle walls are crumblin'
you try to run away but you're stumblin'
down the hill you go tumblin'
with a pen, you're fumblin'

I see your real skill
--you have none at all
With a crimson dagger I'm goin' for the kill
stabbin' so many times you can't even crawl

makin' blood spill all over the walls.
Debate Round No. 2
Jesusfan

Pro

Your poem, I'll grant it is OK,
But there's some things I've got to say.
Your rhyming really is quite bad,
It very nearly makes me sad.
For misnamed and rain just do not go,
Rhymes and time don't work, you know.
Metaphors and competitor don't rhyme at all,
And lastly, nor does walls and crawl.

But I really liked your verse about the walls crumblin' and my pen stumblin'.

Now here's my poem.

Melody of Tears

The way back from the graveyard
was long and cold and dim,
But yet its lonely feeling
didn't seem to bother them.

They both were deep in thought of
times that long had passed,
before their little maiden
Had flown away so fast.

They reached their door and stopped as
If they'd heard a sound,
But in the empty courtyard
There was nobody around.

And then the music started,
Very faint, and very far,
A melody that tinkled like
A twinkle from a star.

Then little feet came running,
running to the garden gate,
And a little voice that once
they knew was saying: "mama wait!"

But then the voices faded,
And the stars began to die,
And their clouded eyes were raining ears,
Of days gone by, of golden years,
When she was still near by.

They stepped over the threshold
But no little girl in white
Was running up to greet them
With a smile of delight.

Their bedroom seemed so silent
Without their baby there.
But oh! They heard a little pattering,
A very little pattering,
Of little tiny dainty feet come running up the stair.

And then their door had opened,
and they heard the footsteps pad
up to their bed,
And then she said,
"Dear mama don't be sad."

But when they tried to see her,
They saw there was nothing there
But a stream of silver moonlight
And a whisper in the air.
9spaceking

Con

I was only warming up, pro. That was meant to more of be a powerful rap than a cool poem to show my versality.

Now, for my poem:

The Living Mountain
Plink! Plink!
Water drips down
from the stalactites
to the ground

echoing throughout
the vast empty cave
the sound flies out--
and crashes against the waves.

Ah, it is a stream!
The water streaks forward
and splashes onto the grass to give them wet dreams
to the pasture, sheeps walk towards

munching on the plants,
with their "Baaa baaa" chants.
A crowds of birds fly across the sky
enticing the following of many eyes.

Soon enough it is night
gone were the sun and its bright light
now everywhere is filled with bright stars
sparking, twinkling, like God winking at us from far.
Debate Round No. 3
Jesusfan

Pro

Con, for the future, if two words rhyme but you add an "s "at the end of one of them, then they don't rhyme anymore. (Cave, waves...stream, dreams...Sky, eyes...Stars, far.)

Plane tree

We rush and run our days away,
We never pause to see
The glory in a daisy,
And the beauty in a tree.

When I was still a child
With no reason to go fast,
I noticed when the sun set,
And I cried when it was past.

I loved the silver plane tree
With it's simple majesty,
And I loved to sit and read
Under it's leafy canopy.

It was older than our city,
Was a monument of time
It was climbed by many children
Before I ever learned to climb.

But I haven't gone to see it
Since I have no time to spare
And my life is always hurried...
And my life is dull and bare.

But is life a life worth living
if we have no time to see
All the things in life worth seeing,
Like a sunset or a tree?
9spaceking

Con

FINAL. ROUND. Thanks for the tip.

The Grand Adventure: Haiku-Complication
Legends far and wide
none tell the whole truth like mine
Hearken! My good friends.

Once upon a time
a tall tower in the night
a wizard lives there

trapped a princess
with no help, no mighty knight
no hope seemed left

when one man steps up
and decides to do what's right
with only courage--

equipped with a sword,
and little contact in fight
he ventured foward.

Clashed with monsters!
Crossed those rivers and mountains!
Clobbered those bandits!

Many days later
he finally reached there,
standing in front of--



The Tower of Doom.
"You will never defeat me!"
The wizard exclaims.

He waved his hands--
and with a "poof!" the room was
filled with massive flames.

He cackles and laughs
but our hero ventures forth
swinging his sharp sword--

the wizard summons
forth spiders, goblins, and trolls
--none even touched

as the hero runs.
STAB! The wizard's death came quick
and the princess, well,

she was quite thankful <3.
The king gave loads of riches
to our hero as thanks,

The princess gave him
her hand in marriage and they
lived happily.

