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Poetry "battle". (Rules below and confines of "debate")

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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 2/8/2010 Category: Arts
Updated: 7 years ago Status: Post Voting Period
Viewed: 2,252 times Debate No: 11130
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (7)
Votes (1)




(By accepting this debate, my opponent must present orgional poetry of any fashion. What I mean by orgional, is that it must be of his/her's own composition. Only one poem per round. I ask the audience to judge on complexity and "color", so to speak. Let's begin:)

"Don't accept until I post, please. I have to restart computer and don't feel like starting the debate over."


I thank my opponent for posting this debate and look forward to a constructive round. Also, I failed to read my opponent's original round--his first poem is posted in the comments section of the debate without penalty. I apologize for the inconvenience to voters and note that judging should be based on the quality of the poetry, not the awkward positioning of the submission. Thank you.

And now, my first poem.

TITLE: "An Ode to Drowning"

I feel as if
I am teetering,
Teetering on
The edge
Of a too-sharp knife.

One day the blade
Shall snap and I will fall
Down--far, far down
A Modern Icarus
Waxen wings melted
Poor, pretty things.

Molted feathers
Drifting, silently, reverently
Over a fathoms-blue sea.

And they will sink
Down, further, farther down
'Til one day the last of them
Has been swallowed
By the hungry deep.

Hello, world.
Remember me?
Bird-woman lost
O'er the too-dark sea?


Author's Note: No, I'm not suicidal, only mildly depressed at times. I wrote this poem last spring, in the middle of a hectic school year as a sort of cathartic release. I was feeling dark and broody. Hopefully the next one will be a tad less morbid. Thanks!
Debate Round No. 1


Dirge For November (Inspired by Opeth's; Dirge For November)

Here is nothing, such quietness in the still
Turning past the wilted trees
Waiting in the wind for someone until
I fall down to my very own knees

Raising my hands to the sky
Lifting my voice to the edge of the cosmos
Screaming to the heavens that lie
Wondering if they can hear my woes

Lamenting to the earth and water of my plight
Nothing on Earth to comfort me
But cold winds that stir in the deep of night
The ones that have been said will be

But for now there is no one, nothing to fear
Still hoping for something far away
I'm just wondering why you're not standing here
I've hoped for this somewhere along the way

I wish that you would come to this hilltop
With only the Forest of Fear around
To guide me back and make this stop
Tethered until I am unbound

Screaming your name, but no one's there
Something tells me don't be afraid
It's hard to live on just a prayer
So I blur the fact I should've stayed

There is still a chance I might be wrong
And everything will be set right
I hope my salvation won't be long
At least before the coming night

Calling from the desolate plain
Wondering what is going on
I knew this would happen again
Tell myself I need to be strong

All of this time I couldn't see
The darkness that was closing in
Constricting itself around me
I assume that this is the end

Fight my way back to sanity
I may win my salvation yet
Why can't I find humanity?
These aren't the people I had met

They stand for what they fallen for
And you're pouring out your sorrow
But I won't take this anymore
We won't last until tomorrow

Filled with lies in broken measures
Your wounds now cry for your own grave
You lay down with sinful pleasures
Rose with the shackles of a slave

Pray for something that can't exist
You now stand up on the hilltop
Know that you will never be missed
You now wish that the pain would stop

Would've surrendered everything
Just to find and be beside you
Now I will not give up anything
It's odd what betrayel can do

Traded places with each other
Now you stand under the sky
Seeking the love of another
I'm glad this is good-bye

Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Still feel the pain- I wish it'd leave
Until it is ripped from the seam
I find it difficult to breathe

The memory now turns to ash
It was unbelievably slow
Time has finally come to pass
And I can finally let go


TITLE: La Muse et Le Poete

Always, I write in pen.

Perhaps to feel
The half-formed words
Straggling out
Defining themselves in ink—
Black, dark, inscrutable—
Splayed haphazardly
Over pages upon pages,
Reams and reams.

I am not one comforted
By the tapping of keys
Nor the whirring
Of printers and Xeroxes.
It is the silence
Between me and my pen
That seeds the thoughts
Nebulous, unreal
In the dark recesses of my mind.

Thoughts drifting, coalescing
‘Til they are born—feebly, wretchedly
As luminous strands—pure light—
As I sit quietly, pensively.
*click* goes my pen
And then I sit
And write.


Author's Note: This poem has nothing at all to do with the Saint-Saens piece for violin and violoncello and orchestra by the same name. I know I promised something lighter, but ended up with something not quite as dark, but more introspective. Incidentally, the working title of this piece was "Eidolons," after the Whitman poem, but it no longer seems to fit. Just thought I'd share.
Debate Round No. 2


(For you, mother.)

Your lies, the bottle, and Your Conscience

Covering your face
Pull, delve, and indulge
Fanciful as lace
'Til the enigma bulge

Your wishes and joy
Spread your lies like dark
Truely no surprise
Of lies that shine so stark

Barren truths don't please
All fantasies remain
To put you at ease
You never really gain

Until pain sinks in
Tainting your pretty dreams
Past the picture lies sin
Now nothing's as it seems

Corrupted with hate
Don't pretend innocence
Can't blame it on fate
Just for your convienence

A million lies could
Sustain your perfect world
If no one was good
If every map curled

To hide the edges
Of your own realm of sins
Showing true pledges
Your perfect lie begins

But I am the wieght
I'm your concence not took
Opening the gate
To flaws you overlook

Unfurling the map
I speak without your slur
Somewhere in the gap
Eyes fill with tears and blur

Your facid of life
Your own tears are the mask
That blocks any strife
Along with your filled flask

With bottle in hand
You drown the pain inside
Escape to a new land
But you can't hide

From the one who knows
All that you have become
It strikes you like blows
To see the final sum

Drown in self-loathing
Your conscience dies within
You have sealed your fate
With the bottle of gin

With no direction
But with the dying sun
Lost all protection
Bottle and lies have won


(for E. Yes, you.)

TITLE: Veritas, or Six Ways of Looking at a Blackbird

I. ex nihilo nihil fit
It is in the emptiness
The between-spaces—
The voids—
Something from nothing.

II. shadow puppetry
Light, brightly piercing?
No, it is the darkness
Thusly illuminated
That holds secrets
Beyond imagining.

III. nuages
Grey melds into streaked white
Rounded edges
Catch trailing breezes
In their softness
Then dissipate.

IV. muir's grove
Vastly tall, and ancient
Knowing, verdant
Swaying, soaring

V. sacred
Darkly arching,
Reaching upwards
Solemnly, reverently.
A candle is lit—
A prayer said, then—

VI. morning
In the bright daze
Of early wakefulness
She turns to him
And smiles.

Author's note: This piece is obviously structured after Stevens' "Thirteen Ways." In order of appearance, artistic inspirations/oblique references: The Sound of Music, Plato's Allegory of the Cave, Debussy's Nocturnes, redwood trees, Basilica de Notre Dame (Quebec), and my own unrealized dreams.

I thank my opponent for posting this debate. Let the voting commence!
Debate Round No. 3
7 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 7 records.
Posted by Ore_Ele 7 years ago
This is a great alternative to the rap battles. I love it!
Posted by Itsallovernow 7 years ago
Thanks = )
Posted by Kinesis 7 years ago
Wonderful debate.
Posted by belle 7 years ago
fun to read, but i liked con's poems better (esp number 2!)

fun idea :)
Posted by Itsallovernow 7 years ago
My opponent and I came to a consensus. My poem for round one will now be found in the Comments Section with no penalty.

My 1st origional poem:

Title: As I Lay Here Dying (Inspired by the Death Metal band {Song inspired from: Reinvention)

I always wanted you to know
The things I never had the chance to say

It's almost time for me to go
And I'm sorry that it turned out this way

I never wanted to hurt anyone
But I had to do it for you

But there is nothing left that can be done
And there's not much more I can do

It is not what I intended for you
But it appears to have turned out that way

I always told you that I loved you too
And you know I always mean what I say

The pain that is killing me
Is not something that I had planned to make

I wish we could let it be
But you know there is no cure for heartache

Do you know that as I lay here dying
I am still thinking of you as I go

I find I can't stop myself from crying
Because I do not think that you really know

The love that I still feel
Dying this afternoon

Bleeding out my pain for
The end that came too soon

As I lay here dying
I can not help but think of you

Going to sleep and crying
Wondering if you really knew
Posted by Itsallovernow 7 years ago
I had requested not to have the debate accepted until I post. Therfore, I shouldn't be penalized for not posting one in the first round.
Posted by infam0us 7 years ago
oh darn, i wanted to accept this. oh well.
1 votes has been placed for this debate.
Vote Placed by belle 7 years ago
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Total points awarded:05