--But, not "forever"
for there remains a strange man
lurking in the dark,

waiting for revenge--
wearing a dark robe he was...
The Wizard's Brother.



I hoped you liked my poems!
Vote me because I showed more versatility within a rap-like "poem", a real poem, and finally a haiku-complication that attempted to rhyme while showing a story...with a cool ending!
Debate Round No. 4
13 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by dynamicduodebaters 2 years ago
dynamicduodebaters
Sorry man, this was way too close!
Posted by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
yez. now vote!!
Posted by NiamC 2 years ago
NiamC
The guy in the last photo looks like a meth head
Posted by Jesusfan 2 years ago
Jesusfan
Sorry, I meant, "their clouded eyes were raining tears" not, "their clouded eyes were raining ears"
Posted by Jesusfan 2 years ago
Jesusfan
Or start one.
Posted by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
accept the debate.
Posted by ajonesb1 2 years ago
ajonesb1
how do you be in a battle
Posted by Automatic_Loser 2 years ago
Automatic_Loser
Those poems are real good :D
Posted by 9spaceking 2 years ago
9spaceking
argh! messed up a bit. "I got the best poem sensations"....doesn't sound right to me for a reason. Oh well.
Posted by Jesusfan 2 years ago
Jesusfan
The topic is whatever you want it to be. And yes, the poems have to rhyme. I'm sorry for not being explicit enough. You win if your poems are better, although I understand that it is hard to judge.
8 votes have been placed for this debate. Showing 1 through 8 records.
Vote Placed by Daltonian 2 years ago
Daltonian
Jesusfan9spacekingTied
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Total points awarded:13 
Reasons for voting decision: Con deviated a bit with his 'rap' at the beginning, so conduct goes to Pro, but overall I really think Con was more smooth sounding and versatile.
Vote Placed by ShadowKingStudios 2 years ago
ShadowKingStudios
Jesusfan9spacekingTied
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Total points awarded:60 
Reasons for voting decision: Pro's premise restricts the debate to the nature & function of the poem. It seems Con didn't perceive this. A poem is a literary device servicing the function of invoking imagery, stimulating our mentality to investigate the deeper meaning the poem beckons us to scrutinize, while entertaining us. A rap is primarily a vocal device servicing the solo purpose of entertainment. Granted most raps instill well-crafted imagery, but Con's lyrics seem to be about showing off his vocabulary aptitude, not reeling us in to care for the subject, as I clearly saw this M.O. from Pro. Pro was consistent; Con midway switched from rap to poem. The crux of the matter is, in defining the superior poem, is listening to how they sound audibly. Pro would win. Proper Perspective: *A rainbow is scientifically only present after: heavy rainfall. (Pro is justified) **2 rhyming words maintains their correlating sounds even if one is pluralized. It's called phonetics aka "multi-syllables". (Con is justified)
Vote Placed by whiteflame 2 years ago
whiteflame
Jesusfan9spacekingTied
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Total points awarded:21 
Reasons for voting decision: The rap in the first round got a little distant from poetry, so I'm going to have to award that one to Pro, whose poetry I actually found very pleasant to read. The second round, Con's rhymes were a bit lost with those plurals, and so I give it to Pro as well, mainly because his rhyme scheme was consistent and effective. The last round's goes to Con, mainly because the series of haikus was an interesting departure from the rest of the debate. That's 2-1, so I award points accordingly.
Vote Placed by Dennybug 2 years ago
Dennybug
Jesusfan9spacekingTied
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Reasons for voting decision: Very equal, I cant really decide.
Vote Placed by Ragnar 2 years ago
Ragnar
Jesusfan9spacekingTied
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Reasons for voting decision: I will say those pictures would have been to much better effect were they not saved for the final round... However either way I feel no objective way to judge poems.
Vote Placed by Phoenix61397 2 years ago
Phoenix61397
Jesusfan9spacekingTied
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Reasons for voting decision: I couldn't discern a winner. Pro's rhymes were a little better, but con showed greater versatility. Tie.
Vote Placed by dynamicduodebaters 2 years ago
dynamicduodebaters
Jesusfan9spacekingTied
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Total points awarded:30 
Reasons for voting decision: First Round: 9spaceking Second Round: JesusFan Third Round: Tie I would suggest a rematch! The deciding fact was the rhymes- Jesusfan's where more smooth
Vote Placed by ESocialBookworm 2 years ago
ESocialBookworm
Jesusfan9spacekingTied
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Reasons for voting decision: You were both wonderful!